My Ex's Son

by M J Rutter

  “Thank you.” I whispered. He stared for a while, I could feel his eyes on me and I think I enjoyed the attention. Was this right? I mean, I was seven years older than him for one thing, I should not have been attracted to him, I should not have liked that he was looking at me and yet, it didn’t stop my heart thudding in my ears.

  “Shall I make us something to eat?” he asked eventually, his breath fluttered over my neck, he was that close.

  “No,” I pulled myself together abruptly. “I will.” I added and opened the cabinet above the sink, pulled out a bag of blueberry bagels, “How about I toast these?” I asked.

  “Sure,” he shrugged and leaned back so that I could get a knife out of the drawer.

  I began slicing the bagels in half, his eyes watching my every move and it made me nervous. Of course, I had to use the sharpest knife in the house and because he was watching me, I sliced through the side of my thumb.

  “Ouch!” I snapped again and dropped the knife on the floor by my feet. “This is not my day.” I added turning to the sink and ran cold water over my hand as it bled.

  “Let me see.” He said and took my hand in his. “I took first aid at the YMCA a couple of years back.” He explained. He checked the small cut and pressed a paper kitchen towel against it. “It’s not deep.” He assured. “The bleeding will stop in a little while. Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll make breakfast?”

  “You must think I am useless,” I sighed.

  “Nonsense,” he smiled. “You look exhausted, you drank a lot of wine last night and it’s hard to do anything with an audience.”

  “That’s right, it’s your fault.” I agreed.

  “You just sit there and don’t touch anything, okay?” he smirked.

  “Okay.” I nodded and sat at the table while he finished toasting the bagels and setting the table with cream cheese and blueberry jam.

  When the bagels were toasted and my kitchen smelled of warm blueberries, he brought them to the table and sat opposite me, smiling as he lifted half of a bagel, smearing cream cheese over it, topping it with the jam and then placing it on the plate in front of me.

  “Now, can you manage that or would you like me to cut it into smaller, easier to manage pieces?” he asked playfully.

  “I can manage,” I smiled.

  “Just don’t bite your tongue, because the Red Cross did not show me how to treat that.” He warned.

  “Well, things do happen in threes.” I jested with a huge grin.

  I had forgotten about his playful, comedic side. The times we would sit for hours when he was younger, telling stupid, silly jokes and laughing so hard. I lifted the bagel and took a bite. He watched me carefully and I couldn’t help but smile again. Cain made me smile after years of anguish and loneliness, I could feel the hard crust around my heart, cracking.

  Thankfully, breakfast remained drama free and the small cut on my hand stopped bleeding. He washed the dishes and I watched, he refused any help and kept referring to me as his patient.

  “Do you still like Transformers?” he asked. It was something I loved. We would watch the cartoons and movies together.

  “I do as it happens.”

  “Did you see they have a new movie out?”

  “I did see it advertised.” I nodded. “I’ll have to make sure I go to watch it.”

  “Well, I have a friend who works at the Metroplex in town, if you wanted to go, I can get us in for free.” Alarms rang out in my head, I just stared speechless. His top lip moistened. “I just wanted to do something nice for you. I can’t take you out to dinner to thank you for all you have done, so, I thought a free movie…, forget it. Sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

  “Yes, Cain. I would like that.” Just fell out of my mouth.

  “You would?” he seemed surprised.

  “Of course, it would be like old times.” I nodded. “Plus, you know I would never pass up the opportunity to see Optimus Prime and Bumble Bee on the big screen.”

  “That’s great, Jen. I’ll call him and see if he can get us in this afternoon, if you don’t have plans.” His face was alight, glowing.

  “I don’t.” I smiled nervously.

  “Alright,” he smiled again and dried his hands.

  “Thank you, for breakfast, Cain, but you need to know, first of all, you don’t have to do anything to thank me and second, if you don’t stop feeding me like that, I will not fit in these jeans for much longer.” I gazed at my cut. “I had better go and check my messages.” I stated and left him in the kitchen.

  As I walked to my office, I could feel myself kicking my ass. What was wrong with me? I was practically a mother to him, actually, scratch that. He reminded me many a time that I was nothing of the sort, but still, I felt like a dirty babysitter. No, we were adults now and this was just a friendly gesture, plus it had been years since I went to the movies with anyone, so it was going to be a nice afternoon, if he could organize it.

  I had a few emails and I had missed a call from Lander, but when I called him back, it went to his voicemail. I thought if what he had called me for was important enough, he would call me back. I sat at my desk and opened my laptop, my half-written novel stared at me, I had got to a point where the characters were irritating me and it was either sort it out once and for all or split them up forever. I struggled to write happy endings when I hadn’t actually found one myself.

  My relationships all went south very early on, only I was too naive and stupid to realize it. The same thing happened with Jake. I saw the signs and looking back, a fool couldn’t have missed the times I caught him out, lying about where he was, of smelling of perfume I didn’t recognise.

  I began to wonder, what if he was younger than her? What if they discovered that their familiarity with each other helped them develop a strong and healthy relationship? A foundation built on a trust that had been there for years. Maybe I was tired of being alone and having Cain there reminded me of how good it felt to be in love, to have someone care for you, do nice things for you. Maybe I was desperate, but I couldn’t help how I was beginning to feel. I was confused and petrified of the implications, but one thing I felt was true, Cain seemed to feel the same.

  A knock on my door disturbed my reverie,

  “Come in,” I said.

  “I just got off the phone from Clay, he can get us in at two. Is that okay for you?”

  “It’s good for me.”

  “Excellent.” He gleamed with excitement. “I was going to start work on the back yard but…,” he began.

  “Cain, it’s Saturday,” I stated, “relax and enjoy the weekend.”

  “I don’t want you to think I am slacking off.”

  “You worked so hard yesterday. I don’t want you to think that I am taking advantage of you. I offered you a place to stay to help you out, not to have you working like a slave. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that.”

  “Well, I can’t just sit around and do nothing.” He sighed. “Do you have something I can read? Something you have written?”

  “I told you, I haven’t published anything.”

  “Yes, but if you have something printed off, I would be honoured if you let me read it.”

  I glanced down at my drawer. I had a couple of hard copies from a few novels I wrote a few years back. “Do you promise not to laugh at my work?”

  “Scouts honor.” He declared. I pulled out one of my printed novels and handed it to him. “I’ll take this to my room and I will let you know how I get on.”

  “Okay.” I nodded and swallowed.

  “Jen, it’s me,” he grinned.

  “I know.”

  “I’ll see you in a little while.” He said and left my office. I watched as he walked out and closed the door behind him.

  I tried to write, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that someone was actually reading my work. It made me anxious and twitchy. I couldn’t write a word with the fear of anything negative coming back to me. I’m a hypocrite, I know. I can d
ish out critique on a daily basis and not lose a minute’s sleep, but to put myself out there to receive some back, that petrified me.

  I searched the internet, I checked the sales on some of our best sellers and I sent a few emails, but I couldn’t relax and I found it impossible to concentrate. I left my office and went to the kitchen for a glass of water, taking care to not hurt myself along the way.

  I couldn’t hear a thing from upstairs which could have meant one of two things, either he had found it boring and dozed off to sleep or he was actually enjoying the story. It was a lighter one, although, the couple never actually get together. I must have written it at such a hard time in my life because Brandon and Olivia just can’t get over themselves and admit their feelings for each other. He moves away in the end and the story finishes with her watching him leave and regretting not telling him how she felt. It was only around fifty thousand words and a rough draft at that.

  I tried to watch TV to take my mind off of it, I sat on the couch with the remote flicking through the channels. I would start to watch something and lose interest quite quickly. I went out on the back deck and sat on a chair as I gazed over the yard. I painted my toenails and checked my emails for replies on my cell. All while waiting for Cain to read my story, it was bordering torture.

  The screen door banged behind me and I jumped at the sound. I turned my head to look at him, slowly, he walked to the edge of the deck and turned to face me. I chewed anxiously on the inside of my mouth.

  “Can I ask you something?” he said. I nodded my head. “Why isn’t there a happy ending?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I mean, the chemistry is there, the characters are real, believable and I thought wow, he gets her. Then they did and they didn’t, he almost tells her, she almost tells him, I wanted to scream at them.”

  “Okay.” I said warily. “So, you didn’t like it.”

  “I never said that.”

  “So, what are you saying?” I pressed.

  “I am hoping there is more. I am wanting to see these two make it, you know?” He replied. “Is there a reason you let it end that way?”

  “I was going through some stuff.” I frowned.

  “These characters, Jen, they are amazing. They are so deep and relatable, you can put yourself in their shoes and that’s one of the things I liked most about it. I just wanted to see the guy get the girl, I guess.”

  “Well, it’s not finished. It still needs a lot of work, maybe I could re-work the ending too.”

  “If you do, let me be the first to read it, please?”

  “Sure,” I smiled slightly.

  “You are an incredible writer.” He added. “I found your work both engaging and thought provoking, Jen, it’s truly remarkable.”

  “Thank you, Cain, you are too kind, but I need to tell you something.” I stood from the seat. “I stopped being Jen when I broke up with your father. I don’t mind, it’s just that everyone else calls me Jenna now.”

  “Would you prefer it if I called you Jenna too?” he asked.

  “I, uh…, yes, if you don’t mind.”

  “Okay, Jenna, I am sorry about that. I’ll try and remember it in the future.” He frowned and walked inside the house.

  “Cain,” I chased after him feeling instantly bad. “Cain, wait.” He turned to face me.

  “It’s alright, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He said calmly.

  “You didn’t, I am just being pedantic, take no notice of me.” I gave a small smile.

  “You were the best thing in my life for a long time and I guess I was holding on to the fact that I have you in my life again. To me you are and always will be Jen, but I don’t want to upset you. If calling you Jen reminds you of a time better best forgotten, then I will do my best to be mindful of that.”

  “It doesn’t upset me, not from you. I guess I don’t want you to look at me and see what your father saw. I don’t want to be ‘Jen, take my kid to soccer practice, Jen, pick Cain up from school, Jen, grab my shirts from the cleaners.’ I am not that person anymore and it took a lot for me to become who I am today, to do that I had to stop being Jake’s Jen and start being me, Jenna.”

  “You have no idea of how much you meant to me back then, for me to have someone like you around, you changed my life, Jenna. I am sure that if I didn’t have you then, I would have been more of a screw up than I am already.”

  “Cain, you are not a screw up.” I stepped towards him. “You are a great guy who has had a run of bad luck.” I assured and reached out to his arm, I gently stroked it and smiled. He glanced down at my hand and then at me.

  “For the record though, I had no idea your full name was Jenna, I always thought it was Jennifer.” He smiled warmly. I could feel his voice vibrate through my fingers. “Jenna is a beautiful name and is perfect for a beautiful woman.” I removed my hand and swallowed. “You still can’t take compliments, huh?”

  “No.” I admitted.

  “Well, get used to it.” He said and hurried up to his room. I stared after him for the longest of times, what was I doing?

  Six

  We arrived at the movie theatre at the Tomlin Plaza at twelve thirty. The ride over had been quiet and had put me on edge slightly. He had said so much to me that had me thinking about him all morning. My hands shook as I switched off the engine and turned to face him. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, I had upset him and made him surrender a happy memory all because of my stubborn streak. But when I went to speak, he opened the car door and silently climbed out.

  He waited for me to join him before he began to walk to the theatre. I felt bad, I truly did, but I had forgotten how badly Cain could sulk. I remembered how he sulked for an entire weekend when he was about fourteen and then when he turned sixteen, he didn’t talk to me for almost a month.

  I began to tear my insides up, so decided that maybe watching a movie was not a good idea after all. “You know what, I forgot, I have something to do.” I said as he reached towards the theatre door to pull it open. He turned to face me with shock and disappointment across his face. “Maybe we should do this some other time.”

  “It’s the final weekend here, we won’t get another chance.” He grumbled.

  “Well, perhaps I should just wait for it to come out on DVD.”

  “What’s the real problem here, Jenna?” he demanded sourly.

  “You are being a stubborn ass-hat.” I replied bluntly crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Thank you.” He frowned.

  “I didn’t mean…, look, I think we should just forget this. I am not in the mood for a movie now anyway.” I sighed.

  “Well, that’s up to you, Jenna. But I am not letting my friend down. I’ll make my own way back.” He retorted and went inside the theatre.

  I stood there for a while and watched him as he spoke with his friend, a short man with brown hair and tattoos up his arms. As they both turned and looked at me, I turned quickly and hurried to my car.

  “Jenna!” Cain called after me. “Jenna, wait.”

  “Go watch your movie, Cain.” I snapped.

  “Jenna,” he said again and took hold of my hand. I turned to face him. “You are right, I am sulking and I am an ass-hat.” He frowned. “I thought I upset you earlier and I don’t know how to take it back.” I glanced down at his hand still holding mine. He followed my line of sight, blushed and promptly let my hand go. “I’m sorry.” He muttered. “I really want to take you to see this movie and we have great seats, please, Jenna, don’t leave.”

  “I’ll make you a deal. We forget what happened earlier and go back to how we were before, friends, then I will watch the movie with you.”

  He thought briefly, I could have sworn I saw disappointment register in his eyes, he swallowed and nodded his head, “Deal.” He croaked.

  It seemed no-one went to see movies mid-afternoon and we had almost the entire theatre to ourselves. My hand still tingled at his touch and I put it down to the fact that it had been
so long since I had received any physical contact, he left an imprint on my skin. We sat beside each other, and I have to admit, I truly enjoyed the movie and that I had someone to watch a movie with.

  I glanced at his hand resting on the armrest as the credits rolled. His half-moons on his thumb nails, the small callas forming from gardening on his hand. I watched the vein in his wrist as it throbbed, the spray of hairs over the back of his arm and smiled at the thought that he had held my hand.

  “Are you alright?” he asked.

  “Yes.” I smiled snapping my eyes up to meet his. “Are you?”

  “Yeah, that was a really good movie.”

  “It was amazing,” I beamed and sat forward on the edge of my seat. “I am hungry now; shall we go and get something to eat?”

  “Can’t we just go back to your house and have something there?”

  “I need to go grocery shopping first, we are out of bread.”

  “I don’t mind shopping.” He smiled and stood as the lights lit up the deserted theatre. I followed him out, we thanked his friend for the virtually private screening and we headed outside.

  “I am in the mood for some ribs. There is a neat little restaurant on route six, have you ever been there?” I asked.

  “No.” He sighed.

  “They do these amazing bar-b-que ribs that melt in your mouth…,” my mouth watered at the thought of them.

  He heaved a sigh cutting me off mid-sentence, “Thanks for the offer, Jenna, but I am not going to eat in a restaurant when I couldn’t even leave a tip, much less pay for a glass of water. It’s bad enough that I am living in your house rent and board free, don’t make me go to a restaurant and watch as you buy me a meal.”

  “First of all, you are paying your way, my house looks amazing and second, if you are worried what others will think, then don’t, I don’t care.” I stopped walking and turned to face him.