Black Halo (Grace Series)

by S. L. Naeole

  “Is there a law that says I have to remain cooped up in my boyfriend’s room just because an angel said so?” I asked, my toe tapping in agitation.

  “No, but-”

  “Then please, move out of my way.”

  “Grace…”

  “Robert, either you’re going to help me or not, but if the answer is that you’re not, at least let me go and do this on my own. You have to understand that I cannot sit here and wait knowing that whatever it is they’re deciding is putting my best friend’s life in jeopardy.” It was a plea, one that hurt me to make because I knew that whatever his answer, he’d suffer for it, but I had no choice.

  Graham was out there being tortured by Sam, and I was the only one that could stop this all from continuing. It seemed ludicrous to think it, but that’s how I saw it. The Seraphim weren’t going to punish Sam any time soon, but even if they did, it’d be a slap on the wrist compared to what he’d done to innocent people, people I cared about, the people I loved.

  Robert looked at me with such sadness in his eyes that I nearly took everything back.

  Nearly.

  “If you're leaving then I’m coming with you, Grace.”

  Another round of arguing, I had been prepared for. Physically fighting my way out…Well, that, too. But this? To have him give up so easily?

  “Really?”

  He nodded and took a hold of my shoulders with strong, determined hands and then squeezed them gently. I told you, wherever you go, I go. I'm not about to prove otherwise.

  “So let’s go.”

  “Where?”

  My gaze moved to the collage of photographs that framed the head of his bed. I looked at a photograph of Robert and I that took center stage amongst all of the others that surrounded it. We were sitting on a bench, smiling happily at each other during a time when the rest of the world didn’t matter—we were the only two people in it. “There,” I pointed.

  Robert’s gaze followed my hand and gave a grim nod of his head. “Okay.”

  In a fraction of a second, I was in his arms again, and we were out of the house and into the sky.

  OFFER

  When Robert’s feet landed roughly and uncharacteristically on the gravel that covered the parking lot of his family’s retreat, the crunching sound they made startled me. It was a disturbing noise, one that I was far too intimate with, and the memories of that alone sent chills running up and down my spine.

  “Are you okay?” Robert asked me as he let me down gently.

  I was careful not to tread too roughly as I bobbed my head in response. With my hand held in his, we walked towards the bench where we’d had our first conversation, where I'd learned more about him than I'd ever imagined possible. I sat down and placed my head in my hands, staring at the ground and my boots while Robert paced in front of me.

  “So you never told me,” I started, wanting to hear something other than the sound of my breathing.

  “Told you what?”

  “What you learned from Chad, about what happened with Mr. Branke and Erica and Mrs. Deovolente.”

  “Oh, that. Well, there’s really not much to tell to be quite honest with you. Erica was taken to the Vice-Principal’s office while Mrs. Deovolente pulled Mr. Branke into the classroom. Chad didn’t see much after that, although he did hear that Erica was suspended indefinitely and wouldn’t be allowed to graduate with the rest of our class.”

  This was surprising. “So Mr. Kenner actually punished Erica? How unusual. It must be a full moon or something,” I mumbled.

  Robert’s pacing ceased. “Grace, that’s uncharitable.”

  I ignored the tone in his voice. “He tried to blackmail me, Robert. He took Erica’s side in everything, even after she sent Stacy to the hospital. I’m done with charity. I don’t have time for it.”

  “But that’s just it. It’s what you do during your final moments of life that matter the most. Do you leave your last mark on this world with bitterness and spite? Or, do you ensure that when others remember you, they remember that you were the loving, kind, and generous person that I love?” He sat down beside me and took my hands into his, his head lowering beneath mine so that I could see his face.

  “That’s not fair,” I grumbled. “I’ve spent the past how many years dealing with insults and teasing without once saying an unkind thing to any of them. I’ve helped them with their homework, their tests, even when I knew that as soon as they’d received their passing grades, I’d return to being Grace the Freak, so don’t talk to me about being charitable, Robert.

  “You don’t know what it’s like to have people treat you differently because of something that happened to you that you had absolutely no control over. You don’t know what it’s like to have everyone tease you and make fun of you for years for reasons that have nothing to do with you, but rather their own prejudices.

  “I dealt with it, I accepted it, and I did it without a single complaint, so excuse me if just once I’d like to feel a little uncharitable to someone who was more concerned with saving the scholastic career of some vapid twit than keeping Stacy or me safe!”

  My chest rose and fell angrily as my breathing grew agitated by the memories that I had tried so hard to forget. I looked at Robert’s shocked face and knew that I’d gone too far. It wasn’t his fault—he was an angel, and charity and forgiveness was supposed to be part of his nature.

  “Humility should be as well, Grace. I’m sorry; I forget sometimes that you’re human, with human faults. You’re right. I don’t know how it feels to be made fun of for the majority of my life. I’ve always been accepted because of what I am and what that entails. And yes, you are entitled to your feelings.

  “But I do know what it feels like to be the odd man out, Grace. Every time you’re with Graham, that’s who I become. I can’t ever have that kind of connection with you because I’m not a human, and because I wasn’t there to protect you and support you during those moments in your life when it mattered the most.

  “And I held it against him, I admit it. It was wrong of me, Grace. I used his past actions, both good and bad, to judge him when the only person whose opinion should have mattered was yours. I was wrong, and I’m sorry. But you can’t let what happened in the past change who you are.”

  “And who is that person? The Grace who never spoke up about the treatment I received? The Grace who ran away from you and Graham and everything else because I couldn’t handle the stares or the snide comments anymore?”

  “No. You’re the Grace who loves so deeply and wholly that you’d go against the wishes of the person who loves you the most to save him. None of those people who hurt you could ever be so generous or selfless.”

  “But what if that person isn’t the person I’m meant to be?”

  Robert’s puzzled expression told me that he didn’t understand.

  “When I was going through the things in the attic for Matthew’s room, I found a photo album that my mom had made for me. It had pictures of family members and photos of me and my parents when I was a baby. On the last page, my mom wrote down something that didn’t make sense. At least, it didn’t at the time.

  “She’d left the place for the photo empty, but underneath it she had written ‘Grace and Maia: Mother and Daughter’. My mother’s hopes for me were written down in one line. She wanted me to have a child, a little girl. I was supposed to be that person. I was supposed to be the mother holding that little girl, but I’m not, and I won’t ever be.”

  “Grace…”

  “Robert, there’s no point in trying to pretend. You and I both know that it all ends here. My future, our future, it’s all going to be over after tonight. I just…I never thought I’d want any of the things. But I now realize what I’m going to be missing, what I'll never have, what we'll never have.”

  Robert’s arm wrapped around me as he pulled me in, pressing my head against his chest. “I wish I could give all of those things to you, Grace. I do.”

  A half-hearted laugh
slipped past me when I heard that. “Even if all of this weren’t happening, we’d never be able to have kids. Not legally by your laws, anyway. And I’m not exactly sure I’d want to give birth to a giant or some bat-like creature.”

  “No. That’s not possible at all, no matter how much we want it. But…I can do one thing for you.”

  “What?”

  Robert’s arm slipped from around me and he slid from the bench, landing on bended knee in front of me, my left hand held securely in his.

  My heart seemed to forget its rhythm, and stumbled in my chest at the sight. “Robert-”

  “Don’t interrupt me, Grace. I won’t get another chance at this, and I only plan on doing this once…ever, so please, let me say this while there’s still time.”

  I tucked my lips between my teeth, clamping them shut as he bent down and plucked several blades of grass from the ground, quickly braiding them into a green circlet. I stifled a giggle as his fingers uncharacteristically fumbled the ring, allowing it to spend a few microseconds an animated suspension before he caught it with a more determined grip.

  “Grace Anne Shelley, within you beats my heart. Its life gives me life, its strength strengthens me, its love is what I live for. I cannot imagine life without you in it. Every second of being before I met you has become insignificant, unimportant.

  “Please, if only for a moment, give me something to look forward to and say that you’ll share your life with me. Love me, not just as your friend, or your lover, but also as your husband. Marry me, Grace.”

  Thick tears blurred my vision as I tried to focus on his face, seeing that his eyes were obscured by tears of their own. I wanted to leap into his arms and scream yes. I wanted to turn away and run as fast as my legs could carry me. I wanted to call up Stacy and Lark and shout to the heavens what had just happened.

  Instead, my head bobbed once in demure acceptance as Robert slipped the braided band on the fourth finger of my left hand. With a whoop of joy, he scooped me into his arms and spun around, causing a yelp to escape me as I clung to his neck, trying very hard to keep from giggling at the unbridled glee that poured out of him.

  “Oh, Grace, you’ve made me the happiest person on Earth right now,” he shouted as we continued to spin, my heart racing in my chest at the dizzying speed with which he was making each turn.

  He littered my face with kisses, and I laughed as his eyelashes tickled my skin when his kisses lowered to my jaw. The slow burning fire that was ever present inside of me began to flare up again but I tamped it down for the last time and sighed as his lips finally met mine in their own embrace. I closed my eyes, thankful that we had at least this moment together.

  When Robert finally stopped turning, opting instead to sit back down on the bench with me cradled in his lap, I opened my eyes and took the opportunity to inspect the organic circle that was now wrapped around my finger snugly.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t better prepared. You deserve something better than grass.”

  I laughed. “It doesn’t matter to me what it’s made of. It’s the thought that counts, remember?”

  Robert placed my left hand in his and held it out. “You know, you truly are something unique. Most girls would have complained about it not being gold or having some huge diamond on it, but you accept it.”

  I held up my other hand and grinned, admiring the sapphire ring that sat there on my ring finger. “Well, I already have a ring with a huge rock on it.”

  Robert’s thumb caressed the deep blue stone that reflected the soft light above us and sighed. “I only wish I knew why the star disappeared.”

  “It’s alright. I’m fine with the ring just the way it is. Both of them.”

  “Are you certain?”

  I shrugged and pulled my hand away from his, tucking it into my lap before sighing and turning to stare out into the dark forest ahead. “I love them just the way they are. I couldn’t have imagined anything better than this.”

  My change in mood did not go unnoticed, and he brought a determined hand to my face, turning it so that I could see the care and concern that filled his eyes, turning the silver to a dark pewter.

  “I know when you’re not telling me the truth, Grace.”

  “I am telling you the truth. I do love them; I wouldn’t change them at all.”

  But…

  I weighed the pros and cons of telling him the truth. How could I tell him that it didn’t matter whether I liked the rings the way they were or not because I couldn’t look forward to seeing them on my finger for much longer? How could I look into his eyes and tell him that he needed to take the rings—both of them—back so that if one day he found someone whom he could love just as much as he did me—if not more—then he’d be able to give them to her. I didn’t want to face the idea that Robert could be with someone else, so how could I voice it?

  “But nothing. Let’s not spoil this moment with doubt, okay? For right now, I’m content. Can we just leave it at that?”

  Beneath the darkness in his eyes, I could see the struggle that was going on in his ever turning mind. He was trying to figure out why I had blocked him from my thoughts, and what it was that I was keeping from him. He wanted to demand the truth from me, I could tell, but he wasn’t going to. He wouldn’t go so far as to call me out on my lie. Not when there were so many other important things to be said and done.

  “Okay,” he capitulated. I sighed with relief and relaxed against him.

  “Will you tell your mom? Lark?”

  “About me asking you to marry me?” He waited for my nod before chuckling. “They already know. I’m certain that they began planning a wedding the moment they knew about you.”

  A grimace formed on my lips. “Do angels even have weddings?”

  “No. We don’t have the same requirements that humans do—you already know that. Human ceremonies aren’t necessary to bind two angels together. They join and separate like clouds in the sky, free of obligation of devotion and affection. It’s very rare to find unions amongst my kind that are more than a simple need to either procreate or satisfy some of our more baser needs.”

  I frowned at this; the idea that angels had such a capacity for empathy and love, yet they couldn’t find it in themselves to vow to love another was completely contradictory to the human instinct that burned inside of me that love should be forever. “So when Lark and Luca were together, that was an exception rather than the rule.”

  I felt his head move in acknowledgement. “Lark is a very passionate person, much like our mother. Love, anger—she is incapable of feeling something halfway, especially the most passionate of emotions. But what she felt for Luca, as powerful as it was, cannot compare to what she feels for Graham. Luca’s black heart kept Lark in a state of perpetual night, unable to see the hope that can come from loving someone else. Graham is, to her, the light that was eclipsed by Luca’s dark intentions.”

  His words were like an assault on my conscience. Lark had turned into a cold and bitter angel when she had lost Luca, who had neither loved nor cared for her, vowing to never love anyone else again. Graham had changed that, changed her. What would happen to her if I were to fail and she lost Graham as well? What would that do to Ameila and Robert?

  Their family had nearly lost her once—I realized at that moment that giving myself over to Sam wasn’t just saving Graham’s life, or even Robert’s. By finally allowing Sam to finish what it was that he’d started, my death would in turn save three lives: Robert’s, Graham’s, and Lark’s.

  It was all the reason I needed to push aside any doubts or second thoughts. There was no point in longing for anything anymore when I wasn’t entitled to them.

  I removed myself from the safe enclave of Robert’s embrace and stood up, rubbing my now chilled arms as I stared out into the dark woods that stood ahead of me.

  “Call Sam,” I whispered. “Let’s be done with this, Robert. This can’t go on any longer.”

  “There’s still time…” His voice traile
d off as I tossed my head from side to side in vehement rejection.

  “No. There’s no more time left. There’s never been any time left. The longer I stall, the more people get hurt, and I can’t live with myself knowing that. Call Sam, Robert. It’s time. It’s time I give up and stop this.”

  Robert stood. “Grace-”

  I clamped my hand over his mouth. “Robert, please. I’ve made my decision; I can’t live knowing that doing so means you and Graham will die, or that Lark’s happiness will be destroyed.

  “Just…just promise me that you’ll watch over my dad and Janice and Matthew when this is all done. Keep them safe for me. And…I don’t want you here when it happens. I don’t want you here when I die. I accept dying, I accept it and I can deal with it, but not if you’re near me, not if you’re here. I don’t want you to see that, Robert. Please.”

  His eyes dilated, the pupils growing to twice their size, the irises darkening to an almost storm cloud gray. He pulled his hand from mine roughly; he was angry that there would be no more stalling, no more excuses. He gave me a curt nod, the jerk of his head carrying with it such finality that I could almost hear the doors of our life together shutting behind us. And then he turned away, his back to me, stiff and struggling with what it was that I had asked of him. And then he was gone. And it hurt.

  Oh God, did it hurt. There was no loving goodbye, no last kiss. This was as cold and sterile a farewell as it got, and I wanted to curl into myself, grief and guilt bearing heavily upon my heart.

  But there was no time to feel sorry for myself. It was better this way. I understood his pain. I felt it, too, far more deeply than he knew. Humans could be empathic, too.

  I inhaled deeply, thankful for him making the decision for me. Despite my yearning, I knew that it would be easier to walk away from him, from the faint promise of a future that had never been mine to want in the first place if he wasn’t watching me do it. I looked at the wilting band that sat on my finger and, with somber resolution, removed it and placed it on the bench.