Dead Men Don't Lye (Book 1 in the Soapmaking Mysteries)

by Tim Myers

  I waited as long as I could to start my class, hoping that Herbert and Constance would show up at the last minute, but three minutes after class was due to start, they were still I missing. I spoke to the group gathered there. “Now that we’ve mastered the basics of melt-and-pour soapmaking, let’s have a little fun with the process.” I passed some of my samples of variegated, swirled, layered, and special scented soaps around as I explained, “Don’t let the complicated appearance of these pieces fool you. I made every one of these samples using melt-and-pour techniques. If everyone will gather around the worktable here, I’ll give you a quick lesson and then you can try your own hand at it.”

  The session passed by quickly enough, but my heart wasn’t in it. I couldn’t tell if it was because of the absence of my two most animated pupils or the weight of the murder investigation on my mind, but it was all I could do to keep my mind on teaching the class. My pupils could tell it, too, and instead of a fun experience, there were a few strained laughs and a great deal more silence than I was used to. As they left the shop with their creations, Cindy said, “You got a call from the hospital while you were teaching.”

  “What’s Monique want now?” I asked.

  She shook her head and handed me the note. “It’s not Monique. A woman from your class named Constance called. She said she was sorry they missed today’s session, but someone named Herbert had a heart attack. She said you’d know who she was.”

  So that was why my star pupils had been absent. “Did she say had bad it was?”

  “No, just that she was at the hospital with him.”

  I grabbed my jacket. I’d planned to go see Monique again, so I might as well drop in on Constance and Herbert at the same time. “I’m going to the hospital,” I said.

  Cindy looked surprised by my reaction. “Wow, you really get close to your students, don’t you?”

  “That’s part of teaching,” I said and headed for the door.

  I stopped by the cardiac ICU as soon as I got to the hospital. I found Constance in the waiting room, carefully watching the nurse’s station. She didn’t see me until I was standing over her. “Hi, Constance; how’s he doing?”

  She looked happy to see me, but she was obviously surprised by my presence. “Ben? You didn’t have to come by. That’s not why I called. I just didn’t want you to worry about us when we didn’t show up.”

  I sat down beside her. “I had to visit a sick friend anyway, so I thought I’d stop by here first. Is it bad?”

  She tilted her head, then said, ‘To hear him tell it, he didn’t have a heart attack at all; he keeps claiming he just had a gas episode from too much spicy food; the old fool. It was all I could do to get him to come here in the first place.”

  “What have the doctors said?”

  She kept twisting a white linen handkerchief with her fingers as she spoke. “It was a mild heart attack, but he’s got to make some changes, including more exercise and less fatty foods. He doesn’t believe them, of course.”

  The poor woman was going to have her hands full. If Herbert was grumpy when he was perfectly healthy, I couldn’t imagine how he was behaving under this kind of stress. “Are you going to be okay?”

  She smiled. “I will. Thanks for asking. You know, the main reason I’m worried right now is that he’s being so polite to everyone. It’s hard to take, and absolutely out of character for him.”

  “Chances are he’s just scared.”

  She nodded. “Who wouldn’t be, but get him to admit it. I’d like it a lot better if he was giving folks around here more grief.”

  One of the ICU nurses approached us and said, “Mrs. Wilson, he’s asking for you.”

  She looked worried as she asked, “How is he?”

  “Well, I can’t say much for his disposition, but his vital signs are all good.”

  That brought a broad smile to Constance’s face. “Thank goodness for that.”

  She nodded. “You got him here in plenty of time. His signs are really strong.”

  “You don’t understand. His attitude is a better barometer than a readout on a monitor, trust me. If he’s snippy, that means he’s feeling better.”

  The nurse let a slight smile slip out. “Then he must be feeling dandy at the moment.”

  Constance and I stood, then she hugged me. “Thanks for coming, Ben.”

  “You’re very welcome. Tell Herbert I said hello.”

  “I will.”

  As I walked to Monique’s room, I marveled at how close Constance and Herbert were, despite their constant public debates. Folks always seemed to find their own way, and contrary to the way they acted, the underlying love was readily apparent between them.

  Monique’s bed was empty, the room devoid of the flora exhibition that had been there earlier. I found a new nurse at the station and asked about her.

  “She left ten minutes ago,” the woman said with obvious relief.

  “Did she say if she was going home?” I asked.

  As the nurse glanced over some paperwork, she said. “She didn’t say, but she kept fussing that she needed to get out of here. We told her she needed bed rest. I personally don’t think we should have discharged her.”

  “Why’s that?”

  The nurse shrugged. “She said she was going to a soap bubble. Now I ask you, is that a rational thing to say? Obviously she’s still feeling the effects of that blow to the head.”

  I didn’t correct her as I raced out the door. Let her wonder. What could be so pressing at her soap shop that Monique felt forced to go there just after checking out of t the hospital? She hadn’t had much of a head start, and if it was lucky I might be able to catch her before she had the chance to act. Whatever she was up to, I was certain it meant something.

  I found Monique’s car in front of her shop, but the closed sign was still in place. I’d hoped to catch her off guard. Testing the door, I was surprised to find that it wasn’t locked, though it had been repaired since the assault. Instead of calling her name, I walked carefully through the doorway. At the last second I remembered the bell on the door and gently eased it out of the way as I shut it behind me. There were noises in back of the shop in the same area where I’d found her before.

  Creeping to the edge of the doorway, I looked inside and saw Monique on a ladder fiddling with something in the attic. I was still deciding if I wanted to say something or not when I accidentally nudged a display, sending a tack of beauty bars crashing to the floor.

  When I looked up at Monique, I found myself staring down the barrel of a gun.

  Chapter 11

  “Take it easy” I said, holding my hands up. “It’s just me.”

  The look of relief on Monique’s face was obvious “Oh for goodness’s sake, Ben, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

  “You mean like the one you’re giving me right now? You mind pointing that somewhere else?”

  She said, “Oh, sorry, of course.” As she lowered the gun, I asked, “What are you doing up on a ladder, any way?”

  She climbed down and put the handgun on the counter. “I thought I heard squirrels in the attic again.”

  “So you were going to shoot them?” I asked.

  “No, that would be nonsense. Chances are all I’d manage to do would be to shoot up the roof.”

  “So why the gun?” I asked.

  She frowned. “I’m a woman working alone here. I’ve been assaulted once, and I’m not willing to take any more chances. I don’t have a big family looking out for me. I’m all alone.”

  I gestured to the handgun on the counter. “Monique, do you even have a permit for that thing?”

  She shook her head. “It was my father’s; he left it to me in his will. It was practically all I got from him, but at least it still works. I suppose it does, at any rate.”

  “I don’t know how wise it is for you to go around your shop armed.”

  Monique said, “Ben, I appreciate you worrying about me, but it makes me feel better having it. Bes
ides, I don’t exactly tote it around in my purse. It’s usually under the counter.”

  I decided to change the subject. “You’re back to work awfully soon, aren’t you?”

  She misinterpreted my intent. “It’s so sweet of you to worry, but I’ll be fine. A girl’s got to have something to do, doesn’t she?”

  Monique faltered slightly, then said, “Ben, I’ll tell you the truth. I was afraid that if I didn’t come straight back here from the hospital, I’d never be able to come back at all. It’s important to take away the bad memory and replace it with something good. I wanted to be among my things again.”

  “I guess I understand that.”

  Monique said, “But how did you get in? I didn’t even hear the bell.”

  There was a very good reason for that, but I wasn’t about to enlighten her. “Your head must have been in the attic. I’d advise you to be more careful in the future. The front door wasn’t locked.”

  “I slipped up. It won’t happen again.” She patted the gun as she said, “Believe me, I’ll be careful. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get things ready for my reopening.”

  I knew arguing with her would be useless, but I couldn’t just leave her there. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  She frowned at the display case, still askew from where it had struck her. “I hate to ask, but could you nudge that back in place for me? It’s giving me the creeps just looking at it”

  “I’d be glad to.” The cherry wood was heavy, but I managed to move it back without too much difficulty. “How’s that?” I asked.

  “Much better.”

  I started to put the stock back on the shelf, but she said “Honestly, I can do that.”

  “I don’t mind,” I said.

  She took a bar of luffa soap out of my hands and said, “Ben, I appreciate it, but it’s going to take me longer to straighten out your help than it will to do it myself.”

  I agreed reluctantly. She was hiding something, but couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was. Since she had the accident, Monique was acting even odder than usual. I tool the ladder and closed it. “At least let me put this away. Where does it go?”

  “Thank you, it is rather heavy. It goes back here. Come on, I’ll show you where.”

  After I had the ladder stowed back in the storage room, I said, “Well, I won’t keep you.”

  “I’m curious, how did you know I’d be here?” she asked.

  “I stopped by the hospital to check on you, but they told me you’d already checked out.”

  That seemed to mollify her. “I’m as fit as a fiddle. Thank you again for your concern. Now I’m sure your family needs you back at Where There’s Soap.”

  “I’ll come by tomorrow to look in on you,” I said. I was still not satisfied with Monique’s behavior, and I wanted to get close enough to ask her about Jerry Sanger without raising her suspicions.

  “Until then,” she said as she walked me out the door.

  My foot was just on the front stoop when I heard the dead bolt click in place behind me. She might be getting ready to open again, but it didn’t appear that she’d be doing it any time soon. I decided to circle around the building to see what she was up to once she thought I was gone.

  I had a hard time spotting her without being seen, but I finally found her in back, talking heatedly on the telephone. I wasn’t close enough to hear any specific words, but I could tell she was extremely agitated about something. After Monique hung up, I saw her take one of the gift baskets she stocked and throw it across the room. Whatever had happened, Monique hadn’t been thrilled with the outcome. I kept waiting for her to do something else. Finally, I saw her disappear into her office, and if I held my head just right, I could see her sitting at her desk.

  She must have seen me, too I saw her get up in a hurry, so I raced back to my Miata. I just had my key in the ignition when she burst out the front door.

  “Why are you still here?”

  I thought of the only lie I could on the spot. “I’m having trouble with my car. It won’t start.” I was trying to catch my breath from my sprint and not give Monique any indication that I’d been spying on her.

  “Do you want me to call a tow truck?”

  “No, let me try something first.” I popped the hood, stared inside at the incomprehensible array of hoses, belts, and cables, pretended to wiggle a couple just enough to get my hands dirty, then slammed the hood shut.

  “That should do it,” I said confidently. I was just hoping I hadn’t disabled it by accident in my ruse to fix it. What I knew about cars could fit in a thimble with room left over.

  Thankfully the Miata started right up. Monique said, “You’re a real Renaissance man, aren’t you?”

  “Hey, I try,” I said, then drove off. I noticed that Monique was still watching me as I turned the corner, and I wondered if my mechanic’s impression had fooled her.

  At least she hadn’t come outside with the gun in her hand.

  I glanced at my watch and realized that I didn’t have time to go back to Where There’s Soap after all. Kelly was coming to the apartment for dinner, and I had a thousand things to do before she got there. First on the list was grocery shopping on the way home. Then, while I had dinner cooking, I was going to have to do a major cleaning job on my apartment. There would be time later, if we kept going out, to reveal my less than perfect housekeeping skills. For now, I was still doing everything possible to make the best impression I could.

  I didn’t know what my sisters were worried about. I had everything under control for my dinner with Kelly. The barbequed chicken breasts were in the oven, the apartment was the cleanest it had been in years, and I was ready to take a quick shower to get ready for my date. I’d originally gotten the recipe for the chicken off a bottle of barbeque sauce, and I’d had some luck with it before. It was easy, nearly foolproof, and didn’t require much prep work at all; in other words, my perfect meal.

  I thought I heard something as the shower ran, but it wasn’t until I cut the water off to shampoo my hair that I heard what it was. The smoke alarm was blaring out in full voice.

  Blast it all I grabbed my robe and threw it on, the shampoo suds dripping down my face. In the kitchen, there was ominous black smoke coming from the oven. That’s when I remembered I’d forgotten to set the timer. I threw open the oven door, and instead of finding the golden chicken breasts I’d expected, there was a distinct black crust over everything.

  I threw a window open to try to dissipate some of the fumes, and then I got to work on the smoke detector. The blasted button wouldn’t deactivate, so I finally had to pull a chair over to it and jerk the battery out.

  That’s when I heard the doorbell.

  Saying a silent prayer that Kelly wasn’t early, I looked out the peephole and found her waiting by my front door.

  The second I opened it, she took the scene in and said, “I’m early. I’m so sorry. I’ll come back.”

  If she gave me three hours it wouldn’t improve the situation. “It’s not going to get much better than this. If you’re feeling adventurous, you might as well come in.”

  She smiled. “It can’t be as bad as all that, can it?”

  “You’d be surprised. Seriously, if you’d like to take a rain check, we can do this again some other time.”

  Kelly said, “Ben, I’m not some glass princess. So this didn’t work out. We can do something else. Tell you what, why don’t you finish your shower and get dressed while I tidy up the kitchen? Go on, it’s fine.”

  “You, my dear, are a saint.”

  I finished my shower and dressed quickly, happy that Kelly hadn’t bailed out on me when she had every reason to. By the time I came back into the kitchen, she had it sparkling.

  “So, was any of the bird salvageable?”

  She shook her head. “I’m afraid not. That’s fine, though, we can do something else for dinner.”

  “Well, I’d like to offer you something here, but a
ll I’ve got is chocolate cake for dessert.”

  I heard a gentle chuckle. “What’s wrong?”

  “I guess I should have told you. I’m allergic to chocolate.”

  “This just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it?”

  She took my hand and said, “It’s not going to ruin the evening unless we let it. I’ve got an idea, if you’re game for it.”

  I spread my hands. “Hey, we can both see what a great job I did planning tonight. What did you have in mind?”

  “Why don’t we have a picnic?”

  It was a balmy evening—the cold front the night before had quickly passed us by—and my original plan hadn’t worked out. “Why not?” I asked.

  Louisa had given me a picnic hamper kit for Christmas one year, but I hadn’t even taken it out of the cellophane wrapping. There were plates, silverware, wine glasses, and a corkscrew tucked inside, and I grabbed a bottle of wine from the rack.

  “How’s this?”

  She looked impressed. “My, aren’t you prepared.”

  “One of my sisters gave it to me as a present,” I admitted.

  “You all still exchange gifts? The Christmas tree must be ready to topple over from all the bounty underneath it.”

  I shook my head. “We exchange names now. That way we all don’t go broke buying things for everyone else.” As we walked outside, I said, “Would you like to take the Miata again?”

  Kelly smiled. “You drove last night, so why don’t we take my car tonight?”

  “That sounds good. I’ve never ridden in a Mercedes before.”

  She said, “It was a gift, too.”

  “Wow, I hope I don’t draw your name at Christmas,” I said as I slid onto the leather seat. “That’s a tough act to follow.”