Her Cowboy Lawman

by Pamela Britton

  “So what if I lose the election? I’ll live.”

  She threw her shoulders back and her eyes were spitting fire. “I will not be responsible for the loss of your position as town sheriff.”

  “So what are you saying? You want to break up with me?”

  No. She didn’t want that. He could see it in her eyes, and it almost made him pull her toward him again. Almost.

  “Bren, we have to be smart about this. I’m bad for you right now.”

  “You’re twelve years younger than me.” He all but shouted the words. “Big deal.”

  “To some people in this town it is a big deal. Clearly. And your opponent is clearly going to make it a big deal.”

  “Hank? Hank Cresta couldn’t care less about me. It’s that damn Frank Farrell that will make the fuss.”

  “So you agree I’m a problem.”

  “No.” He ran a hand through his hair. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just, it’s not Hank who would make waves. It’s Frank.”

  “Why?”

  He hesitated to share the story.

  “Bren, what aren’t you telling me?”

  He shook his head. “It’s nothing. Or it was nothing. I dated the man’s daughter back in high school. She made it clear she wanted a commitment, but we were seventeen, for heaven’s sake. I was riding bulls and having fun. I didn’t want to be tied down.”

  “You broke his daughter’s heart.”

  “That was decades ago. The woman’s moved on. She’s married now and has three kids.”

  “But he’ll never forgive you for breaking his little girl’s heart.”

  He winced. He’d never really wanted to believe that was the root of Frank’s problem with him, but when she said it like that, he supposed it was.

  “And you think he’s going to just waltz away from that photo without saying a word.” She stared at him like he’d lost his mind.

  “Yeah.” He hoped he would. He assumed he would. What good would it do for Frank to stir the pot?

  “You’re kidding yourself.”

  “So you’d just walk away?”

  She stared up at him and it was one of those moments when he knew what she wanted, and it had nothing to do with leaving him. Right then he read her desire to stay by his side, but she’d made up her mind that that would be a bad idea, and he knew her well enough to know that once she made up her mind to do something, she did it. It was one of the many things he loved about her.

  “It’s just temporary,” she said softly.

  “Will it be?”

  She nodded. “After the election, if we still have feelings for each other...”

  He had to work to keep his voice even. “Of course I’ll have feelings for you.”

  She lifted her chin even higher. “Then we’ll be okay.”

  No. They wouldn’t be okay. He didn’t want to give her up. Not now. Not ever.

  “Lauren—”

  “No.” She held up a hand when he started to move toward her. “Don’t do it. Don’t cup my face with your hands. If you do that, I’ll never be able to walk out of here.”

  Damn it.

  Tears had started to form in her eyes. “We have to do this, Bren. I have to for my son’s sake. He deserves better than the teasing and ribbing that will come from my dating you. I have to for your sake because you deserve to be reelected.” Her voice had started to shake and he knew she wanted to cry. “You’re a good man, Sheriff Connelly. I could never forgive myself if I crushed your future. We have to because if this is the real deal, we’ll pick up the pieces in June when the election is over and Kyle is out of school.”

  He knew he fought a losing battle. What’s more, he knew she was right.

  “So this is goodbye?”

  She lifted her chin. “For now.”

  Damn it, he felt his own eyes begin to burn, and he never cried. “Can I kiss you goodbye?”

  He thought she would say no. Another tear fell. She wiped it away with a hand that shook. “Sure,” she said with a voice gone tight with tears.

  He moved in close to her, slowly, like she was a filly he might startle away. He almost cupped her face, but he stopped himself just in time. Instead he bent down and touched his lips to hers, lightly at first but then with more and more pressure. He couldn’t seem to stop himself. He drank of her like a man who’d never tasted water. Like a sailor coming in from a long trip at sea. Like a man who feared he’d never taste something so sweet again.

  She broke the kiss. His arms dropped back to his sides.

  “Goodbye, Bren.”

  And then she was gone.

  Chapter Twenty

  It was the right thing to do. Lauren wasn’t thinking of herself. She was thinking of him.

  “Mom?” Kyle said as she walked through the door. She’d left him alone while she ran over to Bren’s. She could now add child endangerment to her list of sins.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “Nothing.”

  He slowly stood up. He’d been sitting in the same chair she’d left him in earlier, when he’d shown her that photo. “Did you break up with Bren?”

  She’d told herself that Kyle didn’t need to know what had happened. She’d had it all worked out in her head—what she would say to him. How she would act. But the look of sympathetic understanding on her son’s face was her undoing.

  Bless you, Paul, for giving me such a child.

  She let the past go in that moment. All the hurt and the sorrow and the humiliation her husband had caused her. She let it drift away because she had the best part of her marriage standing right in front of her.

  “It’s just temporary.” I think. She felt tears fall.

  “Aww, Mom.” He came toward her. “I’m so sorry.”

  She didn’t want to cry. She pressed her lips together as hard as she could to keep herself from doing that, but when her son wrapped his arms around her, she couldn’t contain her tears anymore. It was so silly, too. It wasn’t as if they’d broken up. It was just temporary.

  But was it?

  She feared, oh how she feared, that they would never get back what they had. Driving away from him had solidified in her mind that she didn’t just love him; she adored Bren Connelly. She loved how he treated her son. She loved his honor and his integrity. Most of all, she loved the way he loved her.

  “You know what you need?” Kyle asked. “A cup of hot chocolate.”

  She almost started to cry all over again. It was their thing—their go-to comfort treat when the chips were down. How many times had she said that to him over the years?

  “That’d be nice.”

  He led her to the kitchen table, encouraged her to sit down, and she was so proud of him in that moment. So full of love. At least she had Kyle. She would always have Kyle.

  * * *

  HE TEXTED HER. Lauren thought it would be better if she ignored the message. Who knew how far crazy Frank Farrell might go. If the man had it out for Bren, he might try and get ahold of phone records and data records. Okay, so maybe that was far-fetched, but she didn’t want to take a chance. So she ignored the messages.

  She couldn’t ignore Bren entirely. Though it pained her to do so, she monitored the comments on the infamous photo. Eventually the comments died down, but it was obvious someone kept pushing it to the top of the feed, because just when there was no activity, boom, it’d reappear again. Whatever. She had more important things to worry about. She finally found a job. There was the stress of that, plus dealing with school. Kyle continued with his steer riding, though Jax volunteered to take him to his lessons. His next competition wasn’t until mid-March, and as the day approached, she tried not to think about the fact that Bren would be there.

  “You going to be okay?�
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  Kyle’s concerned brown eyes fixed on her as they headed toward the Via Del Caballo Rodeo Grounds.

  “I’ll be fine,” she said.

  “You know everyone will be there.”

  As if that should concern her. As if she might be embarrassed about that picture, still. He was trying to protect her. That made her want to cry all over again.

  “I know.” She couldn’t help but glance around as they pulled into the rodeo grounds. No big black truck. “But nothing ever came of that photo.”

  She slid into a spot next to a big truck and horse trailer. “Are the kids at school still teasing you?”

  Her son didn’t answer at first, and she supposed that was answer enough.

  “Not anymore,” he finally admitted.

  She turned her car off, facing him, for some reason surprised by his answer. “What made them stop?”

  He faced her, too, and he looked so adorable sitting in the passenger seat, his straw hat pulled down low. One day the girls would be chasing after him, but for now he maintained his boyish look of innocence.

  “I knocked the stuffin’ out of one of them.”

  “You what?” She almost dropped her keys.

  “Shawn asked me if you were still doing that police officer and then Wyatt said you’d probably moved on to doing firefighters and then Harley said something and I just sort of let them have it.”

  “With your fists?”

  “Actually, that’s the weird thing. I knocked Shawn over with a single blow. Turns out my riding lessons have really helped me muscle up. Bren said that’s because riding is like swimming. You don’t know how much work it is until you start building muscle.”

  “You told Bren about this?”

  Kyle nodded. “I was afraid to tell you.”

  With good reason, but she wished Bren had let her know. “What did he say?”

  “That sometimes you have to take a stand. He said that’s what soldiers do all the time. They don’t let anyone bully them, but first they always try to settle things peacefully. He was kind of mad that I didn’t do that, but, Mom, what else could I do? I tried ignoring them and they wouldn’t leave me alone.”

  So he’d gotten into a fistfight to protect her honor. If it wouldn’t send the wrong message, she would have hugged him.

  “And have they left you alone?”

  He nodded, his hat casting shadows on his face. It was another beautiful day in Via Del Caballo, her son’s eyes bright with something like relief.

  “They haven’t said a word about you since.”

  He was proud of that fact. Her little man had settled his own differences. “You should never hit someone.”

  “That’s what Bren said.”

  “Bren’s right.”

  He gave her a look that immediately made her grow still. “Why don’t you see him anymore?”

  She took a deep breath. “It’s complicated.”

  “Uncle Jax said you crapped out on courage.”

  “He what?” Man, there was no end to the surprising things her son was telling her today.

  “He said Bren did, too. He said that the both of you need to pull your heads out of your asses.”

  “Kyle! Don’t swear.”

  “Sorry, Mom.” He held her gaze. “I just think he’s kind of right.”

  “You do?”

  He nodded. “I didn’t at first. I mean, I was kind of glad you broke up. But you’re so sad, Mom. I hate seeing you like that.”

  Where was a box of Kleenex when you needed one? “I’m okay.”

  “No, Mom. You’re not. You try to pretend you are, but you’re not.”

  No. She really wasn’t.

  “Are you going to marry him?”

  She felt the breath leave her. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  She reminded herself to breathe again. “It’s complicated.”

  He shook his head in disgust. “That’s what adults always say, but I think it’s a cop-out. You’re miserable without him, Mom. He’s miserable without you. I say the two of you are being stupid.”

  And with that, he opened the door and ran off, and it was only when she saw him catch up with another kid that she realized he’d run off to catch up with a friend.

  The two of you are being stupid.

  Were they?

  One thing was for certain—as she left her car, she felt a whole lot calmer all of a sudden. That was weird because usually she was a complete stress mess on rodeo days. But she had to admit, she felt almost light.

  Kyle approved.

  It wasn’t until he’d said the words that she realized how much his disapproval had bothered her. Not that he’d ever discouraged her outwardly, but she could tell the thought of her getting involved with a man had bothered him. At first.

  She inhaled a deep breath of sage-scented air. It was late afternoon, and as she headed toward the grandstands nestled into the side of a hill, she paused for a moment.

  Back to where it all started: the Via Del Caballo Rodeo Grounds.

  Back where she’d first met Bren. Back where Kyle had first ridden a steer. Back to where she’d watched her first rodeo.

  Home.

  And it was. The place had settled into her heart in a way she would have never imagined. She loved the oak trees that dotted the rodeo grounds. Loved the mountains in the distance. Loved the way everyone smiled in greeting as she walked past them. Up ahead she could see the announcer’s stand. It presided over wooden chutes recently given a new coat of white paint, the color extra bright.

  And there he was.

  The man of her dreams. Or the man who haunted her dreams. He leaned against the white chute, one leg drawn up, his heel resting on the bottom rung of the chute. He stared at her, his black cowboy hat shielding his eyes, but she knew he watched her.

  She loved him.

  She’d thought maybe she’d been kidding herself. Love didn’t happen so quickly. After Paul, she hadn’t even been sure she believed in happily-ever-afters, but she knew what she felt for Bren was real because it nearly took her breath away.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Hey,” was all he said back, his brown eyes staring at her so intently she wanted to bow her head.

  “How you been?” Lord, could she sound any more trite?

  “Good.” He stood there. “You?”

  Horrible. Awful. She cried herself to sleep a lot. Kyle didn’t know the half of just how miserable she’d been.

  “Good,” she lied.

  He nodded, turned away. She lifted a hand.

  Marry me.

  His words sounded in her ears as clearly as if he’d spoken them again, but he hadn’t. She watched him walk away and she realized she’d been a coward. He’d been willing to risk it all and she’d walked away.

  You had his best interest at heart.

  But had she? Or had she had her own? Had she been too afraid to commit? Too afraid of repeating the mistakes of her past? Afraid of committing herself to one man because the last time she’d done that, it’d been horrible. The truth was, though, that Bren was as different from Paul as air was from water. He was the air she breathed.

  “I drew Crossfired.”

  She turned and there stood Kyle, her son’s eyes the most serious she’d ever seen them. He glanced at Bren and she thought he might say something to him, call him back because it was clear Bren hadn’t seen him walk up. But he didn’t. Instead he cocked his head to the side.

  “He’s a good steer. Big.”

  She swallowed. “How big?”

  “As big as a bull, Mom.”

  The words should have filled her with fear, but for the first time she understood that her son’s courage far outmatched her own. H
e wasn’t afraid of anything. Not the father who used to bully his mom. Not the bullies who taunted him. Not a thousand-pound animal that might buck him off.

  “You should have no problem, then.” And she meant every word. “You’ve been preparing to step it up. Now’s your chance.”

  Her son’s chin tipped up, and he stared at her with such pride that her heart swelled to triple its size. How had she raised such an amazing little man?

  “I’ll be up in the grandstands.” She walked forward, had to duck low so she could kiss him beneath his cowboy hat, and for once he didn’t pull away or spit out a “Mo-om.”

  He let her kiss him and then he said, “Love you, Mom.”

  “Love you, too, kiddo.”

  She gave it to God then. It was out of her hands. Whatever her son’s future, she knew she’d never stand in the way of it. He would live his life without the fear that had clouded her own.

  She barely paid attention as she headed to the grandstands, which was probably why she didn’t recognize Natalie Reynolds and her husband, Colt. Next to them sat his sister, Claire, and her husband, Ethan, the man responsible for her brother’s relocation to Via Del Caballo.

  “Lauren,” said Natalie. “Sit here.”

  The blonde’s blue eyes were wide and friendly. Colt smiled at her. So did Claire and Ethan. She barely knew any of them, but they welcomed her with open arms.

  “So what’s this I hear about you and our town sheriff getting cozy?” asked Colt, his own blue eyes as merry as a Christmas morning.

  A month ago she would have blushed three shades of red. A week ago she might even have denied it. Today she just sat down next to them and said, “What can I say? I have a thing for older men.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Colt asked. “I know a few old men who might like a date with a young thing like you.”

  “Colt,” said his wife, elbowing him.

  “That’s okay.” Lauren included the whole family in her own smile. “I’m off the market.”

  Colt’s eyes widened. So did Natalie’s.

  “Really?” he asked.

  She faced the arena, and even from a distance she could still spot Bren standing near the chutes. He was talking to someone now, a little blonde. She should have felt jealous, but she didn’t. She’d seen the look in his eyes earlier. He loved her. Still. She wiggled her toes in sudden delight.