In Between

by Beca Lewis

With the distance of time, and knowing what would happen, Connie looked again. Her young self, so arrogant in her happiness. She assumed that everyone was happy for her.

  She thought she was pleased for Edith because Edith had snagged the man that she wanted, and she would get the job of her dreams. Both of them would have the life they had talked about, giggled about at night, and planned for as they made their way through school.

  But now Connie could see that Ralph was hiding something. Worry? Disappointment? Yes, Loraine said all the right words about being happy for Edith and Connie, but those words didn’t reach her eyes.

  What had she missed back then? Why hadn’t she paid attention? Connie felt a tug and knew that Bryan wanted her to remember why she was there. To observe. Not judge what she was seeing.

  Connie watched as Bill came into the kitchen, said good morning, smiled, and said how happy he was for Connie and Edith. But as he reached across the table to hold her hand, this time, Connie felt his sorrow.

  Was he sad for her, or Edith, or for both of them? Knowing what she knew now, it could have also been fear.

  Bryan tugged again. It was time to see more. She drifted up to Edith’s room, where she found Edith still asleep. That was Edith. She liked her sleep. But she was getting married. Shouldn’t she be more excited?

  Connie had always worried about Edith’s decision to marry a rich man so she could have a safe life. Nothing about it appealed to Connie, and they had more than one discussion about it.

  But Edith never wavered, and now that she had what she wanted, she was still sleeping?

  Something felt wrong. What was it? Out of the corner of her eye, Connie saw movement. A dark shape vanished the minute she glanced its way. Bryan tugged, and she fell backward in space and found herself once again back in Bryan’s living room.

  Rachel was holding Bryan’s hand. He was trembling.

  “What was that?” They asked in unison.

  Thirty-One

  “What did you see?” Eddie asked.

  Both Connie and Bryan shook their heads, and Bryan said, “I don’t know what it was, it just felt wrong. It was like a shadow that moved on its own.”

  He looked over at Connie, and she nodded in agreement, and then asked, “Was it a person? A thing? Why was it there?”

  “I don’t know. Those dark things are often there, and most of the time they are not there for you. But you need to know they exist. It could be a person, or a person’s thoughts. Or someone who has died and got stuck in the in-between.

  “There are black energies like that in the 3D physical world too. But most people don’t feel or see them. And people who do, and don’t know how to handle their existence, are often treated as if they are insane. It’s assumed that whatever they see and hear isn’t real. I believe some people in Doveland call it the “There.” Since you were both outside of time and the material illusion, you saw what exists in that place more easily.”

  Rachel asked the next question. “Do you know what or who it was, Eddie? And was it there by coincidence, or because it was hanging around Edith?”

  Connie gasped, and both hands flew to her mouth, and she started trembling. Eddie gave her a moment before saying, “Well, I think Connie has an idea what it was. And it has to do with what she has to do when she returns.”

  Connie didn’t answer, just hung her head and began to fade away.

  “If you go,” Eddie said to her, “nothing changes. You will remain stuck. Your daughter will never know who she is. Edith’s wish will go unfulfilled.

  “Are you going to be a coward and let everyone down again?”

  After a long moment, Connie looked up at Eddie. “So, you know what happened?”

  “Part of it. I know my death resulted from what you didn’t do. And you knew that, didn’t you? It’s why you didn’t come to the funeral. You felt responsible, and you had already quit living.

  “The question now is, are you ready to live again? Do you have the courage to go back and try again? Not everyone gets this chance. It’s only because my mom and Bryan’s mom requested it that you have it. Are you going to take it or not?”

  Connie didn’t answer for a long moment. Finally, she just nodded, yes.

  “It’s not your choice where I am sending you. For this to work, you have to experience it, not remember it,” Eddie said.

  “But here’s a warning. If you stop what happened to you before it happens or while it is going on, you won’t have Karla. It’s your choice. But just in case you chicken out and don’t go through it again, perhaps you want to see Karla before you and Bryan leave for the past.”

  Connie started to cry again. This time actual tears flowed done her cheek, and Rachel felt her eyes well up too. This was like living in a dream. She was helping people who had died. Why her? And although she didn’t know for sure what had happened to Connie, she thought she knew. And to go through that again, knowing what it would be like, that was a nightmare, a living nightmare.

  She didn’t think she could do it. But then she hadn’t had a child. And Connie had. Rachel knew that Connie would do it for Karla.

  *******

  Karla Matthews stood in her mother’s garden and let herself cry. No one could see her. Her mother had designed a beautiful fence that enclosed the entire backyard. The birds loved it because the garden overflowed with bushes, trees, and flowers that fed and sheltered them.

  It was also safe from wandering cats. Cats who lived outside and preyed on birds made her mother furious. It was one of the few times Karla would see emotion from her mother. Although cats caused millions of deaths of birds, a fact which made Karla angry too, she knew her mother’s anger about predatory cats was more than about them. But Karla didn’t know what and never tried to find out. Maybe that made her a terrible daughter.

  Her mother had been both a recluse and depressed, which sometimes erupted in anger as long as Karla could remember. She thought that perhaps when she was younger, she had tried to get through to her mother, and then gave up.

  But they had a few things in common. They both loved the garden, and they both loved to design things. They had even created some things together, but eventually, one would say the wrong thing, and their brief mother-daughter time would end.

  When Connie died, Karla thought she would feel relieved. She wouldn’t have to be one of those daughters that had to take care of an old mother. Since she didn’t have any siblings or any family she knew about, it would have been her who did all the work. Karla knew people who did that—trying to take care of their own family and their parents at the same time. It was draining, both emotionally and financially.

  Karla thought herself lucky that now she had neither. Although she had a few romantic interludes, they never lasted. Probably because, like her mother, she alternated between depression and anger. And in her own way, she was a recluse. She blamed her mother, or she told herself that she did to make it easier on herself.

  But the few times that she told herself the truth, she knew that she could have chosen differently. She could have lived a life. It was always there for her, waiting for her to walk into it. But every time it was offered, she pushed it away. And now look at her. Fifty years old. Never married. And no family.

  Karla turned away from the garden and made her way into the home where she had lived all her life. Someone wanted to buy it, a young family who could bring this house to life. All she had to do was say yes to the offer and walk away. But she kept stalling. She was here in the house to try to figure out why she wasn’t letting it go. Her mother had been gone for over a month. It was time.

  Walking upstairs to take one last look at her childhood bedroom, she glimpsed herself in the closet mirror. She had watched herself grow up in that mirror, never understanding what she saw because although she had blue eyes like her mother, she looked nothing like her. Who did she look like? Someone tall wi
th black hair.

  The secret about her father had kept them apart. When Karla would ask who he was, Connie would get angry and would stop talking for days. Until finally, they would reach an uneasy truce again.

  It was a sad life, Karla thought. For both of them. Could it have been different? Could they have found a way to connect? Maybe they could have connected more with their love of gardening and design. But it was too late. Now she had to decide what to do with herself. Continue with the design shop she had opened? Or let it go, calling it a failure like everything else she had done so far in her life?

  Like mother, like daughter, Karla thought. Failures at life.

  Thirty-Two

  What Karla didn’t see, couldn’t see, was her mother and a young boy watching her as she cried in the garden and then wandered around the house in a daze. Perhaps it was an unconscious awareness of her mother’s presence that had her wondering if she wanted to sell the house. If she didn’t sell it, what would she do with it? Live in it? Could she? Would she be able to live there with all the dreadful memories she had of growing up?

  “They weren’t all bad,” Connie whispered. It was painful to finally have the desire to communicate with her daughter and yet have no way to do so. At least not the way she was now in the in-between.

  “I’m ready,” Connie said, turning to Eddie.

  He didn’t hear her at first. He was absorbed in watching Karla. If Connie would have just done that one thing, perhaps he and Karla would have known each other.

  “Eddie,” Connie said louder. “I’m ready.”

  Back in Bryan’s living room, Eddie was all business. He reminded Connie that she would take the place of her past self. That Bryan would be there with her, and that Rachel would keep them both anchored to this time and place.

  “Wait,” Bryan said. “Still not clear about this. Will I be in the past too? Or a ‘ghost’ type thing that only Connie can see?”

  “And where does the past me go?” Connie interjected.

  Eddie shook his head. He was losing his grip. This was the kind of thing he usually spent more time explaining. It was his impatience to get this thing with Connie over with that was causing the problem.

  And seeing Karla had done a number on his head. Although he knew that Connie was going back to make things right, he didn’t know what would happen when she did.

  Since this was the first case he had worked on that directly affected him, he had a tiny niggle of worry that somehow this would change what happened to him. What if he wasn’t born? Or maybe he wouldn’t die young. Then what would happen?

  Get over yourself, Eddie said to himself. The answers for you are the same for everyone.

  “Eddie?” Rachel said. “Are you all right?”

  “Sure. I was just thinking I didn’t explain this well to all of you. Here’s the simplest way to tell you, although you must know that it’s more complicated than this. But our minds can’t quite grasp it all, so you’ll just have to go with it for now.”

  Everyone nodded in agreement.

  “You know that there are alternative realities.”

  “Wait,” Bryan said. “How can you assume that we know this? Who has ever proved it?”

  “Look at what is happening right now, Bryan. Are you talking to two dead people? That is an alternative reality to what most people experience.

  “Yes, there are many ways to see this. Life never dies, so the people we think are dead, aren’t. They go somewhere. Where?

  “People made up the alternative realities of heaven and hell. Then there is what we are calling the in-between. Or what your friends in Doveland call the There.

  “The thing is, everything that will happen has happened—somewhere. There are unlimited alternative realities, alternative dimensions. Call it what works for your brain to grasp the idea that there is no linear time, and that there are infinite possibilities. But we are dealing with just this one. We have enough trouble dealing with this one without worrying about more than that.

  “Although, I know that the people in Doveland that Rachel met with have dealt with at least two of them. But that’s neither here nor There. Ha. Made a joke.”

  When no one laughed, Eddie returned to his stoic self, which Rachel found confusing. He looked ten. He acted ancient. When Eddie winked at her, Rachel smiled back. Maybe not so stoic or ancient after all.

  “Okay, here’s the simple answer to your questions. Connie, when you go back to the past, you will return as yourself, and with the memories of who you are now.

  “Your past self will be off in another dimension or reality, where your past self didn’t exist before. Yes, it changes that one. Yes, it makes another branch of reality, but we can’t be worried about that. Especially since technically everything we do creates another one. Infinite, remember?

  “As for you, Bryan. You did not exist then, well, at least not in that form.”

  When Rachel started to ask about that, Eddie stopped her.

  “No, not important right now. If we keep talking about this, Connie will never get into the past.

  “Bryan will be a spirit, or ghost—whatever you want to call it—just as he was when you did your angel impersonation, Connie.

  “You can talk to each other if you wish, but mostly just think of him as your guide. You will see him sometimes. Other times you may not. Doesn’t matter. He will still be able to hear you.

  “If things go wrong, Bryan will pull—so to speak—on his lifeline back to Rachel. Since his body will remain here with her, he’ll be living a normal life. That is if talking to someone in the past, and showing up for them, is normal.”

  “Why can’t you go with me, Eddie? Why do we need all these different people involved? Not that I am not grateful,” Connie quickly added, “Just why do we need them?”

  Eddie sighed again. “Well, for one thing, you are not the only person I am helping in the in-between. And for another, there are those who believe that I wouldn’t be objective. After all, this is my life too that you are messing around with.

  “Do it right, and we all experience what should have happened if you would have done the right thing the first time. Do it wrong, and you and I, and who knows who else, could be worse off than we are now.”

  Rachel shook her head at Eddie. “That doesn’t help, Eddie. Connie needs encouragement, not your sarcasm or anger.”

  Eddie knew Rachel was right. No wonder people wondered if he could do this.

  “Sorry, Connie,” Eddie said, still with a twinge of anger in his voice. But Connie was too nervous and scared to notice. Eddie’s heart softened a little. One mistake, who could blame her for one mistake. Everyone makes them, including him.

  This time when he said, “I’m sorry,” he meant it. Connie looked over at him and smiled.

  “Are you ready?” Eddie asked.

  When all three people nodded yes, Connie and Eddie vanished.

  Bryan jerked back in his seat, paused, looked around the room, and said, “Oh, man. I feel very weird. I don’t know if I like this at all.”

  For a moment, Eddie returned, without Connie, and said, “Get used to it. This is now your life.”

  Turning to Rachel, Eddie smiled and gave her a little bow, and then he was gone again, leaving behind him more questions than he had answered.

  Thirty-Three

  Connie screamed. Luckily, there was no one to hear her. She was alone. She looked down at her hands and screamed again. Then started laughing. She wasn’t looking at age-spotted and slightly swollen knuckles on each hand. They were young again. They didn’t hurt.

  She squeezed her eyes shut and then opened them again. Yes, they still looked young. She pushed herself up from the tiny table they used as a desk and looked around. She was in their apartment across the street from the college. Connie fell back into her chair, savoring the fact that she could feel her c
hair.

  She stood again, marveling at how easy it was to stand up and sit down. She hadn’t noticed how hard it had become for her to move.

  While part of Connie’s brain was processing her newly gained feeling of youth, the other part was trying to place herself in time.

  When she had visited Loraine and Ralph at their house, it had been early spring. Now she could see all the trees on the campus were fully leafed out. She loved that view, and for a moment, she wondered why she had never come back to visit.

  But then Connie remembered why, and all the pain and resulting sorrow came flooding back, and she stumbled back into the chair.

  She remembered that she was dead now somewhere, in some timeline or dimension or alternate reality of life. She couldn’t think straight.

  Where was Edith? What if she came in now, how would she talk to her? Would Edith know the difference?

  She couldn’t just say, “Hey, Edith. I’m dead now. It’s over fifty years in the future. Terrible things happened. I can’t tell you about them. I’m here to fix them if I can.”

  No, there was no one to talk to about it. No help at all. And then Connie remembered. There was Bryan. She was supposed to be able to speak to him. How? Did Eddie forget to tell her? Maybe all she had to do was say his name. Did it have to be out loud?

  Although she was alone, Connie whispered, “Bryan?”

  Connie could feel something loud coming towards her. Like an airplane flying directly at her, except it was in her brain. It hit the center of her skull and she felt a flash of blinding light.

  “Ouch!” Connie heard Bryan say.

  “Ouch? What do you mean, ouch? I’m the one who got hurt. What are you doing? Is that what it will be like? I thought you were supposed to help me, not give me a case of fright and a headache.”

  Bryan’s faint outline appeared against the wall that she and Edith had painted black, thinking it would make their apartment stylish.

  She and Edith had argued over it, and as always, she had won. Even now, knowing what she knew, she still liked that black wall. Even Edith admired it after she got used to it.