All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4)

by Melyssa Winchester

  “Wasn’t planning on staying. I’ll just take it and go if you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t, but Kayden, I know what’s in this letter and it’s not pretty. I don’t think you should be getting behind the wheel of a car or going anywhere until you’ve had time to process it.”

  Who is this guy kidding? After everything I’ve already been through with my brother, there’s nothing that could be in that letter that would come as a surprise or impair my ability to drive back to campus.

  “Just let me have the letter, Tom. I’ll worry about my own safety. It’s not your concern.”

  “I don’t agree.”

  “You’re representing my brother. I didn’t think we would agree on anything. The letter please?” I ask and after a sigh, he hands it over.

  “Despite what you believe about your brother, I do believe he loves you. Even the devil was capable of love. You might wanna think about that before you read what’s in those pages.”

  “Yeah, I’ll take that under advisement.” I flippantly respond before turning my back and stalking from the office, not slowing my pace until I’m safely out the doors and standing in front of the elevator again.

  Ripping the envelope down the side until it’s cracked open enough to see the paper inside, I slide my fingers in and drag it out, tossing the envelope in the mini trash can hanging off the wall. Flipping it open until I can see my name scrawled in Dean’s messy print across the top of the page, I settle against the wall and read.

  Kayden

  Tom told me you didn’t want to see me and I get it. I wouldn’t want to be around me either after the shit we went through. I wanted to be able to tell you all of this to your face, but since I can’t this is gonna have to do.

  I had a visitor a couple weeks ago. Someone I never expected to see again. Kayden, Mom’s back. I don’t know why she’s back or what she wants from us, but she’s back.

  She mentioned wanting to see you. She knows you’re the owner of the house even though you’re in Toronto and I also found out from Tom that you’ve got Isabelle staying there now.

  I know the shit I said about that girl and I also know how right you were every time you told me different. I remember how she was when we were younger and I don’t think Mom showing up at the door and scaring the shit out of her is gonna do anyone any good.

  Do what you want with her. Visit, talk, whatever, but you need to make sure you warn Isabelle or have her go back to her mom’s for a while so that she doesn’t have to deal with whatever it is our mom wants now.

  I know you hate me and chances are you won’t even believe a word I’m telling you, but I’m trying to do right by you. First time for everything right?

  If you need or want to talk about what she said when she was here, go through Tom. He’ll set something up. The guards here aren’t total dicks and neither is the warden, so if you let him know, I’m sure they can set something up.

  Be careful little brother. After the nightmare I put you through; the last thing you need is another one and I’m pretty sure her being back is the worst kind of one.

  For what it’s worth, I’m sorry Kay.

  -Dean

  The reason Tom wanted me to stay in his office, it makes sense now. There’s not a lot that can get to me, especially after everything last fall, but what’s here, it’s the one thing that can.

  Daphne Walker. My mother. The one person in the world that still has the power even ten years later, to bring me to my knees. I used to think Dean was the only one that could do it, but that was before I started thinking about the way my life turned out.

  When she walked away from us all those years ago, she took part of me with her, or at least I thought she did. The part of me that she saw before, the one that was good. I swear when she walked out, that good boy went along for the ride and he never came back.

  I still think that sometimes, even though I know I’m not the same guy I was a few years ago. I am a good guy. It was just buried under so much bullshit it was like it didn’t exist at all. She didn’t take that part of me, but she took something because the way my body is reacting, how off kilter I feel, it’s obvious that she still has some power over me. Control even. I’m always going to react to her because despite leaving, I still love her.

  Shit. What’s taking the damn elevator so long? I need to get on it, ride down to the underground garage and get the hell out of here. I need to get back to my room and shut myself away for a while so I can process this.

  My brother is a lot of things. A drunk. An asshole. An abuser. Evil incarnate even. But the one thing he isn’t is a liar, at least not about this. I’m pretty damn sure he hates her for leaving as much as I do. I’m also positive that the love I still have for her, he doesn’t. He lost it when she threw me at him and took off.

  He might want to control me, reaching out from his place behind metal bars in order to bring me down, but he wouldn’t use Daphne to do it. He’s telling the truth, which means before I can go home and process this, I need to warn the only other person in the world that I give a shit about.

  Belle.

  Before the elevator can reach the bottom floor, I slip my phone back out and bring up our message screen. We texted back and forth a little bit before her first class this morning, and it’s those words I see on my screen. Those that I use to calm myself even though I’m sure I won’t settle again until I warn her about what happened.

  I played “Kiss Me Slowly” so much that I think I broke it. Do you think you can give me another song for us?

  “Always Somewhere Close” by Lifehouse. <3

  The song she gave me, I didn’t even hesitate once I saw the text. I bought it and started playing it and if I thought I was going to break the file of the other song she said reminded her of me, it was going to be ten times worse with this one.

  It was perfect. Exactly what I expect from Belle.

  I think I’m losing my mind.

  You lost your mind a long time ago, Kay. Lol <3

  Funny. :P I don’t hear the guy singing when I play this song. I hear you.

  Seeing the blush emote on my screen, knowing that she had actually blushed when I said it steadies my heart the way I was hoping it would. That’s another thing that’s been happening since the first time I took her home in my car. She flashed a smiley face at me and I was lost.

  I love you, Kay. I’ll text you after class.

  Looking to the top of the screen, noticing the time, knowing that if I want to make my classes, I’m gonna need to start driving right away, I make a different choice. A better one.

  Sliding my fingers over the screen until the text is written, just enough information given to prepare her for what’s about to happen next, I hit send and make my way to the car.

  After what I just read from Dean, class is the last place I want to be. If what he said is right and she knows where I live, it means that any minute she could show up and do exactly what he said. Scare Belle. Something I won’t let happen.

  Turning the key in the ignition after tossing my phone down onto the seat, I peel out of the spot and head out.

  Final Destination, Wexfield, but more importantly, her.

  Belle

  I’m heading back to Wexfield. If I make good time I should be there in time for lunch. Can I meet you?

  That’s the text I’m met with the minute we’re released from class and despite the questions going through my head about why he’s coming here when he’s got classes there, I’m never gonna to turn down a chance to see him.

  Yes. I’m going into English Lit now, but need to head to the science department after, so meet me there. Is everything okay?

  Walking across campus with Isaac, his focus straight ahead of him, almost like he’s counting every step he takes, I tap on my screen and wait for Kayden to respond. If he’s on his way here now, it means he’s driving so as much as I want to have an immediate response, I might need to turn my phone off and worry about it later.

  Ya
. Everything’s fine. Need to see u. Miss u madly. <3

  I’m not sure I believe his answer, but considering the smile he put on my face with his words, I can’t focus on it. I’ll get to the bottom of whatever’s going on when he gets here.

  Remembering the promise of lunch with Isaac and not wanting to bail considering how excited he was that I asked, I send Kayden another text. It might not be the way he imagined spending time with me, but once he meets Isaac and gets to see for himself the way he is, I’m sure he’ll be okay with it.

  I invited Isaac to have lunch with me this morning. I don’t want to let him down. I hope it’s okay that he spends some time with us. He was so happy when I asked. I miss you too. See you soon. <3

  It’s okay, Belle. Can’t wait to meet him. Tell him I said hey. I love you. Now stop texting me. :P

  Never :P

  Putting my phone away, but close enough that it’s there if I need it, I jog ahead to catch up with Isaac. It’s only when he turns and sees me running that his face brightens again and I realize I should probably warn him about Kayden.

  “So, there’s been a change of plans.”

  His face drops and I immediately shake my head. I know what he’s thinking and that’s not allowed. I’m not bailing on him. I won’t ever bail on him. He’s as stuck with me as Eric is.

  “It’s nothing bad, promise. Kayden is coming down to visit and he wants to join us for lunch. Is that okay?”

  He nods and his lips lift into his familiar smile as I grab his hand. It’s something I’ve been doing for a while now. It started with Eric when he first moved here and was even more skittish than I was and now with Isaac, it’s even more important. It’s comforting, not only for the people I did it with, but for me too and with everything we’ve got to deal with, comfort is definitely needed.

  Looking at our hands and then back up at me, he smiles even brighter before opening his mouth and I freeze. He’s never done anything like this before but I remember what it felt like the first time I spoke for someone other than my mom and Tristan. If he’s about to do that now, it’s huge.

  He doesn’t speak though. Instead he just mouths the words and lowers his head again.

  Thank you.

  They were only two words, but for me, they’re everything. He might never talk to me, but even the small attempt he did do, it means I’m making progress and he’s comfortable.

  Maybe what Kayden said a few months ago is true after all.

  I really can change the world.

  Chapter Twelve

  Kayden

  I know I said I was cool with doing this, but I’ve been sitting here with them for the last twenty minutes or so and the last thing I am is cool or comfortable.

  My body is tense, something heavy brewing inside me. Not exactly anger, but something close enough to it that it’s throwing me off. I’m watching Belle using her notepad to talk to this guy and it’s the most natural thing in the world, but it’s bothering me.

  She lights up every single time she gets a response from him. The same smile she shares with everyone that she even remotely cares for, but it’s a smile that a year and a half ago, she didn’t do at all.

  Until she did it for me.

  I don’t wanna be that guy. The one that’s territorial and possessive over their girlfriend, but shit. This guy is pretty much Belle two years ago. They’re identical other than a few subtle things that most people wouldn’t catch.

  It’s all clear to me though and after the way I caught them when I pulled in earlier, it just makes my mood plummet into the ground even more.

  I’d been expecting them to come out together. She’d texted me that much, but it was the way they came out that has me all sorts of torn up inside.

  They were holding hands. Belle beaming that smile of hers as brightly as possible and it was seeing her like that when I realized she wasn’t the same girl that was scared weeks ago when she started here.

  Helping Isaac has done good things for her. I thought with everything she told me about what the jerks in her class were doing to her that she needed me here, but ever since I saw them skipping along happily out of the building, I’m starting to doubt whether she needs me at all.

  Shit. This is going to drive me nuts. Continuous loop of insecure bullshit repeating until I lose my mind and end up somehow putting my own foot in my mouth.

  If this was any other girl; I would have already said something. Put my cards on the table and made him do the same. The problem is, this isn’t any girl. It’s Belle and the way she is with people, especially others that are similar to her, it’s like she’s a mother to them.

  She’ll hold their hands, hug them and do everything under the sun to make them feel comfortable. She did the same thing with Eric last year when we caught Tim giving him shit. She led him by the hand out of the school and I didn’t even flinch because I just knew it was her way.

  So what is it about Isaac that’s making me so pissed? Is it because he’s not part of our normal circle and I don’t know him that’s making me want to act like a Neanderthal?

  “Kay, is everything alright?”

  “Yeah, everything’s great.” I reply even though it’s not entirely the truth. With him not being able to speak, it’s only been Belle’s voice I’ve heard since we sat down and to be honest, I stopped listening the first time I heard her laugh. He’s even getting her to do that. Something I thought for the longest time was only for me.

  I want her laughter and the smile that stops my heart every time she does it, to be for me only. I don’t want to share it with the rest of the world.

  And wanting that makes me a supreme jackass.

  I catch her hands move and looking down, I see why. In front of me is a paper and there are words on it, but not in the familiar scrawl I’m used to from her. Isaac’s writing me and apparently with the way they’re both looking at me, it’s been sitting there for a while.

  It’s really nice to meet you, Kayden. Thank you for being cool with me being here. :)

  Damn. He’s a lot more like Belle then I thought. Happy faces. His might not make me go as wonky as Belle’s, but it definitely goes a long way to breaking up the turmoil inside me.

  “Don’t need to thank me. Anything that makes Belle happy makes me happy.”

  I know the second I say it that it didn’t come out right. I’m not doing this to make Belle happy. It’s a big part of it sure, but it seems like a dickhead thing to say, making it all about her.

  “I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right.”

  Belle smiles but it’s weak, not like the one’s she was doing right after I got here and I know she’s taken what I said wrong too. Shit. I’m just screwing everything up being here right now.

  It came out fine. Belle told me that you play football. What position?

  “Fullback.”

  You look like a quarterback.

  I know he doesn’t mean anything funny by it, but I laugh anyway because it’s not the first time I’ve heard it. I’m just glad Dillon’s not here. I’d never hear the end of it. He’s not QB on the team in Toronto, but with the way he works, it won’t be long before he is.

  Dillon was born to be a quarterback.

  Belle understanding why I’m laughing, smiles before turning to Isaac and explaining before I get the chance to.

  “Our friend, Dillon. You don’t wanna say that around him. He’d keep you here all day listing reasons why Kayden doesn’t look anything like a quarterback and why he plays even worse.”

  The easygoing way she has with him, I swear I’m living in some weird reality where our roles have been reversed. Thinking about it like that just twists the knife deeper because this is probably the way it should be.

  Isaac opens up more, actually smiling when she talks to him. The same as she used to do with me whenever we were alone together. It also helps that in their case, she understands him where I came at it from a different angle. I had to learn as I went along and she’s doing it effortles
sly.

  Shit. I really need to stop thinking about this.

  She loves me.

  Isaac moves and my eyes, which until now have been trained for the most part on my girlfriend, follow him. Holding out two pieces of paper, one across from me where Belle is sitting and the other directly to me, waiting until we both take them.

  It was really nice meeting you, but I know you came down to see your girlfriend and I don’t want to get in the way of that. I told Belle I would see her in class tomorrow, but I hope I get to see you again too.

  Damnit. Now I feel even worse. I barely spoke two words to the guy, but here he is saying he wouldn’t mind hanging out again. If I could get my leg around the back, I would definitely kick my own ass.

  “Yeah man, anytime you wanna hang out just let Belle know and it’s cool. Sorry for not being so talkative. It’s been an off day.”

  The minute I mention the day has been off, Belle’s head perks up and again I feel like kicking my own ass. She asked me earlier if everything was okay and I told her that it was. Now she’s learning otherwise which means she’s going to know I lied to her.

  Isaac smiles one more time before Belle stands up and wraps her arms around him, hugging him close to her and I swallow down the sick twisted feeling inside me at the sight.

  Belle hugs everyone. It’s the way she is. Don’t read anything into it.

  When he pulls away and she sits back down, her eyes trained on him as he walks away, the lump in my throat gets a little bigger. I’m sitting here. I came all this way to see her and even though the guy isn’t with us anymore, she can’t take her eyes off him.

  I need to find out what the hell is going on here.

  “Belle,” I start and her eyes are back on me again, only this time she’s crawling across the grass toward me and before I can speak, she’s pressing her soft lips against mine and whatever it was that I was going to spit out vanishes.

  “That’s better.”

  “That’s better, huh? I thought that was supposed to be my line?”