“That’s the point, I guess.”
“He’s been pretty rough the last couple of days. He needs you.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“No. He hasn’t said shit to me for days. He’s been a zombie just going through the motions.”
“So why do you think he needs me?”
“Because if this was me, I would need the only person in the world that could set it right. I would need Caddy. I figure it’s the same with him.”
“Who are you?”
“Huh?” he asks, twisting in the seat until his eyes land on my face.
“Who are you and what did you do with the real Dillon?”
It’s only when I finish that his face brightens and just like before he laughs, only this one is louder.
“It’s fucking weird, right? I’m the one saying and doing these things and I still ask myself that same question every day. Wherever the real Dillon is, I kind of want him to stay there. You know?”
“Yeah. I want him to stay there too. I like this version.”
“I like it too.” He says, flashing me one final smile before turning back to the road, silence filling the car again.
After a few seconds pass of me looking out the window and watching everything pass by, his attention focused intently on the road that will take me to the man I love, he breaks the comfortable silence.
“You feeling any better?”
“Yeah. It’s all still there, but I’m doing my best not to focus on it. I’m choosing to think about Kay instead.”
“Good.” He replies, motioning out the window. “Keep thinking about that, because once I merge into that lane over there so I can pull off the highway, we’re gonna be there.”
~*~*~
His warning served its purpose. The calm that I’d been able to surround myself with after our conversation began falling away the minute he mentioned how close we were and the panic set in again, bringing us to where we are now.
All it will take is for me to get my legs moving and in less than five minutes, I’ll be standing in his room. I’ll be with Kayden. Safe. Protected.
Home.
“Come on, Belle. You made it this far. Now’s the easy part.” Dillon whispers before sliding his hand into mine and pulling me slowly toward the front of the dorm, the one Kayden is locked away in with no clue what’s about to come. “If it helps, close your eyes and don’t open them until I tell you.”
I know what he’s attempting to do. He’s trying to put me at ease, give me an easy way out and right now, I’ve never been more thankful for it.
His idea, letting him guide me until we’re standing outside the room and the distractions are limited, it’s brilliant.
“Thank you.” I say as I continue to walk with him, having to almost speed walk in order to keep up even though with him holding my hand, we’re connected.
“Don’t thank me. I’m just doing what I should’ve done four years ago.”
Not sure what to say back to that, I just do as he suggested and close my eyes, letting him guide me the rest of the way until we’ve made our way through three different doors and he’s coming to a stop the way he said he would when we reached the room.
Opening my eyes, taking in the hallway in front of us, I inhale a deep breath and mentally prepare my head and my body for what’s about to happen.
I did it. I actually got here and right behind the door is the only other person that can put me at ease.
Looking over as Dillon pulls the key out of his pants, sticking it in the door, I hear the muffled sound of a voice from inside, piecing together the few words that came through clearer than others. It’s only when he slides the key back into his jeans and just turns the handle on the door that it all comes together.
Kayden was letting him know the door was unlocked.
Oh god this is really happening.
“You ready, Cinderella?”
Nodding my head, not trusting my voice to speak, I smile at the nickname. Another reference of our past together. Letting go of his hand as he pushes himself into the room, I keep myself close to his larger frame, wanting to keep myself hidden until the perfect moment.
It’s only when I hear Kayden speak, questioning where the heck Dillon’s been for the last four hours that I realize the perfect moment is now. Moving my body out around him, I take a few steps forward and the minute his eyes lock on mine, the way they widen at first, but then fall and turn soft, I’m rewarded.
He sees me. I’m home.
Kayden
When the body stepped out around Dillon, I thought it was Cadence. The only reason for him to be gone for as long as he was had to be her, but the more the person steps in, the more I see that it’s not his girlfriend at all.
It’s mine.
Belle is here.
Standing in the middle of my room with the faintest trace of a smile on her face and her eyes looking straight through me.
She’s really fucking here.
“Belle…”
“Kayden.”
Dillon’s laugh breaks through the surprise and breaking the connection between us, I throw him a look.
“What’s so funny?”
“You. You’re fucking speechless. Best reaction ever. Definitely worth the long ass drive.”
“Shut up.”
“Yeah, Yeah. Tell me to shut up all you want, but you’re not seeing your face right now. It’s hilarious.”
Belle, who was just standing silent and still through the entire exchange laughs and just like every other time it happens, it liquefies me. The hard way I’ve been for the last few hours is gone and with the sound of one laugh from her, I’m a puddle on the god damned floor.
“Uh, Dill…you mind giving us—”
“Privacy? Yeah I figured that. I’m gonna go back to the field. Whenever you’re done here, come find me.”
In the time it takes me to blink, he’s backed himself out of the room and the only proof that he was even there at all is the clicking of the door as it closes behind him.
“Why are you here? Is everything alright? Did something happen? Do you need to sit down?”
The questions fly out one after the other until she laughs again and moves toward me, silencing me completely even though they’re still flying off in my head. As she reaches my place on the bed, she slides down beside me and wraps her hand in mine and in that instant, everything goes completely still.
“I’m here to see you.” She responds with a smile. “Everything is okay. Nothing happened and I am sitting down.”
The way she’s smiling at me, I can see that she means every word, but I know how she is. There has to be a reason she would take a risk like this and come here.
I need to make her tell me.
“Belle, what’s going on?”
“Nothing. I just missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“About our FaceTime date…”
“What about it?” I laugh, realizing now the reason she couldn’t make it.
“I thought I would try a new meaning to face time.”
“You definitely did that.” I answer before leaning in and pressing my lips to hers, soaking in the softness and the reality that only touching her this way can bring. She’s really here. This isn’t a dream I conjured up because I was missing her and now that she is, I never want to let her go.
“I love you.”
“Not as much as I love you, Kay.”
“I’m starting to see that.”
She laughs at my agreement but her head dips to the side slightly, meaning that while she thinks it’s funny, she doesn’t understand what I mean.
“You being here, I didn’t think it would ever happen. How is this happening, Belle? Are you really okay?”
“I wasn’t at first.” She admits and my heart aches knowing that she felt any kind of pain doing this. “But I am now. I’m where I want to be and it’s the way I need it to be. I’m okay, I promise.”
I
kiss her again, this time focusing less on the way her lips feel and more on the way she tastes and smells. Another thing that even when I’m away for a few hours, I miss more than anything. The sensory way I react to her, it’s another way she’s home to me. It’s so familiar and so calming that I’m pretty sure nothing can break through when I’m surrounded by it.
Breaking away from the kiss and pulling myself away from her, long enough to lie back on the bed and make myself comfortable, I reach out my hand and pull her into me, her body aligning perfectly with mine.
“I didn’t want you to be alone. I wanted to be the wind.” She whispers and those few words steady me even more. What she wanted to be for me, she already was, but I never knew how much I wanted the same thing until she gave it to me.
“You’ve always been my air. I’m so glad you’re here. I didn’t want to be alone anymore.”
Admitting this, it makes me feel weak and I hate it, but I know that she won’t take it that way. She won’t see me as weak or less, she’ll just see what she always does. The real me. Knowing this, it makes what I want to say to her easier somehow.
“I went to the motel today. I waited outside in the car and watched for hours.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to know if what Dean said was true. If she was really back.”
“Was she?”
“Yes. She was there. I saw her.”
She lifts her head slightly until her blue eyes are looking into mine, searching for answers to a question she hasn’t even asked yet and it takes everything in me not to look away. I know what I did, lying to her earlier. The last thing I want is for her to realize that and for what we’re sharing to be broken.
I’m ashamed. One little lie and I feel like I’ve undone everything I spent the last year fixing.
“Did you talk to her?”
“No. She got into some car and drove away and I left not long after that. I got your text and came back here.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to see her?”
There it is. The question I don’t want to answer. The one that’s gonna prove to Belle what a useless piece of shit I am. That what she thought she saw in me, the way she feels about me is wasted.
“I didn’t know I wanted to see her until I did it. I didn’t want to lie to you, but…”
“But what?” she asks the minute my voice starts trailing off.
“I didn’t want to drag you into this. You’ve already been put into it enough after Dean.”
Admitting the truth to her feels amazing. It’s like the weight I put on myself is lifted because even though I did the wrong thing in lying, I’m doing the right thing now by telling her the god’s honest truth. I’m evening myself back out.
I expect her to argue when she speaks again, but she doesn’t. She changes the subject completely.
“Something pretty big happened earlier at school.”
The last time she brought up school, she was telling me about the guys that were causing her problems. I don’t wanna know that these guys did something to her, when again, I was a million miles away and unable to stop it.
“Something like what?”
“A run in with Bryan.”
“What kind of run-in? Belle, you know how I am with you and I don’t want this to turn into another night like the last one where I got mad. If that asshole did anything to hurt you, I can’t promise I won’t get up right now and find him. Hurt him.”
She runs her fingers across my jaw and down my neck until she lets them rest on my chest, bringing her head down right after until we’re completely rested against each other again.
“It wasn’t like that, Kay. What happened, it was bad, but good at the same time.”
“Explain.”
“Isaac had a class today when I had some free time, so after I walked him, I decided to go across the street and get tea. At first, when I walked in, I didn’t think I’d be able to do it, but I did. I ordered tea, smiled at the lady behind the counter and even went to get a seat. I was so happy.”
I love hearing her this way. She’s taking these steps in order to become more independent and as much as I want to always be there and protect her, I know how much doing this means to her. It makes my heart swell with its own happiness for what she accomplished.
“Bryan showed up. I was scared. I had no idea what he was going to do, but the way he talked and looked at me, it was like I was back in high school. I saw Dillon’s face looking back at me instead of his and something snapped.”
“What does that mean? What did you do? What did he say to you?” Shifting on the bed, I attempt to slide myself up in order to sit, but she presses her body down even more locking me in place.
She doesn’t want us to move. She wants to stay connected.
Another way she’s turning me to liquid.
“It’s not important what he said. What’s important is what I did. I pushed him. I sort of shoved my knee into his—” she cuts off and I swear my head wants to explode. With the way she just stopped, I’m starting to see why she hates it so much when I do it because it drives me crazy.
“Shoved your knee where, princess?”
“His parts. You know.”
She lifted up a little when she said it and I can see her cheeks tinging pink which makes me laugh. My girl kneed the asshole in his balls, taking control of the situation and she’s having a hard time admitting she kicked him there.
She’s adorable.
God I love her.
“You kicked him in the balls?” I repeat back and she nods, blushing again and making me want to just stop all this talking and kiss her. “What happened next?”
“I threatened him. I told him to stay away from me and Isaac and I left.”
“He didn’t do anything to you?”
“No. He grabbed me at first and said some dirty stuff, but that was it.”
The relief I feel knowing that this guy didn’t find her after what she did is extreme. It’s even stronger with the knowledge that for the first time since that day in the hall with Dillon, she handled this on her own without me. Proof that she’s tougher than she looks, but also proof that she doesn’t really need me as much as I do her.
“Belle?”
“Yeah?”
“Why are you really here?”
“I told you.”
“No, you didn’t. I believe you’re here because you missed me, but I think there’s more to it. What you did coming here, knowing how you’re gonna react to the city because it’s so crazy, there has to be more to it. You’ve missed me for weeks and never come before.”
She lifts herself completely from her place on my chest until she’s sitting up with her back against the headboard, proof of our connection now only evident through the small strokes of our hands touching.
“If I could stand up to Bryan, I thought maybe I could stand up to Toronto too.”
“I didn’t want you to do that though.”
“I know Kay. You never want me to do anything for you, but the thing is, I want to. I told you that I wasn’t a fragile piece of china and I meant it. I might not know a lot about relationships, but what I do know, is that they aren’t one sided. You do so much for me and you’re okay with it being that way. I’m not. I want to be able to do things for you too. I wanted to be here just like my text said. I wanted to be your wind.”
God, the ways I love this girl keep growing by the second.
She’s right. Every damn thing she said is right. I’m completely okay with just being there for her, doing whatever she needs me to do that her wanting to do the same doesn’t even register on my radar.
Her coming here and facing this fear she has, it’s huge. It’s everything.
My girl is fucking amazing and I am the luckiest bastard alive because she chose me.
“We’ve been over this already, baby. You’re more than that to me. You’re my air and you always will be.”
“Are you happy I’m here?”
Her question completely throws me. With the way I pulled her into me the minute we were on the bed, kissed her more than once, and connected to her both in words and with touch, I would have thought my happiness at her being here was a no brainer.
“Happy isn’t the right word for what you being here means.”
“What’s the right word?”
“Complete. Over the moon. Overjoyed. So beyond happy that I’m pretty sure this is all just a dream I’m making up because missing you has finally made me lose my mind. Does that explain it?”
She smiles before squeezing the hand that’s connected with hers and unable to resist the urge, I lean into her, connecting our bodies even more, locking her legs under my own in an effort to keep her as close as humanly possible with the way we’re both sitting.
After spending the last three days apart, I’m not giving up this connection again until I absolutely have to.
“Will you do something for me?”
She nods and it makes the nervousness fade away.
“I know I’ve gotta take you back, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that tonight, so will you spend the night?”
“Kay…”
“Wait. I’m probably saying that wrong. I just want to sleep with you.”
I feel like hitting myself. Fuck. She’s gonna think I want to have sex with her. Shit. I completely suck at this.
“God. I don’t mean that the way it sounds. I—”
“Kayden.” She smiles, cutting me off. “I can’t believe I’m gonna say this because it’s weird, but please. Shut up.”
As if they’ve completely got a mind of their own, my cheeks start overheating and before I know it, I’m freaking blushing.
“I’m sorry. What did you wanna say?” I try again, this time determined to not cut her off.
“Yes.”
“Yes what?”
“I’ll stay with you.”
Chapter Seventeen
Belle
Today is supposed to mean something. It’s supposed to mean everything, and it does. At least to me.
It’s been exactly one year since Kayden sat outside my house and admitted that he liked me. A year since he asked me to be his girlfriend.
All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4) Page 16
