One year since I smiled at him for the very first time and also a year since I laughed.
I’ve experienced so much in that time. I’ve been to countless doctors, with one diagnosis turning into another until my issue with anxiety could finally be explained. I had my first kiss, my first taste of love and more than that, my first real taste of the strength inside me.
I’m a different person now from the one I was then. I’ve grown, but I haven’t been growing alone. Kayden’s grown with me.
That’s why this day is so important to me. It’s like the anniversary of our growth more than just the day we got together. I would have thought with the way he feels about me that he felt the same, but I was wrong.
It’s like to him, this is just another day on the calendar and as much as I don’t want to read into it, there’s no denying that it hurts.
I wake up to a text from him in the morning, just like always and I prepare to start my day. The routine is the exact same and while that should offer me comfort, it’s the opposite.
Today was the one day I wanted to wake up differently. The one day that broke the routine and meant something more.
Despite the way the morning started, I can’t help looking around every corner as I make my way to school, waiting for the one sign that this isn’t just another day in our history, but nothing ever comes.
He’s not here the way I want him to be. He’s in Toronto, doing what he needs to do until his transfer goes through. Any hope I have of something extraordinary happening is going to have to wait until he’s back home tomorrow.
The weekend. Our weekend.
Thinking about it that way breaks up the hurt I feel. Maybe because he knew he couldn’t be down until tomorrow, he’s waiting to celebrate with me then. At least that’s what my heart wants me to grasp on to because thinking about it any other way just makes it hurt worse.
Am I expecting too much? After everything he’s been through the last couple of weeks, can I really expect him to focus on what this day means?
I need to stop thinking like this. It’s making me nauseous. The road my thoughts are taking, what I was expecting when I’m usually so good at having no expectations at all, it’s wrong. The nauseated feeling is guilt.
I’m feeling guilty because for the first time, I’m being selfish and it doesn’t feel right. It’s one day, nothing more. I’ll see Kayden tomorrow and whatever this is I’m feeling right now; the letdown, disappointment and sadness, it will all be washed away.
Making my way into the building and down the familiar hallway to class, I push the wayward thoughts out of my head.
I can do this. Get through this class and all my others without thinking about it again. After the way things went down a couple of days ago, the showdown with Bryan, I’ve got more than enough to keep me occupied.
Yes.
I can most definitely do this.
Anniversary forgotten.
Kayden
I need to put a stop to this.
When I put all of this together, working with her mom and Dillon, it seemed like such a good idea. Even knowing how much she hates surprises, nothing could change my mind. The way I could see it in my head was perfect and nothing would stand in the way of me making it happen.
Watching her making her way to class though, I want to end it. She might be going through the motions and following the same routine, attempting to make it seem like this day isn’t any different than the others, but I know differently.
There’s a vacancy in her eyes when she walks out of the house. Even her lips, the ones I’m so used to seeing lifted in a smile are cast downward.
Doing things this way, it’s breaking her heart, which is exactly what I don’t want to happen. Especially today.
I wanted to keep everything as normal as possible, not giving her even the slightest hint to what’s coming because I didn’t want to give everything away. Belle is a lot smarter than people give her credit for. All the time she spent watching and reading between the lines when people talked to her, it makes her ability to see things coming unmatched.
One little slipup and my surprise for later would have gone up in smoke. She would have found me out and the element of surprise would be gone.
Watching her, keeping my distance as she walked to school, I see her body slumped, no doubt from the sadness and it almost made me pull the car up beside her and blurt it all out.
Putting together a night to remember for someone you love should never create this kind of reaction.
I’m such an ass.
Pulling out my phone the minute I watch her disappear through the doors that will take her to class, I dial the familiar number and wait for the person on the other end to pick up.
It’s been a rough go after everything Dean came clean about, but I’ve managed to put a lot of the distrust behind me when dealing with her. Even if she did keep this from me, she did it for the right reasons. Holding it against her won’t help anyone heal. All it would do is turn things even more ugly and there’s been more than enough of that going around.
It’s the reason that despite everything my brother said, I never bothered bringing it up.
Grace Reagan is the one adult in the world I trust most and no matter what happens with her daughter, she always will be.
“Kayden, why are you calling me at work?”
“I need a bit of reassurance.”
“I take it she’s not taking your ignorance of the day all that well?”
“You thought right. Should I just say screw it to the plan and tell her everything?”
“No. You wanted it this way for a reason. A few of them. Good reasons as I recall. Don’t back out on that now.”
When I put all of this in motion, I’d brought it to Grace first because she had experience with Belle and her aversion to surprises. With as long as we’ve been together, I’ve only gotten to experience her that way one time and her reaction back then wasn’t the one that everyone warned me about. I knew that doing this, I needed all the help I could get.
I didn’t just want the surprise to be because of what day it is. I also wanted to use it as a learning experience for both of us. I want Belle to be more comfortable with surprises while at the same time, I want to learn ways to handle it when she doesn’t take them well. After the chance she took calling Dillon and getting his help bringing her to Toronto, it’s my turn to take one with her.
“Grace, her face this morning when she left the house, I hurt her not saying anything.”
“With the way my daughter feels about you Kayden, if she reacted in any other way then the one you’re describing I would have been concerned. You know that this day means as much to her as it does to you. It’s to be expected that she would experience a letdown of sorts when you don’t so much as acknowledge it.”
She’s not telling me anything I don’t already know. I expected this. I just didn’t expect how painful it was going to be seeing it up close. I never want to make Belle look the way she did this morning. I’ve been spending the last year of my life doing everything in my power to prevent it.
We’re supposed to go forward, not backward.
“Should I at least have said Happy Anniversary?”
“Only you can answer that.”
“Not helpful.”
“From a woman’s perspective, you should have said something, but I understand why you didn’t. She’s too smart for her own good. One wrong step and she’ll have the whole thing figured out.”
The way she laughs as she says this steadies me. She knows the same way I do how Belle operates, so knowing that she understands why I stayed silent makes this seem right even if the look on her daughters face is wrong.
“It’s only a few hours, Kayden. No matter how off she looks to you while you follow her around today, keep it together. When you’re with her tonight, when she finds the things at lunch that you put in motion, you’ll get your payoff.”
Agreeing with her, knowing that in this c
ase the end will justify the means and the night will turn out to be everything Belle wanted and more, it puts me back on track. Ending the call and tossing my phone down onto the seat the minute I slide back into the car, I’m more determined than ever to see this through.
Keeping this a surprise was the first step. Now that she’s in class, I’ve got to set up the second part of the plan, the one that Grace mentioned in passing while we were on the phone.
Belle might spend the next few hours believing that I’m not thinking about what this day means. That I’m so caught up in what I’ve got to do in Toronto that she’s last on my list of priorities, but she’s soon going to find out that she’s not.
I’m determined that in a couple of hours, she’s going to see exactly how much she means to me and there’s going to be no doubt in her mind that she’s first on my list.
And she always will be.
Belle
Today is not as bad I thought.
It’s a first, but Isaac and I, we got to spend the entire class drama free. Randy and Bryan didn’t show up and neither did the girls that are always with them. I don’t want to think it had something to do with the way I stood up to them a couple of days ago, but considering that in all the weeks we’ve been here, they haven’t missed one opportunity to put themselves in our path, it’s looking that way.
It’s a blessing in disguise.
The day is also made better because instead of letting everything fester, I decided to open up to Isaac about it. What could have easily been the most awkward situation I’ve ever put myself in turned out to be pretty easy once I saw his response to my question of whether we could talk.
~*~*~
Quid pro quo, Isabelle Reagan.
I’m a movie junkie. I’ve always been a movie junkie, but usually I stay away from the ones that really freak me out. I know what he’s doing quoting Silence of the Lambs and it lightens my mood.
Isaac is a lot like Eric and it’s awesome.
“I feel bad.”
Why?
“Today. It’s a pretty important day for me and Kayden, or at least I thought it was, but I get the feeling he doesn’t care or he forgot.”
What day is it?
“Our anniversary.”
Isaac’s face turns pensive and I wonder what he’s thinking. Watching him this way, I start to wonder why I didn’t do this sooner. No one can tell me more about what my boyfriend might be thinking than another guy, even if they are nothing alike.
How long?
“One year from the day he asked me out.”
I’ve never even been on a date before, but I think if you’ve been together a year, he didn’t forget.
“If he didn’t forget then it means he doesn’t care about the day, right?”
No. I think he cares a lot. I don’t really know Kayden but the way he looked at you when we hung out together, it’s obvious he’s in love. Like really in love. He probably cares more than you do.
I don’t doubt Kayden loves me and I think it’s pretty cool that Isaac is able to see it even just spending the one time around us, but the rest of what he said doesn’t make sense. If Kayden cares more than I do, then why hasn’t he said anything to me since the good morning text this morning?
“I don’t understand.”
Where I expect him to write and explain how he can know all of this, he doesn’t. He just looks up for a split second and grins. What does Isaac know that I don’t?
“Why are you smiling at me like that?”
I can’t tell you.
“Why not?”
His grin, it doesn’t go away but it does lessen before he starts writing again. Resisting the urge to be nosy, I lean myself back in my seat and pray that whatever it is he’s about to tell me is going to clear all of the confusion in my head because I’m not sure how much more of it I can take.
I really have no idea how guys are and with the way Isaac is acting, he’s no help.
If what I think is true; you’re worrying over nothing and you’ll find out soon enough. I can’t tell you anymore because I think I know what’s going on and I won’t ruin whatever he’s doing.
What he’s doing? What does he know about what Kayden’s doing?
Stop frowning, Isabelle.
“I don’t understand why you can’t just tell me what it is you think you know.”
You’re not supposed to understand. You’re just supposed to accept. Trust me. Kayden didn’t forget your anniversary.
“That’s all you’re gonna tell me?”
He grins again and despite not really feeling a reason to do it back, it happens anyway.
Yep. So, has anyone ever told you that you think too much? :)
~*~*~
By the time I’m walking home, the worry over whether Kayden forgot about what today is, or if he cares at all, is gone.
Opening up to another person, someone that despite only knowing him a few weeks, I seem to trust implicitly did what I needed it to. It calmed me. Isaac was right. Kayden does love me and I have to believe in that. Nothing else matters.
That’s what fills my mind when I slide the key into the lock and push the door open. Putting my bag on the hook the same as always, I make a beeline for the kitchen and it’s only when I pull out a water bottle and set it on the bar that I see the stray piece of paper sitting directly in the middle.
Reaching over and flipping it open, I see the words on the page and Isaac’s earlier words come rushing back.
“You’re not supposed to understand. You’re just supposed to accept. Trust me, Kayden didn’t forget your anniversary.”
He was right. Staring back at me on the paper, in Kayden’s familiar scrawl are words that prove everything Isaac said to be true. Kayden didn’t forget.
Isabelle,
We’re going on a scavenger hunt. Well, you are. I’m just guiding you through it from Toronto.
Located around the house are three presents. Gifts that remind me of you and of us. When you’ve located them; on the final one you will find instructions for what you’ve got to do next.
You’ve got until 7 PM to find them all and reach the location listed on the final present.
I love you, Belle. Happy Anniversary <3
Kayden
Looking down at my watch, I see that I’ve got six hours to find the things he’s talking about, along with the note that will let me know what I’m supposed to do next. With two more classes after lunch, both of them just over an hour long, it leaves four and a half hours, maybe a little more.
Tossing the note back onto the counter and grabbing the water bottle, I head straight for the back of the house. Kayden’s old room, the one he stayed in before I moved in and he went into Dean’s. If he’s going to hide anything in the house, my room would be the best place to do it.
The last place someone would expect to find something in a game like this is the very place they’re most familiar with.
Shifting the water bottle into my left hand, I swing the door open and I’m immediately met with darkness. It’s only when I flip the light switch that the room brightens, but not in the way I expect. Just like the day in the gym last fall, the lighting above my head is low and blue, stars finding their place all over the carpet below.
Wanting to stop and enjoy the way seeing this makes me feel, the swell it brings to my chest and the way it makes my knees weak, I remember I’m on a time clock and move deeper into the room. Starting at the shelving units and working my way around, I keep my eyes alert for anything that might stand out as something that reminds him of us.
It’s only when I get on my knees and lift the comforter off the floor, looking under the bed that I see it. Right in the middle is a square case. Sliding under and grabbing it and bringing myself back out, I look at my prize.
A CD, but not just any CD. It’s a Parachute CD and the meaning behind it is obvious. Opening it up, I see the note inside and wasting no time, grab it and toss the CD onto the bed.
Success. You found our band. This is present #1.
The reason this band means so much to me isn’t because it’s what I played on the PA. It’s also not because it’s the song that I danced with you to in the gym. The reason it’s so important is because when I asked you for a song, you didn’t even hesitate giving it to me. It’s the moment I realized that you were thinking about me as much as I was about you and Isabelle, knowing that changed my world.
Now before you run off to find present #2, please go to the desk. Eat your lunch. You’re going to need your strength for later.
Madly is the way I love you. Forever is how long it will be. <3
Looking over to the desk, I see a Styrofoam container and a bottle of water, like the one in my hand directly beside it. If his words in the note hadn’t already turned me into a puddle, knowing that he was thinking about me enough to have lunch here would’ve done it. It’s so powerful, what he’s done here that before I can even pick up the spoon in order to eat what he’s placed here for me, the tears start falling.
He’s done it again. He’s taken my breath away.
Chapter Eighteen
Kayden
I’m like the kid in a candy store. You know the one. He walks in and his parents tell him not to touch anything. He can look, but he can’t touch because if he does then they’ll have to buy whatever it is he puts his pudgy little fingers on and he touches anyway.
Seeing Belle leave the house about an hour after she walked in, I want to be that kid. Run right up and touch her despite the warning because I’m so eager to know how she reacted to the scavenger hunt. I’m willing to risk paying for everything by blowing the rest of the plan to shit because I’m excited.
With the way I’m acting, it’s no surprise I don’t have memories of going into a candy store.
There’s noticeable differences now that weren’t there this morning. Her head isn’t gravitating toward the ground anymore, she’s not smiling, but there’s a hint of one on her lips and even from the distance I’ve placed myself away from her, I can see her eyes are as blue and bright as they’ve ever been.
All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4) Page 17
