Anathema

by Colleen Coble

  A covered bridge loomed ahead. The water tore at the underpinnings, and the bridge began to bob. Her gaze searched frantically for a way through. If they hit the bridge, they’d be capsized. A small gap in the side near the south bank caught her eye, and she aimed for it. The rapids intensified as she neared the bridge. The churning water smelled of mud and dying vegetation. The swiftly flowing water raised the canoe as if taking aim for the gap. With one final heave, the canoe hurtled for the spot.

  And flew into the bridge, which had now come loose from its grip on the land. The canoe skidded across the planks and came to a stop. The bridge swirled in the water, and waves licked over the side. “We ’ve got to try to crawl to shore!” Hannah shouted. Caitlin nodded and began to crawl on her hands and knees across the canoe toward the bridge floor.

  Hannah followed her and prayed.

  PAIN PURIFIED THE soul. If that was true, Matt figured he was nearly an angel. The gunshot wound felt like hot metal in his gut. His grandmother lay half in the cistern, but he spared no thought for her. He staggered in the direction Hannah and Caitlin had gone. Reece had Matt’s gun and would catch them. He had to help.

  Ajax limped beside him. Matt could see blood on the dog’s paw. Maybe he’d been shot as well. Matt stuffed his fist against the blood seeping from his stomach. Death might be calling his name, but he wasn’t going out without a fight. He wouldn’t leave Hannah and Caitlin defenseless.

  When he reached the water, he realized both canoes were gone. Hannah wouldn’t have taken Caitlin out onto the water unless she ’d had no choice. He clawed his cell phone out and flipped it open. Thank God, he had a signal. He punched in 9-1-1 and called in the incident as he stumbled down-stream in search of Hannah and his daughter. The dispatcher promised to get an EMT chopper out ASAP. He asked to have a vet standing by for Ajax.

  His vision faltered. Barely aware of his surroundings, he kept going. Was that a canoe up ahead? Before he could decide what he ’d seen, he stumbled to his knees. As he fell facedown onto the mud, the roaring in his ears intensified and darkness sucked him into a vortex that went down to a bottomless pit.

  THE FLOODWATERS ROARED their fury in her ears. The little girl scampered across the rough-hewn boards. She made the final leap across the water to shore before Hannah was fully out of the boat. Hannah crawled across the bridge floor after her daughter. She heard a crash and looked back to see Reece ’s canoe fly into the air and land upside down. What had happened to him? She crawled back to the end of the floating bridge closest to Reece and searched the water.

  The muddy water churned with flotsam: tree limbs, pieces of metal roofing, old tin cans, and car parts. Then Reece ’s head broke the surface, and he gasped for air. “Hannah, help me!” His arms flailed.

  He’d saved her from Trudy. She had to help him. Hannah searched for a branch to hold out to him. There, a loose one poked up from the mass of limbs and trees lodged against the bridge. She tugged it free and reached out to Reece. The desperation in his face made her lean too far, and she nearly toppled into the water with him.

  She tried again, flinging the end of the branch into his face. He grasped it in one hand, and she began to pull him toward the bridge. The nearer he got to her, the more the waves crashed over his head. At this rate, she would drown him. She pulled harder. A surge of water covered him again, then he popped up several feet closer. He ’d lost hold of the branch, but he managed to grab a limb that protruded from the blockage.

  His gaze on her, he began to crawl up onto the logjam at the base of the bridge. Hannah turned and sidled away from him, toward her daughter and safety. He could fend for himself now. Her conscience was clear. She reached the other end of the bridge. The gap between the bridge and the shore had widened. Could she make it? She coiled her muscles and sprang for the shore. Her outflung hand grasped a tree root, and she hauled herself up with it until she lay face forward in the mud.

  If she had the strength, she ’d kiss the ground. Her vision darkened, and she fought to stay conscious. They weren’t out of the woods yet, literally. She had to get Caitlin to safety and send back help for Matt. She became aware that Caitlin was shaking her and rolled onto her back to stare up into the beautiful face of her baby girl.

  “Miss Hannah, the bad man is coming,” Caitlin whispered. “You have to get up.”

  Hannah managed to sit. Pain gripped her back, her legs. Blood ran from her knees from crawling along the rough logs. She bit back a groan. A sound behind her caught her attention, and she turned to see Reece standing on the collapsed bridge. The structure bucked like a wild thing and began to break apart. He wore a victorious grin that widened when he saw her watching him.

  “I’m coming, Hannah. Wait for me.”

  “Run, Reece!” Hannah screamed. “It’s falling apart.” She knew she should grab Caitlin and run as fast as they could, but she couldn’t move, caught by the drama playing out in front of her.

  The surging water intensified as a new round of flotsam hit the bridge. The structure shuddered. Reece ’s victorious grin morphed into wild-eyed terror as the boards under his feet rolled. He tried to drop down and grab a board, but the thing bucked again. He flipped into the air and came down hard. Hannah heard something crack when he hit the beams. The next instant the bridge splintered, and pieces of wood flew in all directions. Reece ’s hand flew up in a silent plea, then the debris rained down on him and he disappeared under the onslaught.

  Hannah sank to her knees and put her face in her hands. There was no way he could have survived that. She was free, she and Caitlin. Free to live their lives out from under his cruelty. But she ached for the man he might have been. And if not for Reece, she would lie in the cistern with Matt’s mother.

  She staggered to her feet again. “We ’ve got to find your daddy,” she told Caitlin.

  They looked up to hear the whop-whop of a chopper overhead. How did the EMTs know where to find them? Her blood surged at the knowledge that Matt had to have called it in. She raced back along the bank with Caitlin. Around the curve and through the mud with the creek roaring its triumph. She could see the shack in the distance, then she heard Ajax barking. He sounded frantic, but weak, too, and her initial joy began to drain.

  Then she saw Matt. Crumpled in the water. Ajax barked again, then took hold of the collar of Matt’s shirt and tried to tug him from the water that sought to claim him. The dog was losing the battle. He looked battered and weak from the effort. Hannah put on a burst of speed and reached Matt’s side. She grabbed him under the arms and, with Ajax’s help, managed to get him out of the water’s grasp.

  She rolled him onto his back and saw the awful wound in his belly. All the while she waved her arms to flag down the chopper, she knew she was going to lose him.

  twenty-seven

  “Children are treasured by the Amish. They take however

  many children God chooses to give. They’re never considered

  a burden. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.”

  —HANNAH SCHWARTZ,

  IN The Amish Faith Through Their Quilts

  Equipment choked the room at the IU Med Center. Hannah sat close to the bed and watched the monitors. Not that she understood them, but if sheer force of will could keep Matt’s vitals good, she would stare at the things until she went blind.

  Asia peeked in the door, and Hannah went to meet her. “Any change?” Asia asked.

  “No, he ’s still unconscious.”

  “Any new update from the doctors?”

  “They still say it will be a miracle if he pulls through.” Hannah clutched her hands together. “How’s Caitlin?”

  “Gina has her. She ’s asking for her daddy.”

  “I don’t think she should see him like this. Hannah glanced back at the battered man in the bed. He hardly looked like the Matt she knew and loved.

  “But what if he dies, Hannah? Wouldn’t you want a chance to say good-bye if it were your daddy?”

  The question
hit Hannah hard. She did wish she could have kissed her parents one last time, could have smelled her mother’s hair to imprint it on her memory. She didn’t have the right to keep Caitlin from her father. She resituated her grip on her hope. “I won’t let him die.”

  Asia put her hand on Hannah’s cheek. “He ’s been shot in the stomach, girl. He ’s got liver damage, intestinal damage. You’ve got to face facts.”

  “I’m facing facts. I know he’s not going to die. Listen, I’ve got to get back to him.”

  “What about Caitlin?”

  Somehow the thought of letting Caitlin see her daddy like this made Hannah grit her teeth. She would not give up. “Not yet,” she said. “Maybe when he wakes up.”

  Asia squeezed Hannah’s arm. “I’ll bring you a sandwich this evening. You want anything now?”

  “No, I’m not hungry.” The thought of food made her shudder. She just wanted Matt to open his eyes and look at her with that gaze that told her he could swallow her whole. The expression that said he saw her. Just as she was, warts and all. And loved what he saw.

  She’d just returned to the bed to take his hand when she heard another tap at the doorjamb. This time the doorway crowded with Amish friends and family: Luca, Sarah, the bishop, cousins, friends. At least twenty people stood outside in the hallway.

  Hannah stepped to the door to greet them. “What’s going on?”

  “We’ve come to pray for Matt,” Luca said. “He ’s a good man, Hannah.”

  She could hardly speak past the boulder in her throat. “Yes. Yes, he is,” she managed. When she stepped to the side, the group filed into the room and surrounded the bed. When she joined them, they made room for her at Matt’s side. She held his hand while her friends gathered round and stood in silent prayer.

  They had to have hired several drivers to bring them here. Even by car, Indianapolis was an hour away. She closed her eyes and prayed too, asking for forgiveness for all the bitterness she ’d carried, for her unforgiving spirit. And she especially prayed for Matt. When she opened her eyes, only she and Matt remained in the room. The Amish had left as quietly as they’d come.

  She squeezed his hand. “Open your eyes, Matt.” His lashes didn’t move. The machines continued to hum and beep around her. She laid her head on the bed beside his hand. She was going to lose him, and she deserved that kind of loss. But Caitlin deserved more. What could she offer God in exchange for Matt’s life? She would give her own happiness for his. Didn’t God always demand a sacrifice? What better sacrifice than giving up her daughter?

  Raising her head, she stared at Matt’s face. No change. Stepping into the hall, she pulled out her cell phone and called Asia, who tried to argue with her, then finally agreed to do what she wanted.

  “HANNAH, DON’T GO through with it.” Asia paced the hall outside the hospital room.

  “I have to.” Hannah scribbled her name on the paper and handed it to Gina, who stood watching them.

  “He wouldn’t want you to do this,” Gina said. She put the paper in her purse. “I don’t understand.”

  Gina looked drawn and exhausted. In addition to Matt’s tenuous grip on life, her husband and Vanessa had been arrested for theft. The woman’s pregnancy was a lie as well.

  Hannah squeezed Gina’s hand. “He loves his daughter. She ’s his more than mine. I—I’d like to say good-bye, though.”

  “She’s in the waiting room with Irene.”

  “I want to explain it to Matt. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Hannah left them and went back to the room, where he still lay unresponsive. After three days, the doctors held out little hope. His skin had begun to take on a yellowish cast. She couldn’t delay much longer.

  She took his hand and brought it to her lips. “I love you, Matt. You’ve taught me so much about honor and unconditional love. I’ve signed Caitlin over to you. She’s yours free and clear.” Her voice broke, and she leaned closer to take one last whiff of his male scent, to brush her lips across his. “I’ve made a deal with God. We Amish believe in putting other people first. Sometimes I’ve forgotten that. But this time, I’m going to do it right. I’m putting you and Caitlin first. I believe if I make this sacrifice, he ’ll let you live. I’m going to leave here, and you’ll never find me. Don’t try, my love. Something terrible might happen if you make me break my promise to God. I know you’ll give our daughter a good life. A happy life.”

  Her vision blurred, and she found it hard to keep going when all she wanted to do was bury her face in his neck and never leave. She wet her lips. “Good-bye, Matt. You deserve the best of what life has to offer. Be happy. I’ll always love you.” She pressed another kiss against his skin and turned to go before she could change her mind.

  She thought she heard something, so she stopped and looked back, but he looked just the same. Pale, motionless. Dying unless she did something. Squaring her shoulders, she went out of the room and down the hall to the waiting room, where she stood for a moment and watched her daughter color. Caitlin sat at a child-sized red table and chair set.

  Was there ever such a beautiful child? Hannah thought not. So sweet and unassuming too. Matt had done a wonderful job with her. She tore her gaze from her daughter and went to sit beside Irene and Gina. “I’ll call in a couple of days and see how he is, if you don’t mind.”

  “Of course,” Gina said.

  Hannah glanced at Irene. “Did you know about your mother?”

  Irene sighed and rubbed her head. “I suspected. Her bitterness grew after I had Reece and ended up in a sanitarium for two years. Then when David killed himself, she fell apart. It got harder and harder to be around her. I’d go over there and all she ’d talk about was how terrible all the Amish were and how the Schwartzes would get what they deserved someday. When their barn burned back in the late seventies, I suspected she had something to do with it. Then ten years ago when she heard Patricia was pregnant again, all her anger came spewing out. We had an argument, and we never spoke again.” She looked up. “Bitterness is a terrible thing. It eats a person alive.” She chewed on her lip. “The darkness comes sometimes and even I can’t fight it.” She plucked something off her blouse.

  “It was nice getting to know you, Irene.” She hugged the older woman, then held out her hand to Gina. “Thank you for taking care of my little girl. I’ll call and check on her from time to time, if you don’t mind. Maybe you could e-mail me a picture once in a while.”

  “I’ll do that.” Gina embraced her. “I wish we ’d had time to get to know one another better.”

  “Me too.” Blinking back the tears, Hannah put a smile on her face and stepped closer to her little girl. “Hey, Caitlin. Is that picture for Daddy?”

  The little girl nodded without looking up. “He loves princesses. I’m his number one princess.”

  “Of course you are. You’re the most important thing in his life.” Hannah touched her daughter’s unruly hair, then knelt. “I have to go away. Do you think I could have a hug?” Caitlin put down the crayon and came willingly into Hannah’s arms. “Are you coming back?”

  “No, honey, I’m not. I have to leave you here with your aunt Gina. She ’ll take good care of you until your daddy is well. And he ’ll be well very soon.”

  “I thought you were my new mommy. Your hair is fairy hair like mine.” Caitlin’s small fingers caressed Hannah’s thick locks. Over Caitlin’s shoulders, Hannah could see Gina, Irene, and Asia weeping. It took every ounce of strength Hannah possessed to give her daughter one last fierce hug, then turn her loose. “I love you just as much as any mommy could love a little girl. I’ll pray for you every day. You take care of your daddy, okay?”

  Caitlin nodded. “I always take care of him. We bake cookies. Chocolate chip are his favorite.” She went to her backpack and rummaged through it. Lifting out her doll, she carried the battered toy back to where Hannah stood. “Will you take Jenny? I’ll be busy taking care of Daddy, and she ’ll need a new mommy.”

  Tears flooded Han
nah’s eyes. “I’d be honored to take care of her for you. Are you sure, sweetheart?”

  Caitlin nodded. “Don’t let her forget me.”

  “I won’t.” Hannah couldn’t take much more. “You’d better finish your picture. Daddy will be awake soon and you’ll want to give it to him.”

  “Okay.” Caitlin sat back down at the little table and bent her head.

  Breathe. In and out. Hannah hugged Irene and Gina, then followed Asia out to the car.

  “You didn’t have to do this,” Asia said, her tone fierce.

  But Hannah knew better. “Let’s get out of here,” she said. “I need to go home and pack my stuff. Get my cats.”

  “But where are you going?”

  “I’m not sure.” Just away from the pain.

  “You’ll keep in touch with me, won’t you? I’ll be working on publicity for the new book. The editor is really happy with it.”

  “You have to promise not to give in to Matt’s questions when he comes looking for me.” Hannah knew Matt. He’d look for her and keep looking even though the letter she ’d left explained everything and told him not to. Even though she ’d warned him.

  “I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

  Though Asia sounded sulky, Hannah believed her. “Let’s go.”

  They collected her cats and her belongings and headed to Milwaukee. Hannah had a plan, nebulous though it was. At least the challenge would give her something to think about instead of all she’d left behind. It would take hard work, but that’s what she needed now—something that left her too exhausted at night to remember a set of blue eyes that told her she was special.

  twenty-eight

  “The Double Wedding Ring Quilt has been loved by all generations.

  Amish weddings are most often held on Tuesday or Thursday. A sure-fire

  way to tell if a daughter is getting married is to check out the garden.