Loving Mercy

by Dena Christy

  “It wasn’t you. The reason I bolted that night. A lot had happened leading up to it, and…” She didn’t know how she was going to articulate what had been going through her head when she’d woken before dawn that morning and saw him sleeping peacefully beside her. And it was clear that she wouldn’t have to when he held his hand up to stop her.

  “We’re only going forward, remember?” He patted her hand, and she smiled softly at him. His eyes had warmed up considerably now that he knew why she was here, and it gave her hope that they could deal with each other amicably. “Does anyone else know about the baby?”

  “Honor knows that I suspected, but I have said nothing to her about knowing for sure. I thought once I was positive the first person I should tell is you. She knows that if there is a baby, you are the father. I had to tell her since she thought it was Nathan and got kinda pissed off about it.”

  Alex would know that Nathan hadn’t even been a contender for the role of baby daddy. She remembered crying on his shoulder that night before she kissed him that Nathan hadn’t slept with her. She remembered Alex telling her that Nathan was a fool and wasn’t worth thinking about. Then he’d look into her eyes and kissing him popped into her head and she’d acted on it.

  She was about to get up when her stomach rumbled. A blush burned her cheeks as his eyes darted down to her stomach.

  “Are you hungry?”

  “A little. All I’ve eaten today was the soup.” And her stomach growled again to confirm that she was hungry.

  “Come into the kitchen and I’ll make you something to eat.” He stood up and took her by the hand.

  “You don’t have to do that. I’ve taken up enough of your time. I can have something when I get home.” Although with how tired she was now feeling, she didn’t know if she was going to have the energy to get something to eat by the time she got home.

  “My baby is in your belly, and I am making you something to eat. So come in to the kitchen.” His voice was firm when he tugged her hand and she went with him to the kitchen with no further argument. “Is there anything you feel like having? I have some chicken salad in the fridge and could make you a sandwich if you want something quick. Will your stomach be able to handle it or do you want me to heat up some soup for you?”

  “The sandwich is fine. So far, the sickness only comes in the early part of the day. Thank you.”

  He moved around the kitchen, getting a plate out of the cupboard and setting it on the counter. He got the bread and sliced off two pieces. As he worked on making her food, she thought about how nice this was, to be taken care of. Her mother had died of cancer just after she’d turned nineteen. Before her death, Mercy had been the one to look after her. After she was gone, she’d been on her own.

  She told herself not to get used to it. Just because he wanted to be involved with the baby didn’t mean he wanted to be involved with her.

  “When are you going to see your doctor?”

  “I’ll call them tomorrow and see how soon I can get in. I’ll let you know.”

  He paused for a second to turn to look at her. “I’d like to come with you if that’s okay?”

  “My doctor is in Ridgeport. You’ll have to take the day off work.” It wasn’t that she didn’t want him to come, she liked the idea of having him there. But Ridgport was an hour's drive away, so it wouldn’t be a quick trip if he was thinking he could go during his break or something.

  “So I’ll take the day off. This is important and I want to be there.” He turned back around and went back to his task.

  As she watched him make her food, a wave of regret washed over her. What would have happened if she hadn’t run after sleeping with him that night? Would they have continued to see each other or would they have decided that while the sex that night had been spectacular there wasn’t enough between them to build a relationship?

  Unfortunately, she had run that night and would never know. One thing was certain, there was no chance of them having any sort of relationship other than co-parents. She’d successfully torpedoed that option when she’d bolted out of here six weeks ago.

  Mercy sighed as a wave of tiredness hit her.

  “You okay?” He’d finished the sandwich and brought it over to her. He poured her a glass of milk and as he set it in front of her, she looked up at him.

  “I’m just really tired. It’s been a stressful day and now all my body wants to do is crash.” She reached for the sandwich and took a bite. She didn’t know if it was because she had eaten little today, but the sandwich was delicious. She closed her eyes as she chewed.

  “You could stay here tonight if you want.”

  Her eyes flew open, and she looked at him. She tried to read his face, to see if there was something there to show that he was joking. He wasn’t.

  She didn’t know what she should say. She was tired, and it wasn’t like they hadn’t slept together before, but she didn’t know if it was a good idea for them to pick up where they’d left off that night. Looking into his deep blue eyes made temptation rise up inside her.

  “I have a spare room you can sleep in. Don’t worry, I’m not looking to jump your bones.” A rueful smile crossed his face and disappointment went through Mercy. Just because she didn’t know if sleeping with him was a good idea, didn’t mean that she didn’t want to experience his lovemaking again. “It’s late, and if you’re tired and ready to crash, the last thing you need to do is drive.”

  “Eating the sandwich is helping me wake up. I’ll just go home. It’s been a lot for both of us to process.” She reached out and put her hand on his. He froze for a second before he pulled his hand away.

  Okay, so touching him was out of the question. Mercy continued to eat her sandwich, but the joy in it had faded a little. His blow up with her earlier had shown her how much her running away had hurt him, and while he was prepared to be kind to her for the sake of their baby, she could see that was as far as it would extend. He didn’t want her touching him, and she couldn’t blame him.

  “Are you sure?”

  She nodded and continued eating her sandwich. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay, but I’m going to follow you in my truck just to make sure you get home.”

  He didn’t say anything more, and by the time she’d finished her sandwich, she was ready to leave. The energy the sandwich had given her wouldn’t last long, and while it was tempting to stay here with him, home was where she needed to be right now.

  3

  The next day, Alex was back at the bar getting things ready to start the day. Logan was in his office, and Roger hadn’t come in yet. The bar was quiet, and it left Alex with too much time to think. As he went about his normal routine, he moved on autopilot as his mind spun in the same loop.

  A baby.

  Of all the things he’d expected Mercy to tell him last night, that wasn’t it. Once the initial shock had worn off though, he’d known that he wanted this child. Kids were something he’d always known he wanted. While he had assumed he’d find a mate before they came along, it didn’t change his wanting this baby just because things were happening out of order.

  He was grateful that Mercy wanted this baby too, and that she wanted him to be involved. He would have fought to be a part of his child’s life, but he was glad that he didn’t have to.

  He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. It was too bad that Mercy wanted nothing other than a parenting relationship with him. Her refusal to stay at his place last night, even after he’d assured her that he didn’t have designs on her body, had sent a message. She may have been nice about it, making it seem like she didn’t want to intrude, but he realized the only thing they would share was this baby. He’d respect that, try to make it work, but he had to admit to a certain disappointment.

  He wanted her still, even after everything. Which just showed that he needed his head read. She’d already rejected him once. He must be a glutton for punishment to want to risk that again.

  His phone vibrated
and he pulled it out of his back pocket. A glance at the screen showed that it was Mercy, and his heart picked up speed.

  “What’s wrong?”

  She gave a little laugh. “Hello to you too. And if you discount my feeling like I want to hurl, I’m fine.”

  “Have you been able to eat anything at all?” Worry pulled his brow together. He knew that some women experience morning sickness, but Mercy wasn’t most women. She was carrying his baby, and he wanted to make sure that she was getting everything she needed to keep herself and their baby healthy.

  “Not yet. I have been drinking water and will try to eat something a little later. I just wanted to let you know that I called the doctor’s office and they can fit me in on Tuesday. Do you still want to come with me?”

  “Of course.” He wanted to be involved in everything to do with this baby. “That isn’t an issue for you, is it?”

  “No, like I said last night, I want you to be involved. Do you think you’ll be able to get the day off?”

  “It shouldn’t be a problem. Tuesdays are slow here, so I’m sure Logan can handle the bar. I’ll talk to him about it. I can drive and maybe we’ll make a day of it. We could enjoy the city while we’re there.”

  She hesitated for a second, and Alex could have kicked himself for putting himself out there. Driving her up there was fine, but why did he have to suggest making it like a date. Just because she wanted him to be involved with the baby didn’t mean she wanted to spend her free time with him.

  “I’d like that.”

  Relief went through him and with it a tiny spark of hope. She was skittish about a relationship, that was clear with the way she’d run from him that night. But if he was patient with her, if he moved slowly, perhaps they would find their way together.

  They said their goodbyes and Alex tucked his phone in his back pocket. He moved away from the bar and went to Logan’s office. The door was open, and his boss was sitting at his desk doing some paperwork. Alex knocked on the doorjamb and Logan looked up.

  “What’s up?”

  “I need to take next Tuesday off. I have to go to Ridgeport for the day.”

  “Sure. I’ll handle the bar and I’ll get Honor to come in to serve.” Logan looked at him for a second. “Is everything okay? You haven’t been yourself lately.”

  Alex hesitated for a second. Logan was more than just his boss, he was his alpha and his friend.

  “I’m going to be a father.”

  Logan’s eyebrows climbed to his forehead. Alex could appreciate that his news was surprising considering that as far as Logan knew he wasn’t seeing anyone.

  “And who is the mother?”

  “Mercy Chambers. Long story short, we hooked up the night Barrett was killed and now we’re going to have a baby.”

  Logan motioned his hand toward the seat across from his desk and Alex sat down on it. He didn’t realize that he needed to talk about this until now, but if he was going to talk about what was going on in his head, Logan was an ideal sounding board. Logan had only learned this past summer that he was the father of twelve-year-old Connor, and his mate Faith was now expecting another baby. If anyone would know about sudden fatherhood and all the worries that came along with it, it was Logan.

  “And how do you feel about this? I’m guessing that since this is the first I’m hearing about you and Mercy, that you aren’t together?”

  “No. It was one night.” He didn’t get into how Mercy had bolted, and how she hadn’t spoken to him until last night. “Obviously this baby wasn’t planned, but it doesn’t matter. I want to be a part of its life. I’m kinda scared about that, though.”

  He didn’t have any experience with kids, and while he had a great childhood with good parents, it didn’t mean he was going to be a good dad.

  “Afraid you’re going to fuck things up?” Logan smiled at him and chuckled.

  “How did you know?”

  “It’s a universal fear for most reasonable people. I have a kid and one on the way, and I still feel that way sometimes. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. My advice is to love your kid as much as you can, do your best to guide and protect them and enjoy every moment you have with them.”

  Alex relaxed a little. It made him feel a lot better to know that what he was feeling was normal. “I’ll do my best to do all that.”

  “And what about Mercy?”

  “What about her?”

  “How does she fit in all this? Since you only found out about your impending fatherhood last night, it’s not the reason you’ve been ugly for the past few weeks. That mood have anything to do with her?”

  Alex didn’t really want to get into this with Logan, but he felt that he should give him some explanation for his behavior.

  “Mercy is the mother of my baby, and for right now, that’s all there is. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want more with her but it takes two to make a relationship and unfortunately the other half of the equation isn’t on board with it.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  It was. Maybe in time he could look at Mercy without desire. He was going to have to be around her and deal with her far into the future. He wanted to find a mate eventually and if it couldn’t be Mercy, it would have to be someone else. Hopefully sharing a baby with her wouldn’t impede his ability to move on.

  Alex thanked Logan and left his office. He went back into the barroom and there was a figure standing outside the door. A glance at his watch told Alex that it wasn’t yet time to open for the day. Judging by the size and shape of the man outside there was only one person it could be.

  Alex went to the door and unlocked it, letting Rafe come in. Rafe was the enforcer for the pack, so he was probably here to see Logan.

  Alex turned away and went to the bar to finish doing what he needed to do to get ready for when the bar was open. He flipped on the coffeemaker and once it started brewing he turned around, surprised to see that Rafe hadn’t gone to Logan’s office. He was sitting at the bar and looking at him. And he wasn’t smiling. “Logan’s in his office.”

  “Not here to see Logan.” Rafe’s voice was a rough growl. “Here to see you.”

  “Okay. What can I do for you?” Alex suspected that he knew what this was about. Honor was mated to Rafe, and she wasn’t the type of woman who kept secrets from her man.

  “Depends. Has Mercy been to see you?”

  So Rafe was subtly trying to find out if Mercy was pregnant and doing his best not to ask in case she wasn’t or in case she hadn’t been to see him about it yet.

  “She did. And if what you are trying to ask is if she’s pregnant, the answer is yes. She told me last night. And if the other reason you’re here is to make sure that I won’t be a dick about her being pregnant, then the answer to that is that I will be involved with my child. If Mercy needs anything, I’ll provide it. And I have every intention of being a parent to my baby.”

  Rafe nodded and his face relaxed a little. Alex was trying hard not to be offended, but he’d known Rafe a long time and thought that he knew him better than that. He should know that Alex wasn’t the type of man to shirk his responsibilities. There must have been something in his face because Rafe held his hands up for a second.

  “I didn’t mean to offend. But a baby is a big deal and sometimes people don’t react at their best when given a shock. And Mercy is Honor’s best friend, which makes her family. I just wanted to make sure you were going to do right by her.”

  A puzzled frown crossed Alex’s face.

  Do right by her?

  “What exactly do you think I’m going to be doing? I’ll help parent the baby and support her financially.”

  Rafe’s scowl came back. “I had assumed you were going to mate with her and be there to protect her and your baby.”

  “Did we travel back in time or something? Having a baby doesn’t mean an automatic mating. Besides, Mercy doesn’t want to have that sort of relationship with me, so taking her as my mate would be a little d
ifficult.”

  He agreed with Rafe that having Mercy as his mate would make everything so much easier. And he had to admit that he found the idea appealing. He wanted her, and he wanted to be a part of every part of his baby’s life. It would be easier to do that if he and Mercy were together as a couple.

  Rafe looked thoughtful for a second. “Did she come out and say she doesn’t want to have anything other than a co-parenting relationship with you?”

  “No, she didn’t come out and say it. But I’m not dense. We slept together six weeks ago, she took off in the middle of the night and I didn’t see her again until yesterday when she told me she was having my baby. That’s hardly the actions of someone who’s dying to get with me.”

  “From what I know about Mercy, her track record with relationships has been shitty. So she’s bound to be skittish since the guy before you was just using her. My advice, for what it's worth, is to be patient with her. Show her that you’re a decent guy who won’t hurt her.”

  Alex nodded and as he absorbed Rafe’s words a tiny spark of hope lit inside him. Maybe there was still hope for him and Mercy. He wasn’t saying that he was in love with her, but he knew that he wanted her and he knew without any doubt that he wanted the baby they were having together. Maybe it was like Rafe said. She was scared and what she needed was time. He owed it to their baby to give that to her.

  Bang.

  Mercy bolted upright in bed, her body covered in sweat. Her heart pounded and she clutched at the blankets. It was the nightmare again. Her mind was replaying the night she and Honor had fled in the woods, trying to outrun Nathan. But instead of portraying what had happened, that Rafe had been in time to stop Nathan, her mind had twisted it into something altogether different.

  In her dream, she’d watched Nathan kill Rafe as he’d charged out of the woods. He then turned his gun on Honor and finally turned it on her.

  She lay back down on the bed and hugged her spare pillow to her. Her bed was an empty expanse with her huddled in the middle. And she wished more than anything that Alex was there with her. If there was one thing that she’d learn in the short time she’d known him, it was that he was great at comforting her.