Losing Control (The Control Duet Book 1)

by Lindsey Powell

“So, why not tell me about him?”

  “I did.”

  “Not really. You may have mentioned his name, but you never said much more.”

  “I didn’t feel there was any need to. He wasn’t even in the country. I figured that, when he came back, I would just introduce the two of you.” I glug back more wine. I just want this conversation to be over.

  “And do you want to go out on Friday night as he suggested?” I can’t figure out if Michael wants me to say yes or no, so all I can do is try and decipher what he wants to do.

  “It would be nice for you guys to get to know one another, but it’s not urgent. We don’t have to go on Friday if you don’t want to?”

  “Oh, I think that it is urgent. I mean, it’s not every day that I walk in the office and find some other guy giving you a hug.”

  “I’m sorry,” I reply automatically.

  “No need. He’s your friend.” He smiles at me, but it isn’t genuine. “As long as you guys have never passed the friend zone, then we should all get on just fine.”

  I laugh nervously. Thank fuck I kept my feelings for Cal hidden away. I couldn’t be doing with anyone accidentally letting slip how I used to lust after him all the damn time.

  Michael took this news better than expected, and I don’t want to say anything to pull his trigger and piss him off, so I just smile sweetly and let him put his arm around me, pulling me to his side.

  I know that I am going to be on pins and needles waiting for Friday, and I’m probably going to be a bloody wreck on the day itself, but for now, all I can do is grin and bear it.

  Relax, Lucy.

  Chill.

  Even as I tell myself those words, I don’t believe that I know the meaning of relaxed anymore, not when I’m around Michael.

  It shouldn’t be this way, should it?

  Am I overreacting?

  Am I the one making too big a deal out of this?

  I guess only time will tell.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  What could go wrong?

  I have been on edge all day, and now, as I get ready for tonight, I fight back the urge to cancel the whole thing.

  I have chosen to wear my navy-blue jumpsuit, paired with my silver heels. I have made my make-up more dramatic and I have popped in my silver hoop earrings to match my silver bracelet. I have straightened my hair and left it down, a look I don’t often go for as I favour shoving my hair in a ponytail so that it doesn’t get in my way. I refuse to think about why I’m making more effort with my appearance than normal. It has absolutely nothing to do with Cal, nothing whatsoever.

  Michael has decided to wear his smart black trousers, light blue shirt and black dress shoes. He looks so handsome, something that I have already told him a couple of times tonight. He didn’t say too much about my outfit choice, but I put that down to him feeling a bit out of his depth at spending the evening with Cal.

  “You ready to go?” I ask him as he fiddles with his cufflinks.

  “Sure.”

  I grab my cardigan, draping it round my shoulders and follow Michael out of the apartment as we make our way to Alan’s. The air is a little chilly and I shiver as we walk along the road. Michael puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to his side.

  “Better?” he asks, a softness appearing on his face that I haven’t seen much of this week.

  “Much,” I reply, smiling up at him.

  We walk the rest of the way in silence, but it is an easy silence. More like when we first started dating.

  “Are Kim and Jeremy coming tonight?” Michael asks me.

  “No, they had to go and visit Jeremy’s parents, something that Kim had been avoiding for a few months.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Jeremy’s parents disapprove of their relationship. They think that Jeremy can do better.”

  “Oh.”

  “I feel sorry for Kim having to deal with them.”

  “Have you met them before?”

  “Yeah a couple of times. They are complete and utter snobs, and if you haven’t got a high-powered job or you don’t earn a ridiculous salary per year, then they view you as beneath them.”

  “Why does Kim bother to visit then?”

  “She does it for Jeremy, because she loves him, and she knows that he needs her support when he sees them. They don’t exactly sing Jeremy’s praises either.”

  “Wow, they sound like assholes.”

  I laugh at his answer. “I guess you could call them that, although I have heard Kim call them much worse.”

  “I bet.”

  We reach Alan’s and Michael opens the door for me, letting me walk ahead of him. The place is busy as people emerge for a night of drinking and dancing the night away after working all week.

  I scan the bar looking for Cal and spot him sitting at a table to the far right, just along from the bar. He sees me immediately and waves me over. I take Michael’s hand in mine and lead the way. When we reach Cal, I see that he has already got a bottle of wine on the table and a couple of beers.

  “Hey,” he says as he leans in and kisses my cheek before greeting Michael with a smile. “I hope you don’t mind, but I got some drinks in for us all.”

  “No, we don’t mind,” I answer as I sit on one of the chairs, Michael sitting next to me. Cal sits back down and starts to undo the bottle of wine.

  “Are you a beer or a wine man, Michael?” Cal asks, completely at ease with this meeting.

  “Beer.”

  Cal hands Michael a bottle of beer and then hands me a glass of wine.

  “So, how are you both?” Cal asks, to which I reply good and Michael mutters the same.

  “Any luck in finding a job yet?” I ask Cal, knowing that he mentioned that he was looking the other day.

  “There are a few that have caught my eye, but I’m just going to see what happens.”

  “You’re not going back travelling?” Michael asks, and I’m pleased that he feels that he can contribute to the conversation.

  “No, not anytime soon anyway.”

  “But, don’t you enjoy it?” Michael pushes on.

  “Of course, the whole experience is amazing, but you do get homesick after a while and I’m ready to be stuck in one place rather than roaming several.”

  “Fair enough,” Michael replies and then chugs back about half of his beer. I place my hand on his knee as a reassuring gesture that he is doing great.

  “So, Michael, tell me about yourself,” Cal says, and I feel a little tension build up within me. Michael doesn’t like being questioned.

  “What do you want to know?” Michael responds, placing his hand over mine and squeezing slightly.

  “Let’s start with how you two met,” Cal suggests.

  “Didn’t you already tell him when you had lunch the other day?” Michael asks me.

  “I didn’t go into detail, but Cal knows that we both work together.”

  “Uh huh.” Michael turns his attention back to Cal and regales him with a story of how he swept me off of my feet nearly a year ago.

  A year? Already? Jesus, time really does fly.

  “It was love at first sight for me,” Michael says, which gains my attention. I smile, but I feel anything but happy right now. I can see a slight glint in Michael’s eye which tells me that he isn’t pleased with how things are going. He doesn’t feel comfortable, and having to look like he is, is making this more frustrating for him.

  “So, nearly a year, huh?” Cal says, sipping beer from his bottle.

  “Yep,” I reply, a little too eagerly.

  “What are you going to do to celebrate?” Cal asks.

  “It’s a surprise,” Michael says before I have chance to.

  “A surprise?” I ask, a little shocked that he has something in mind.

  “Yeah. You don’t think that I would let our one-year anniversary go by without doing something special, do you?” Michael says as he leans closer and places a light kiss on my lips. I shake my head in resp
onse.

  Wow. He hasn’t surprised me for a while. Maybe I am finally getting the old Michael back? The one that doesn’t mind meeting my friends, the one that makes me feel loved and safe. Me giving him a second chance seems to be working.

  “You look after her,” Cal says, breaking mine and Michael’s gaze away from one another.

  “I intend to,” Michael replies a little too defensively.

  “This woman means the world to me, and I won’t stand by and let her be hurt again.” Time almost stops as Cal speaks his mind. I want to erase what he has said, I don’t want it to put Michael in a bad mood.

  “I don’t plan on hurting her,” Michael retorts, and I can see that his jaw is clenched tight.

  “Good, then we won’t have any problems,” Cal says with a forced smile on his face.

  I want to ask him what the hell he is doing, but I know full well what this is. This is Cal reasserting himself in my life after being absent for so long. This is Cal making up for not being around when Tom shattered my world. This is Cal being the protective friend that he always has been. But what Cal doesn’t know, is that his words could provoke Michael. His words could be Michael’s undoing, but I pray like fuck that they aren’t.

  Chapter Thirty

  Punishment

  The front door slams shut.

  I run for the bedroom.

  I don’t get too far ahead of Michael though.

  As I go to crawl under the duvet, fingers curl around my ankle.

  Panic rises.

  Nausea takes hold.

  Fight or flight.

  “Please don’t,” I plead, my voice a whisper.

  There is no reply.

  I am dragged from the bed, my bum smacking onto the floor with a thud.

  A pain shoots up my back, but I ignore it.

  I need to stay alert.

  “Michael, please can we just talk about this?”

  Still no answer.

  The blood is pumping in my ears.

  I’m dragged along the floor and out of the bedroom.

  I whimper like a dog about to get told off for doing something wrong.

  Except I haven’t done anything wrong.

  I’m positive I haven’t. Have I?

  My mind is a jumble of thoughts and questions as I am brought to a halt on the kitchen floor.

  The lino feels cool against my skin.

  I go to sit up but am pushed back down.

  Michael’s foot on my face, pushing until my head is flat on the floor.

  I think I am going to pass out.

  I can’t control my racing heart.

  His foot leaves my face, and then I see him walk away. He sits on the sofa and just looks at me, a mixture of love and hate in his eyes.

  “Please––”

  “Shut the fuck up,” he snarls at me and I comply immediately.

  He’s angry.

  I need to go careful.

  I believed his promises.

  I believed that he wouldn’t hurt me again.

  Was I wrong to give him another chance?

  “You humiliated me tonight.”

  “I didn’t––”

  “I told you to shut up, and I expect you to do as I say.” His stern look has me clamping my lips together.

  When he is sure that I am going to remain silent, he continues to speak. “Cal doesn’t seem to like me, and I have no idea why that would be. The only conclusion that I can come to is that you have told him things about me. You have told him lies because Kim and Jeremy don’t have an issue with me, so why the fuck should Cal?”

  I stay silent.

  He told me to stay silent.

  “I guess I have more to teach you, Lucy. I thought that you understood. I thought that we had got past all these mind games.”

  Mind games? I’m not playing any mind games.

  “As your punishment for disrespecting me, you can sleep there tonight.” He nods to the kitchen floor. “And you’re not to move until I say so.”

  He’s lost his fucking mind.

  He’s supposed to love me, look after me, protect me.

  He stands and comes towards me.

  I close my eyes and wait for what he is going to do next.

  His footsteps stop next to me, but I keep my eyes down, not daring to look at him to see the rage that I know is there.

  “Why do you do this, Lucy? You keep making mistakes.”

  I hear him sigh, and then his footsteps resume, he walks past me and a few seconds later I hear the bedroom door shut.

  I need the toilet, but he told me not to move.

  I need a blanket, but he told me not to move.

  I don’t deserve to be treated like this.

  I could run, but he would just come after me, of that I am sure.

  I didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m being punished anyway.

  My mind is full of questions, none of which I have the answers to.

  The first tear falls.

  And then another.

  I sob silently.

  I can’t make any noise as it would only anger Michael more.

  So I stay put and take the punishment.

  Anything for a quiet life.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  He’s got me

  “Get up.” Michael’s stern voice makes me open my eyes.

  I groggily push myself up off of the floor, every part of me is aching from the discomfort of being led here all night. I slowly move onto my knees to get to my feet, but it obviously isn’t quick enough for Michael as he grabs my arm and pulls me to a standing position. I feel dizzy and it takes a moment for it to pass.

  “Sit,” is his next instruction. He pulls out one of the chairs at the kitchen table and I sit my weary body down.

  I’m shaking where I am so cold, and probably traumatised from being treated so badly. Michael doesn’t say another word as he busies himself putting the kettle on and taking two mugs out of the cupboard. I watch him in a daze.

  How can he treat me this way?

  He’s supposed to love me.

  It’s the same questions that circled on a loop in my mind all night long.

  I rub my sore eyes and stifle a yawn. I can’t do anything that might trigger a reaction from him. It’s only Saturday morning, and I don’t want to spend my whole weekend paying for whatever the hell Michael thinks that I did wrong.

  “Here,” he says as he places a hot mug of coffee in front of me.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, my throat dry and hoarse. Michael pulls the chair opposite me out and takes a seat.

  “Do you want to talk about last night?” I shake my head at him. I have no desire to figure out whatever was going on in his mind. “Okay. Do you understand why I had to act the way that I did?” I’m guessing that this is the part where I am supposed to say yes and behave like the good girlfriend. “I take it that from your silence that you do.” It’s not a question. More of a statement. “I don’t like having to get like that. I don’t enjoy it.” I look up at him with disbelief.

  He doesn’t enjoy it? Well fuck, neither do I!

  “Are you going to spend the whole weekend not speaking to me?” he asks.

  “No,” I quickly answer.

  “Good, because that would make things awkward for me.”

  Awkward? That would make it fucking awkward?

  It takes all of my willpower not to talk back to him. I pick up my mug instead and sip my coffee.

  “Why don’t you go and freshen up and then we can spend the day watching films and cuddling on the sofa,” he suggests, although I know it’s not a suggestion, it’s what he wants me to do.

  “Okay.” I stand up, taking my mug with me and I turn to walk out of the kitchen.

  “And don’t even think about sneaking your phone in the bathroom with you. I have already taken the liberty of hiding it, just in case you feel the need to go contacting your friends.”

  I don’t miss the smirk plastered on his face. I just nod and pro
ceed to the bathroom.

  The hurt that I am feeling is indescribable.

  I thought that when he hit me that it was bad, but it doesn’t even come close to the stabbing pain that is searing my heart.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Numb

  It’s now five-thirty in the evening, and Michael has been acting like his old self since I emerged from the bathroom this morning. I’m so confused by his behaviour right now. How can he be so loving one minute, and a monster the next? It doesn’t make sense.

  Maybe I am going crazy?

  Maybe I am at fault and I just can’t see it?

  “Which one do you want to watch next?” he asks me, getting up to take the DVD out of the DVD player.

  “I don’t mind, you pick.”

  “No, no, I insist.”

  “Something with action in it.” There is no way that I want to be watching a romantic chick flick right now.

  “Okay, well we either have Pulp Fiction or The Godfather.”

  “Pulp Fiction is fine.”

  “Pulp Fiction it is.” He puts the film on and then comes back to the sofa, sitting as close to me as possible and putting his arm around me.

  “This is nice,” he comments and all I can do is merely hum in agreement.

  “Are you okay?” he asks me. He must sense my discomfort.

  “I’m just tired.” I want to scream at him that no I am not okay, and he is the reason why, but I daren’t.

  “Want to go to bed instead?”

  “No.”

  I don’t want to be in bed with him. He doesn’t push the issue but about five minutes into the film, he starts to nibble on my ear lobe. Any other time he has done this I have been more than willing to see where it leads, but today, I don’t think I could muster up any sort of sexual feelings towards him.

  “I’m not really in the mood,” I say, hoping that he doesn’t fly off the handle. He pauses for a beat before answering.

  “Well, I guess it’s my job to put you in the mood then, isn’t it?” He resumes the nibbling and I bite down on my bottom lip, hard, to stop myself from crying. As he moves his lips to my neck, I remain silent.

  Is this going to be my life now?

  I can’t let this happen.