Losing Control (The Control Duet Book 1)

by Lindsey Powell

  That’s the problem you see, my mind wants to block out the bad. Even my own brain wants to conspire against me.

  “Hey, you,” Kim says as she gets closer to my desk.

  “Hey,” I reply with a genuine smile on my face.

  “How have you been? You don’t look too good.”

  “Gee, thanks for that,” I reply sarcastically, but with a chuckle so that she knows that I am joking.

  “You sure that you should be back at work?” She gives me a concerned look, but I need her to understand that I need distraction.

  As wonderful as Cal has been, it doesn’t stop my brain from going over everything that has happened.

  “Yes, I’m fine, and I am even more fine that Michael isn’t here. I think that I would have stayed away had I known that he was still coming in,” I reply, relief surging through me that it is now just after nine and there is still no sign of him. He would never be late to work if he was going to appear, so I can allow myself to relax and catch up on my workload.

  “You know that I’m still mostly in the dark about what has been going on with you. Can we catch up after work, properly?” Kim asks me, her face looking hopeful that I will bring her more into the loop.

  “Sure. Cal is meeting me when I finish, so we could go back to his and crack open a bottle of wine?” I suggest.

  “I am so down for doing that,” Kim replies as she gets settled at her desk and switches her computer on.

  I smile and pull my phone out of my handbag to send a quick text to Cal to let him know that I have invited Kim over later. He won’t mind, it’s something we used to do all the time before he went away.

  I put my phone back in my handbag and am about to ask Kim if she wants me to make her a coffee when I freeze. A cold feeling washes over me, the hairs on my neck standing to attention. My eyes flicker towards the main entrance of the office, and there stands Michael, his gaze fixed on me.

  I suck in a sharp breath, my lungs suddenly feeling like they are closing up.

  “Shit,” I hear Kim say from her desk, but that word is putting it mildly.

  I guess my day isn’t going to be as relaxed as I thought it would be.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Fronting it out

  I watch as Michael goes over to his desk and takes his jacket off. The sight of him has my adrenaline pumping. Michael scares me, and I bet the look is written all over my face.

  As he puts his jacket on the back of his chair, my heart pumps wildly.

  Please leave me alone.

  Please don’t make a scene at work.

  Please, please, please.

  I am disgusted with myself that I have become so pathetic. I thought that Tom cheating on me had been the most pathetic moment of my life, but I was wrong. Nothing compares to how I am feeling now.

  I may not be the most outspoken person in the world, but I have never been scared to voice my feelings or opinions before. I’m ashamed that I have let a man bring me down this much.

  I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm the storm raging within me. A part of me wants to scream, shout, let everyone know what Michael has done. But I know that I won’t do that. I don’t need to make myself a target for pity and sympathy. I don’t want anyone apart from Cal and Kim to realise what I have been through. It would be far too embarrassing.

  “Lucy,” Tyler’s voice says, making me jump. I didn’t even notice him making his way over to my desk as I was so focused on watching what Michael was doing.

  “Shit,” I whisper, my hands clenching into fists as I try to get a grip of myself.

  “Sorry, boss, didn’t mean to scare you,” Tyler says as I look to him and see that he has a small but unsure smile on his face.

  “No, it’s fine, my fault, I was miles away,” I reply as I try to pass off my over-reaction. “What’s up?”

  I fiddle about with a couple of pens that are lying on my desk, just so that I can look at something other than Michael. I know that he is watching me, I can feel it. The hairs on the back of my neck prickle and I start to feel a little hot.

  “I was just going to see if you wanted to come and see what I have done in the last couple of days on our project? With you and Michael out of the office, I carried on getting the presentation in order.”

  “Oh, right, yes, presentation,” I waffle, my mind a jumble of thoughts. “Uh, sure, let’s go and look at it now.”

  “Cool.” Tyler clearly has no idea that I am struggling, and for that I am glad. At least he isn’t treating me any differently than he usually does.

  I stand up, even though my legs feel shaky, and I follow Tyler to the conference room. He explains how he has it all set up and he is hoping that he has captured the vision that I was going for, but I barely take in what he says as Michael’s eyes follow me across the room.

  We have to walk past his desk to get to the conference room, and every bone in my body wants me to turn around and run away, but I can’t. I need to work.

  I stupidly let my eyes connect with his as I reach his desk. His eyes are hard, cold. A shiver makes its way up my body and I wrap my arms around myself as a form of protection. But my body isn’t the issue here. Unfortunately, the issue is my heart and I have no idea how to get Michael out of it. He may have treated me badly, he may have hurt me, upset me, made me feel worthless, but my stupid goddamn heart can’t just stop loving him.

  Why can’t I just hate him?

  Why can’t I just ignore him?

  Is this part of his game? Make me love him no matter what?

  “Lucy,” he says as I pass his desk. I should keep walking, I should just march right past and forget him, but I don’t. I stop even though my head is screaming at me to show him that he can’t control me.

  “Lucy, look at me.” He says it quietly enough so that no one else can hear around us, but I don’t miss the command in his tone. And of course, I look at him. Good little girl that I am, not wanting to upset him or make anyone else think that there is anything wrong between us. I felt strong with Cal by my side the other night, but Cal isn’t here now, and I revert to my old ways.

  “We need to talk,” he says as if we have just had some meaningless lovers tiff.

  “We’re at work, Michael, we can’t talk here,” I whisper, keeping my face as neutral as possible.

  “Tonight.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Lucy?” Tyler has realised that I’m not behind him anymore and has called my name in question.

  “Yeah, I’m coming,” I say, grateful for the interruption.

  I can see that Michael is livid as I scurry away. Tyler’s timing was perfect. I dodged Michael’s questioning, and there is no way that he will be able to question me later seeing as I will be with Cal and Kim.

  Tyler and I enter the conference room and I allow myself to breathe a sigh of relief. All I have to do is sit here and see what Tyler has come up with. Simple, work-related, and just what I need to distract my mind.

  I take a seat at the end of the conference table as Tyler walks over to the projector at the other end of the room and starts to set it up. I sit back, feeling my heart-rate decline with each second that passes. Michael doesn’t have a good effect on me, I know that, and I need to keep that feeling with me when my heart decides it wants to have a wobble and send me straight back to him.

  “Right,” Tyler starts as he flicks the projector on and the first slide shows up on the white screen which nearly covers the wall. “So, I took on board what––”

  “Get out.” I whirl around in my seat at the sound of Michael’s voice. The door bangs into the wall just showing the force at which he opened it with.

  “Sorry?” Tyler says, clearly confused by what is happening.

  “You will be if you don’t get out of here.”

  “Michael,” I say, appalled and astounded that he has barged in here.

  “What’s going on?” Tyler asks.

  My eyes are fixed on Mich
ael, so I have no idea what expression is written on Tyler’s face.

  “I need to speak to Lucy, alone.”

  “Um, Lucy?” Tyler says, clearly asking me what he should do.

  Michael’s eyes bore into mine, and I know that if I don’t do this now then it will only make things worse in the long run. I do the only thing that I have done throughout my entire relationship with Michael. I cower.

  “Just go, Tyler, we won’t be long.”

  “Oh, okay. Shall I come back in about five minutes?” Tyler asks.

  “We’ll come and get you when we’re done,” Michael answers before I have a chance to. He doesn’t want just five minutes with me.

  “Right.” I watch as Tyler walks to the door and leaves the room, the sound of the door shutting behind him seeming to echo all around me. There is a blind on the door, which Michael pulls down before locking the door, trapping me in here with him.

  Oh shit. I’m in so much trouble.

  It’s the last thought that I have before a searing pain radiates through my skull and I black out.

  Chapter Fifty

  I’m in hell

  I hear a pounding.

  It hurts my ears.

  A voice screaming, shouting my name.

  I try to call out but my mouth fills with vomit, stopping me from responding.

  I turn my head to the side and empty the contents of my mouth.

  The smell is acrid, the taste is vile.

  My eyes are closed, and I battle to open them.

  My head hurts. The pain searing.

  “Lucy, Lucy, wake up,” a panicked voice, someone’s breath tickling my ear lobe. “Lucy, baby, please wake up.”

  I try to tell the person that I can’t, but still my voice won’t work. My lips can’t form the words that they need to.

  “I’m so sorry, Lucy. I love you, don’t ever forget that I love you. Everything that I have done is for you.”

  I want to ask questions, get answers to the confusion that is swirling around my brain.

  My eyelids begin to flutter, but a slither of light hits my eyes and I cry out. It’s too bright. I squeeze my eyes back together, shutting myself in darkness.

  I feel a hand stroke mine, it’s touch gentle as if it is trying to soothe me.

  “Please, baby, I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t mean to cause you so much pain. I just want you to love me. I need you to love me. Without you, I am nothing.”

  My heart beats at a steady pace.

  My mind stops wondering what is going on.

  “Wake up,” the voice speaks more urgently, and I try to obey, I really do, but it’s no use. I just want to sleep. I feel content and I need to hold onto that feeling.

  I just need peace.

  I just want out.

  It’s time to give up my fight.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Reality sucks

  Opening my eyes is excruciating. The light hurts and my head pounds.

  I raise my hands up and place them either side of my head, needing to try and stop the thumping that is making me feel sick. I let out a groan and will myself to stop being a baby. I don’t even register where I am until I hear a door open. The sound of the click alerting me, making me turn in the direction of the noise.

  “Hi,” he says, making my blood run cold. He walks farther into the room and shuts the door behind him. I glance around quickly, and a blinding pain hits. I cry out and seconds later I feel the bed dip beside me where Michael has sat down.

  “Don’t make any sudden movements. You’ve had a bit of an accident.”

  An accident? The memory of the last time I was with Michael comes flooding back to me.

  I was at work.

  Michael barged in, interrupting me and Tyler.

  I was on my own with him.

  It only took a few seconds for him to hit me.

  A hit to my head that knocked me out.

  I can still hear the voice of Kim screaming from beyond the closed door.

  I want to close my eyes and open them again only for this to be a fucking nightmare. I try it. He’s still there. I’m not imagining it, it’s all real. Fear spikes its way through my body. I need to get out of here, I need to be as far away from him as possible.

  “I can see your mind working overtime, Lucy,” Michael says, his voice low and almost threatening. “You have no need to panic. I’m not going to hurt you.”

  I don’t answer for fear that anything that I do say will result in him having a meltdown and causing me pain once again. I had gotten away. I had managed to find some solace at Cal’s place. A solace that I clearly took for granted. I thought that Michael wouldn’t be able to get too close to me at work, turns out I was wrong.

  “Do you need a drink?” he asks, showing a concern that is laughable after what he has put me through. I shake my head, but he picks a glass up from the bedside table and moves it towards me.

  “You really should have some water. You have been asleep for the last fourteen hours.”

  “What?” I say in surprise before I can stop myself.

  “You obviously needed the rest.”

  He’s mental, and I’m fucked.

  He brings the glass of water to my lips and I reluctantly take a sip. It tastes so good against my dry mouth that I quickly devour the lot. Michael chuckles as he puts the empty glass back down.

  “See? I knew that you needed a drink. I always know what you need.” It’s like he’s pleased to have some sort of confirmation over a fucking glass of water. He was right. Isn’t he always?

  “Why am I here, Michael?” I have to ask, even if it does land me in even more trouble with him.

  “I’m looking after you.”

  “But why?” I whisper, pushing myself as far against the headboard as I can. He’s so close to me and it is taking all of my willpower not to grimace.

  This man whom I once loved, this man who once made me feel like a princess, this man who has become a stranger to me.

  “Because I love you.” He looks truly perplexed by my question. “You must know that by now?”

  “You hurt me, Michael.” My eyes well with unshed tears and I look down, trying to keep them at bay.

  Michael suddenly grabs my hands, making my eyes fly back up to look at him. My whole body is tense, and my mind is trying to anticipate what he is going to do next. Of course this is a ridiculous thing to anticipate. Michael is unstable, there is no telling what he will do.

  “I didn’t mean to. I just get a little crazy sometimes, but it’s only because I don’t want to lose you. I can’t be without you, Lucy. You are my life, and I will be damned if anyone other than me is going to spend the rest of their lives with you.”

  And there we have it. He’s never going to let me go.

  I don’t have the energy to argue with him right now. I have no idea how he got me out of the office at work, or how he got me back to his flat, but I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting and feeling scared.

  “I need to get some more sleep,” I say, hoping that he will fuck off and leave me alone.

  “Of course,” he says, granting my silent wish. He stands up and makes his way to the bedroom door.

  “Just call if you need anything. I’m not going anywhere,” he informs me with a smile before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

  “Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of,” I whisper to myself quietly.

  Chapter Fifty -Two

  Trying to build bridges

  The screams echo around the room. The sound of my name being called, urgency in the tone.

  “Wake up, baby, please.”

  A moan escapes my lips, my eyelids flutter, but it’s too difficult for me to open them. My head aches, a throbbing pain that has me clutching at it, my fingers curled into my hair. The silent protests of my mind urging the pain to go away.

  “Lucy, why can’t you just do as I fucking ask? Why must I always have to resort to showing you what will happen if you don’t listen?�
��

  Nothing but anger laced in the words being spoken. And fear courses through me, despite the overwhelming pain that I am in.

  “Think, Michael.”

  Michael.

  The man who was once my hero.

  The man who I thought would love me unconditionally.

  The man who has infiltrated every part of my life, making it so damn difficult for me to escape.

  “Okay, we’re going to have to go out the back way.”

  He’s talking to himself. There is no way that I can answer him. My mouth feels like it is full of cotton wool.

  Arms go underneath me and then I am being lifted. My body rising before my head, the jerk of my neck making me cry out in pain. The sound of him shushing me, holding me close to his body. I feel sick, dizzy, my head dangling down as I struggle to lift it up. He helps me, putting one of his hands at the back of my head and moving it so that it is resting on his shoulder. I feel the strange urge to thank him for this act of kindness. I try to mumble the words, but they don’t come out right. He shushes me again and then we’re moving.

  I have no idea where we are going as all I can think about is blocking out the pain enough so that I don’t throw up.

  “We won’t be long and then I’m going to look after you. I’m going to put all of this right and make sure that no one comes between us again.”

  I wake with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed, causing a shooting pain to cascade down the right side of my skull. I want to cry out, but I put my hand over my mouth to stifle any noise.

  The nightmare that just woke me has left me sweating, my body drenched. It takes me a few moments to calm down as I concentrate on breathing in and out slowly.

  I look around the small bedroom and see that I am alone. Breathing a sigh of relief, I prick my ears to listen for any sounds coming from outside the door, but I hear nothing. I want to eradicate the images of Michael hitting me out of my mind, but of course they are ingrained, and I fear that they may never be erased.