Broken Forever

by Lonnie Doris

  “Maybe you knew that and that’s why you sent her to me. My sweet Maddie sent me an angel to save me.”

  As if on cue, with those final words, a butterfly lands on the flowers. That’s my sign that Maddie is happy for us. She always loved butterflies. After watching the butterfly drift away, we turn and walk back to the waiting town car.

  “Let’s go to Vegas,” I blurt out once we’re riding back toward the airport.

  “Vegas?” I note the surprise in her voice.

  “I want you to make an honest man out of me, Robyn.”

  “Is that a proposal, Tommy Kirkman? Because if it is, it needs some work.” She giggles.

  “Don’t laugh at me, mama.” I take her hand in mine. “You are my world. I don’t want to wait one more second. Let’s go to Vegas, so I can make you mine completely.”

  “Yes,” she whispers, and I claim her mouth with mine.

  She’s going to marry me.

  Robyn spends the rest of our ride to the airport changing our plane tickets and reserving a room in Vegas. And together, we pick the location of where we will become husband and wife.

  We arrive in Vegas and head straight to our penthouse suite at the Hard Rock. As we enter the special elevator that will take us to our home away from home for the next few days, I scoop Robyn up in my arms and kiss her deeply.

  “Aren’t you supposed to carry me over the threshold after I become your wife?”

  “When did I start caring about rules?” I smirk.

  Setting her down in the living area, I pull out my wallet and hand her one of my credit cards. “Use this to buy yourself whatever perfect dress you want to marry me in.”

  “I have my own money. And you do pay me very well, ya know,” she says with a roll of her eyes.

  “Mama, in just a few short hours, everything I have or ever will have is yours. Shit, it’s really all yours now.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but—”

  “No prenup.” I cut her off, and I see the shock in her eyes. “My world begins and ends with you, Robyn.”

  “Your lawyers wouldn’t agree.”

  “They don’t have to.” I grab her and kiss her again. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  The next few hours trickle by. It’s going to be just the two of us and Grace, very quaint. I knew it would mean a lot to Robyn to have Grace here with us, so when Robyn left to get her perfect dress, I called Grace.

  The venue is elegant, a little white chapel, the closest thing to a church you’ll ever see me in.

  I’m standing in my spot, waiting for Robyn to appear in the doorway to make her way to me. My insides are flipping—with excitement, not fear. The music she has chosen comes on, and I turn to see the doors open. She is beautiful whether she is wearing jeans and one of my old tour T-shirts or dressed up. But what I see standing in that doorway takes my breath away.

  I can’t help myself; I move quickly toward her, meeting her in the aisle. I take her face in my hands. My precious Robyn, my sexy mama. “You take my breath away.” I put her arm in mine, and we walk together back to the officiant.

  He nods at me, giving me the signal that I can begin pouring my heart out to her, holding her hands in mine.

  “Robyn, thank you for saving my life. You are my reason to wake in the morning and to be a better man. I want to be the first thing you see when you open those beautiful eyes and the last when you close them at night, snuggled close to me.” The tears are pooling in both of our eyes. I gently reach up and wipe away a stray tear that escaped her eye. “Whatever life brings to us, we will face it together. You are the reason I breathe. I promise to love, cherish, and honor you every day for the rest of my life.”

  Her smile lights up my world.

  “Tommy, you saved my life that day in the street. I was only coming to meet you on that fateful day. I never dreamed I would fall in love with you. I need you just as much as you need me. We’ve put our demons to bed. It’s me and you for the rest of our lives. You are my love and my soul. I promise to love, cherish, and honor you for the rest of my life.”

  And just like that, the officiant makes it official, and we are husband and wife. I take her into my arms and kiss the breath out of both of us.

  ROBYN

  Tommy and I have been married for a few months. Every day, he shows me he loves me, maybe even more than the day before.

  “Grace,” I say as I sit at the breakfast bar while she is cooking breakfast for us. “Tommy and I would like to talk to you about something.”

  She turns to look at me, intrigue definitely shining in her eyes. Tommy and I love Grace. She puts both of us in our places when we need it, and she is always there when I need someone to talk to. I have grown very close to her.

  “What harebrained scheme have you two cooked up this time?” My look of shock makes her chuckle. “These walls don’t hold secrets, child.” She winks at me.

  “Well, I hope they hold some secrets. Not sure how I’d feel knowing when my wife screams with pleasure, it can be heard all over the house,” Tommy chimes in as he sits down next to me.

  “Boy…” she starts, and Tommy laughs.

  Grace puts two plates of scrambled eggs, bacon, grits, and homemade biscuits in front of us.

  “Since I am now fully retired from the rock ’n’ roll business, Robyn and I want to run a few things by you,” Tommy says as he takes a bite of his food.

  “Will this bring me more work or less?”

  “Both,” Tommy mumbles with his mouth full of food.

  “Boy, where are your manners? In your pocket? Take them out and use them,” she scolds.

  “What Tommy means,” I interject, making sure I have swallowed the bite I was chewing. “We want to downsize the house, which would mean less work for you…”

  “But…? I know there is a but coming.”

  “We want to open a restaurant,” I add, and surprise fills her face.

  “What kind of restaurant? And is that where the more work for me comes in?”

  “You’d be the head chef, of course.” Tommy cuts in. “But we don’t want to lose you as our housekeeper. Hence the downsizing of the house.”

  “You would also be part owner of the restaurant.” I smile at her. “You are our family, Grace. We want to do this venture with you.”

  We continue to go over our ideas with her. And after a lot of coaxing, we get her on board. I meant it when I told her she was our family. She is also the closest thing I have to a best friend.

  Grace and I spend the next several weeks looking for the perfect location for our restaurant. We also begin to lay out the plans for the new venture. The color scheme, décor, and types of food we will serve. We’ve opted to be a breakfast and lunch bistro.

  Once all of those arrangements have been made and all the paperwork signed, Tommy and I begin our hunt for our new home. As luck would have it, we find our perfect house less than five miles away from the spot we bought for the bistro. It’s a five-bedroom, two-story contemporary house with a guesthouse for the henchmen. It also has a mother-in-law house, so Grace will have her own space. We don’t want her to feel like she is just hired help.

  Tommy says he wants all new furniture. He doesn’t want anything from the old house brought with us. At first, I try to argue with him about it because there are a couple art pieces I really like. I understand his reasoning, and after a lot of back-and-forth, we compromise. I get where he is coming from; that house is his past. A past he wants to leave behind him to live in our future.

  Fifteen

  Robyn

  “What do you get when you cross a retired rock star with a business manager?” I ask Tommy as I exit our bathroom.

  “Well, first off, mama, you don’t cross this retired rock star.” He smirks. “And you’re a business owner, not just a manager.”

  I pull my hands from behind my back to show him the stick I’m holding. “Well, this little stick says when you cross a retired rock
star with his business manager, you get a baby.”

  Tommy jumps off the bed before I can manage to take a step toward him, and he swings me up in his arms.

  “Are you sure? Let me see.”

  I show him the stick when he sets me back down on my feet. “Two lines.” I smile up at him.

  I haven’t shared with him how many months have gone by that I would feel a pang of depression when my monthly visitor would show up right on time. But when it didn’t show up a couple days ago, I ran out and got the test.

  “This is the best anniversary present you could give me, mama.”

  “Our anniversary isn’t until next week,” I counter.

  “So, you gave it to me early.” He chuckles, swinging me around again and kissing me deeply before setting me back on my feet.

  When I open my eyes and look into his chocolate-brown ones, I can see pain in there.

  “Talk to me. What’s going on in that head of yours?” I ask, placing my hands on his face.

  “Just demons, mama. Those damn demons.” He rests his forehead on mine. “We both know what a shitty dad I was to Layla,” he sighs. “Not to mention, I’ll probably be using a walker by the time our child graduates from high school.”

  “Tommy—”

  “I’m happy beyond words, Robyn. Please don’t think I’m not.” He cuts me off. “I’ll give you as many children as you want. But what I did to Layla will always haunt me.”

  I kiss him and pour into it all the love I have for him, which grows more and more with each passing day.

  “You are not the same person you were back then. And as far as that walker thing, you’re not that old, sexy man. I’ve never worried about your age or our age difference,” I reassure him.

  “You always say what my soul needs to hear.” He kisses me again. “No more talk of this. Today is one of the happiest days of my life. I’m not going to let my demons taint it.”

  Swooping me up into arms, he takes me downstairs and places me on the stool at the breakfast bar. Grace is gathering ingredients to cook breakfast. The restaurant is closed today. I wanted Sundays to be family days for us.

  “Good morning, Grace. Fix my hot mama a huge breakfast, please.” Tommy’s smile is larger-than-life. Grace has known my struggles each month when disappointment would hit me.

  She turns to face us with a huge smile of her own. “I told you, child. I told you that it would happen.” She comes over to hug me. “I’m so happy for you.” Kissing my cheek and then Tommy’s, she moves back to the stove to begin her assault on turning breakfast into one of her masterpieces.

  The next few weeks waiting for our first doctor’s appointment go by at a snail’s pace. But now, here we are, sitting in the exam room waiting for the sonogram technician to come in and give us our first peek at the little bean growing inside me.

  Thankfully, I haven’t experienced the nausea and morning sickness I have heard horror stories about. Other than being tired all the time, I feel great.

  The sonogram tech comes in, and right before our eyes, our little bean is on the screen. My eyes fill with tears at the sight. Tommy squeezes my hand, and I look at him. He has tears in his eyes too. My big, strong man has turned to mush, looking at our perfect baby. Our future, our precious little bean, with a heartbeat as strong as his or her daddy’s.

  TOMMY

  I didn’t think my life could get any better. I have the perfect love, the perfect home and new business, but watching Robyn’s belly grow over the last eight months with our son has brought me to a whole new level of happiness.

  As soon as we found out she was having a boy, she and Grace went out and picked the theme for the nursery. I have never put together so much furniture in my life. But I enjoyed every minute of it. I have been given another chance at being a dad. It doesn’t take away the regret I will always carry regarding Layla, though.

  Over the last few days, Robyn has been doing what Grace calls nesting. She is cleaning everything, whether it needs to be cleaned or not. Grace assures me it is normal, and I even read about it one of those baby books I picked up for myself about what to expect from a father’s perspective during pregnancy.

  “Tommy!” I hear Robyn scream from upstairs, and I take off running. It was a blood-chilling scream, making my heart pound with fear.

  When I enter our bedroom, I see her doubled over, with a pool of liquid at her feet. “Ah shit,” I grunt, but I pull myself together so as not to panic. It’s time. Our son is on his way.

  I scoop her up in my arms. “It hurts, Tommy. It hurts,” she cries out, trying to breathe through her pain like they taught us in Lamaze class.

  “Just breathe, mama. In and out.”

  “You fucking breathe!” Ah fuck, here we go. I am going to be the biggest piece of shit for the next however many hours she is in labor. The book mentioned something about that too.

  As I am carrying her downstairs, I yell for our driver to meet us at the SUV.

  All the way to the hospital, I rub her back. Her contractions are coming in at two minutes apart by the time we reach the labor and delivery entrance. I already called the doctor while we were heading there, and Grace too.

  Our birthing plan includes Grace. Robyn wants her to be in the delivery room with us. I couldn’t agree more. Robyn has also decided she is going to give birth with no pain medication.

  We’ve been in the labor and delivery room for three hours when the nurse checks Robyn and then calls the doctor in.

  “It’s showtime!” he exclaims as he walks into the room.

  Grace and I take our positions on either side of Robyn. I begin kissing her forehead and telling her how great she’s doing. She actually hasn’t verbally abused me as bad as I thought she was going to, based on the stories I heard. That was the part I was dreading the most. Not sure I am man enough to listen if Robyn had brought up all the nonsense of my life. But she didn’t.

  “One last big push and you will meet your son,” the doctor says, and Robyn bears down on Grace’s and my hands with one last scream.

  Then I hear it, the most amazing sound I have ever heard in my life. My son. And just as quick as I hear it, my feet sway from underneath me, and I hit the floor with a thud. I’m not sure how much time I lie on the floor before Grace and one of the nurses are waking me out of it.

  “Boy, don’t make me slap you back into reality.” Grace is the first voice I hear. I open my eyes and see her standing over me.

  “Ah shit!” I jump to my feet and look down at Robyn, who is holding our son. “I’m sorry, mama. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

  “Come here and meet our son.” She reaches out her free hand to me. “He looks like you.”

  I wrap her in my arm and stroke his little cheek with my other hand. He is perfect. His little mouth is set in an O. He has the most adorable, heart-shaped lips. He looks so content in his mommy’s arms.

  I kiss the top of her beautiful head and thank every god and even the demons for this wonderful family I now have.

  Sixteen

  Tommy

  The best decision I ever made was allowing myself to fall in love with Robyn, closing the door on my demons, and watching our son grow into this remarkable teenager he has become. I always told Robyn we would have as many children as she wanted. After Trenton was born, she decided our son was enough for her.

  She said she had her two men and life was perfect for her. I couldn’t agree more. Our little family is something I never thought I would deserve but am so thankful for.

  Sometimes I find myself thinking about Layla, and my heart constricts. She has made an amazing life for herself. She is a grandmother now. Her daughter Lucy, whom she adopted with Jesse, married Harris Cutter, and they welcomed their first daughter recently.

  Trenton came along about eighteen months after Layla had her twins—Lyric and Luca. Without telling Robyn my real reasons, I made sure our son never attended school with the twins. I didn’t want to cause Layla any harm by havi
ng to see me at school functions.

  “Dad!” I hear Trenton yelling into the phone before I can say hello.

  “Son, calm down. What’s going on?”

  “Mom is hurt. We’ve been in a car accident.” My heart stops, and I sway on my feet.

  “Where are you?” I’m already grabbing my keys and running out the door to get to my SUV. I don’t have time to find the driver. Robyn is hurt.

  “We’re two blocks away from the bistro.”

  “Stay with your mom. I’m coming, son. Tell your mom I’m on my way.”

  I race in the direction of the bistro and turn the corner to see a flood of blue and red lights. I pull into the closest parking lot and jump out of the SUV. I’m running as fast as I can, pushing past people who are blocking my path to Robyn and our son.

  The closer I get, the more the scene comes into focus. I see Trenton standing just behind a paramedic, who is working on my wife while she lies on a gurney. As I approach, I hear a man’s voice begging for forgiveness. I stop in my tracks and turn toward him. A police officer is handcuffing him.

  “Did you cause this to happen to my wife?” I bellow and head toward him, rage consuming me. I will rip him apart if he is the reason my world is tilting on its axis. Another officer stops me when I get about eight feet from the begging, disheveled guy. “Is this the motherfucker who caused my wife to be hurt?”

  “Sir, I need you to calm down.” The officer holds me by my arms to keep me back. “Go to your wife. We will take care of this. Don’t do anything stupid. Your wife needs you.”

  I pull away from him just as Trenton reaches me. I grab him and look him over. He has a small cut on his forehead. “What happened?”

  “That guy ran the red light and plowed right into the side of us.” He gives me the rest of the details of the accident as we walk toward his mom, and I’m suddenly haunted by the memory of the first time I laid eyes on my Robyn.

  When I see she is unconscious, I pick up my pace. I kneel next to her, grabbing her hand. “Mama, open your eyes,” I plead.