“I’ve gotten to the age now where I look best in dim corners.”
“With nothing to look at, you’ll have to listen.”
As I plotted this new introduction to my prepared talk, the lights came on, and Santa Rosa never heard my prelude on the joys of darkness.
Another time, as I was in the middle of a message at the Shrine Auditorium in Indianapolis, a thirty-piece bagpipe band struck up “The Campbells Are Coming” right behind the stage. I was completely drowned out, and while the chairman fled to quiet the pipes, I created a new twist to my talk. Soon the notes wound down as air coming out of a tire, and the chairman announced the Shriner’s Marching Band had been practicing for Saturday’s parade without knowing we were only a wall away. Quickly I mentioned how appropriate it was to have a Scottish band as a musical interlude while I spoke, for my mother, Katie MacDougall, once played the bagpipes and marched in her kilts. I then finished my life story with an ethnic twist to my Scottish roots.
Oh, how Powerful Cholerics love emergencies, so they can rise to unexpected situations and lead off in new directions, especially when accompanied by a thirty-piece bagpipe band.
Without wise leadership, a nation is in trouble; but with good counselors there is safety.
Proverbs 11:14 TLB
CHAPTER 7
Let’s Relax with Peaceful Phlegmatic
Oh, how the world needs Peaceful Phlegmatic!
The stability to stay straight on course.
The patience to put up with provokers.
The ability to listen, while others have their say.
The gift of mediation, uniting opposite forces.
The purpose of peace at almost any price.
The compassion to comfort those hurting.
The determination to keep your head, while all around are losing
theirs.
The will to live in such a way that even your enemies can’t find
anything bad to say about you.
Understanding the personalities is the first step in understanding people. If we can’t see the innate difference in others and accept them as they are, we will think everyone not like us is at least slightly irregular.
When we understand temperaments, we begin to see why opposites attract. We learn that for a family to have a variety of temperament traits provides a variety of activities and interests. God did not intend us all to be Popular Sanguines. We’d have a lot of fun, but never quite get organized. God did not make us all Powerful Choleric leaders. If He had, there would be none left to follow.
God did not want us all to be Perfect Melancholies, for if things went wrong, we’d all be depressed.
God did create Peaceful Phlegmatics as special people to be the buffers for the emotions of the other three, to provide stability and balance.
Peaceful Phlegmatic tones down the wild schemes of Popular Sanguine. Peaceful Phlegmatic refuses to get too impressed with the brilliant decisions of Powerful Choleric. Peaceful Phlegmatic doesn’t take too seriously the intricate plans of Perfect Melancholy.
Peaceful Phlegmatic is the great leveler of us all, showing us, “It doesn’t really matter that much.” And in the long run, it really doesn’t! We are all part of a complex plan in which each temperament, when functioning properly, will fit into the right place and unite to form an exciting and balanced picture.
All Purpose
Peaceful Phlegmatic is the easiest of all temperaments to get along with. From the beginning, little Peaceful Phlegmatic babies are blessings to their parents. They will be delightful to have around; they will be happy wherever they’re placed; and they will tolerate a flexible schedule. They like friends but are happy alone. Nothing seems to bother them, and they love to watch people pass by.
My son-in-law, Randy, and his father have both shared with me about Randy’s Peaceful Phlegmatic childhood. He was easy to get along with and adaptable to any situation. He has always been a serious student, and part of his coin-collecting background came from his constant reading while his parents played bridge many evenings a week. Wherever they went, they took their only child and a few books. Randy would adjust to wherever they placed him, and read without ever causing a fuss. His pleasant disposition and thirst for knowledge have brought him honors as a gold-coin expert and the presidency of the County Numismatic Association. He fits in everywhere and will talk brilliantly or keep quiet, according to the situation. My mother used to say, “That Randy is a saint.”
Peaceful Phlegmatic is the closest there is to being a balanced person: one who does not function in the extremes or excesses of life, but walks solidly down the middle road, avoiding conflict and decision on either side. The Peaceful Phlegmatic person does not offend, does not call attention to himself, and quietly does what is expected of him without looking for credit. While Powerful Choleric is the “born leader,” Peaceful Phlegmatic is the “learned leader” and with proper motivation can rise to the top because of his outstanding ability to get along with everyone. While Powerful Choleric wants to run everything, Peaceful Phlegmatic tends to hold back until asked and is never pushy.
One day I was in a phone booth at a shopping center, and a young lady recognized my voice from having listened to my Personality Plus tapes. As we conversed, Popular Sanguine Burdetta told me she had to call her Peaceful Phlegmatic husband. She was going to ask him to go home to shut off the dryer, so she wouldn’t be late for her tennis game. I wasn’t sure Fred would have felt this a vital excuse, but she assured me her husband would drop everything to go turn off the dryer with the broken timer so the clothes wouldn’t burn up. As she bounced around in her tennis clothes, I asked if she would write up the glories of the perfect Peaceful Phlegmatic husband and here is her response.
Dear Florence,
On Monday, December 14, at a telephone booth in South Coast Plaza, a lady in tennis clothes recognized your voice from your tapes and said hello; that’s me! In our conversation you asked for positives about Peaceful Phlegmatics, and I told you I would send you some, since I have been happily married to one for twenty years.
Being Popular Sanguine/Powerful Choleric myself I tend to think only Popular Sanguines are fun to be with and only Powerful Cholerics are worthwhile. Typical Popular Sanguine/Powerful Choleric, I always think my way is the only way.
When I started trying to think of positives for the Peaceful Phlegmatics, the Lord really humbled me. The strength of my life and the stability of my marriage is my Peaceful Phlegmatic husband.
Always calm, slow to anger (Prov. 14:29), in control under stress, never impulsive, logical, reliable, loyal, and patient (Eccles. 7:8). They do not set goals for other people; there are no self-improvement courses for their wives or children, because they sincerely accept people just as they are.
Peaceful Phlegmatics make excellent parents, although they are weak disciplinarians. Their easygoing manner produces contented children.
My ten-year-old son loves baseball and is active in Little League. Win or lose, his father never really cares; he just keeps cheering him on.
They make great bosses. People love to work for them. Because of the lack of pressure or criticism, secretaries seem motivated to give a little extra; their self-esteem is elevated because of this environment and productivity increases.
They make ideal arbitrators. Because of their calm, unemotional logic, they can reduce a tense situation with only a few soft words.
Women Peaceful Phlegmatics have a natural poise that Popular Sanguines admire from far off. They have a quiet ladylike attitude that sets them apart. Their meek and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4) is so pleasant to be around.
My Peaceful Phlegmatic husband has a dry sense of humor that comes from not taking life too seriously. When I met you, I was calling his office in Santa Ana to tell him that I had left the dryer on, and ask if he were going up to his Beverly Hills office, could he stop by the house and turn it off. His answer was simply not to worry about it; if the house burns down we’ll get another o
ne; then he added a quick little phrase as he hung up—knowing very well that I would never be the one to pay an insurance bill, or even know if we had any—“I’m sure you paid that fire insurance bill that came last week!” His unexpected humor can pull me out of a very serious mood.
Peaceful Phlegmatics really do have redeeming qualities, and I think we should keep them around.
Sincerely,
BURDETTA HONESCKO
Low-Key Personality
Peaceful Phlegmatic is so pleasant and inoffensive to have around that every family should import a few, if they didn’t happen to give birth to any. Brenda came to stay with my children for a week, and we all fell in love with her. In the midst of our Powerful Choleric family pressure, Brenda’s low-key personality seemed to bring us all into perspective. She agreed with whatever idea was brought up—a trait dearly treasured by Powerful Cholerics, who are always laying plans; and she fit into any slot she was dropped in. No one ever wanted her to leave, and she became part of our family. Six years later she said in Peaceful Phlegmatic dry humor, “The reason I didn’t leave was it was just too much work to pack.”
Young Tim became president of his high-school class and was instrumental in leading a protest group to the state capitol. His Popular Sanguine mother was thrilled at his unusually aggressive behavior, and she gathered her friends to watch the six o’clock news when Tim’s group would be shown. When the protest march came on, Tim was nowhere in view, until the camera panned the spectators, where his disappointed mother saw him sitting on the curb, with his head in his hands. She was furious, and when he got home she asked why he was not out front leading the group. He replied, “I didn’t want to make a fool of myself.”
Even if Peaceful Phlegmatic does assume leadership, he will often drop the position before he is seen. He doesn’t need the credit, and he surely doesn’t want to make a fool of himself.
I asked a young boy about his Peaceful Phlegmatic girlfriend, “What do you like best about her?”
He thought for a minute and said, “I guess all of her, because nothing much stands out.” This simple statement sums up Peaceful Phlegmatics; there’s nothing that really stands out, but they are such comfortable, well-rounded people to be with. They never appear to be conceited and they keep a low profile. One Peaceful Phlegmatic man said, “I guess I’m just an average person.” And another sighed in disbelief, “I’m just amazed when people like me.” The humility and gentleness of Peaceful Phlegmatic is so pleasing to be with and gives the other temperaments some positive qualities to work on as we all aim for sainthood.
Easygoing
Peaceful Phlegmatic likes to take it easy and in stages. He doesn’t want to think too far ahead. Young Fred had a friend over, and I asked if he’d like to stay for dinner. He replied, “I’ll have to think about it. I’ll see when the time comes.” I set a place for him, and he stayed.
After dinner I put the TV on for him and asked, “Is there anything particular you’d like to watch?”
He said, “Whatever’s on.”
Later during a commercial, he mumbled, “I did want to see the Dodger game.”
I asked, “Why didn’t you say so?”
“I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.” Peaceful Phlegmatic never wants to cause trouble and will quietly accept the status quo rather than ask for a change.
Son Fred has another Peaceful Phlegmatic friend who is so easygoing he hardly moves. One day he was slouched on my couch in torn-up jeans, a ripped T-shirt, scraggly long hair, and bare feet.
I commented, “Mike, it doesn’t look as if you spent a lot of time pulling yourself together today.”
A Popular Sanguine boy on the other couch spoke up, “Mike believes in the low-maintenance look.” What a perfect expression for the Peaceful Phlegmatic.
Calm, Cool, Collected
One of the most admirable traits of Peaceful Phlegmatic is his ability to stay calm in the eye of a storm. Where Popular Sanguine screams, Powerful Choleric lashes out, and Perfect Melancholy sinks down, Peaceful Phlegmatic rides cool. He backs up and waits a minute, and then moves quietly in the right direction. Emotion doesn’t overwhelm him; anger doesn’t enter his heart. “It’s just not worth getting upset over,” he muses.
As my brothers and I grew up with a quiet Peaceful Phlegmatic mother, I know we must have caused her many anxious moments. When we would get too wild, she would shut us in the tiny den and say, “I don’t care what you do in here, as long as you keep calm, cool, and collected.”
Patient—Well Balanced
Peaceful Phlegmatic is never in a hurry, and he doesn’t get disturbed over situations that would bother others. Powerful Choleric Gladys told me this story.
After a day visiting relatives, I could hardly wait to get home. As we got near the freeway, Don said calmly, “We’ve got to stop for gas.” I thought we could make it, but he didn’t want to take the chance, so we drove into a self-service station. I took my little girl to the ladies’ room and came out expecting him to be ready to drive away. Instead he was standing by the car holding his money. “Why haven’t you paid?” I yelled. “I’m in a hurry.” He explained that he didn’t know whom to pay.
I spotted a man who looked official and sent him over. Unfortunately, the man wouldn’t take the money as he was a customer in his air-force uniform. An attendant appeared and refused the twenty-dollar bill as he could only accept exact change. We didn’t have the exact change, and I was mad at the attendant. Don calmly suggested we walk across to a supermarket and get change. I hated to waste the time, but we had no choice. I wanted to barge up to the cashier and ask for change, but Don said that wouldn’t be right. We would have to buy something.
“We don’t need anything,” I countered. He didn’t argue, but went to the dairy case where he carefully selected three flavors of yogurt and purchased them with his twenty-dollar bill.
We walked back to the station, and he waited patiently for the attendant to finish changing a tire. When he finally paid his bill, he thanked the man for being understanding, and smiled graciously before joining us in the car. Throughout the whole dreary procedure, he never showed any anger, never got upset with my impatience, and hummed softly all the way home.
Do you see how differently each personality handles situations? Popular Sanguine would not have noticed the gas was low, but if he did, he would have become flustered over how to get the right change. Popular Choleric would have demanded the attendant make the change and caused a scene. Perfect Melancholy would have had the right change, but if not, he would have been disturbed with himself for lack of planning and brooded over it all the way home.
In most situations Peaceful Phlegmatic can be counted on to hold his tongue and to be patient, even under provocation.
Happily Reconciled to Life
Peaceful Phlegmatic doesn’t start out with great expectations and is, therefore, more easily reconciled to the vicissitudes of life. He has a basic pessimistic nature that does not depress him as it does Perfect Melancholy, but that keeps him “realistic.”
My Peaceful Phlegmatic grandmother used to say to us each night, “I’ll see you in the morning, God willing.” As a brash teenager I tried to get her to cheer up her good nights, but she made it clear to me, “Some morning I won’t get up.” And she was right.
When Sue asks her Peaceful Phlegmatic mother how she is today, she replies, “So’s to be about,” or, “Not so bad as yesterday.” Although these are not enthusiastic answers, they keep her from having unreal expectations and then being disappointed.
When I was in college, I asked my mother why she never complimented the three of us. She replied, “If you never say anything too positive, you’ll never have to eat your words.”
Peaceful Phlegmatic doesn’t expect sunshine every day, or a pot of gold at the end of each rainbow, so when rain falls on the Peaceful Phlegmatic’s parade he can keep on marching. How much we all could learn from the attitude that accepts life as it is and is reconciled
to reality.
Has Administrative Ability
Because Powerful Choleric is noted as the typical business executive, we sometimes overlook Peaceful Phlegmatic as a competent, steady worker—one who gets along with everyone and has administrative ability.
Former President Gerald Ford is Peaceful Phlegmatic, and descriptions of him sound as if they came out of this book.
Bob Pierpoint of CBS said, “Jerry Ford is decent, friendly, compassionate. He didn’t really have a new or progressive thought in twenty-five years, but he’s a genuinely good guy.” Author Doris Goodwin called him “enjoyable, unassuming, relaxed, easygoing, well balanced, normal, decent, honest, regular.” The All-American Mr. Clean!
It was Ford’s middle-of-the-road, totally inoffensive nature that caused him to be chosen at a moment in history when we didn’t want a flashy, daring question mark, but a simple, solid man we could trust. Ford was selected for his Peaceful Phlegmatic personality, even though those choosing probably had no concept of the temperaments.
Long after his defeat for reelection, the Wall Street Journal ran an article entitled “Thanks for Nothing.”
We are told the Michigan civic leaders are hesitant to begin raising money for the usual type of commemorative museum for ex-President Gerald R. Ford. One reason, says his old congressional district’s Republican chairman, is that the Ford Presidency was “a passive Presidency rather than an active one. It was extremely important as a time of healing. But how do you make a monument to something that didn’t happen?”
The chairman has a point there. For a while during those years there was a noticeable letup in the grand domestic schemes, the foreign misadventures and the violent partisanship that had provided most of the drama of American politics for more than a decade. Which may make Gerald Ford a leading candidate for the best and biggest memorial of all.
Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself Page 7
