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“I don’t know,” I admitted. “The first few months were complete hell. Now I keep thinking that maybe I’m not doing too badly…and then it all hits me again, and it’s even worse than before. ” I stared down at the battered white mug; finally I sighed and pushed it away.
“I miss him, Liz,” I whispered. “I miss him so much. ”
“I know,” she said softly.
For a while, neither of us spoke. Then Liz glanced up; following her gaze, I saw Meghan leaving the room. Seb had appeared in the doorway at the same time – and for a second neither seemed to know what to do. Finally Meghan sort of nodded and went past, not really looking at him.
“What’s up with them?” I asked.
Liz’s head whipped around as she stared at me. “Are you kidding?” she asked after a pause. “Willow, they’ve broken up. ”
“What? Since when?” I looked back at Seb; he stood talking with a group of guys. His stubbled face had that neutral look I knew so well.
Liz shook her head. “I don’t know, a few weeks ago? Seriously, how can you not know this? You and Seb teach a class together!”
“Yes, but we don’t…” I frowned, casting my mind back. When had I seen Seb and Meghan curled up on the sofa together? Hadn’t that been just recently? No, I realized, not really. Maybe three or four months ago. And now that I thought about it, Seb had been different lately – quiet, moody. The charming Seb who flirted with all the girls was long gone.
“We don’t talk much,” I finished lamely.
Liz and I went quiet as Seb came over. “Willow, can I speak to you?” he asked, his voice flat. “We need to decide about our classes. ”
Our classes had had uneven numbers since the teams left; with more new recruits coming in, we needed to decide who was doing what. Seb had been trying to corner me about it for a couple of weeks – and suddenly I had a feeling I knew why.
I nodded, my thoughts still tumbling. “Yeah, fine. Let’s go into the office; we can use the computer. ”
As we headed down the hallway, for the first time in a long time I was aware of just how heavy the silence felt between us. I glanced at Seb. His profile looked set in stone.
In the office, I sat down at the desk and brought up the student lists on the screen. “Do you want to pull up a chair?” I asked.
Seb rolled over a spare office chair, and I moved my own aside to make room. Once our two auras would have mingled companionably; now each was drawn in against our bodies, only touching at the edges where there was no choice. Sitting this close, though, I could smell Seb’s clean, woodsy scent. It brought back so many memories of being his friend – of talking for hours. A faint wistfulness stirred through me.
Seb pulled some notes from his back pocket. His handwriting was small and precise, the words a mix of Spanish and English.
“What about the first morning class?” he said, impatiently pushing the chestnut curls off his forehead. “I think Heather and Lisa should be in yours – they don’t seem to be getting it with me; they always go so far, but no further. ”
“Fine. ” I cut and pasted their names from one list to the other. “Could you take Richard, though? I think he might do better having a guy for a teacher. ”
We made our way through the student lists, our exchanges completely impersonal. For so many months, this had been exactly what I wanted. Now I found myself wondering if avoiding Seb had become only a habit. Maybe, I thought tiredly. It didn’t really matter – I couldn’t see things ever being the same between us after so long.
On the list for Seb’s afternoon advanced class, Meghan’s name seemed more brightly lit than the others. I had to bite my tongue not to ask. Finally, frowning down at the paper in his hand, Seb said, “And I think Meghan might be happier with you. ”
I moved her without comment. But remembering the two of them on the sofa together, anger stirred. He’d had something really good with her; it was obvious. Why hadn’t he tried harder?
The thought made me coldly furious for some reason. “So maybe you and Meghan should have left here together after all,” I said, still looking at the screen as I typed.
Seb had never had any problem filling in the blanks. His head snapped up, and though his hazel eyes stayed expressionless, the gold flecks in them suddenly seemed to glitter. He folded up the paper and shoved it in his jeans pocket.
“Let me tell you something,” he said as he stood up. “I did not stay here because of you. I stayed because I promised Alex. If I hadn’t, then I would have left months ago, and to hell with this place. And, yes, who knows – maybe things would have worked out with Meghan then. Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?”
I was already regretting, deeply, that I’d said anything. “I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s none of my business. ”
“No, it isn’t,” said Seb, and something shrank inside of me: the chill of his voice was close to hatred. “I think we’re finished now. ”
In October I turned nineteen.
In a moment of weakness, I let Liz talk me into throwing a party. I got dressed up and smiled, and even danced a little.
But all I could feel was the warmth of Alex’s lips as they pressed against my neck – the strength of his arm around me, holding me close. Are you kidding? I’d have had to challenge the guy to a duel or something. Might have been kind of awkward.
When it was over I went back to my room and cried so hard that I ended up retching over the toilet.
It wasn’t really a good birthday.
“YOU READY FOR THIS?” SAID Bascal’s voice on the phone.
Raziel was in his office, going over maps for his upcoming journey to Mexico City. Annoyingly, it would take days to get there on the still-shattered roads. At least there hadn’t been a major snowfall yet, though it was now late November.
“Ready for what?” he said, distracted.
“The Angel Killers are still alive. ”
Raziel’s head snapped up. “What?”
“Yeah, a group have been caught near Albuquerque Eden. They attacked some angels there, but missed one. When we went back and captured the AKs, we found a base they’d built up in the mountains. ”
Raziel leaned forward, his posture hunched and urgent. “What about Fields and Kylar?”
“Don’t know yet – they weren’t there with them, at least. But listen, boss, these people have been trained. Just their bad luck one got away. ” Bascal’s voice hesitated. “There’s more,” he said.
Raziel frowned while Bascal spoke, blindly taking in a Tiffany lamp across the room. “Just like Kara Mendez,” he murmured finally. Like Kara, and like those people in Mexico City, whose numbers kept growing. Why did this seem so inevitable?
“Yeah, exactly,” said Bascal. “I can tell you one thing – from the way they were acting, they sure don’t know we can’t feed from them. Anyway, they haven’t been interrogated yet – I thought you’d want to have that fun yourself. ”
“Yes, thanks,” Raziel said grimly. “Have Albuquerque send them here. Immediately. ”
Raziel hadn’t met a human yet who could hold up under enough pain. Apart from Kara, who was exceptional – he rather missed their little games. There was no time for such subtlety with the Albuquerque group, though.
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