Incumbent

by Joanne Schwehm

  My eyes welled with tears, and I didn’t know if I could continue, but knew I had to.

  “What did she say, Lucy?”

  My voice was barely audible, and it took me two tries to get it out. “She . . . she said if I terminated the pregnancy, she wouldn’t press charges against Greg.”

  I averted my eyes, unable to look at Drake. He was pro-life and so was I.

  “I argued and argued with her, but my mom wouldn’t budge. I told her I loved him, and we were going to make it work. He was enlisting in the Army, and I was going to finish as much school as I could, either get my GED or try to graduate early, and then move to wherever he was. But that didn’t happen.”

  My hand went to my stomach in a protective gesture, just as it did back then. “She told me that wasn’t an option. I was an embarrassment to our family, and there was no way I could have a baby at sixteen. That’s when my dad came home. He took one look at us, and my mother started to cry as she explained everything. I’ll never forget it. I’d never seen my dad so disappointed. He didn’t say much except that I needed to listen to my mother, and if I didn’t, he’d be calling his friend in the DA’s office. But I wanted our child.”

  Drake pulled me into his arms, but I gently pushed away from him.

  “Lucy, let me help you. Did you put the child up for adoption? Is that what happened? I’ll help you see him or her, if that’s what you want.”

  I looked up at him, my heart breaking. “My mother wasn’t bluffing. The next day, she gave me the option to either go with her to the clinic or to the police department. I didn’t know what to do; I was so terrified. She took my phone from me, so I couldn’t call Greg.”

  Tears were now flowing freely down my face, and I didn’t bother wiping them away. My voice hitched.

  “I went online and looked at the laws, and she was right. Because he’d just turned nineteen and I was hours away from being sixteen, it was illegal, and he could go to jail. It broke my heart, but I couldn’t ruin Greg’s life.”

  Drake’s face paled, and I knew this was it. Terror struck my soul. So I leaned in and kissed him, knowing it could be the last time our lips met, the last time I’d be able to taste him. Maybe it was unfair of me to do, but I needed it.

  When I pulled back from the kiss, I looked into his worried eyes. “I’m so sorry, Drake. I had an abortion.”

  His face fell, and suddenly my eyes weren’t the only ones filled with tears. I was sure we’d never recover from this.

  Drake stared at me and I went to hug him, but he quickly stood and lowered his head, not allowing me to embrace him.

  “I’m sorry you went through this, Lucy, but did you contact a lawyer yourself?” he asked, and I shook my head. “What about this guy, Greg?” Frown lines bracketed his mouth, and the dimples I loved were nowhere to be seen.

  “I wasn’t able to talk to him until after. Like I said, my mom took my phone away from me.” I sniffed, trying to regain my composure, but I was a mess. “Plus, he had a future ahead of him. I knew he’d tell me not to do it and he’d take whatever punishment he had coming to him, but I just couldn’t. So I broke up with him, and he went to basic training.”

  Drake’s voice was tight when he asked, “Do you still love him?”

  “In a way, I think I’ll always love him, but it was young love. It’s not like how I feel now.”

  My heart screamed at me to tell Drake I loved him, but now didn’t seem like the right time. Not after all I’d just hit him with.

  “Where is he?”

  “He died. Well, he went missing after he was deployed to the Middle East, and that’s the last I heard of him, and the last time I saw my parents. But I have more to tell you.”

  Drake was leaning against the door with his arms crossed. His body language was so closed off, all I could think of was that he wanted to escape and get away from me.

  “My name wasn’t always Lucy Washburn. I was born Abigail Winston.”

  His eyes narrowed as he tried to process what I was saying. Before he could ask questions, I told him the rest.

  “It was my freshman year of college when I heard from friends that Greg was missing in action and presumed dead. That’s when part of me died too. Not only had I lost him, but we lost the choice to have our own family. The fury I felt toward my parents was something I’d never felt before. But what was worse was the disgust I felt toward myself, and the guilt. I cried all the time, didn’t care about going to classes, and I realized I’d already lost myself. Abigail was dead; she died on the same day Greg did.”

  I sobbed, gasping for air as I tried to speak, but I couldn’t do it. My cheeks were wet with tears, but I needed to go on or I’d never finish my story. I swiped at my face with the back of my hands.

  “Lucy, you don’t need to.” Drake took a step toward me, but I shook my head.

  “Yes, I do.” My chest shuddered as I took a breath and tried to go on. “So I completely cut myself off from my family and started over. I hired a lawyer and legally changed my name, and then transferred out of Colorado State to JMU. I had a small trust fund that my grandparents had left me, money my parents couldn’t touch, so I was able to support myself through college without their help. I’m so sorry, Drake. I should have told you sooner.”

  He stared at the floor, seeming to process what I’d told him, but he didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity.

  “Please say something,” I begged. My heart felt as if it had been stabbed. I hated to think how Drake felt.

  Frowning, he glanced up at me. “Who else knows about this?”

  “Mason. He’s the only one who knows my story.”

  Staring at the floor, he said in a low voice, “You should have told me.”

  I nodded. “I know, but I was scared.”

  His head snapped up as if he suddenly realized something. “Is this why you didn’t want your picture in the paper? Because you thought you might be recognized?”

  “You’re a pro-life Republican, Drake, who also happens to be Catholic. I couldn’t let my past be associated with you. And if the school board found out about this, I’d most likely lose my job. It wasn’t something I’d want to put on my résumé, but I wasn’t asked about it either. I was just happy to have a job where I could teach.”

  His face hardened. “So you waited until I fell in love with you to tell me you aren’t who you said you were?”

  I was stunned. He loves me?

  At my shocked expression, Drake stood up a little straighter, his face drawn tight with emotion. “Didn’t you know how I felt about you? You could have told me at the very beginning, and I wouldn’t have thought less of you. What happened to you was a long time ago. It wasn’t as if this happened to us. But you decided to keep this from me. Now, we’re here with my family, who adores you by the way, and you spring this on me?”

  I shook my head, wanting him to understand. “This is why I held off meeting them.”

  “One week. You held out for one week, Lucy.” His shoulders slumped and his head fell forward, utterly defeated. “I don’t know what to do here. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

  “I’m sorry. I really am so sorry. But I needed to tell you before someone started digging in my past.”

  “I understand, and I’m sorry you didn’t tell me until you felt you had to.”

  “What was I supposed to say? Hi, I’m Lucy Washburn, but I was born Abigail Winston. I changed my name because I had an abortion and hate my parents? Oh, and the boy I once loved died fighting for our country, so we’d never have the life we wanted?” My words felt like blades slicing my mouth as I spoke.

  Drake paced away from me, his hand over his mouth. His voice was hoarse as he said, “I need time to figure out how to handle this.”

  “Does this mean we’re over?” I choked out.

  Facing the darkened window that looked out over the beach, he kept his back to me as he said, “It means I need time to think, that’s all.”

  I
nodded, determined not to let any more tears fall. I’d wait until I was back home.

  “For what it’s worth,” he added, “I appreciate your telling me.”

  I tried to smile, but it probably came out as a grimace. He didn’t see it anyway, because he averted his face as he opened the door and walked out.

  Pain struck me so hard when Drake walked away, it was difficult for me to stand. I shouldn’t have gotten as close to him as I had. In fact, I shouldn’t even be here right now. At least here he’d have his family to help him process it all, a family I could only wish to have one day.

  Devastated, I watched him walk out of the room and probably out of my life. The click of the front door closing downstairs echoed in my soul.

  I was already responsible for destroying Greg, and I couldn’t do the same to Drake. He deserved to live his dreams, without the problems my past would cause him. He’d be forced to make excuses for me, and my past would become fodder for the next news cycle.

  The headlines alone would be brutal, and once my family found out where I was, everything I’d worked so hard to put behind me would be front and center once again. I wasn’t so much concerned with myself, but if my parents found out that my boyfriend was a prominent political figure, they’d feast on that—especially my mom.

  I grabbed my phone, looked up the bus schedule, and called a cab to take me to the terminal. Then I sent Mason a text, asking him to pick me up at the station. Knowing he’d be confused, I also told him Drake knew the truth.

  Not wanting to discuss it right now, I turned off my phone and tossed it back in my bag. Mason would be calling, wanting to be sure I was okay, but I just couldn’t talk right now.

  The only thing left to do was to pack my bag, which didn’t take long. I turned to look at the bed Drake and I shared in this beautiful oceanfront room. We might not have been here long, but I’d fallen in love with it. Knowing Drake would expect me to be here when he got back, I went to the desk next to the window, took out a notepad, and wrote him a letter. It was the hardest letter I’d ever written in my life.

  When I was done, I placed the paper on my pillow, wiped my eyes, and headed downstairs to wait for the taxi.

  Sounds from the TV were coming from the den, and I peeked in to see Drake’s brothers, father, and sister watching a baseball game. I felt horrible not saying good-bye to them, or at the very least thanking them for their hospitality, but I’d send a card later, once I got home.

  My heart sank as I stepped out onto the porch. The night air was cool, and the salty breeze blew my hair into my eyes. A noise startled me, and I turned to find Drake’s mom sitting on the swing I’d admired when we first arrived.

  “Lucy, sweetheart, is that your bag? Are you leaving?” Her posture straightened as she slid over and patted the seat next to her. “Come and sit with me.”

  “Thank you, Tina, but I’m waiting for a cab. It should be here any minute.”

  “Did something happen at home? Was there an emergency?” Then she looked behind me. “Where’s Drake?”

  I shrugged and my eyes filled. “I had to tell him some things from my past that I’m not proud of. He may need to talk to someone, but he might think he needs to keep my secret. Please let him know that I told you it was okay for him to talk to you if he needs to.”

  Sympathy filled her eyes. “You love my son, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I believe I do.”

  “Then why are you leaving? I’ve never seen my boy look at someone the way he does you. He’ll be back, I’m sure of it.” Tina stood and approached me.

  I gave her a hug. “I’m sorry, Tina. He may need time, but I’m afraid this is one instance where time may not heal all wounds.” The sound of a horn grabbed my attention. “That’s my ride. Thank you so much for accepting me, even though you didn’t know who I was.”

  I hurried down the steps, tossed my bag in the taxi’s backseat, and climbed in after it.

  As we drove away, I looked back at the house, which was beyond anything I’d imagined. The wraparound porch was my favorite part of the home. It reminded me of a ribbon tied around the most gorgeous present, and the Prescotts were the gift.

  My eyes stung as I thought of the type of people they were, and I knew I would miss them, but I couldn’t blame Drake if he decided not to be with me. All I could do was pray that one day he’d be able to understand.

  CHAPTER 16

  ~ Drake ~

  The sound of the waves generally calmed me, but I didn’t need that tonight. What I needed was guidance and answers.

  A riot of emotions tied up my stomach as I stood in the moonlight, resting my forearms on the railing of the boat dock as I watched wave after wave roll in. All I could think of was how scared Lucy had to be when she found out she was pregnant, and then how devastated she must have been when her parents reacted the way they did.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket.

  GRETCHEN: Where are you?

  DRAKE: I’m on the dock. Tell Lucy I’ll be back in a few minutes.

  My sister was probably worried about me, and truth be told, so was I. What did all of this mean?

  I looked up to the starry sky and whispered to the heavens, “Please, help me help her.”

  This wasn’t Lucy’s fault. Kids made mistakes all the time, and she happened to get pregnant. It wasn’t as if she set out to trap the guy; she’d wanted to protect him.

  The thought of what she endured after that broke my heart. I couldn’t shake the thought of how terrified she must have been. What kind of parent did that to their child? It was no wonder she didn’t want anything to do with them.

  Greg was in my thoughts as well. He’d served our country in a way I’d always wanted to, and now the poor guy was presumed dead. Lucy’s chest must have felt like an elephant had been sitting on it for years with the amount of guilt she’d been carrying around. I needed to lift that weight off her in some way.

  “Hey!”

  I turned to see Gretchen walking toward me, and I frowned. “I told you I’d be right in.”

  “Don’t snap at me.” She came up to me and rested her back against the railing, her elbow brushing mine.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. Did you tell Lucy I’d be back soon?” I glanced behind her, but all I saw was wooden planks dimly lit by the dock lights.

  “No, I didn’t, because she isn’t there.” Sadness washed over her face.

  “What do you mean?”

  “She left. Mom told me a cab came to pick her up.”

  Frozen in place, I stared at Gretchen as I watched her lips move, thinking my ears didn’t hear her correctly.

  “Mom said she seemed sad,” she said. “What happened?”

  “FUCK!”

  I took off running across the dock to get to the house. Gretchen’s feet pounded the wooden planks behind me, and she caught up with me at the front porch where the rest of my family stood waiting for us.

  “Drake, honey.” My mom extended her hand.

  “What did she say?”

  I’d never seen my mom’s eyes so sad. She was normally such a cheerful person, and now she looked as unhappy as I felt.

  “She’s fallen for you,” Mom said softly, and gave my hands a squeeze, “but she needed to give you space.”

  My head bobbed in understanding. I glanced around at the rest of my family to find they all wore the same sympathetic expression as my mother.

  Overwhelmed, I released my mom’s hands. “Please excuse me.”

  I hurried upstairs, taking the steps two at a time, to see for myself whether her things were gone. Sure enough, they were. Lucy had left. How could she leave?

  Then I saw it, a piece of paper on the bed. With trembling fingers, I picked it up and sat down to read what she wrote.

  Dear Drake,

  This isn’t a “Dear Drake” letter, even though that’s the way it started. I’m going home, but I’m only leaving because I want to give you space and time to digest everything I’ve told you.


  I’d like to say I would’ve done things differently, but I don’t think I would have. Some people might say that I’ve been hiding from my past for the past ten years, and I guess on some levels that’s true. But in my mind and heart, Abigail is dead, and I never wanted to resurrect her.

  I’m so ashamed of what I did, and for what I let my parents do to me. My only excuse is that I was young and afraid. All I can hope for is that in time you’ll understand.

  When I first saw my picture in the paper, I was terrified, and when it happened again, I knew I needed to tell you. Your life is so public, I should have never started a relationship with you, but it was out of my hands. My heart wanted you when we met, and before long, my body and soul ached for you.

  I won’t be calling, and not because I won’t want to but because I can’t. You need to be ready to accept everything that I’ve told you.

  There’s one thing I haven’t told you, something I regret now that I hadn’t shared with you yet. I’ve fallen in love with you, and because of that, if you need me to, I’ll let you go.

  Always,

  Lucy

  I must have read her letter at least five times, and my head spun with her words.

  In love with me.

  Let me go.

  She ached for me.

  This was an anomaly for me. In my profession and for the most of my adult life, I was the decision maker, the problem solver, the one people turned to. But now I was at a loss.

  A soft knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts, and when I looked up, my mom walked in and sat on the bed next to me.

  Sliding an arm around my back, she asked softly, “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

  I hung my head. “I don’t know, Mom. Is it wrong that I’m thirty-five and still need advice from you?” I gave her a tight smile, and she kissed me on the temple just like she did when I was a little boy.