Vivid

by Jessica Wilde

  Would he try it again?

  God, I hoped he did. If Emma hadn't walked in when she did, I would have been all over the man. Just like now. If something didn't interrupt us soon, I was going to climb him like a tree. His rare silliness only added to my uncontainable attraction to him.

  "Now, tell me what the hell happened that made it sound like you hurt yourself. You look perfectly fine to me."

  Oh, shit. That smile only got bigger.

  "I do?"

  I stomped my foot, trying not to smile. "Merrick!"

  "Okay, okay. Sorry, it's just nice to know that you find me attractive."

  He was baiting me. I knew it, but I couldn't stop myself from latching on. "Of course I do. I've always found you attractive."

  This time that smile was accompanied by the deepest – and manliest – shade of pink in his cheeks. God, the man was beautiful. The scar slashing through the left side of his face did nothing but make it harder for me to look away. I swear I could stare at him all day and never get tired of it.

  "These damn crutches are painful." Merrick lifted an arm as he spoke.

  My eyes widened at the sight of raw, red skin under his arms. "Oh my God, Merrick, why didn't you tell me?"

  He shook his head and rolled his eyes. Of course he wouldn't tell me. He was the master at keeping things inside.

  I moved closer to get a better look. The irritated skin looked painful, reddening some of the scars from his previous burns in the same area. I could only imagine how much they actually hurt.

  "It wouldn't be so bad if I could move from the shower to the room without the damn things. Am I walking on them wrong?"

  I shook my head and lifted his arm, trying in vain to ignore those thick muscles of his under my fingers. "You're doing just fine on them. This happens more often than you think, but normal people tell someone before it gets this bad."

  "Yeah, well you know better than anyone that I'm not normal," he said, his tone soft.

  I looked up into his face, seeing that his eyes were aimed down at me, as if he was actually looking at me. The distant and empty look in them made me want to growl in frustration. It was the first time I wished with every fiber of my being that he could see. The first time I wished the past hadn't happened for someone else.

  I felt his breath fan my face, not realizing how close I was to him until that moment. It would only take a slight movement to press my lips to his. If he knew how sexy he actually was, I don't think he would care what I thought of him. But the look on his face told me that he did care, and he was worried.

  "You're better than normal, Merrick."

  Neither one of us breathed, the air around us sizzling with electricity. I could almost hear the crackle, and I sure as hell could feel it.

  Letting his arm drop, I stepped away from him before I lost my mind. The smell of his body wash did crazy things to my stomach, not to mention the things that happened a little further down.

  "I'm going to get some ointment. You should probably stay off the crutches for a little while so you don't make it worse."

  He nodded and felt around for his bed before slowly sitting down and tossing the crutch aside. "Would you mind finding me some clothes then?"

  I swallowed, barely getting past the lump in my throat. "Sure."

  A few minutes later, Merrick was dressed and I was sweating bullets. Touching him was getting more and more difficult to do without feeling like I was going to burst into flames. I needed to talk about something to take my mind off of his body.

  "So, Josh is asking Keara tonight," I blurted out as he adjusted the brace on his leg.

  "Really? That's great."

  "Yeah, he's taking her to Salt Lake. Fancy dinner and a show."

  Merrick grinned. "He isn't going to hide the ring in her food is he?"

  "Oh, God. Probably," I laughed. "He was nervous as hell and had no idea when he would do it. He said he'd just wing it."

  "Uh oh. Do you think that's wise?"

  I shrugged. "At this point, I don't think Keara cares how he does it."

  Merrick chuckled, a wide smile stretching through those lips as he adjusted the final strap on his brace. "Good for them. You didn't spill the beans, did you?"

  I scoffed, completely offended by that question. "Excuse me?"

  "I'm just asking," he said quickly, holding his hands up in front of me to hold off my attack. "You seem excited about it and I know how you women like to talk."

  "Yeah, but I can keep a secret if I need to."

  He shrugged, looking every bit the nonchalant he was going for, and shifted on the bed until he could reach the wall.

  "Why did you just shrug?"

  "What?"

  I crossed my arms over my chest and popped my hip out. This kind of thing worked with my father all the time and Mom was a pro at the hip pop. Merrick couldn't see it, though. Didn't stop me from doing it because, damn, it felt good.

  "You shrugged," I pointed out sharply. "Like you didn't believe me."

  "I believe you," he argued with a smile.

  Teasing me seemed like the only thing he actually enjoyed these days, but instead of annoying me, it was only making me like him more. This was the Merrick I used to stare at in class. The Merrick everyone gravitated to. The Merrick I drew a heart around in almost every year book I owned.

  "I don't believe you," I said with an almighty glare that would have had other men shaking in their boots.

  This caused another laugh that took my breath away. "Oh, Grace. You're adorable, you know that?"

  His use of the same word I used to describe him was intentional, but instead of arguing about it, I smiled and kept my voice matter-of-fact. "I know."

  He stepped forward with a hand on the wall, smirking playfully. Then he put more pressure on his leg than he should. The painful grimace on his face made me roll my eyes.

  "Okay, tough guy. You aren't going anywhere right now so sit back down. We'll do your exercises in here."

  He did as he was told, that same mischievous grin appearing on his face. "I can think of plenty of fun exercises to do on my bed, but I'm assuming you aren't into that."

  I felt my face flame, because I was very much into that, but he didn't need to know that. "What a charmer."

  I walked out of the room, leaving him chuckling on his bed, hoping I had enough self-control to touch him without actually touching him.

  "This is going to be a long day."

  ***

  "You'll be happy to hear that I have plans this evening."

  My head snapped up so quickly, I was sure I strained several muscles in my neck. Merrick was standing unsteadily in the doorway of the kitchen a few days after the nonsexual-exercises-on-the-bed episode. I still couldn't get the image of him standing in the middle of his room, in nothing but his boxer briefs, out of my head. So, suffice it to say, the first thing I saw when I looked at him was that he was definitely wearing clothes.

  I didn't even try to stop the frown.

  Did he just say he had plans?

  "I'm sorry?"

  Merrick smiled and slowly made his way through the kitchen, counting his steps along the way until he reached out and grasped the edge of the counter where I was sitting. He was doing as much as he could only using one of the crutches and before long, he would no longer need them.

  "I have plans tonight."

  "You do?" I asked with a small squeak.

  "I do. With my sister."

  God, I really wish I could have held back the deep sigh of relief, but it came out so fast. There was no covering it up or taking it back.

  With Keara and Josh finally getting engaged, for some reason I just felt like everyone was settling down and I was still in limbo. What would happen if Merrick found someone?

  "What kinds of plans did you think I'd have?"

  I shrugged and turned back to the book I'd started reading the night before. It was no surprise that with everything on my mind, I still hadn't finished the first chapter.


  "Grace?"

  I hesitated a moment, then looked back at him. His eyes were pointed down at the counter top and his hand was close to mine. I wanted to slide mine right over his and feel the strength in that hand.

  "I don't know. I thought maybe you'd be going out with friends."

  He laughed dryly. "What friends?"

  "You have friends here, Merrick. Lots of them."

  "And not one of them wants to deal with a blind man."

  "Merrick ..."

  He slid his hand away and pulled it through his hair, his lips pressed together in frustration. "I'm sorry, Grace. I know you're trying to help, but I don't think you realize that all the friends I used to have are no longer a part of my life."

  "What about the friends you made in the military? Do any of them live close by?"

  Merrick's expression suddenly dropped altogether. No anger or surprise or even thoughtfulness. Just empty. His face was pale and his good leg started to shake. I grabbed his arm and forced him to sit, hoping against hope that I didn't just open a can of worms for him.

  It was a long time before he took a deep breath and told me something I wasn't expecting at all.

  "There's one friend that lives in Mona. A few hours from here. Ryan Warner."

  "Were you close with him?"

  Merrick nodded his head and clenched his fists. "He was my best friend. We did everything together."

  I knew then that this wasn't just a friend he made and hung out with when there was down time. This Ryan was there. He was there when everything went to shit.

  I decided to take advantage of his sudden willingness to talk. "Have you talked to him since you've been back?"

  He slowly shook his head and closed his eyes.

  "You haven't called him? He hasn't called you?"

  The regret on Merrick's face said enough, but he told me anyway. "He called the first week I was back. And a few times after."

  "And?"

  "And what? I haven't talked to him."

  "I don't understand," I said, feeling like I was completely missing the point.

  "We'd spoken once or twice in the hospital in Germany, but neither one of us were in any condition to be chummy," he said bitterly. "I didn't take his call and I haven't called him back."

  "Why not?"

  He shook his head and tried to push away from the counter, but I stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Why not, Merrick?"

  The cords of muscle in his arm went hard, trembling under my fingers. "Because I don't deserve his friendship. It's my fault we ran into the shit storm that killed the majority of my men. My fault he almost didn't make it back to his family."

  "But he did make it back. I can't imagine he would blame you for any of it."

  "He doesn't have to," Merrick snapped, the scowl on his face reminding me of the first day as his nurse.

  I stayed quiet. I didn't want to provoke his anger, but I didn't want to tell him it would all be alright. It wouldn't be alright because he still blamed himself for so much, and he still struggled with moving on.

  How long would it last? How many reminders would he get before he finally started to work through the painful memories?

  Every screech of tires, every slam of a cupboard, even the loud whir of a lawn mower made him tense. It all made him remember.

  Merrick's face was aimed in my direction, but his eyes were looking at ... nothing. Nothing at all. It caused a massive lump to form in my throat, thinking of what he must be going through, what he must be seeing in his mind at that very moment. He wouldn't feel comfort just by seeing the sincerity in my expression, and no matter what I said, it wouldn't change anything.

  "I'm sorry, Merrick. I won't ask any more questions."

  The anger on his face softened with regret, and he shut his eyes, cursing under his breath. "No. I'm sorry, Grace. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

  "It's okay. I shouldn't have pushed."

  "No. Don't say it's okay. It's not." He sighed, slumping his shoulders. "I know you want to help and I know I'm being irrational. It's just too hard to think otherwise."

  I reached for his hand and squeezed his fingers. They were cold and trembling, and it made the tightness in my chest twist and turn. "You don't have to think otherwise, Merrick. Not yet, at least. No one should tell you how to feel because no one could possibly understand what you've been through. We just want you back. Your parents want you back, and I ..."

  His head slowly raised, those captivating blue eyes staring straight ahead. It was obvious he still expected to see something whenever he opened them.

  "You what?" he asked, his voice just above a whisper.

  I drew in a deep breath and tried to keep my voice steady. I had no idea what I wanted to say, but I knew what he needed to hear. Exhaling slowly, I carefully chose the right words. "I want you back, too. I saw the old Merrick and I know he's still in there. We don't expect you to be the same as you were before, but we want you to be here. To be with us any way you can. To know that we're here right beside you."

  Merrick's fingers constricted around mine and his thumb circled around the back of my hand. My mouth went dry, my stomach fluttered. Did he already know?

  "I just think you need to take your own time," I added a little breathlessly. "Just remember you aren't alone, no matter how long it takes."

  "How do you even know what the old me is like?"

  "Because I saw you all the time. Saw you with your friends and family."

  "But we never talked, never spent any time together. Hell, I couldn't even remember your name. I know that makes me an asshole, but that just makes me wonder all the more."

  "You didn't need to know who I was. Doesn't change the fact that I still saw you."

  His right eye darkened, the dilation of his pupil making the blue all but disappear. At the time, I didn't think about what it meant for his eye to react to anything at all. All I could think about was the way his hand kept hold of mine, and how much I wanted to move into his strong arms, and stay there forever.

  "I see you now, Grace," he said, moving closer until our chests were just inches apart. "I–"

  "Yo! I'm here, Merrick."

  We both startled at the voice coming from the front door. Mary, Merrick's older sister, had arrived to pick him up. The timing couldn't have been more awful. Or should I say better?

  Merrick slowly released my hand. I stepped away from him, trying to catch my breath. Mary walked into the kitchen and abruptly stopped when she saw us standing next to each other. I don't know what my expression must have looked like, but I assumed I looked like a love-struck fool. The heat in my cheeks was also a sign my entire face was scarlet.

  "Did I interrupt something? I can leave if you need me to," Mary said, lightheartedly. Her lips stretched into a wide grin just before she winked at me.

  She hadn't changed much since the last time I saw her. If I didn't know any better, I could swear she and Merrick were fraternal twins. Her blue eyes stood out starkly on her tanned and flawless face. She always kept her hair dark, but there were times when she was daring and put purple, blue, or pink in it. She was adventurous and beautiful, and from the look on her face, that hadn't changed either.

  "Merrick was just telling me he was leaving," I said, grinning like an idiot. "It's good to see you again, Mary."

  "Same to you, Grace. I've heard a lot about you lately."

  "You have?"

  Her mouth curved into another playful smile. "Lots." Stepping up to Merrick, she wrapped her arms around his neck. He leaned down to return the hug, looking awkward in the process.

  "Good to see you little brother. I've only got tonight before I have another few days on flight." She stepped back and looked him over with a scrutinizing twist to her lips. "My God, you look nice tonight."

  "I can clean up pretty well," Merrick replied, his voice light, but his expression somewhat guarded.

  "You want to come with us, Grace?" Mary asked. "We're going to get some dinner and
catch up. I'd love to hear what you've been doing over the years."

  "Oh." I struggled to speak, my mind scrambling on how to reject the offer without sounding desperate to get away. "I, um, no, thank you. You two go and have a good time. I have some things I need to do tonight."

  Call Keara and ask her what the hell was happening to me, for starters.

  Merrick turned toward me, his brow furrowed and his lips turned down, but Mary saved me. "Another time then, for sure."

  "Yeah, of course. Thanks," I smiled.

  Mary watched me for a moment, her gaze curious if not completely confused. But she didn't push for anything else. I needed to get the attention off of me and onto her before I bolted out the door at a dead run.

  "I'm sorry, I'm just curious. You said you have a few days on flight. What does that mean?"

  "Oh, I'm a flight attendant. I have a few days off at a time and I go back tomorrow."

  "That sounds exciting."

  "Not really," she chuckled. "It's boring most of the time, but it can be fun with some of the people I work with. I get to see a lot of neat places, too."

  "Don't let her fool you, Grace," Merrick cut in. "She loves every minute of it."

  Mary laughed and smacked her brother on the chest. "Only because I get to meet rich businessmen that get a little too handsy."

  "And how does Sam feel about that?"

  "He hates it, but he's seen what they look like. Old and stinky. Plus, he knows I'll never leave him for another. He's too good to me."

  "Yeah, well he better be or I'll have to kick his ass again."

  Mary rolled her eyes and turned back to me. "So how much longer do you have to take care of this loser? He seems to be moving around just fine."

  "Well, that's up to him, I guess," I replied, glancing up at Merrick. "He still has quite a bit of therapy to get through, but most of it will be on his own anyway."

  Merrick squared his shoulders, another deep frown stretching down. "I thought you'd need to help me with the leg."

  "I will, but you're getting around really well so full time care isn't going to be necessary. No reason to pay for something you don't need, right?"