"Merrick, I'm right here and you're right here with me. Nowhere else but here." I prayed the words would penetrate the darkness engulfing him. They pulled him out of it before, but this was different. "Come back to me."
He tossed some more, almost knocking me off the bed. I kept my hand over his heart and spoke quietly while he struggled to relax.
"You want me to sing?" I asked, my voice quavering from the tears that threatened to fall. "I'll sing, Merrick."
He groaned and turned his head. When his eyes opened, I sucked in a sharp breath. Those light blue eyes were glossy from the fever. The strength it must have taken him to open them, was clearly overwhelming. But that wasn't what made my heart thud to a stop. Merrick opened his eyes and looked right at me, as if he could actually see me sitting beside him. Those beautiful, piercing eyes focused on my face and his body stilled.
Just as quickly as it happened, that focus was gone. His eyelids shut and he groaned again.
"I can't watch it, but I can't look away," he whispered.
I bent forward and slid my hand up to cup his cheek. Merrick sighed and the agony on his face softened.
"I'm here," I said.
His breaths evened out when I started to sing.
"This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach."
The feel of Merrick sinking into the bed was a relief. He was finally sleeping, finally calming down enough to rest. I kept singing softly. A lullaby I'd sing all night long if it kept him happy.
"Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don't know where I am
I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realized that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home."
I took a deep breath and kept humming as I started to stand, but I didn't get very far. Merrick's hand found my wrist, startling me for a moment until I looked back and saw his eyes opened. This time, they weren't focused, just empty.
"Stay," he said, roughly. "Please, stay with me."
"I'm not going anywhere."
He pulled me back to sit on the bed, but just when I started to settle in next to his hip, he pulled me farther. I found myself lying next to him, his arm pressed against my lower back and his face buried in my neck.
It was surprisingly comfortable to have him pressed against me, even when he was burning up with fever. He settled in and sighed, holding me close.
"It's safe here," he muttered against my skin. "Right here. It's peaceful. Even though I can't see you, I feel you."
My nose started to sting. I closed my eyes to hold back the moisture filling them. If it was safety he needed, it was safety I'd give him. Any way I could.
Because I was in love with Merrick Thatcher.
I was in love with all of him. Even the parts he thought were broken. He was strong even when he didn't think he was, brave when he was scared. He was kind even when he was angry with life, and he made me laugh more often than not these days.
Merrick had his issues, but he faced them head on without realizing it. That made me love him even more.
The sudden realization took my breath away and the movement in my chest made Merrick come closer. He was plastered against me, his arms circling my waist tight enough that I wouldn't be able to pull away if I wanted to.
But I didn't want to.
I found my breath a moment later and continued the song.
"And you said, 'This is the first day of my life
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you
But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy'
So if you want to be with me
With these things there's no telling
We just have to wait and see..."
I started to drift, the stress of the last few hours catching up to me. I was too comfortable to keep my eyes open. So while Merrick's breaths tickled my skin, I hummed until sleep claimed me.
***
I woke that next morning to find myself still pressed against Merrick, only it was me plastered to his chest. It was warm. Too warm with his fever. I carefully climbed out of the bed, checking his temperature once more before leaving the room to let him sleep.
I found Micah in the living room, spread out on the couch with his phone on his chest. He woke when I walked into the room.
"How is he?" he asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
"His fever dropped a little. He's finally getting some rest," I replied through a yawn.
"Good news. As long as it continues to drop, he'll be just fine."
I nodded, looking down at the floor and trying to get my bearings.
"You okay, Grace?"
"I'm fine. Did you call your parents?"
Micah sighed and looked at his cell phone. "I did. Mom freaked, but I think I convinced her that we had it under control. She agreed that there was no reason to come back early."
"Where are they?"
Micah just shrugged, seemingly unconcerned about it.
I found it odd that my parents had left town the same day Emma and Nathan did, but there was really no reason to be suspicious. They could do whatever they wanted. Even though the way my parents had left was questionable.
Mom avoided talking about where they were going, saying they just needed to get away for a few days. Dad just shrugged and said he was doing whatever Mom wanted him to do.
When I asked Keara about it, she informed me that it was a mystery to everyone at the clinic as well. She'd just been told to reschedule patients and close until Dad got back.
Once Merrick showed signs of a fever while we were sitting at that rest stop, I'd forgotten all about our parents and focused on him. I was his homecare nurse after all. It was my job.
The fear that overwhelmed me just happened to come with it.
Micah came and went throughout the day, checking on us when he wasn't sleeping or back at the hospital. Merrick woke a couple times, mumbling about being thirsty and trying to figure out where he was. His mind hadn't caught up with his body yet, but once we got him settled, he went back to sleep.
I was exhausted by the time Micah brought dinner.
"You should go home and get some rest," he suggested as we ate the pizza he insisted on bringing.
I was able to wake Merrick long enough to help him eat a bowl of soup before he passed out again, but I still felt guilty for eating a delicious pizza while he was in bed. Alone.
"I'm fine," I said around another bite.
"No, Grace. You aren't. You look like you've been to hell and back."
"Why thank you, Micah Thatcher. When did you become such a charmer?"
He chuckled and shook his head. "I learned everything I know from that man in there," he smirked, pointing toward Merrick's room.
"Well, then. You seriously have your work cut out for you," I stated around a slow yawn.
"Seems his charms work pretty well these days."
My head popped up as I choked down the chunk of crust I'd just started chewing on. "What do you mean?"
Micah shrugged and wiped his hands on a napkin before gulping down half his beer. "It means it worked on you, so I have hope."
"What worked on me?"
"Don't deny it, Grace. I see right through you."
"See what?" I asked, innocently.
"You're in love with my brother."
My eyes widened, my heart thudding to a stop before I kicked it back into gear with a deep breath and a swig of beer. I avoided his stare. "Why do you say that?"
"Because it's the truth. Only someone in love with my brother would have lasted this long with his grump
y ass. Only someone in love with Merrick would be the one to snap him out of the shit he's been dealing with."
"I haven't snapped him out of anything."
"You have."
I shook my head and suddenly my appetite was gone. The exhaustion I was fighting hit me hard. I dropped what was left of my slice of pizza onto the plate and sat back in my chair.
"Grace," Micah said, somberly. "I don't know if you know this, but Merrick is stubborn."
I snorted, "Ha! You think?"
He smiled at me and added, "Everyone knows that man has a head harder than granite, but everyone also knows that you've got a heart softer than feathers. You two fit together, and if seeing is believing, I think I believe."
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out because I had no idea what to say. Denying it would only disappoint me because Micah was right.
Like I discovered the night before, I was deeply in love with Merrick and I only fell further every day. But what about him?
"Merrick has too much going on in his life to think about–"
"Really?" Micah cut in. "You really think he's that blind?"
"I ... I don't know."
His brows drew together and the corners of his mouth turned down. "Neither one of you sees yourself very clearly, huh? That's too bad and also really sad. Maybe you both need a wake-up call."
"Micah."
"Do you love my brother?"
"Micah."
"Do. You. Love. My brother?"
My eyes closed while my heart lifted. "Yes."
"Good." He waited for me to open my eyes before demanding, "Don't stop."
He folded into another slice of pizza and that was that. The conversation was over and I couldn't think of anything else to talk about.
I rolled the idea of Merrick and me around in my head. Merrick had said things that made me think he felt something for me, but it was obvious he didn't think he was capable of those feelings. Yesterday was the first time he acted like he finally had things figured out. Like his injuries didn't make decisions for him anymore.
The whole day had been lighter, until his fever started. Even then, Merrick had come to a conclusion. It was obvious to me at the time, but I hadn't really thought about it until that short conversation with Micah.
Merrick wanted to live again and I was going to make sure he did.
***
I was dreaming.
I had to be dreaming because Merrick was gazing at me with that meaningful look on his face. The one he got when he talked about his family or when he talked to me about ... well, me. His eyes blazed with hunger as he did a slow burn down my body and back up. Then I was in his arms and he was kissing me and my whole body felt warm and tingly.
"Grace."
I pulled away and smiled.
"Grace."
Dream Merrick wasn't the one saying my name, even though it sounded exactly like him. His lips weren't moving, but he was smiling at me and I all but melted in his arms anyway.
"I hate to do this, but you need to wake up, Grace."
My eyes popped open to find Merrick sitting on the bed, facing me. The smirk on his face was suspicious, but damn, he was so sexy.
"Sorry, I'm awake now," I said, stretching my arms above my head. The pain in my neck and back was a clear indication that Merrick's desk chair was not a good sleeping chair.
"That's unfortunate," he chuckled.
"Excuse me?"
"You seemed to be enjoying whatever you were dreaming about."
I froze. Oh shit. "Ummm."
He laughed and shook his head. "Whatever it was, it was driving me crazy. I had to wake you."
I couldn't tell if it was an annoyed crazy he was talking about or the kind of crazy I felt every day from being over aroused.
God, please be the latter.
"Sorry?"
"Don't be," he muttered hoarsely.
Okay so maybe it was the latter.
Then again, his voice was probably rough from sleep. Then I finally noticed that he was dressed and his face was bright and awake. He'd been up and moving for a while, apparently.
"So, I don't really remember much, but I know I've been out for at least a day," he stated. "You haven't been here the whole time, have you?"
I nodded absently, not realizing that he couldn't see me until I'd already felt like a moron. "I have. I didn't want to leave you alone and Micah had a night shift last night, so he couldn't stay."
"Micah was here?" he asked, a little panic in his voice.
"Yes."
"Oh, umm, what did he have to say?"
A whole lot, but I'm not telling.
"Not much. We just kept an eye on your temperature and he brought food."
"Oh. Okay. Good."
Odd.
"Are you hungry?" I asked, standing to move in front of him. I was just barely above eye level with him when I reached up to feel his forehead. He was still a little warm, but his fever was almost completely gone.
Instead of answering me, he lifted his hands to put them on my waist, pulling in a deep breath. His eyes closed and I couldn't resist combing my fingers through his hair. I didn't even realize what I was doing until he softly groaned.
"Grace ..."
His breath was minty and I closed my mouth, hoping mine didn't smell awful.
"That feels good," he mumbled.
"I'm glad you're feeling better," I said, a little breathlessly.
His eyes stayed closed as I kept running my fingers through his hair, over his forehead, and down his cheek. The prickle from his shadow of a beard was rough against my fingertips.
"Can I touch you?" he asked, roughly.
"You are."
"No. Not the way I want to."
My pulse started to race, my breaths quickening. "How do you want to?"
Those strong hands pressed firmly into my waist and tugged me forward until I was standing between Merrick's legs. I couldn't pull my eyes away from his face. He looked so peaceful with his eyes closed. Then his lips parted on a sigh.
"Any way. Every way."
His breath tickled my chin and the room was suddenly on fire. I raked my fingers through his hair until I was cupping the back of his head. What am I doing? The grip around my waist tightened, his thumbs starting to move in circles around my stomach. I rested my other hand on his shoulder to keep my balance. Otherwise, I would have fallen over from the dizziness invading my head.
"Okay," I stuttered.
Those big, strong hands left my waist and lifted so slowly until they ever so gently cupped my face. I closed my eyes, soaking in the feel of his warm skin against mine. His eyes stared straight ahead, as if he were staring at my lips. I knew he wasn't seeing them, but my breath still quaked with each inhale.
His thumbs drifted over my cheeks, lingering there a moment before moving up to my eyes. His touch was gentle and hesitant, but determined. He wanted to see me any way he could, and this was the only way.
Our breathing was the only sound other than the hint of a slight sizzle from the electricity in the air around us. It felt like the room would burst into flames. Then the sound of the front door opening zapped it all away.
"Grace? You still here?"
Micah.
Merrick sighed and dropped his hands to his lap as I took a step back. "My family has the worst timing," he growled.
A nervous giggle bubbled up my throat as I took another step back, trying to catch my breath and calm the butterflies in my stomach.
Micah walked into the room and came to an abrupt stop when he saw us. A slow smile stretched across his face, and he winked at me, leisurely backing up into the hall. With a tip of his head he let me know he'd be in the kitchen before he quietly walked away.
I turned back to Merrick, whose eyes were pointed right at me, a wistful expression on his handsome face.
I couldn't believe it. He actually wanted me. But knowing that just wasn't enough.
"Why?" I asked.
"Hmm?"
"Why me?"
He hesitated and my stomach rolled with frustration.
"I don't know, Grace," he whispered and lowered his head. "But I really don't care about the why anymore."
But I did. I didn't want him to start something with me just because I was the only one around. I didn't want to pour my heart out to the man without knowing he wanted this, too. Without him knowing why he wanted this.
After the heartache I went through before, I had to be sure. Jason stayed with me because of the baby, even though he would have eventually walked away anyway. I know that now. What would be the reason for Merrick to stay with me? Because he couldn't see anyway?
No.
It just wasn't enough.
"I'll start some breakfast," I said, deadpan.
"Grace."
I refused to look at him, knowing the expression he was giving me would break me. "I'll meet you in the kitchen."
Then I walked away. It was the only way to protect my heart when the slightest shake would shatter it.
Chapter Fourteen
Merrick
I'd messed up somehow.
Before I even started, I'd fucked something up with Grace and I had no clue what it was.
Why me?
Did she really even need to ask that? Why not her?
She was a diamond in the rough. A woman like Grace is hard to find, I know that now. My fears about not being enough for her suddenly stopped being important. I just wanted her any way I could get her and I was going to do my damndest to make her happy, if she'd have me.
She'd taken care of me when she could have left me with my brother or anyone else. She stayed.
It shouldn't have surprised me how deep my feelings for her had become. It wasn't because she was just there, it was because she was everywhere.
I couldn't stop thinking about her and I didn't want to. She brought me peace without even trying.
"Looks like you're back to normal," my sister remarked when I stumbled into the kitchen later that night.
"Why are you here?"
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