I slowly rolled my fingers over the contents and discovered that the pieces were big enough to just pop one in my mouth.
Quick and easy, Merrick. Don't be a sissy.
Grace was watching me. I knew it because of the laugh she was clearly covering with her hand. I heard the tiny snort when I leaned down and sniffed the food.
"You think it's funny, Grace, but you didn't experience what I did overseas. Some of the food ... well, it was questionable," I informed her.
"I promise, what you're about to eat will not only awaken your taste buds, but you'll be begging me to get sushi every night from here on out. That, or you'll absolutely hate it. There's really no in between."
I drew in a long breath, letting it out slowly as I lifted the small piece of foreign food to my lips. "If I hate it, don't take it too personally."
She laughed again, only this time, she didn't hold it back.
God, you're beautiful.
If her laughter sounded that breathtaking, I could only imagine. Did she toss her head back, raising her face to the sky, when she laughed? Did her eyes sparkle?
I shook my head and tossed the piece of sushi into my mouth, chewing slowly at first and waiting for the urge to spit it out.
"Holy shit!" I gasped, almost choking on the succulent rice as I did. "This is delicious."
The flavors bounced around, each one better than the last, and the subtle taste of the seaweed brought it all together. I reached for another piece while I continued to chew.
"Don't go too fast or it'll be gone before you even get a chance to enjoy it," Grace said, an apparent smile in her voice. "Believe me, I know."
"You like it that much?"
"Mmhmm," she replied, chewing her food and letting out a small moan that sent the blood in my head rushing downward. "Mmm, that was a good one, and yes, I love it. At first, it was just a special treat now and then, but over the years, it was the only thing I could really enjoy. Keara and I used to go crazy for it and Mom has a knack for ordering surprises off the menu."
"I get the hype now. It really is pretty good. Why haven't I ever tried it before?" I asked myself.
"Well, it's not really something you decide to just try one day. Everyone I know started eating it because someone told them how good it is and convinced them to go for it."
"I can understand that," I nodded.
We ate in silence after that, the cool air settling over us. Autumn was close. I fought back the disappointment I felt at not being able to see all the colors I'd taken for granted all these years.
I finished my food before her. Grace was right. I ate mine too fast and wanted more. She laughed and smacked my hand when I reached over to try and take some of hers. I couldn't be as stealthy without seeing where it was, but I still tried.
When we were finished, she gathered the containers and tossed them in a nearby garbage can. When she settled beside me on the picnic bench, I sat a little straighter and took slow breaths. Even with the undertone of near-autumn leaves, I could still smell that sugary scent. Like she spent her days baking cookies instead of helping a blind man get by.
She pressed a little closer, her thigh brushing mine. Then she shivered against my arm and let out a harsh breath.
"You cold?"
"A little. Guess I should have thought about that before we came here," she chuckled.
I felt the cool air against my cheeks, but the nearness of her didn't let me feel it anywhere else. I couldn't be near her and not feel like I was on fire.
Poor choice of words.
I did the only thing I could think of; I raised my arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, gently pulling her closer. God help me, but it felt right holding her like that. As if I was actually human again.
Grace didn't argue. In fact, she squeezed in even closer until she was nestled against my chest, shivering and sighing.
"You're really warm."
Tell me about it.
We sat at that picnic table for a few minutes longer, just listening to the river and breathing in the fresh air. I hadn't left the house much in the last few months. Hell, I'd only left the house to satisfy my mother under the threat of starvation or for doctor's appointments. I never went out just to go out. Never felt the need for fresh air until recently.
Until Grace.
She changed things for me.
Funny how one decision, one tiny thing, can set you on a completely different path.
I closed my eyes. The right one was aching more than usual, maybe from being outside, or maybe it was just the fact that I didn't sleep the night before.
"You ready to go?" Grace asked softly, resting her head against my shoulder.
"Not yet," I replied, my voice rough.
"You okay?"
I nodded and opened my eyes, feeling the pressure change with every blink. It was a good thing I had an appointment in a couple days. I was going to have to tell Jeff about this new development.
"Do you ever wonder how one decision can change everything?" I asked.
Grace sat up a little straighter and I felt her eyes on my face. "Umm, yeah. I guess so."
"I wonder how many things would change if I'd just made one different choice."
She was silent for a minute before she whispered, "I wish I would have done things differently."
"That makes two of us."
"The problem is that if things were different, the chances we would be here now ... well, we probably wouldn't be."
I drew in a long breath. That was the problem. Without all the decisions each of us had already made, nothing would be the same. The good things never come without the bad.
"You may not have joined the military and met those men that you love so much," she added.
I nodded, knowing she was right. "But I wouldn't be blind. I'd be able to see you."
"Would you?"
I turned my head and frowned as she pulled away a few inches, taking her warmth with her. "What does that mean?"
"I'm just wondering if we would even know each other at all."
We both pondered on that for a moment. She nudged me in the ribs with her elbow and laughed softly. "You might not have even lived in that house. Maybe you'd be living far away. Who knows? You wouldn't be a hero. Ryan might have died if it wasn't for you. I wouldn't have a job that I loved going to every day."
Of all the things she'd just said, that last one made my ears perk the most. "Do you mean it?"
"What? That I love my job? Of course I do. You may be grumpy most of the time, and sometimes I want to smother you with your own pillow, but you also make me laugh." Her warmth came closer to me and her cold hands cupped my face. "This is unprofessional, but you're my friend, Merrick. Life would be dull without you."
I started to smile, then she kissed my cheek. Her lips were cold and warm at the same time. The tingle they left on my skin made the exhaustion from lack of sleep, simmer away.
"You're really warm, Merrick. Are you feeling okay?"
"I'm fine. Just fine," I sighed, a fuzziness starting to fill my head.
"We should go. Get out of this cold air."
I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay at that picnic table with Grace Samuelson staying warm because of me. With Grace in my arms and sharing deep, life-changing thoughts with me.
Then my eye started to ache a little more and my head started to feel a little heavier. Grace guided me back to the car and I slumped in the passenger seat while we waited for the heat to push through the air vents.
"We shouldn't have stayed so long. I don't want you to get sick," she said breathlessly. For some reason, she'd had to help me a little more than usual, even with both crutches.
"I'm a grown man, Grace. Getting sick is something I can handle."
She sighed and I imagined she was shaking her head at me. Minutes later, we were on the road and the usual paranoia I experienced in a car was absent. I couldn't concentrate on anything, not even my breathing. My head just couldn't hold itself up, all m
y thoughts jumbled.
"Merrick! Merrick, we're back. I need you to help me, okay?"
It only could have been a few minutes. It had to be. But we'd already made the twenty-minute drive back to the house.
I couldn't remember a moment of it.
Grace sounded so far away or like she was under water. I opened my eyes, expecting to see her lovely face in front of mine. She wasn't there, not even a glimpse of her. The ache in my head, however, was different. It almost felt like a bright light was shining in my eye, making me flinch and squeeze them shut.
Strange. That hadn't happened to me before.
A tiny arm slipped behind me and pressed against my back. My legs felt like heavy bags of sand, barely pushing them out the door of the car.
"Merrick, stay with me for just a little longer. Let's get you inside first."
What is she talking about? And why is it so hard to keep my head up?
"One step at a time," she grunted.
My feet moved, but only a few inches. It took forever before I finally dropped onto my bed with Grace falling on top of me. The crutches clattered to the floor, making me flinch.
"God, you're a big guy."
"Just stay right here," I all but begged. My voice felt scratchy and I barely heard the words myself.
"I need to get you something for this fever, Mer. You're burning up and I don't know what's wrong."
"I'm fine, Grace." I pulled myself up to sitting and reached out to find her arm. I wrapped my fingers around her fragile wrist and tugged gently. "Just tired. I'm so tired and I just want you to stay here with me."
"Merrick ..."
The urge to beg more was so strong, but I finally caught up to the way I was behaving and shook my head to clear the cobwebs. "Okay. It's okay. You go ahead."
Her hands landed on my face, moving around as she felt the heat of my skin. "Damn it! This came on so fast. You're scaring me, Merrick."
"Don't be scared, Grace. I'm here. I'm okay."
"You're not okay. I can barely understand you. Your words are slurring and your voice sounds like sandpaper."
Her hands dropped to my neck before leaving me completely. I felt that loss. It was the same empty feeling I had the day I came home from Iraq and my men didn't.
Their faces flashed in front of my eyes, or the eyes I used to have.
It came on so sudden, there was no way to stop it. I saw them laughing and joking around. Ryan was laughing like a hyena, the way he always did, and it only made the rest of them laugh harder. He was always the jokester of the bunch. Pulling pranks on anyone and everyone he could get to.
His brown eyes reminded me of a dog's eyes. He hated when I told him that, but it was true. Big, round, and curious. He looked too young to be a part of that world, but he was there all the same. His obsidian-black hair shined in the sunlight. He always overdid it on the hair gel.
"Gotta always be picture worthy for my girl. She wants to see me looking as sexy as I will when I get back."
Eric Crawford, our driver, was trying to smack Ryan in the back of the head while Darius Worden, our medic, shook his head, pretending it wasn't funny anymore. Those two couldn't be more opposite. Eric was the palest of white, with blonde hair and blue eyes. The poor kid got sunburned sitting inside his CHU, which was basically a box big enough to sleep in.
Darius had dark, caramel-colored skin and dark, brown eyes. He called himself 'the flavor'.
"I'm the only one here that has spice."
They were all there. My brothers. I could finally see them and my lips stretched into a smile.
"You boys look like you've been on vacation," I called.
Ryan turned to look at me while the other two gave me the finger.
"You've seen better days," Ryan smirked.
"Merrick. Who are you talking to?"
Their faces swirled into nothing, and the darkness I'd seen for so long shut them out completely.
"Grace?"
Her hand caressed my face as she slipped something into my mouth. "It's a thermometer. Keep it under your tongue."
My chest weighed a thousand pounds and getting a good breath was difficult.
"Something's wrong, Grace."
"I know, Mer. I'm here."
She hummed for me while I fought to get comfortable. My clothes were stuck to my damp skin. Grace helped me remove my shirt and pants, leaving me in my underwear. Normally, I'd be concerned with whether or not I was sporting another erection for her.
Not this time.
My body wasn't cooperating with my mind and my head felt like it did that day.
"Shhh, rest. I'm not leaving."
I must have been mumbling something because Grace kept trying to calm me down.
Then the nightmare began, but it was no longer my brothers in that MRAP. It was Grace. Her dark hair drifted over her shoulder, and although her face was fuzzy, I knew without a doubt it was her. Instead of Eric at the wheel, it was Grace driving that truck and before I could take a breath, the force of impact from the EFP hit just as hard as I remembered.
"No!"
The driver's side disintegrated and the burning started in my skin, a raspy sizzle mixed with the screams from my men.
I crawled out of the truck, like I always did. My vision grew fuzzy and dark as I pulled Ryan off the side of the truck and dragged him to safety. All the while, my mind was on Grace. She'd disappeared when the EFP hit and I couldn't decide if it had ripped her out of the truck or if ...
I looked back at the fiery hunk of metal and saw her. Long white dress, strands of hair sweeping across her face as the breeze blew by. She was beautiful. So bright and vivid with the dark smoke surrounding her.
"Grace! Over here, baby! Run!"
I screamed for her, begged her to get away from the truck, knowing those bastards were about to blanket it with bullets.
"Please!"
But she didn't move. She just smiled at me, and I knew then that I'd lost her. The flames engulfed her and burned away the material of her dress before exploding around her.
Then she was gone and the pain started. The darkness closed in. I turned to find the rest of my men and, through the fog, all I saw was blood, fire, and sand.
Suddenly, it didn't matter what I saw. Because I'd lost her. I'd lost the one person I should have protected with my own life.
I laid there, alone in the sand with the sun burning down on me. The sound of bullets whizzing over my head didn't startle me like I remembered. I was numb to everything but the fire.
A cold hand swept over my face, cupping my cheek before trailing up to my forehead. The coolness of that touch banished the burning in my body, like a euphoria I'd never felt before. Like an instant relief from the pain.
Then nothing ... until it started all over again.
Chapter Thirteen
Grace
Merrick was getting worse.
His fever wouldn't break, and it was difficult to keep him still and resting. He was too strong and the things he must have been seeing were just too intense.
I sat by his bed all night long, unsure of whether or not I was making it worse by not taking him to the doctor. I had no way of even getting him to the car with both of our parents out of town. My only option was to call Micah who told me to monitor Merrick's temperature and try to keep him hydrated until he could come.
"The hospital is the last place he needs to be right now, Grace. Same with an ambulance. He'll be more comfortable at home."
"But Micah, he's getting–"
"I know. But it's Merrick. He's stubborn. I'll be there soon, just keep me posted. If you're really worried, you can try to bring him in."
"No. I barely got him into bed. There's no way I could get him to the front door let alone inside my car, all while keeping him comfortable," I declared.
We decided to wait until morning. I could still try to break his fever in the night and stay by his side until it did.
My mind raced as I tried to think of the pos
sible causes. It wasn't the sushi. It hit too quickly to be the food. It was chilly outside, but not so much that it would have caused him to get sick like that. His fever was high, but not high enough to take serious action.
Not yet.
At this point, I don't think anything could stop what was happening in his head.
"Grace, I can't."
I opened my eyes at the sound of his voice. He'd been saying things all night that didn't make any sense, calling for me over and over. I leaned over to look at him, his eyes still closed, brows furrowed together. The sadness on his handsome face almost did me in.
Touching him seemed to help. His face, his neck. It calmed him a little more each time; brought him back from wherever his head was. All the while, he mumbled things about Ryan, about his men, and even the pain.
Burning.
He was living the explosion all over again, and I couldn't stop it.
"I'm here, Merrick." I placed a cool washcloth over his head and stroked his cheek. He was still hot, still cringing from pain, and his skin was dry. Not a drop of sweat. That's what scared me the most.
"I can't do it. I can't watch it." He tossed and turned a little more while I cooled his face.
"Shh, you're here, Mer. You're here with me." I moved to sit beside his hip, leaning over him until I could control his erratic movements a little more. His eyes were closed and his mouth set into a hard line. I ran the cool cloth over his neck and down across his collar bones. Harsh breaths caused his chest to quickly rise and fall, making it hard for him to speak. I placed my hand over his heart, attempting to calm him.
"I can't, Grace. I can't watch it."
"Watch what, Merrick?"
"I can't watch you burn again. It'll kill me this time."
"Shh, Merrick. I'm not burning. I'm right here at the side of your bed. We're in your room and there's no danger near us."
"No," he insisted and shook his head, cringing from more pain. "It's not real. It can't be real. You aren't supposed to be here."
He was having another hallucination. How many times would he have to re-live everything before his mind finally decided he'd had enough. This was nothing like the nightmares I overheard at night. This was real to him. The fever was making it real.
Vivid Page 17
