by Rhonda Bowen
She stared at him, opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish.
“It’s not a personal thing,” he continued gently. “Amina made up with Jayla’s producer, and Amina’s lawyer threatened to sue Jayla’s management team if they didn’t honor the terms of her contract . . .”
“The same contract she tore up in front of everyone?” JJ asked, finally finding her voice.
“Yes, the same one,” Rayshawn said. He got up and moved to the spot beside her on the lounge, taking her hands in his. “They could have fought it, but I think Jayla wants her back. It’s not that she doesn’t like you, it’s just that she loves Amina. They’ve been together for years. They understand each other. You’re the new girl on the block.”
JJ couldn’t believe what was happening. In the space of twenty-four hours JJ had gone from being employed with a full-time music gig for three months to not having a stage to sing on. But that was the nature of the business. There was no such thing as stability. You could be a hot ticket-item today and a thrift-store castoff tomorrow. And there was almost nothing you could do about it.
“I’m sorry, JJ.” Rayshawn rested a hand on her thigh. “This is the business we work in. These things happen.”
JJ moved her legs out of his reach. She got up and walked to the window as she considered her present dilemma. Rayshawn was right. This was the business she was in. But is this how she wanted it to be? Getting tossed from stage to stage, artist to artist, like a piece of rental equipment?
“So what now?” she asked, her back to him.
She heard Rayshawn sigh and the cushions shuffle as he shifted. She had never heard him sigh as much as he had since he stepped into the bedroom just moments earlier.
“Now we keep working on your tracks, and we find you something else,” he said. “I have my eye on a few things in the pipeline. Lots of artists are going on tour in the next couple months, and if that’s what you really want to do, I think I can find you something. Otherwise, we can use this time to get your solo career going. Keep doing the local venues, get you opening for some other up-and-coming artists, see what we can do.”
JJ didn’t answer. It sounded like a lot of shots in the dark. She folded her arms and stared out at the cityscape. She shouldn’t have come here to Rayshawn’s home. She shouldn’t even be with Rayshawn—for a million and one reasons ranging from professional to spiritual. This was why everything was falling down. This was her punishment for getting entangled in a relationship with a man who was not right for her and doing things with him that she had no business doing.
He came over to stand behind her. JJ flinched and moved away when he rested his hands on her shoulders. She sensed him tense behind her.
“Babe, it’s going to be okay,” he said quietly. “This is just a minor setback. Don’t let it bring you down. You have an amazing talent and the world is going to see that—even if I have to tour you around North America on my own dime.”
The sincerity of his words reached out and grabbed her heart, and this time when he reached out and turned her around to face him, she didn’t resist.
“JJ, I believe in you with everything in me. That’s why I kept coming back to that little dive downtown even after you turned me down three times.”
JJ rolled her eyes and bit back a smile. “I only turned you down twice.”
The corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. “I’m also counting that time I asked you out for drinks and you said no.”
He earned a chuckle from her for that one.
“Listen, babe, I know talent when I see it. But I also know you. And I know you won’t give up until you make it. That’s what I love about you. And even if you do, I won’t.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, his eyes locked on hers. “It’s going to happen for you. I promise.”
JJ sighed, her eyes dropping to the floor.
“I don’t know,” she began. “I just keep thinking . . . what if this is not what I’m supposed to be doing? What if this is not the way God wants me to go about things? To be honest, I’ve made so many decisions I’m not sure about lately . . .”
She felt Rayshawn tense and pull back from her. She looked up at him, but his eyes were focused to her right.
“Look, JJ.” He had that tone that he used whenever she mentioned the G word. “I respect that your faith is important to you. But this is business. You can’t expect that things are just going to fall into your lap because you wish for it. If you want this, you have to go after it. You have to do whatever it takes.”
“I know that, Rayshawn, but I can’t live my life as if it’s only about me,” JJ said. “Everything I have is because of God. This voice, this talent, even these opportunities, I wouldn’t have them if—”
“You wouldn’t have them unless you worked for them, or I worked for them for you, or you were lucky enough to be in that little bar the same night I was,” Rayshawn said dryly. “Don’t make it more than it is, and don’t use this religion thing as an excuse to back out of what you want.”
JJ felt herself getting annoyed. She hated when Rayshawn became like this—when he was condescending. It was like they were speaking two different languages and it was almost impossible for them to come to any sort of understanding.
“This religion thing is important to me,” JJ snapped. “It is a big part of who I am. I told you that from the get-go. I won’t do anything I feel doesn’t fit with what God wants for me.”
“Really?” Rayshawn asked dryly. “You felt that way last night too?”
It would have hurt less if he had punched her in the stomach.
JJ felt the air leave her lungs at his words. And as she looked at him, she saw something ugly and mean that she had somehow missed before.
When she finally gathered the words to speak, her voice was so low and cold she barely recognized it. “You are lucky that mug is on the other side of the room, or you would be wearing that hot cocoa.”
His eyes closed as remorse washed over him, but it was too late. JJ had already grabbed her clothes and was heading to the bathroom.
“JJ, I’m sorry,” he said as the door slammed closed behind her. “I shouldn’t have said that. I was being a jerk. It’s early, I haven’t had my coffee yet, and this thing upset me just as much as it upset you. Maybe more.”
JJ struggled to put on her clothes, needing to get out of there. What had she done? Had she really broken her promise to herself and to God for this man? This man who would disrespect her faith and throw her mistakes in her face like that?
But this wasn’t even Rayshawn’s fault. It was hers. She had gone looking for acceptance in the wrong places, and everywhere she turned she kept getting burned. Now she was walking around with nothing but scars.
“JJ, come on. I didn’t mean it.” Rayshawn was still going at it on the other side of the door, but JJ was barely listening. “Just come out. We can talk about this.”
JJ did come out, and when she did she headed straight out the bedroom door and down the stairs to the living room.
“Where are you going?” he asked as she grabbed her keys and purse from the chair where she had discarded them the night before.
“Home,” JJ snapped, swinging the door open. “To think about how I felt last night.”
His groan was cut off by the slamming of the front door. JJ got in her car and headed for home. It might not be the most comfortable place. But at least it was hers.
Chapter 10
The town car that picked JJ up was so dark that she couldn’t tell whether there was an actual driver or if it was being driven by a ghost. She stared at it for a moment, not sure if she should get in or wait for someone to roll down the window. Before she had to make the decision, the driver’s side opened and a thick, clean-shaven man in a dark suit stepped out.
“Miss Judith Isaacs?” he asked with an accent that sounded more New York than Toronto.
JJ nodded.
“The name’s Marvin,” he said, opening the back passenger door. �
�I’m here to take you to your audition.”
JJ cleared her throat. “Uh, okay.”
She reached for her overnight bag, but Marvin got to it first.
“Thank you,” JJ murmured, sliding onto the leather-covered backseat. The door had barely closed behind her when she noticed the bouquet of white tulips on the seat next to her.
Rayshawn.
He knew white tulips were her favorite. He also knew she knew they were out of season, and so he’d have had to make some effort to locate them. She shook her head. This was another part of his apology. He had been doing everything he could to make up for the argument they’d had two days before when JJ had stormed out of his place. This audition that he had pretty much pulled out of thin air was the first part. The Victoria’s Secret gift basket, delivered to her doorstep with all her favorite items the day before, was another. If his goal was to wear her down, she had to admit that it was working.
She breathed in the light, fresh scent of the tulips before opening the attached card.
I’m a jerk. Forgive me? I want to be there to celebrate with you after you ace this audition.
—Shawn
She held the tulips to her nose again. She would think about it.
Thankfully, JJ was able to see more looking out the windows than she had been able to see looking in, as Marvin took several roads out of Davisville, her Toronto community. Instead of heading north to the 401, the major highway, he headed west until he picked up the 400 going north.
“So, where exactly are we headed?” JJ asked, hoping she could uncover some of the mystery shrouding the whole experience. Maybe Marvin would be more forthcoming with details than Rayshawn had been in his e-mail earlier that morning when he told her to pack an overnight bag and be ready at eight p.m. for an audition.
“I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to say, Miss Isaacs,” Marvin said. “But I would suggest you go ahead and relax. Take a nap even. We’ll be on the road for about an hour.”
She was on the way to a middle-of-the-night audition with someone she didn’t know, who lived so far out of Toronto it would take her an hour’s drive on a traffic-free highway to get there. She wasn’t likely to be relaxing anytime soon.
“Yeah, don’t think that’s going to work.”
Marvin chuckled. “Thought you might say that. In that case, there are a couple magazines on the backseat you could browse.”
JJ wasn’t in the mood for browsing. She was far too wound up. She must have dozed in spite of it, however, for the next time she looked up, the town car was rolling up a long driveway lined on each side by ground-level lights. Beyond the driveway the thick foliage of tall pines worked with the darkness to keep JJ ignorant of her surroundings. After what seemed like forever, the trees parted and the driveway opened up to reveal a lit fountain surrounded by a stone pond. Behind it stood a three-story monstrosity like nothing JJ had personally seen before. Even in the poor view provided by the floodlights around the front and sides of the property, JJ could tell that the mansion was something out of an episode of the celebrity homes show, MTV Cribs.
“Close your mouth, Miss Isaacs,” Marvin said, opening JJ’s door. “This time of year, you could catch flies like that.”
JJ hadn’t even realized he had stopped and gotten out of the car. She snapped her mouth shut and tried to pull herself together. She didn’t need Marvin telling whoever it was he worked for that she acted like a plum fool.
As she got out of the car and followed him to the front doors, she couldn’t help but stare. The brick walkway beneath her feet led straight to the main entrance, which comprised a heavy oak doorway about fifteen feet high, balanced on both sides by thick stone columns that ran from the ground to almost the top of the second floor. Moonlight bounced off the tall arched windows to the side and offered the illusion that one could see inside the home. However, JJ didn’t need to peek. As if expecting them, the front doors opened and they were welcomed into the huge entryway.
“Hi, I’m Kate. Judith?”
JJ took the hand of the fresh-faced woman standing in front of her. In her snow-white blazer and slim-fit slacks, with her hair perfectly coiffed and her makeup flawless, Kate looked like it was the middle of the workday instead of 9:25 at night. She suddenly felt underdressed in her billowy sweater-blouse and dark-wash jeans. At least she had worn heels.
“Most people call me JJ.”
“Okay, JJ it is then.” Kate smiled, but JJ didn’t miss the way the woman’s eyes flitted over her. “Come with me.”
Their heels clicked as they walked over marble tiles past several doors on both sides. Finally, at the end of the hallway, Kate opened wide double doors and stepped aside to let JJ into a large, windowless room with hardwood floors and maple paneling. Several ceiling-level spotlights were aimed at a stage, set up at one end. As she moved closer she saw that there were also microphones and feed boxes on the stage. Scattered around the room were women looking over sheet music, others with headsets and clipboards moving swiftly among them, and yet still others whose specific role she could not determine. Despite their numbers, the sound in the room barely rose above a dull murmur.
Before she could take in any more details, Rayshawn was at her side.
“Hey, babe,” he whispered in her ear, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Glad you made it.”
“Shawn, what’s going on?” JJ asked, forgetting in the awe of the moment that she still might be mad at him. “Who are these auditions for? Are these the only people auditioning? Will I have to sing in front of them?”
“Yes and yes,” Rayshawn answered, his eyes sparkling. “But don’t worry. You got this. Did you bring the music I told you to and did you practice the new songs?”
“Yes,” JJ said. “But you still haven’t told me who I am auditioning for. And why would you want me to bring the Deacon Hill songs? I’ve never sung those before.”
“Because that’s who you’re auditioning for.”
JJ’s mouth fell open and she felt her heart beat triple-time as the blood rushed to her ears.
“I’m auditioning for Deacon Hill?” JJ was barely able to squeak the words out. She grabbed her chest. “Oh my God, I can’t breathe.”
Rayshawn put an arm around her and led her to an empty corner. “Easy, babe, deep breath. Relax. You can do this.”
The deep breath did seem to help settle her heart rate, just enough so she could punch Rayshawn in the arm.
“Ouch!”
“How could you not tell me this?” she hissed, careful not to draw attention to them. “I would have practiced more, I would have chosen better songs, I would have chosen a better outfit!”
“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you,” Rayshawn said, rubbing his arm. “You would have overdone it, psyched yourself out, and then been a bundle of nerves.”
“You mean like I am right now?”
“JJ, you have got to relax. Deacon Hill is just a man like anyone else. Remember that and you’ll get through this audition fine.”
Before she could argue, a throat cleared and everyone in the room looked to the stage. JJ gasped. It was him. Deacon Hill. Multiplatinum-selling recording artist and owner of the hearts of 80 percent of the women across the world. He was dressed in black jeans and a gray henley, but he might as well have been wearing a Brooks Brothers suit for how amazing he looked. Smooth, olive-toned skin; dark, close-cropped hair; and darker eyes. Not too short but not too tall. Not too built but not too lean. He was every race, every kind of singer and every woman’s type.
“Good evening, everyone,” he said in the smooth, silky voice that had invaded JJ’s dreams once upon a time. “And thank you for coming here at such an ungodly hour. I know this is a bit strange for most of you, but I am run by my schedule and have to get through this now, so I can fly out midday tomorrow. Kate will give you the instructions for the audition, but I just want to wish you all the best. I am looking forward to working with those of you who are chosen, in the next couple months
.”
Deacon stepped away from the mike and Kate took his place, giving the instructions for how the auditions would take place. Apparently they were looking for four singers for Deacon’s second line. There were eleven of them there to audition. Most would go home tonight. Those called back would stay overnight, and the final four would be determined in the morning.
JJ had never been to an audition like this. But she had heard that this was how some major superstars recruited their musicians and backup, and Deacon Hill was definitely a major star. From what she saw around the room, it seemed like a female-only audition. She tried to block out the other women as they sang, knowing it would psych her out. By the time it was her turn, she had gone through so many levels of nervousness, excitement, and fear that she was almost numb.
“You got this, babe.” Rayshawn squeezed her hand before she slipped through the crowd to the stage. She headed to the musician, and was surprised to find it was a female keyboardist She had been so busy watching the other singers audition she hadn’t noticed.
“What you got?” the redheaded, gum-chewing young woman asked.
“‘It’s My Time,’” JJ said, handing her the sheet music. She saw the woman raise an eyebrow as she saw the markings JJ had made.
“Alright,” she said, something that could have been a smile cracking the corner of her lips. “Let me know when you’re ready.”
JJ took the mike at the center of the stage and glanced down at Kate, Deacon, and three other persons sitting in folding metal chairs in the first row. She closed her eyes.
Okay, God. I know I messed up and I have no right to ask you anything. But if you could have favor on me for a moment and help me through this, I would be so grateful.
With her eyes still closed, she nodded to the musician. She heard the strains of the song open up at the lower key she requested. Then she stopped thinking and started singing. She didn’t sing Deacon Hill’s “It’s My Time.” She sang Judith Isaacs’s. Every word, every melody flowed through her like it was her own. In that moment there was no one else but her and the music. It was her time. And since she didn’t know if she would ever again get a chance to sing before someone as powerful as Deacon Hill, she sang like it was the last time she would ever sing.
