by Rhonda Bowen
She ran through the song again with Deacon, a new confidence and peace filling her as she did. She didn’t know how things would go later, onstage, but she was letting go of any anxiety.
She continued to enjoy that wave of confidence, right up until the pre-show briefing.
“Alright, everyone, I just have a few adjustments for the night,” Deacon announced before they broke to get dressed. Kate, Andrew, and a few guys from the sound crew joined them onstage, and everyone else stopped moving to pay attention.
“So we’re still going to open with “Satisfied,” like we do every time. But after the dancers do their piece, we’re going to start the second set with something new,” Deacon said. “Backstage is going to bring out a piano and I’ll start with a new song I’m trying out. No accompaniment. Just me and the piano. And JJ on guitar.”
JJ felt as though every eye turned her way. She looked down at Deacon’s feet and tried not to fidget.
“After that, the rest of the band will come in and we’ll continue the second set as planned.”
“Is this the way we’ll be doing it for the rest of the tour?” Sabrina snapped. JJ flinched at the ice in her tone and kept her eyes at Deacon’s shoes.
“We’re just trying it out,” Deacon said easily, not engaging her at the same level. “We’ll see how it goes, how the crowd responds, and take it from there.”
Murmurs went up from the group, and Kate stepped closer to Deacon and mumbled something to him. From the half roll of Deacon’s eyes, JJ suspected it was not an affirmation of the change.
“Look, guys,” Deacon said, his tone sharpening as he interrupted the hushed voices. “We’re just trying something new. We’ve done the show the same for the past five cities. What’s wrong with mixing it up?”
“Why fix it if it ain’t broke?” Kya mumbled through her snaps of gum.
“Because it’s my show and I can do whatever the hell I want,” Deacon snapped. His words were in response to Kya, but his eyes swept everyone on the stage. “Now, if you have any more concerns to raise about this, we can discuss it after the show. Otherwise, let’s get moving. We have two hours to curtain.” Then without another word, Deacon strode from the stage.
Sabrina glared at JJ as she turned to follow. “Don’t mess up,” she threw behind her. Except instead of mess she used another four-letter word that JJ had not often encountered, previous to the tour.
“Don’t let them get to you,” Diana said, looping her arm through JJ’s and pulling her toward the dressing room. “They’re just jealous. We all know that you’re not the kind of girl who’s going to be singing backup forever. Just go out there and do your best. If Deacon thinks you got this, then you go get it.”
JJ tried to remember that, through the questioning looks she got all evening. More than once she found herself closing her eyes and drifting back to that place of submission she had found earlier in the rehearsal room with Deacon.
By the time the two opening acts had finished their set and JJ was in place behind the curtain, she was ready to go. No matter how confused she was during the day, how many doubts and fears kept her awake at night, it all melted away when she stood in this spot onstage. Standing in the darkness behind the curtain, she could feel the crowd only feet away. Their energy hummed through her like electricity. Her fingers tingled, her muscles were relaxed and ready. Her guitar felt as light as a feather, and it would do what she wanted it to for the next few hours. She was born to be onstage, and she knew it.
Like every night on tour, the minutes melted away. She didn’t even have time to be nervous because before she knew it, Deacon was sitting behind the piano and she was standing in the shadows stage left.
“How you doing, Philly?”
The crowd cheered in response to Deacon’s question.
“Alright,” he said with a laugh. “Well, in the spirit of brotherly love, I wanted to do something special for you tonight. I want to bring you a new song about love. This is a song we’ve never done before. And to help me, I’m going to invite JJ Isaacs, our lead guitarist, to give me a hand. JJ?”
JJ was surprised at the crowd’s cheers as she stepped into the spotlight slightly behind Deacon. She took a deep breath, realizing this was the closest she had come to performing solo before a major crowd. He nodded at her and she let out the breath she was holding. Then she closed her eyes and began playing “I’m Yours.” She heard Deacon start on the accompaniment, and then his voice came in smoothly on the first verse. Everything slipped away and it was just her, him, and the music. The performance was seamless and so intuitive that when he nodded to her, she knew to take the backup harmony for the chorus, even though they hadn’t rehearsed it.
When they finally got to the end of the song, and he played the last note, there was a pause of silence like she had never heard before at any of their shows. And then the crowd came in cheering and screaming. The applause seemed almost endless. Deacon nodded at JJ and smiled. She returned the nod before slipping back to her place backstage.
The rest of the show seemed to whiz by as they moved from one song to another. The crowd never seemed to tire and was still screaming for more after two encores. Even after the lights went down out front and everyone was backstage, she was still buzzing with the show’s energy.
“Great job out there, JJ!”
“Thanks,” JJ called back to a guy carrying a huge speaker on his shoulder. She didn’t even know who he was, but since she had stepped off the stage after their last set, she had been getting lots of congratulations from people she had barely said two words to before. Everyone seemed to be extra happy tonight, especially Deacon, who had nothing but praise for everyone during their post-show debrief. He had since disappeared into his dressing room with Sabrina and slapped a DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door.
“You rocked the house, girl!” Diana screamed, throwing her arms around JJ. “I’m so proud of you.”
JJ laughed, Diana’s excitement contagious. “Thanks. But, girl, I was so nervous. When he called my name I thought I was gonna throw up.”
“Well, you didn’t show it,” Diana said, pursing her lips. “You looked like a regular out there.”
“Yeah, like a regular climber.” JJ almost fell into Diana as Kya pushed past them to her own area.
Diana rolled her eyes. “Forget her. She’s just mad it wasn’t her.” Diana looked over her shoulder at the tall woman reapplying lipstick in the mirror. “It can’t always be about you, Kya.”
“Whatever,” Kya said. “At least it sometimes is. It ain’t never about you, Die-ana.”
Diana hissed before turning back to JJ. “Anyway, you know you gotta come out with us tonight. We’re gonna celebrate.”
JJ shook her head. “I don’t know. I was gonna check in with my sisters, then crash. I never even got to tell them that Deacon was doing my song tonight.”
The truth was that almost immediately after her performance, she’d had this overwhelming desire to talk to Sydney. Her sisters had been the first people she had thought of after she stepped off the stage. Well, actually they had been the second. The first person had surprised her, and for a moment she had wondered if her doctor friend had been thinking about her too.
“Oh, come on, JJ,” Diana said, eyes wide. “You have to come out with us, even just for dinner. You know everyone’s gonna want to celebrate after the amazing show we had, and you were definitely a part of what made this show amazing.”
“Everyone was amazing,” JJ said, sweeping her cosmetics into their case and zipping it shut. “I think that’s the best crowd we’ve had since LA.”
“I know,” Diana said, pulling the pins out of her hair and letting her medium-length tresses fall loose. “I am looking forward to going to Atlanta tomorrow, but I am so glad we get that week off after. Touring is kicking my butt.”
“Don’t I know it,” JJ said, zipping her outfit into her garment bag before lifting the whole thing off the hook. “That’s why I gotta check out of these n
ights out every now and then. I don’t know how the rest of you keep up.”
“Just barely,” Diana said with a laugh.
“Anyway, girl, I’ll catch you in the morning,” JJ said, gathering her things and heading through the door. “Remember, the tour bus leaves at one p.m. tomorrow. Don’t party too hard tonight. You too, Kya.”
“Girl, please, this body is too fine to be inside,” Kya said.
Diana rolled her eyes. “Bye, JJ.”
JJ adjusted the shoulder straps of her travel bag as she walked through the backstage area to the exit, waving to the crew along the way. She pushed open the door to the outside and cool air swept over her flushed skin. Contentment settled in her stomach and she could feel it in the smile on her face. This had been a good night. Scratch that. This had been a great night.
She couldn’t wait to tell Sydney and Lissandra how amazingly the night had gone. She was really starting to miss them. She quickened her pace as she headed to the bank of taxis waiting to take them back to the hotel.
“Is that my singing sensation, JJ Isaacs?”
JJ turned around at the sound of Deacon’s voice. He had just exited the back doors followed by a couple guys from the crew, and Sabrina tucked contentedly under one of his arms.
JJ paused and grinned. “Yeah, it’s me. Off to celebrate?”
“Heck, yeah!” Deacon said with enthusiasm. “We’re heading to G, on Seventeenth Street. You’re joining us, right?”
“Actually, I was thinking of heading—”
“Oh no,” Deacon said. “Nobody’s heading home tonight. Everybody’s partying. We’ve already ordered food, reserved a VIP spot. This is gonna be a serious all-nighter.”
“But, Deacon . . .”
“Gentlemen,” Deacon said, nodding to the guys with him, “I think our lady here needs some help getting to the car.”
Sabrina let out a laugh and JJ watched suspiciously as Deacon’s bodyguards, Miles and Cyrus, began heading her way. She started to back away.
“Miles, Cyrus, don’t . . .” She might as well have saved her breath. Before she knew what was happening, she had been heaved fireman-style over Miles’s shoulder.
She shrieked and pounded on her captor’s back to get him to put her down, but she was sure her protests barely registered over the laughter of the others.
“Just go with it,” Sabrina said between giggles as JJ found herself carried across the parking lot. She didn’t even realize that Diana and the rest of the singers and crew had come out of the building until she found herself deposited in the back of an SUV beside a laughing Kya.
“Sorry, little lady,” Miles said after shutting the door to close her in. “Just following boss’s orders.”
JJ wanted to be mad at Miles but couldn’t bring herself to it after seeing the sheepish look on his face. To his credit, at least he had been gentle with her.
“Guess you’re partying with us after all,” Kya commented as the SUV pulled off. “God knows your little straight-and-narrow butt needs to have some fun.”
Chapter 22
JJ had never been to G Lounge before, but she had heard that it was one of the more upscale spots in Philadelphia—the kind of place where you might spot a celebrity if you were there at the right time. When she got inside she could see why: modern clean interiors, cool neon lighting, and a general atmosphere of sleekness. If there was a lineup outside, JJ never saw it as they went through a private entrance and straight to the VIP lounge, which was situated in what looked like a vault. They hadn’t sat down a moment before cocktail waitresses with trays of appetizers began to serve them.
“I didn’t know places like this served food,” JJ said, nibbling on a miniature stuffed dumpling. The flavors were amazing for such a tiny portion of food. Sydney would love this.
“They don’t,” Diana said. “But when you roll like Deacon, well, you can get whatever you want.”
“Where is Deacon, anyway?” JJ asked. “I thought he and Sabrina would be right behind us.”
“They’ll be here,” Kya said with a laugh. “After they finish their post-show celebration.”
Kate and Andrew, whom JJ rarely saw, joined the group after a while. They seemed in equally good spirits.
“Kate! Haven’t seen you at one of these in ages,” one of the longtime crew members mentioned. “I didn’t know you socialized with us commoners.”
Kate laughed. “Well, sometimes you have to make an appearance with the people.” She turned toward JJ, her eyebrow raised. “JJ! How’s it going? Adjusting to life on the road?”
“After six tour stops, I better be,” JJ said with a laugh. “It’s been amazing though.”
“I saw your performance with Deacon tonight,” Kate said, her eyes twinkling. “Great job out there. Looks like we might have to keep you around.”
Before JJ could respond, Kate’s attention was pulled away by Andrew.
“You hear that, girl?” Diana whispered. “The end of this tour might not mean the end of your work with Deacon Hill. Isn’t that exciting?”
“It’s only exciting when you have it on paper with a signature,” Kya said, sipping on a martini. “People talk a lot of junk at these things. In the morning when the alcohol clears, they don’t remember much of it.”
The scowl on Kya’s face was all the warning JJ needed to not get her hopes up. Besides, with everything going on in her life right now, she didn’t mind delaying thinking about the future for bit.
The food and the alcohol kept coming without fail. JJ tried to enjoy the night and ignore the parts that always made her uncomfortable when she was out with the team. Like Kya making out with one of the crew members in a back corner, or a few of the others rolling up dollar bills to do lines off the table. She shook her head, amazed that such brilliant, artistic people could ruin their brains with cocaine. Heck, she was amazed that people still did cocaine. Didn’t all that go out in the seventies?
She tried to think about how normal it had all become to her. The first time she saw Andrew snort the white stuff, she had run out of the room. She had heard about that kind of thing growing up, but had never been around people who did it, much less seen people do it firsthand. Now it was such a regular affair that she just turned the other way. But whenever the coke came out, she knew that it was her time to go. She was about to whisper her departure to Diana when Deacon and Sabrina finally arrived. They nearly fell over someone’s legs as they stumbled into the VIP area, but no one seemed to mind. JJ could tell that wherever they had been, they had started their own party because they were both clearly wasted.
“JJ! You’re here!”
JJ tried not to gag from the smell of alcohol on Sabrina’s breath as she leaned over to hug JJ. “Hey, Sabrina,” she said, gently pushing the woman away.
Sabrina didn’t mind but stumbled farther into the vault, wedging herself between two of the stagehands. JJ’s eyes widened as she watched Sabrina brazenly flirt with both men, even kissing one of them. She glanced over at Deacon and, sure enough, the furrowing of his brows let her know he had caught everything.
JJ stood up to go to Sabrina, but Diana grabbed her arm and shook her head.
“Don’t get involved,” she said. “They do this every time we go out. It’s Sabrina’s way of getting back at Deacon. Trust me, they’ll both be over it tomorrow. You pick a side and it might never be forgotten.”
“So everyone just lets them do this?” JJ asked, looking back and forth between Sabrina and Deacon.
Diana nodded. “Everyone knows to stay out of it.”
JJ shook her head. More and more she was beginning to wonder if she could ever really fit into this life. As she watched Deacon do shots with Cyrus, she wondered if she wanted to.
“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” JJ said. She excused herself to the washroom, where a cool splash of water in her face revived her senses enough for her to know she needed to leave immediately. She dried her face with a paper towel and headed back to the table to say her g
ood-byes.
Before she even got close to their section, she could hear their voices. She knew it was Deacon and Sabrina. She had heard them argue before. By the time she had pushed through the crowd to the VIP lounge, they were both gone.
“What happened?” JJ asked. “I heard them screaming.”
Kya, who was now sitting up front with her male companion, rolled her eyes. “They got into it again and Sabrina took the limo and left.”
“So where’s Deacon?” JJ asked. Kya shrugged and her make-out partner looked just as clueless.
“He stormed out of the club,” Diana said, taking a skewer of grilled chicken from a tray on the table.
“Drunk?” JJ asked. “Did anyone go after him?”
No one seemed to be paying attention to JJ, and those who were didn’t seem concerned.
“Don’t think so,” Cyrus said, glancing at Kya and Diana for confirmation. Diana shook her head.
“So you all are just sitting here while Deacon walks around drunk in Philadelphia,” JJ said. She met their indifference with disgust. Then she grabbed her purse and headed to the exit.
“This always happens,” Cyrus called after her. “He just needs time to cool off, then he’ll be back.”
She heard Diana call out that he would be fine, but she didn’t stop. Outside the club, the night was cool and busy. It was almost two a.m., but people were still milling around up and down the sidewalk. JJ didn’t know which way to turn.
“Lord help me,” she breathed absently. She turned and walked in the direction of the most lights. Most of the places she saw were closed, save a few bars.
