Yesterday's Roses

by Heather Cullman

“No!” she whimpered as she felt an embarrassing rush of moisture drench the pulsating source of her desire. She moaned and buried her cheek against the silken pillow of her hair. With every touch, her body was sucked deeper and deeper into the vortex of new sensations until she was lost to the insistent demand of her body’s need. “I—I …”

  “Ache?” He certainly did. In fact, he was perilously close to losing himself then and there. Jake let his tortured groan echo hers. Beneath that prim exterior, he had guessed his Mission Lady to be capable of great passion. He just hadn’t realized the depth of her hunger, nor had he expected the volatility of his body’s answering response.

  Trailing warm, wet kisses up her inner thigh, he whispered, “Shall I soothe you? Shall I show you how a man doctors a woman in this condition?”

  Hallie’s hips thrust in wordless reply. Yes, her body begged. In answer to her mute appeal, she felt his lips replace his stroking fingers, and as his tongue probed the scalding fire of her womanhood, she was taken to heaven and back.

  Waves of pleasure washed through her, drowning her in the ecstasy of her release. She arched up again and again, crying out as she was swept away by surge after intense surge of glorious sensation.

  When the fury of her passion was at last spent, Hallie could only lie in weak, trembling awe, stunned by the power of her release.

  Jake groaned as he felt the spasm of her climax pulsate against his lips. Dear God! She was sweet in her rapture! Her moans of pleasure vibrated through his body, and like a youth in eager anticipation of his first sexual experience, he could feel his manhood harden until it was throbbing against his belly.

  Breathless with desire, he rose to cover her body with the long line of his. Balancing his weight on his elbows, Jake stared down into her passion-softened features.

  “Do you know how you make me ache?” His voice was hoarse.

  Stroking his rigid length, she sighed, “Then let me soothe you, darling. Show me how a woman doctors the man she loves.”

  He moaned, his whole body jerking at her touch. With a strangled noise, he pulled her hand away from his inflamed flesh.

  Parting her knees with his leg, he whispered, “Open for me, sweet Hallie.” And like a blooming rosebud, unfurling its petals, she parted her thighs. Reaching down, he let his fingers slide inside her. He felt another rush of warm moisture and his control splintered further at the evidence of her desire.

  Panting now, he positioned himself between her legs. “Sweetheart,” he murmured, pressing his face against hers. “I’ll be as gentle as I can, but there’s still going to be pain.”

  “I know.” Her voice sounded breathless as her hips rose up to meet his straining hardness.

  Fighting to contain his eagerness, Jake gently eased himself inside her. As he became sheathed in Hallie’s warmth, he could feel her muscles contract in protest to the unfamiliarity of his invasion. With great effort, he forced himself to remain still until he felt her begin to relax around him.

  The feel of her, so moist and welcoming, was almost more than Jake could bear. Catching his breath sharply, he shifted his hips to resume his penetration. At his slight motion, Hallie’s supple flesh tightened around him in an erotic embrace, and he struggled desperately to regain the last fraction of his restraint.

  Gasping with pleasure, Hallie arched beneath him, urging him deeper. It felt wonderful, having Jake inside her, stretching her so intimately. Never in a thousand years would she have guessed that it would be like this. She wanted to feel every last wonderful inch of him moving inside her.

  Drawing a deep breath to steady himself, Jake complied, pushing himself deeper until he came to the fragile barrier of her maidenhood. Claiming her softly parted lips with his in a tender kiss, he made one hard thrust that easily tore the delicate membrane. Then he plunged his full length into her, stifling her sharp cry of pain with his mouth.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured, gathering her into his arms and pressing soft kisses all over her face. “Relax. The pain will be gone soon.” And he forced himself to remain still while she adjusted herself to his size.

  Hallie squirmed uncomfortably, desperately trying to ease her pain. It hurt. She felt as if she had been torn in half and now that he was fully inside her, his manhood felt as enormous as it looked.

  Burying her face against his throat, she mumbled, “You lied.”

  He stared down at the top of her bright head in wonder, momentarily forgetting how he was about to explode with need. “How did I lie?”

  “You really are abnormally large. Otherwise I wouldn’t hurt like this.” She gave her pelvis a tentative undulation. It was beginning to feel better, although he still felt awfully big.

  Jake sucked his breath between his teeth at her sensual movement. He was close to the edge—too damn close. His body screamed with protest as he fought to deny it its quickly approaching climax. If only she would stop moving like that.

  With desperate appeal, he groaned, “Hallie. Please … don’t.” He wanted her first time to be special, perfect. He wanted her to find her woman’s pleasure with him buried deep inside her and to feel her throbbing around him as they found their release together. Damnation. If she would only lie still for a moment.

  Yes. Now the ache was beginning to subside. Hallie tested his length. It felt good. She arched again. Very good. There was just the slightest pain now, but it was quickly becoming replaced by the pleasure mounting deep inside of her unmentionable places.

  “Now, Jake,” she pleaded, reaching around him to grasp his tightly flexed buttocks, rubbing herself against him with wild abandon.

  It was too much. With a hoarse scream that would have roused the house had the walls not been so thick, Jake thrust once and promptly spilled himself. Tears rolled down his cheeks at the exquisite violence of his long-denied climax. His body convulsed uncontrollably, heaving, as his senses exploded with an ecstasy that was far more intense than anything he had ever experienced.

  Again and again his body jerked, unconsciously driving himself deeper and deeper into Hallie’s eagerly embracing depths. So possessed was he by the turbulence of his release that he barely heard her shriek of rapture as she joined him in paradise.

  Then his body spasmed one final time, and he collapsed on top of her, his face drenched with his tears.

  “Hold me,” he pleaded, his voice raw with emotion. “Please. Just hold me.” And as she hugged him fiercely, he buried his face between her breasts, sobbing. They lay like that for a long while, she holding him tenderly and he clinging to her as if she was his salvation.

  When he at last lay still, his breathing even, Hallie lightly kissed the back of his neck. “Are you all right?”

  He raised his head to stare into her face. “Are you?”

  She nodded with a tender smile. “Never better.”

  “Thank God,” he sighed, rolling off of her to sit up. He sat very still, his cheek resting on his bent knees and his arms wrapped around his legs.

  Hallie moved to snuggle up behind him. With her legs around his hips and her arms around his chest, she molded her front to his back, propping her chin on his shoulder. She tickled his stomach lightly, trying to make him smile. Nothing. She tried again, this time more insistently. He didn’t move a muscle.

  “Did I do something terrible?” she finally asked.

  “Good God! No!” He turned his head to meet her troubled gaze. “You were magnificent. Amazing. It was I who was terrible.”

  “I don’t understand.” Suddenly a dawning light flared in her eyes. “If you’re feeling bad because you took my virginity, don’t. You didn’t take it. I gave it to you. I love you.”

  Jake shuddered and hid his face against his knees. Never in his life had he felt so inadequate—or unworthy. What had happened to him over the years? He had once been considered quite the lover, never failing to bring his partner the ultimate
pleasure before finding his own. But now he was a pathetic shadow of his former self, either spilling his seed prematurely or unable to perform at all.

  Drawing a ragged breath, Jake propped his chin on his knees and stared into the fire. “Your first time should have been wonderful. Memorable. It should have been with someone tender and patient. Not with some fool who spills himself after one thrust,”

  Hallie was stunned by his words. “But it was wonderful,” she declared honestly. “And I couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone more tender or patient than you were.”

  He raised his head and stared at her. She looked so earnest. He shook his head with a sigh. “That’s because you don’t know any better. A man should be able to give a woman pleasure from his body.”

  “But you did.”

  “Not from any conscious effort on my part,” he ground out bitterly. “In time you’ll want a man who can perform his duty properly.” And in time she would probably grow to hate him because he couldn’t function like a real man.

  “That man is you.”

  He raised one eyebrow in question.

  She nodded vigorously. “You see, Mr. Parrish, as your doctor, I have a theory about your so-called problem.”

  “Indeed?”

  “Yes. By your own confession, you’ve deprived yourself of sexual release for an unhealthy period of time. I read an article in one of my medical journals on the subject of sexual abstinence in men. It supposedly affects a man very badly. It makes him likely to lose control at the slightest provocation. Even in his sleep. Were you aware of that?”

  Jake chuckled at the seriousness of her expression. “I’ve been known to soil a few sheets recently. Especially when I’ve been dreaming of you.”

  “My point exactly.” She nodded with satisfaction. “It seems to me that you’ve had enough provocation tonight to make any man lose himself. If the article was correct, you should be better able to control yourself next time.”

  “Perhaps.” He shrugged one shoulder. She could be right. But what if she wasn’t? It was an awful thought.

  Her hand snaked lower until she found his now flaccid sex. Almost immediately he began to rouse.

  “There’s one way to see if the theory is correct,” she whispered, teasing his earlobe with her teeth. He hardened in her palm. “It’s called research, Mr. Parrish. Care to be my subject?”

  With a growl, he surged his arousal against her hand. “Willingly, Dr. Gardiner. I place my manhood in your very capable care.”

  And through thorough research, Dr. Hallie Gardiner proved her theory correct.

  Chapter 19

  Jake couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this furious.

  Damn that Hallie Gardiner! he cursed silently for the hundredth time that morning. She’d given him a taste of paradise last night, and like a starving man fed an exquisite feast, he’d been left hungering for more. Far more.

  Damn her to hell! How dare she steal away like that? But dare she had. When Jake had awakened that morning, fully aroused and eager to resume the previous night’s activities, he’d found himself alone in his big bed. It hadn’t improved his mood any to discover that Hallie had fled the house at dawn.

  Tightening his jaw with determination, Jake urged his horse on. The blood bay gave a whinny of protest before picking up the pace and sending the barouche flying at head-spinning speed.

  Jake eyed the animal sourly. Blasted beast’s hide is the same color of copper as Hallie’s hair. Then he let out a humorless grate of laughter. Yes. But unlike his willful Mission Lady, this particular redhead has the good sense to do as she was told. And so would Miss Gardiner when he finally got his hands on her.

  Scowling fiercely, Jake rounded the corner with a neck-breaking recklessness that almost upset the carriage. The light vehicle careened dangerously on two wheels for a moment before miraculously righting itself again.

  Had it been his lovemaking that had put her off? he wondered, going over every pleasurable detail in his mind.

  After his poor start he’d done well enough, making love to her two more times. Hell. If her screams of ecstasy were an accurate indicator, the prim Miss Gardiner had enjoyed herself every bit as much as he had. And though his intimacy-starved body could have loved her a few more times, he could tell that she was getting sore. So when she curled up next to him, her head cradled on his chest, he contented himself with the simple joy of holding her close. After all, there would be plenty of opportunities in the future to take care of his own carnal needs.

  Or so he had assumed.

  Jake’s head snapped up as the morning stillness was shattered by the sound of wildly clanging bells, and he instantly became alert to his surroundings.

  Fire? Pulling his horse to a halt, he scanned the horizon, narrowing his eyes against the sun’s glare. Insidious billows of smoke made great black smudges against the pure azure of the rain-washed sky and hung in the air like an ominous pall.

  Fire … at the edge of Chinatown, Jake thought, mentally gauging the distance to the darkly rising cloud. A tendril of uneasiness snaked down his spine. The Mission House was located down there. It stood in an old section of the city where the buildings were flimsily constructed of cheap wood and where the living conditions could only be described as overcrowded. If not quickly contained, a fire in that area would spread from building to building quicker than a message through telegraph wires.

  Making a loud clicking sound between his teeth, Jake gave the reins a smart slap and the horse lurched forward to resume its brisk trot. Of course, just because the fire was near Chinatown didn’t necessarily mean that the Mission House was in danger. Damned unlikely, actually. Nonetheless, he found himself urging his horse to pick up its pace.

  As he turned down Sacramento Street, Jake could see orange flames shooting high into the sky and his eyes began to water from the heavy smoke. All down the street were lines of fire engines, each one manned by a group of burly men intent on pumping water from a hydrant almost two blocks away. The thick rubber hoses, which were linked together to form a water line that ran from engine to pumping engine, lay writhing against the cobblestones like furious black snakes.

  Unable to drive any further, Jake reined in his horse and jumped from the carriage. Grabbing a loitering youth by the shoulder, he shouted, “Where’s the fire?”

  “Someone dynamited the Mission House. Blew those nosy Mission Ladies to kingdom come. Ka-boom!” The boy flailed his arms in the air to illustrate his point. But before he could further embellish his tale, his audience of one had taken off down the street toward the raging inferno.

  Putting all good manners aside, Jake pushed his way through the crowd. With every step, he could feel his panic rising closer and closer to the surface of his tightly controlled calm, threatening to crack the strained facade at any moment. Never had he been so afraid … not even when he’d faced his own death. And losing Hallie now would kill him in ways that would make him pray to die. Without her love, his life would once again become a meaningless blur of minutes, days, months, and years—time to be filled but never savored, his only companion loneliness.

  Damn it! No! Hadn’t he lost enough already? Surely God wouldn’t be so cruel as to snatch away the only piece of heaven he’d found on this earth?

  None too sure of God’s mercy, Jake frantically elbowed aside another onlooker. As he pushed his way through the last of the human barricades, the Mission House came into full view.

  The upper floors were engulfed in flames, as was the north side, which was where the infirmary was located. Shards of glass from broken windows glittered like teardrops among the sooty rubble on the sidewalks, and the smoke, thick and black like flowing oil, poured from the empty frames. The whole second floor was a wall of incendiary orange from which drifted cinders that fell like scalding rain. And even at this distance Jake could feel the shimmer from the heat.

>   Like a sleepwalker he stepped into the nightmarish scene, mindless except for one thought: he had to find Hallie.

  Panicked Chinese girls ran back and forth, babbling to the Mission House workers who sought to calm them. On the south side of the house, a red-uniformed fireman stood on a ladder, pulling a young girl out of a flaming second-story window. Volunteers holding tangled lengths of hose were shooting torrents of water into the blaze, shouting orders at one another in an attempt to be heard above the roar. And it seemed as if hundreds of women swarmed in the streets, but none of them was Hallie.

  Terrified, Jake shoved his way through the crowd. Over and over again he shouted her name, desperately scanning the throng for a glimpse of her bright hair. He stopped to ask several of the workers if they had seen her, but they either stared at him, too stunned to reply, or merely shook their heads no.

  As he elbowed deeper into the melee, Jake heard someone call his name. Hope surged in his heart as he whipped around, and then it died as quickly as it had been born. It was Davinia Loomis who was hurrying toward him.

  The normally neat-as-a-pin mission directress looked as unkempt as an unmade bed. Her hair was falling about her face in sweat-soaked straggles, and her gown, once a festive red, was streaked with soot.

  “Where’s Hallie?” Jake shouted, rushing to meet her halfway.

  Davinia shook her head, wincing as he grasped her arms in a bruising grip. “I thought she was with you.”

  “Then she didn’t come back here?” His hope was reborn.

  “I don’t know. I’ve been out since dawn making my calls.”

  Jake let his hands fall to his sides with a grunt of disappointment.

  Davinia scratched at her head, mystified. “You say she went flitting off? Odd. It’s not a bit like Hallie to behave so irresponsibly. Perhaps—” Then her brows drew together in a fierce scowl. “Jake Parrish! What did you do to the poor girl now?”

  Jake shook his head impatiently. “Later. Now, who would know if she came back here?”