Conduit

by Maria Rachel Hooley

  Suddenly, Griffin’s sword impaled the dybbuk’s chest. For a few seconds, the pain continued searing through Lev, then the hand felt away, breaking the contact, leaving Lev gasping for air and struggling not to fall. Echoes of the pain radiated in every muscle, and he tried to struggle to his feet, intent on helping Griffin. His body resisted, and he just ended up falling.

  “Lev, are you all right?” Celia rushed over and grabbed him, pulling him upright. He looked at her, his vision blurred so that he saw three people instead of one, and in addition to his sister being completely out of focus, everything else was, too.

  “The dybbuk,” he gasped, but even in his own ears, his voice sounded strange and weak.

  “Griffin took care of him. It’s all right. Just close your eyes until you feel steady enough again. This will pass.”

  Against his will, Lev did close his eyes. It was only because the spinning of the world around him was making him sick, and he didn’t know how much more of it he could take. He was still panting and now felt a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead and running down his temples.

  Is this what Elizabeth went through? he wondered. The horror of that thought left him reeling. She’d been so weak and unprotected. How much of what had happened had she felt? He didn’t know, and what he didn’t know made him angry.

  He forced his eyes open, determined to get control of both his body and the situation, which was a nightmare. That was the only way he could get her back.

  This time, he saw only one of everything, and nothing moved. Yes, he was still kind of breathless, but at least he could stagger to his feet. Of course, Celia was ever present, trying to be helpful, not that he wanted any help. He shouldn’t have needed Griffin to fight his battle for him. He should have been able to do it himself, yet once again he’d failed, something at which he’d come to excel.

  “Are you strong enough to stand?” his sister asked, concern tinting her voice.

  “I’m fine. It was nothing.” He tried to keep his voice even and batted at the sweat on his forehead, wanting to erase any signs of how much he’d labored over the attack. He wasn’t stupid enough to think they’d believe nothing had phased him, but he sure as Hades didn’t have to look weak, either.

  “That was nothing?” Riley said, cocking an eyebrow as he folded his arms across his chest. “Somehow I just don’t believe you.”

  Lev glared at him, wanting nothing more than to punch that gloating expression off the angel’s face. He had it coming.

  “You can think what you want. It doesn’t much matter to me,” he growled, averting his gaze.

  “Why the hell can’t you just admit the truth?” Griffin sighed, his hand still gripping the sword he’d used against the dybbuk earlier. “It would save us all a whole bunch of time and energy, you know?”

  “Maybe I am admitting the truth.” Lev walked over and picked up his sword, his gaze drifting to another crate. Nothing like another round of pain, right? Still, he was determined to save face.

  “No, you’re not,” Griffin countered, pointing the sword at him. “You forget that the first dybbuk attack incapacitated me. I know what you felt like, and it’s not the picnic you seem to want to pretend it is.”

  Lev lifted his own sword and batted it at Griffin’s. “I never said it was a picnic.”

  “No, you said it was ‘nothing,’ which is actually far worse because, if it were ‘something,’ we could help you deal with it,” Celia said, looking at Evan. Clearly, she expected him to do something. What, of course, was anyone’s guess.

  “Look, have you got another dybbuk in that crate, or is it just for decoration?” He pointed the sword at the intact crate, waiting for an answer.

  “Let’s see, you weren’t ready for the first dybbuk, and you’d had a nice long rest. What makes you think you’re going to fare any better a second time around?” Riley asked, his arms still folded across his chest. “Face it. You need me. You need the expertise I come with or you are going to fall flat on your face.”

  All Lev could hear was the thunder of blood coursing through his veins, but even though he knew the sword in his hands wouldn’t probably damage Riley even if he could somehow get to the angel and strike him with it, such knowledge didn’t curb the desire to actually do it.

  Nothing could curb that. He detested Riley.

  “Maybe Evan thinks we need you. I still think you’re just a balloon full of hot air, waiting to spring a leak.” Besides finding Elizabeth, Lev wanted nothing more than to be the source of that leak one way or another.

  “All right. Perhaps I should prove myself since you deem my services unnecessary.” He focused on Griffin. “May I borrow your sword for a couple of moments?”

  Griffin glanced at Lev, frowning, and then shrugged as he handed the blade over. “Knock yourself out.”

  “Not likely,” Riley answered. He nodded to Evan. “Could you open that second crate for me?”

  “Sure.” Evan picked up the crowbar and jimmied the lid effortlessly. It seemed he barely moved at all, and suddenly the lid had been undone.

  At first the dybbuk didn’t readily emerge. Lev thought, Why don’t you just charge it? But he said nothing. He’d already made a fool of himself. He didn’t need to repeat the performance in case anyone had missed it, so instead he watched, his grip tightening on the pommel of the sword as he thought of all the ways he’d handle the battle differently if it were him standing there, waiting.

  That was just it. He wouldn’t be waiting. Waiting was stupid.

  “Why don’t you attack it?” Griffin asked, looking from the crate to Riley and back again, waiting for something to happen.

  “It’s counting on my curiosity to draw me to the crate. Then it will attack; however, if I just wait it out, the dybbuk will have to try to emerge, and that will put me in a better offensive position.”

  Yeah, right. That did so much for me, Lev though, gritting his teeth.

  Suddenly the dybbuk popped its head up and out of the crate. It was a girl with long, dark hair. Elizabeth. Lev saw her face right as Riley swung the blade. It landed on her cheek.

  “No!” Lev yelled, rushing toward him. Although Riley was moving to block him just in case, Lev never made it. Evan suddenly jumped in front of him and wrapped his arms around Lev, keeping the sword pinned to Lev’s side.

  “Easy,” Evan said.

  “Elizabeth!” Lev called, struggling to break free, yet there was no end to Evan’s strength and determination. The only way he’d get close was if Evan let him go, and that wasn’t going to happen.

  “What is he seeing?” Celia asked, stepping near.

  The girl screamed and struggled to get away from the blade, but no matter how she shifted, Riley kept the steel against her, making her howl louder.

  “Stop it!” Lev screamed, watching as Elizabeth’s body suddenly seemed to go limp right in front of him and sink back into the wooden crate. Riley stood over it, his sword disappearing into the opening, and Lev could still hear her screaming like the angel were killing her.

  “Let her go!” Lev yelled. He struggled to break free, but it did no good, at least not until the world suddenly went silent around him and Riley withdrew his blade. Then Evan released him.

  Riley had finished. Elizabeth was dead.

  “You killed her!” Lev yelled and threw himself at the angel, intent on taking his life, just as he’d taken Elizabeth’s.

  “Lev, calm down,” Riley said as their blades met mid-stroke. “I didn’t kill anyone.”

  “Like hell!” he yelled and tried to swing again. Riley chased it with his own sword and gracefully knocked the blade free of Lev’s hand.

  “Calm down,” Riley demanded, his dark eyes seething with barely restrained anger. “I don’t know what you think you saw, but you need to take a peek in that crate.”

  Lev didn’t want to. He couldn’t bear the thought of finding her there. It would be too much, yet even with that fear eating away at him, he couldn’t seem to stop hi
mself from edging forward as Riley stepped aside, allowing Lev to see the dybbuk.

  Yes, it was a teenager with dark hair, but that’s where the similarities abruptly ended. Lev’s eyes had been playing tricks on him, making him look completely foolish yet again. He now spent his life looking stupid, and there was nothing to be done but to suck it up and accept the hand he’d been dealt. Why couldn’t he have been dealt such a hand when he was still an angel? Why now, when he was human and useless? The only thing he was good at anymore was messing up.

  “I don’t understand,” he muttered, backing away.

  “Lev, what did you see?” Celia asked, trying to catch his arm, but he quickly pulled away.

  “It doesn’t matter,” he replied, trying to make the words true, but he knew they were never going to be so. “My head is pounding. I need some time.”

  “We will try again tonight,” Riley said.

  Lev wanted to tell him he’d be ready, that this time he wouldn’t fail, but he knew better than to taunt fate. It had a way of striking back.

  * * *

  Even though Lev tried to banish the image of the blade bearing down on Elizabeth, he couldn’t.

  Still, despite all the fear and anger swirling amid a toxic mix inside Lev, that night, he’d managed to deal with the third dybbuk using the tactics Riley had so relentlessly drilled into them. Granted, Lev had been less than thrilled at a third go-round, but he wasn’t going to fail in front of everyone again. He’d already given Riley enough pleasure to last two human lifetimes.

  Still, even after it was over and he’d watched Evan, Celia, and Riley deal with the hosts, he’d felt empty. All he’d been able to think about was Elizabeth and how, in this mortal body, he had failed her so completely, and if Evan spoke truly, no hope for escaping it. Returning to an angelic form just wasn’t a possibility.

  Right now, sitting on his bed, his entire body hurt, and he was tired. He felt no closer than before. He was about to go outside and hade even opened the door, only to find Celia standing there, a thoughtful frown on her face.

  “How are you holding up?” she asked.

  Resigned that he wasn’t going anywhere, Lev retreated into the room. “How do you think?” He folded his arms across his chest, ignoring the way his shoulders ached so relentlessly.

  “Well, judging from what happened earlier and the expression on your face, you want to give up, but I know that can’t be right because the Lev I know would never do that.” She sank down on the bed.

  “The Lev you knew no longer exists. He was an angel. And I’m a human, so I’m really not sure why you’re confusing the two.”

  “Who you are doesn’t change based on the current form you take.” She reached to touch his chest above his heart. “It’s all about what’s in here.”

  “What’s in there?” His voice rose angrily. “There’s nothing in there. In case you missed it, Celia, that part of me was ripped out the day Elizabeth was stolen. The whole reason I became a mortal was for her. Now I’m just uselessly human and unable to save the one person I’d die for.” He sank onto the bed next to his sister.

  “While you are human, you aren’t useless, Lev. It’s not like you’ve had all that long to get acclimated to this human body. It’s no longer a disguise. It’s you. That’s not easy—not by a long shot.” She leaned against his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. “It’s going to take some time, and even when you were an angel, you had very little patience. That part of you certainly hasn’t changed.”

  “There’s no amount of time that’s going to fix what’s broken. You saw me today.” He shook his head.

  “I saw that you didn’t give up. That’s what’s going to save Elizabeth when it all comes down to it—refusing to let go when everything seems incredibly difficult if not impossible.”

  “Half the time I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m seeing things that aren’t there. I can’t focus. All I can think about is how much I’ve messed up.”

  Celia wrapped her arm around him and gave a reassuring squeeze. “You’re in love, Lev. There’s no shame in that. Part of you is missing, and I think under those circumstances it would be a major miracle if you could focus.”

  “Celia, you don’t understand. Now that I’m human, I’m more a liability than anything else.” He looked up at the ceiling. “I keep saying that I sense something bad in Riley, but maybe I’m just angry because he has the immortal powers to do something I can’t. All I seem to do these days is further complicate everything. It took three tries for me to get the best of a dybbuk. Three tries. Riley was at it for a handful of minutes and got the job done, even with me getting in the way. You can’t tell me that when we are in the heat of battle you’re going to feel oh so confident with me guarding your back.”

  “How I feel about you hasn’t changed, Lev.” She regarded him with penetrating blue eyes. “When the chips are down, you’ll pull through. It’s what you do.”

  Lev didn’t want her to believe in him, not when things could go so horribly wrong and at the worst possible moment.

  “You can’t mean that, not considering how flawed I am.”

  “I do. Lev, I know you. I know all that you are, and I would trust you with my life.”

  Looking down at his sister, the angel he had trained so many years ago, he wanted to see himself through her eyes but couldn’t.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Lev! You have to help me!”

  The panicked voice nudged him from sleep, but he refused to shrug off the cover of darkness, so convinced was he that he must be dreaming—or, worse, hearing things that didn’t exist.

  Again.

  “I can’t hold out much longer!” She was louder now, and more frightened. Elizabeth. Lev jerked awake and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed while his heart raced, sounding like a galloping horse in his ears. He searched for her among the spill of moonlight and shadow from the open window. Her voice was so clear she had to be here right next to him.

  “It hurts!” Tears filling her voice. “You have to make it stop.” She broke down completely, then, and Lev jumped out of bed, searching frantically. Logically, he knew he wouldn’t find her, but that didn’t stop him. Nothing could stop him from trying, half wild as she was with desperation.

  “Elizabeth!” he hissed. “Where are you?” He whirled, feeling someone watched him but as though despite what he most wanted, the watcher, whomever or whatever it might be, wasn’t Elizabeth.

  “Listen to my voice,” she answered, whimpering. “Follow it. Come alone.”

  Lev stiffened, recognizing a bad idea when one presented itself, but the delay only lasted a handful of seconds before he’d reassured himself. He reasoned that there wasn’t enough time to warn the others, and considering his little outburst the previous afternoon, he didn’t think they’d listen to anything he had to say. They all knew he was a disaster waiting to happen. At least if he went by himself he wouldn’t be dragging anyone down with him. That had to count for something.

  “Lev, you have to hurry. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this connection open. I don’t even know how I’m doing it, but you’ll never find me unless I lead you.”

  That was what he was most afraid of. It was like she’d picked the one thing that would spur him into action, and now there was no going back.

  “I’m listening.”

  “Come outside. I’ll show you the way as you go, and you’ll have to follow.”

  Frowning, Lev felt another set of warning flags rising, but he quashed them down. This was probably his best chance, even if it was a trap. Besides, why would the dybbuks be doing this? What would they want with him? He wasn’t even an angel anymore.

  “All right. Give me a couple of minutes.”

  He slid his feet into the shoes by the door, then wrapped his fingers around the doorknob and gave it a slight twist while pulling it toward him. He only opened the door halfway, remembering that it squeaked, and the last thing he wanted was to ale
rt Evan or Celia that he was on the move. The odds were hardly in his favor that he’d escape unnoticed, but he had to try.

  As he tiptoed down the hall, it occurred to him to ask why she didn’t want the others to come, and once he’d spoken the question, a silence filled him, almost as though she had left him again, but she soon responded.

  “I don’t want them to see me like this. I don’t want Jimmie to know what I’ve been through.”

  The breath caught in his throat, and he stopped moving, shaken. Jimmie, he thought to himself. Don’t go there, Lev.

  Lev changed the subject. “What have they done to you?” The question terrified him, but still he asked.

  “It’s not something I can explain, but the angels will know, and it’s bad. I can’t face them.” She was crying now. “Please don’t make me.”

  Lev’s chest ached, but he couldn’t afford to let his feelings get the best of him. He had to be strong. That was the only way he’d make it.

  “I understand.” He continued down the hall, looking around, trying to determine whether anyone else were awake. Once again, he thought back to being an angel and about how darkness had rarely obscured his vision. Granted, it might’ve dulled the colors somewhat, but it’d never caused difficulties for him. Now he found himself half blind as he bumbled through the house, easing his hand along the wall to guide him toward the living room.

  It seemed to take forever, but he was afraid to go any faster, afraid of rousing the others. Evan and Celia didn’t need human sleep, so he figured they were probably off somewhere, discussing plans with Riley, plans they feared he would botch.

  By some stroke of luck, he made it down the hall to the front door. His fingers carefully unfastened the chain at the top and then unlocked the door. Here again, he only opened the door enough to slip out because he knew it, too, sometimes squeaked. Such was the curse of old houses. They spoke to their owners like that sometimes, and Lev really needed this house to be quiet.