Lilith: A Romance

by George MacDonald

  CHAPTER XXXVIII. TO THE HOUSE OF BITTERNESS

  In the morning we set out, and made for the forest as fast as we could.I rode Lona's horse, and carried her body. I would take it to herfather: he would give it a couch in the chamber of his dead! or, if hewould not, seeing she had not come of herself, I would watch it in thedesert until it mouldered away! But I believed he would, for surely shehad died long ago! Alas, how bitterly must I not humble myself beforehim!

  To Adam I must take Lilith also. I had no power to make her repent! Ihad hardly a right to slay her--much less a right to let her loose inthe world! and surely I scarce merited being made for ever her gaoler!

  Again and again, on the way, I offered her food; but she answered onlywith a look of hungering hate. Her fiery eyes kept rolling to and fro,nor ever closed, I believe, until we reached the other side of thehot stream. After that they never opened until we came to the House ofBitterness.

  One evening, as we were camping for the night, I saw a little girl goup to her, and ran to prevent mischief. But ere I could reach them, thechild had put something to the lips of the princess, and given a screamof pain.

  "Please, king," she whimpered, "suck finger. Bad giantess make hole init!"

  I sucked the tiny finger.

  "Well now!" she cried, and a minute after was holding a second fruitto a mouth greedy of other fare. But this time she snatched her handquickly away, and the fruit fell to the ground. The child's name wasLuva.

  The next day we crossed the hot stream. Again on their own ground,the Little Ones were jubilant. But their nests were still at a greatdistance, and that day we went no farther than the ivy-hall, where,because of its grapes, I had resolved to spend the night. When they sawthe great clusters, at once they knew them good, rushed upon them, ateeagerly, and in a few minutes were all fast asleep on the green floorand in the forest around the hall. Hoping again to see the dance, andexpecting the Little Ones to sleep through it, I had made them leave awide space in the middle. I lay down among them, with Lona by my side,but did not sleep.

  The night came, and suddenly the company was there. I was wondering withmyself whether, night after night, they would thus go on dancing to alleternity, and whether I should not one day have to join them because ofmy stiff-neckedness, when the eyes of the children came open, and theysprang to their feet, wide awake. Immediately every one caught hold ofa dancer, and away they went, bounding and skipping. The spectres seemedto see and welcome them: perhaps they knew all about the Little Ones,for they had themselves long been on their way back to childhood!Anyhow, their innocent gambols must, I thought, bring refreshment toweary souls who, their present taken from them and their future dark,had no life save the shadow of their vanished past. Many a merry butnever a rude prank did the children play; and if they did at times causea momentary jar in the rhythm of the dance, the poor spectres, who hadnothing to smile withal, at least manifested no annoyance.

  Just ere the morning began to break, I started to see theskeleton-princess in the doorway, her eyes open and glowing, the fearfulspot black on her side. She stood for a moment, then came gliding in,as if she would join the dance. I sprang to my feet. A cry of repugnantfear broke from the children, and the lights vanished. But the lowmoon looked in, and I saw them clinging to each other. The ghostswere gone--at least they were no longer visible. The princess too haddisappeared. I darted to the spot where I had left her: she lay withher eyes closed, as if she had never moved. I returned to the hall. TheLittle Ones were already on the floor, composing themselves to sleep.

  The next morning, as we started, we spied, a little way from us, twoskeletons moving about in a thicket. The Little Ones broke their ranks,and ran to them. I followed; and, although now walking at ease, withoutsplint or ligature, I was able to recognise the pair I had before seenin that neighbourhood. The children at once made friends with them,laying hold of their arms, and stroking the bones of their long fingers;and it was plain the poor creatures took their attentions kindly. Thetwo seemed on excellent terms with each other. Their common deprivationhad drawn them together! the loss of everything had been the beginningof a new life to them!

  Perceiving that they had gathered handfuls of herbs, and were lookingfor more--presumably to rub their bones with, for in what other waycould nourishment reach their system so rudimentary?--the Little Ones,having keenly examined those they held, gathered of the same sorts, andfilled the hands the skeletons held out to receive them. Then they bidthem goodbye, promising to come and see them again, and resumed theirjourney, saying to each other they had not known there were such nicepeople living in the same forest.

  When we came to the nest-village, I remained there a night with them, tosee them resettled; for Lona still looked like one just dead, and thereseemed no need of haste.

  The princess had eaten nothing, and her eyes remained shut: fearing shemight die ere we reached the end of our journey, I went to her in thenight, and laid my bare arm upon her lips. She bit into it so fiercelythat I cried out. How I got away from her I do not know, but I came tomyself lying beyond her reach. It was then morning, and immediately Iset about our departure.

  Choosing twelve Little Ones, not of the biggest and strongest, but ofthe sweetest and merriest, I mounted them on six elephants, and tooktwo more of the wise CLUMSIES, as the children called them, to bear theprincess. I still rode Lona's horse, and carried her body wrapt inher cloak before me. As nearly as I could judge I took the direct way,across the left branch of the river-bed, to the House of Bitterness,where I hoped to learn how best to cross the broader and rougher branch,and how to avoid the basin of monsters: I dreaded the former for theelephants, the latter for the children.

  I had one terrible night on the way--the third, passed in the desertbetween the two branches of the dead river.

  We had stopped the elephants in a sheltered place, and there let theprincess slip down between them, to lie on the sand until the morning.She seemed quite dead, but I did not think she was. I laid myself alittle way from her, with the body of Lona by my other side, thusto keep watch at once over the dead and the dangerous. The moon washalf-way down the west, a pale, thoughtful moon, mottling the desertwith shadows. Of a sudden she was eclipsed, remaining visible, butsending forth no light: a thick, diaphanous film covered her patientbeauty, and she looked troubled. The film swept a little aside, andI saw the edge of it against her clearness--the jagged outline ofa bat-like wing, torn and hooked. Came a cold wind with a burningsting--and Lilith was upon me. Her hands were still bound, but with herteeth she pulled from my shoulder the cloak Lona made for me, and fixedthem in my flesh. I lay as one paralysed.

  Already the very life seemed flowing from me into her, when Iremembered, and struck her on the hand. She raised her head with agurgling shriek, and I felt her shiver. I flung her from me, and sprangto my feet.

  She was on her knees, and rocked herself to and fro. A second blast ofhot-stinging cold enveloped us; the moon shone out clear, and I saw herface--gaunt and ghastly, besmeared with red.

  "Down, devil!" I cried.

  "Where are you taking me?" she asked, with the voice of a dull echo froma sepulchre.

  "To your first husband," I answered.

  "He will kill me!" she moaned.

  "At least he will take you off my hands!"

  "Give me my daughter," she suddenly screamed, grinding her teeth.

  "Never! Your doom is upon you at last!"

  "Loose my hands for pity's sake!" she groaned. "I am in torture. Thecords are sunk in my flesh."

  "I dare not. Lie down!" I said.

  She threw herself on the ground like a log.

  The rest of the night passed in peace, and in the morning she againseemed dead.

  Before evening we came in sight of the House of Bitterness, and the nextmoment one of the elephants came alongside of my horse.

  "Please, king, you are not going to that place?" whispered the LittleOne who rode on his neck.

  "Indeed I am! We are going to stay the nigh
t there," I answered.

  "Oh, please, don't! That must be where the cat-woman lives!"

  "If you had ever seen her, you would not call her by that name!"

  "Nobody ever sees her: she has lost her face! Her head is back and sideall round."

  "She hides her face from dull, discontented people!--Who taught you tocall her the cat-woman?"

  "I heard the bad giants call her so."

  "What did they say about her?"

  "That she had claws to her toes."

  "It is not true. I know the lady. I spent a night at her house."

  "But she MAY have claws to her toes! You might see her feet, and herclaws be folded up inside their cushions!"

  "Then perhaps you think that I have claws to my toes?"

  "Oh, no; that can't be! you are good!"

  "The giants might have told you so!" I pursued.

  "We shouldn't believe them about you!"

  "Are the giants good?"

  "No; they love lying."

  "Then why do you believe them about her? I know the lady is good; shecannot have claws."

  "Please how do you know she is good?"

  "How do you know I am good?"

  I rode on, while he waited for his companions, and told them what I hadsaid.

  They hastened after me, and when they came up,--

  "I would not take you to her house if I did not believe her good," Isaid.

  "We know you would not," they answered.

  "If I were to do something that frightened you--what would you say?"

  "The beasts frightened us sometimes at first, but they never hurt us!"answered one.

  "That was before we knew them!" added another.

  "Just so!" I answered. "When you see the woman in that cottage, you willknow that she is good. You may wonder at what she does, but she willalways be good. I know her better than you know me. She will not hurtyou,--or if she does,----"

  "Ah, you are not sure about it, king dear! You think she MAY hurt us!"

  "I am sure she will never be unkind to you, even if she do hurt you!"

  They were silent for a while.

  "I'm not afraid of being hurt--a little!--a good deal!" cried Odu. "ButI should not like scratches in the dark! The giants say the cat-womanhas claw-feet all over her house!"

  "I am taking the princess to her," I said.

  "Why?"

  "Because she is her friend."

  "How can she be good then?"

  "Little Tumbledown is a friend of the princess," I answered; "so isLuva: I saw them both, more than once, trying to feed her with grapes!"

  "Little Tumbledown is good! Luva is very good!"

  "That is why they are her friends."

  "Will the cat-woman--I mean the woman that isn't the cat-woman, and hasno claws to her toes--give her grapes?"

  "She is more likely to give her scratches!"

  "Why?--You say she is her friend!"

  "That is just why.--A friend is one who gives us what we need, and theprincess is sorely in need of a terrible scratching."

  They were silent again.

  "If any of you are afraid," I said, "you may go home; I shall notprevent you. But I cannot take one with me who believes the giantsrather than me, or one who will call a good lady the cat-woman!"

  "Please, king," said one, "I'm so afraid of being afraid!"

  "My boy," I answered, "there is no harm in being afraid. The only harmis in doing what Fear tells you. Fear is not your master! Laugh in hisface and he will run away."

  "There she is--in the door waiting for us!" cried one, and put his handsover his eyes.

  "How ugly she is!" cried another, and did the same.

  "You do not see her," I said; "her face is covered!"

  "She has no face!" they answered.

  "She has a very beautiful face. I saw it once.--It is indeed asbeautiful as Lona's!" I added with a sigh.

  "Then what makes her hide it?"

  "I think I know:--anyhow, she has some good reason for it!"

  "I don't like the cat-woman! she is frightful!"

  "You cannot like, and you ought not to dislike what you have neverseen.--Once more, you must not call her the cat-woman!"

  "What are we to call her then, please?"

  "Lady Mara."

  "That is a pretty name!" said a girl; "I will call her 'lady Mara'; thenperhaps she will show me her beautiful face!"

  Mara, drest and muffled in white, was indeed standing in the doorway toreceive us.

  "At last!" she said. "Lilith's hour has been long on the way, but itis come! Everything comes. Thousands of years have I waited--and not invain!"

  She came to me, took my treasure from my arms, carried it into thehouse, and returning, took the princess. Lilith shuddered, but made noresistance. The beasts lay down by the door. We followed our hostess,the Little Ones looking very grave. She laid the princess on a roughsettle at one side of the room, unbound her, and turned to us.

  "Mr. Vane," she said, "and you, Little Ones, I thank you! This womanwould not yield to gentler measures; harder must have their turn. I mustdo what I can to make her repent!"

  The pitiful-hearted Little Ones began to sob sorely.

  "Will you hurt her very much, lady Mara?" said the girl I have justmentioned, putting her warm little hand in mine.

  "Yes; I am afraid I must; I fear she will make me!" answered Mara. "Itwould be cruel to hurt her too little. It would have all to be doneagain, only worse."

  "May I stop with her?"

  "No, my child. She loves no one, therefore she cannot be WITH any one.There is One who will be with her, but she will not be with Him."

  "Will the shadow that came down the hill be with her?"

  "The great Shadow will be in her, I fear, but he cannot be WITH her, orwith any one. She will know I am beside her, but that will not comforther."

  "Will you scratch her very deep?" asked Odu, going near, and putting hishand in hers. "Please, don't make the red juice come!"

  She caught him up, turned her back to the rest of us, drew the mufflingdown from her face, and held him at arms' length that he might see her.

  As if his face had been a mirror, I saw in it what he saw. For onemoment he stared, his little mouth open; then a divine wonder arose inhis countenance, and swiftly changed to intense delight. For a minute hegazed entranced, then she set him down. Yet a moment he stood looking upat her, lost in contemplation--then ran to us with the face of a prophetthat knows a bliss he cannot tell. Mara rearranged her mufflings, andturned to the other children.

  "You must eat and drink before you go to sleep," she said; "you have hada long journey!"

  She set the bread of her house before them, and a jug of cold water.They had never seen bread before, and this was hard and dry, but theyate it without sign of distaste. They had never seen water before,but they drank without demur, one after the other looking up fromthe draught with a face of glad astonishment. Then she led away thesmallest, and the rest went trooping after her. With her own gentlehands, they told me, she put them to bed on the floor of the garret.