Sweet Giselle

by Karen P. Williams

  A few months into the semester of school, my father passed. I felt like in that moment when I lost my father, I lost my mother, too. Because now she never had the strength to get out of her bed. And she lost her job because of it. And then ... we were in danger of losing our foundation. Our home. Month after month, we were missing our mortgage payments. We went begging to my grandparents. First, we went to my mother’s parents. My mother’s father was only a janitor, but he managed to give us about seven hundred to help. Then we called her mother, who had relocated to Georgia, and since remarried. After dealing with her dodging my brother and me for damn near a month, I managed to get her by calling on Lexi’s phone. She answered only because she didn’t recognize the number. She promised to send one grand and to call my mother. She did neither. My mother had always said that her mother was a bitch. I agreed. To know your only daughter had lost her husband and you didn’t even bother to see how she was doing? What the hell? Then we tried my dad’s mother. His dad had died seven years back, so she was our only hope. But she couldn’t help us. She had used the last of her savings to bury our father and was living on Social Security in a retirement home. Still, she mailed us a check for eighty bucks, which came in handy. Both my brother and I got jobs to help, but it didn’t help much. Minimum wage was not enough to cover all the bills. We were at risk of foreclosure. I mean, we became three months behind on our mortgage. I really wished that what my brother and I were making was enough to cover it, but it wasn’t. We were really in hard times, and I had no idea what to do about it. When that question, what was I going to do? popped into my head, I always got nervous. So I kept busy to keep any questions out. Oneway or another they always crept back in.

  “You know what you need to do.” Lexi said one day.

  I stared at her as she stared intently at her cell phone. She was on the Craigslist Web site, looking for a “date.” I was lying across her bed in the crammed room she shared with four of her female cousins, ages thirteen, eleven, ten, and six. There were three more kids, who were all boys. They slept in the living room so all the parents had their privacy. The youngest, Trinity, opened the door and stepped inside.

  She was too cute with her hair French braided, with blue and white beads on the end. Her hair was always braided to the side of her face to cover up a huge birthmark. Despite it, she was adorable and was going to be a very beautiful woman one day. I wished they showed her how to embrace her birthmark as a part of what made her unique. Not as something that took away from her beauty.

  She smiled at me shyly, revealing her front snaggle-teeth. “Hi, Giselle,” she said breathlessly.

  I waved and said, “Hi, Trinity.”

  Lexi yelled, “Get the fuck out, ugly cuz.”

  Trinity jumped at Lexi’s yelling. Her face then looked super sad, and she rushed out of the room.

  I gave Lexi a sharp look. “You didn’t have to speak to her that way.”

  “Giselle! Look at this.” She passed her phone to me, and I glanced at the text on the screen of her phone.

  Beautiful ladies earn three thousand dollars a day for figure modeling. No portfolio needed. No experience needed. Not a strip club. Future positions also available, with opportunity to make more money. For further info, reply to the e-mail address below. Must be at least eighteen.

  Before I could respond, Lexi snatched the phone back. “Shit, I’m about to reply to this shit right now!” She started pressing the keys on her phone madly.

  “Don’t be stupid, Lexi. You know damn well no one is going to pay you three thousand dollars to model.”

  She twisted her head in a circular motion, continuing to press keys. “I don’t give a damn what they paying me three thousand dollars to do. Long as I ain’t fucking no dog or donkey, I’m good!”

  I burst out laughing at her stupidity.

  She continued as if she didn’t hear my laughter. “You want me to sign you up, too?” she asked as she continued pressing the keys on her phone.

  I was silent at first. But to myself, I had to admit that the opportunity to make three thousand dollars was tempting. That was a lot of money, and although we owed much more on our house, the amount of money they were offering would help greatly. But I had to be real with myself. The offer did not sound like it was for modeling clothes or shoes. It sounded like nudity to me.

  “Girl, you got obligations. The first one is that house. Remember, you’re supposed to be going to college right now. Do you really think that your mom is going to snap out of the funk she’s in, Giselle?” Lexi asked.

  “Would you if you lost the love of your life?” I snapped angrily. I didn’t like how she had referenced my mother. She was going through a lot. To tell the truth, my compassion for my mother was wearing thin with all the stress I was going through, but no one else had the right to speak about her.

  She looked like she regretted the comment she made. “I’m sorry, girl. I didn’t mean to say anything that would hurt your feelings.”

  My face softened at her apology. “It’s okay.”

  “I know this is hard for you. Working at Big Burger, when you’re supposed to be at college, going to pep rallies, checking out all the cuties and shit. I know it still hurts that your daddy is gone. But this is an opportunity to make your situation better. Three thousand dollars is a lot of money for working only a day. And it said that there is opportunity to make more money. Maybe you can pay your house mortgage down some and make more money to put toward college tuition and books.”

  Big Burger was a local burger joint that was actually on the same street as CSUDH. The manager gave me a job there working full-time as a cashier, while Brandon worked farther up the street, at M & Ms Soul Food, as a part-time busboy. It was hard for me, though. Working there and seeing all the college students coming in to buy food. I always got a sick feeling being there and always felt depressed. I was supposed to be in college and stopping in Big Burger for food, just like them.

  I bit my bottom lip before asking, “What do you think they will have us do?”

  “Take some naked pictures maybe. I mean, it says modeling.” She studied me before saying, “But I’m sure there are going to be a lot of girls showing up there, so I doubt they have to put a gun to anybody’s head, let alone force us to do what we don’t want to do.”

  “True.” I sighed. “I need some extra cash, Lexi, but I don’t want to sell my soul. What do I do?”

  “Girl, you not going to sell your soul. That will always be intact. You just giving a little bitty piece of yourself away. But eventually, you are going to do that, anyway. At least this way, you’re getting something out of it. Come with me, and let’s scope it out. In the end, if we’re not cool with it, we can bounce.”

  That was easy for her to say. Her cherry had been exhausted long ago and she had paraded naked in front of a lot of men. I, however, was still a virgin and had never been naked in front of anything other than a mirror or my doctor. I was saving mine for that special guy, should he ever come along. And really, I promised my daddy I would wait until I was married. So the thought of posing for nude pictures was repulsive to me. Because no matter how the ad sounded, I knew it had something to do with nudity. But in the end I knew my family had fallen on desperate times. Without our house, none of us had a foundation. I took a deep breath before saying, “Go ahead and put me down, too.” Although a voice in my head was shouting, No! No! I ignored it and gave her a nervous smile. But the thought of this had my stomach doing flip-flops. I bit my bottom lip, uneasy.

  She gave me a sly look. “Girl, I already did.”

  I shoved her playfully. But inside, I was still feeling uneasy about this quick decision I had made, and I was severely doubting that it was a good one. Nothing that easy could possibly be good or simple.

  Chapter 2

  “Giselle? Giselle? You know you hear me calling you, girl.” Brandon was knocking on my door.

  I was hiding underneath my covers in my bed.

  When I didn’t res
pond, he barged in my room. “Don’t you hear Lexi outside, honking for you?”

  “Yeah. Don’t go out there,” I snapped. “Ignore her.”

  “What?” He pulled the covers off my face. “What are you doing now, crazy girl?”

  “Stop!” I swatted his hands away and pulled the covers back over my face.

  He laughed.

  “And it’s none of your business, Brandon. Get out! If she comes to the door, tell her I’m not here.”

  I had chickened out at the last minute on going with Lexi to that job that we both saw advertised on Craigslist. As much as I’d tried to talk myself into doing it, I just couldn’t bring myself to. I was young, but I went by instinct. And my instinct said that that ad was bad news. I was working my ass to full capacity at work. I even worked overtime on the weekends. I didn’t feel too bothered by it. Because even if I was off work, it was not like I had money to go out and do anything, anyway. I would put my two checks together and put them toward our house note. But I was always several hundred dollars short and was still trying to catch up. I tried not to look at the notices that we received, or I would feel totally helpless. Like there was no progress, no light at the end of the tunnel. We were still way behind. I didn’t want to feel totally hopeless, because that would take away the little motivation that I had. And most of all, I didn’t want Brandon to know how far behind we were. But, yes, we were far behind. Try eight grand far behind. But I could only do what I could do. Same for Brandon. What Brandon brought home, we put toward the utilities and food. We didn’t even bother paying the two car notes. Before my father had passed, they were paying off their cars in a timely fashion, so they owed only about four grand a piece on their matching Benzes. And although I wanted to pay them, we just couldn’t. It was a struggle just to pay what we paid and still not break even.

  “Everything okay, Giselle?”

  I turned on my side and pulled the covers off me, hoping that there was no stress present on my face. “Yes. Why?”

  “Because you’re hiding from your best friend, that’s why.”

  “Naw. She wants me to go on a double date to Roscoe’s with her and two guys. The guy she picked for me is fugly,” I lied.

  He chuckled. “A date? Chile, please. The only dates that chick goes on take place at Motel Six or in the back of a car. Ain’t no fried chicken, waffles, or smothered potatoes getting ordered. But plenty of bodily fluids are getting exchanged.”

  I tossed one of my pillows at him.

  He ducked, and the pillow landed on the floor, inches from him.

  “Shut up, Brandon. That’s none of your business. You worry about yourself, passing all your classes and getting your ass to work.”

  He ignored me. “Seriously. I don’t even know why you hang out with her. You are known as a good girl, Giselle.” He screwed up his handsome face so he looked ugly. “She’s known as a rat.”

  “She’s my friend, Brandon. And you know it’s not good to judge people. Lexi wasn’t as fortunate as we were as far as having good parents. She had a way harder life than we had. She has had to depend on herself.”

  He waved a hand at me like he was swatting away some flies, while saying, “Naw. Bullshit. Everything boils down to choices. She chooses to do that shit, Giselle. It’s not like she is out on the street. She has a home. Her grandparents provide for her. It would be different if she was homeless or hungry. That heffa is just being materialistic. But in reality, she could go out and get a job, just like you and I did.”

  I didn’t have time to analyze what my brother was saying. I had too much on my mind. Too much. Worrying about whether or not what my friend was doing was wrong was not going to make our situation any better.

  “Why are you debating this with me? Why do you care?”

  “I don’t,” His eyes locked with mine. “I’m not concerned about Lexi. I’m concerned about you.”

  “What?” I tossed a hand at him and looked down at my purple comforter.

  “Why you looking away, Gissy?”

  “Brandon, stop,” Idly, I traced a purple embroidery star on my comforter.

  He walked closer to me and placed my face in his hands and put his face close to mine. “I know you weren’t thinking about doing that shit she does, were you?”

  “Boy, move. I’m the older sister.”

  “I don’t want to hear that shit.”

  I tried to snatch my face away, but Brandon wouldn’t let me. “Get away.” I shoved him, and his hands fell from my face and he lost his balance a little. He regained his composure and continued to stare at me.

  “Why can’t you answer the question, Giselle? You’re my sister. Older or not. I know you think you know what is best. But if you were even thinking about doing something like that, then you’ve obviously proved that you don’t know shit about shit.”

  I took a deep breath. “Yes, of course I’ve thought about it. Right now times are really hard for us. And Lexi makes money.” I took a deep breath. “But in the end, as you see, I’m still here. So, I obviously didn’t go through with it. I’m not going to go through with it, so don’t worry about it. You just do your part around here, and I will do mine. And hopefully, something will give and I can start college, and as soon as you finish up your senior year, you can be right behind me. Everything is going to be okay. I’m going to hold it all together, so don’t worry.” I was convincing myself as I told him this. I still felt unsure that I could do so, though.

  Based on the expression on his face, my words didn’t do a good job of convincing him that eventually everything would work itself out. Or maybe he didn’t believe me when I said I had no intention of doing what Lexi did. But still, he said, “Yeah, okay.” He passed me another look and walked out of my room, closing the door behind him.

  Things continued to go downhill from there. Brandon would say, “God was going hard in the paint on us.” Brandon’s birthday came. For Brandon’s birthday, I put a little money aside, bought him a cake, some cologne, and invited a few of his friends over. He was just happy about the fact that he was legal. He and his friends danced the whole night. It was all I could do, because there was no way I could afford to send my brother to the prom or to his graduation. Since my brother had so many credits, he finished up early, anyhow, and told me not to worry about it. He had also taken a lot of advanced placement classes, so he would be ahead of the game in college ... whenever he was able to go.

  Then, once we got past my brother’s birthday, there was Christmas, New Year’s, and my birthday. I worked a double shift and came home to find that Brandon had his friends over and they were partying for me. They played Lil Jon’s “Snap Yo Fingers” at least ten times, making me want to mentally snap. I couldn’t enjoy myself.

  “Come on, Gissy,” Brandon said as he and his friends were clowning around and mimicking the “Snap Yo Fingers” dance.

  “No. You guys have a good time. I have to go in early tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep, and I need to check on Mama.” They were too busy dancing to even see that I was already making my way up the stairs.

  Once I made it upstairs, I went to my mother’s door and knocked. “Ma?” I tiptoed in the room just in case she was asleep, which was what she did for the majority of the day: sleep and sit, staring out into space. It killed me to see the woman that I had always known to be so strong and so vibrant withering away before my very eyes.

  She was sitting in her La-Z-Boy recliner, rocking back and forth. Her back was to me, but due to the rocking back and forth, I knew she wasn’t asleep.

  “Mama, you need anything?”

  The rocking stopped momentarily. I heard her whisper, “No.” Then the rocking continued. “Yes” and “no” were the only two words I had managed to get out of her since my daddy had died. I wished I knew some way to pull her out of the depression that she was in.

  I took a deep breath. “All right. Good night, Mama.”

  I left the door slightly open. Then I walked to my room, hoping I coul
d stop my mind from racing just enough so that I could get some sleep.

  “Giselle, wake up! They’re taking Mom and Dad’s cars.”

  “Whaaa?” I thought I was still asleep and dreaming. But my brother continued to shake my shoulders, showing me I was wide awake.

  “Did you hear me? They are taking both the cars.”

  I jumped off my bed and raced down the hallway, then down the stairs. I was going so fast that I fell on the bottom step. “Shit.” I winced at the pain coming from one of my ankles. I slowly stood to my feet and limped outside. Once I got out the door and was standing on our porch, I saw that they were already loading up two tow trucks with my mother and father’s cars.

  “Wait!” I yelled. I hurried down the three porch steps. I rushed up to one of the men. He was loading my mother’s car. “Excuse me.”

  He tried to pretend I wasn’t there. But I wouldn’t let him. I grabbed one of his arms, until he looked at me. I was lost, but I had to do something to get them to not take my parents’ cars. They had put so much money into them. Seventy percent of the total balance due on the cars had been paid. They couldn’t just take them! Then I reminded myself that they could, but I hoped they wouldn’t if I explained.