A Diamond In Islam: A Romance Novel

by S. Nahar

  I couldn’t hold it in anymore. She tightly wrapped her arms around me and stroked my hair. Life was so unfair, cruel, and downright depressing. If God existed why did he make people hurt so much? It was so cruel of Him to do. How could Amira love Him like that when He caused so much pain?

  “Shh, my little boy. It’s okay. Mommy’s here now,” she whispered in my ear.

  This made me cry more. “I feel so weak for crying like this,” I sniffled.

  She pulled back and stroked my face with her gentle touch. “No, no. That’s not true. Crying doesn’t make you weak. It’s just a way of expression. Damon, you are my strong little boy. I know you can get through with this,” she smiled.

  “Life is so unfair, Mom! I’m losing my family and the girl I like. Everything is just so wrong,” I said frustratingly.

  “That’s just life, Damon. It swallows you up and throws things at you, but then you get back up and fight through the force. You fight for the ones you love,” she said before looking at my tearful expression. Her smile dropped as she pulled me back for a hug. “I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t know how much this affected you. I’m so sorry.”

  Her apology made everything feel even more surreal like a bad nightmare that I desperately wanted to wake up from. I needed my mother’s comfort right now. “Is Dad really leaving us, Mom?” I asked quietly.

  She tensed. “Yes.”

  “Make him stay, please. Don’t make him go,” I begged. God, I was such a baby, but at the moment I didn’t care. I wanted my old life back.

  “I can’t, Damon. I’m so sorry,” she said with remorse.

  We stayed quiet for a while. I controlled my ragged breathing, slowing sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

  “Damon, go meet Jade,” she said with finality in her tone.

  “What?”

  “Go meet Jade. She’s still your sister. Even though your father made a mistake, Jade is still innocent in all this.”

  I sighed and got up, grabbing my sweater. “Fine.”

  ***

  We stopped in front of these apartments. I sighed as I got out of the car. Time to meet my little sister, I thought. As we walked towards her flat, Percy reached up to hold my hand, squeezing it as fear swarmed through his eyes. I smiled reassuringly even though I felt the same turmoil he did. I had to be strong for them.

  It’s going to be okay, I mouthed.

  I glanced at Daniel who looked uncertain about everything, but he kept a brave face. I placed a hand on his shoulder for comfort, silently reassuring him that everything would play out perfectly. We had nothing to worry about when we had each other.

  Dad watched us siblings with longing, but stayed silent once he saw my icy glare. For most of my life, I remember being the only fatherly figure to my siblings, the only rock in this storm of chaos.

  “You’re a good brother, Damon.”

  I glanced at him with a blank stare. “That’s what I strive for,” I said coldly.

  We continued walking as we reached closer to their door. These apartments looked beaten down and dangerous. It did not look welcoming at all. There were mouse traps at the corners and the paint on the walls was stripping down.

  Dad knocked on the door. Percy’s hand tightened around mine and I squeezed it back to relax him. Some shuffling was heard from around the door and a small girl shyly opened the door. Her ginger colored hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Her bright green eyes were almost identical to mine. She has freckles sprawled across her cheeks and a beauty mark on the left side of her face.

  This must be Jade.

  Jade run up to my dad and hugged him. “Daddy!” she squealed as he picked her up.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” he smiled at her with adoration. “Where’s your mom?”

  “Right here,” a middle-aged woman said.

  She had wrinkles around her eyes and a cigarette in her hand. Her dull blue eyes looked at my sibling and I with disappointment, which I simply glared at. She had ginger hair like Jade, but with streaks of white hair.

  “Megan,” Dad nodded toward her.

  She stepped aside to let us in and I immediately wondered what Dad saw in this lady. She had the darkest circles I’d ever seen, not to mention she looked like a drug addict. We all sat on the couch with Jade on Dad’s lap. Megan sat opposite to us. She had a hard expression spelled across her visage.

  The apartment was small, constricting us with the tiny available space. Glancing over at the walls, I noticed the paints were peeling off. Cockroaches climbed up the wall with their brown coats coloring the dirty white. Cute little Jade shouldn’t live in a place like this, especially with a mother like that.

  A bag of white powder sat on top of the television, a bottle of booze beside it. The stench of cigarettes hit my nostrils, making me want to run from the filth of the entire complex. I squinted my eyes at the hot pink toy under the table before closing Percy’s eyes.

  That was not a children’s toy.

  Dad cleared his throat. I looked at Dad and Jade as she cuddled up against Dad’s chest. I smiled at the sight in front of me. This is my little sister. I felt a wave of protectiveness and connection wash over me.

  “Megan, these are my kids. Damon, Daniel, and Percy. Kids, this is Megan,” he introduced us.

  I didn’t care about Megan or the look of resentment on her face. My attention was purely on the little red-head on Dad’s lap, who was staring at me curiously with her bright green eyes, freckles shining.

  “Jade, these are your brothers,” he told the little girl gently.

  She gave me a toothy grin. “Hi! I’m Jade,” she cheerfully chirped.

  I chuckled. “Hey Jade, I’m your older brother. How old are you?” I asked.

  “I’m eight! I’m a big girl,” she said proudly.

  “Oh yeah, well I’m ten. I’m bigger,” Percy teased.

  “So what? I’m going to grow up and be taller than you,” she huffed.

  “I beat you all. I’m thirteen,” smirked Daniel.

  Jade stuck her tongue out at them. “Damon’s nicer than all of you,” she said as she hugged me. “At least he doesn’t brag about age.”

  Percy and Daniel started to laugh, easing the tension from their shoulders. They also were mesmerized by this little girl whom we didn’t even want to go near with just a few days ago.

  We all chuckled. I was shocked at first, but eventually hugged her back. Feeling her small arms around made me wonder what it would be like to have a family in the future. As I gazed down at her, I realized how much Jade would love Amira. Perhaps they would meet one day.

  ***

  We said our farewells, leaving the broken apartment, and I thanked the stars that we didn’t have to go back. While we drove, Percy and Daniel fell asleep. I sat in the front with Dad, leaving me no escape when he started talking.

  “Damon, I want to tell you something,” he said as he broke the silence.

  I leaned my head against the window. “What?”

  “When I found out that Megan was pregnant, I felt like the cheapest bastard in the world. I love your mom so much and I didn’t want to hurt her, so I kept it to myself. When I first saw baby Jade, I knew that I couldn’t leave her. I couldn’t just walk out of her life. She was a part of me and was innocent in this mess. Over the years I kept providing for her family because, well, you can tell from their home that money is an issue. The stress became too much for me mentally and physically so I started to gamble in hopes of getting more money easily. As you can tell that didn’t happen,” he laughed heartlessly at his mistake.

  “Even though I’m still mad at you, I understand what you mean. Jade is innocent and I accept her as my sister,” I smiled tiredly from the lack of sleep I’d been getting. “But I’m not ready to forgive you.”

  “What?”

  I exhaled a deep breath, straightening. “You’ve done a lot to hurt us, Dad. I can’t forgive you just like that. I need to see you change not only for us, but for Jade as well. I’m really sorry,
but I can’t.”

  “You’re a good kid, Damon. I hate to leave you guys like this, but it’s for the woman I love. I will forever regret my mistakes and try making it up to you all,” he promised, staring at the road. “I hope one day you can forgive me, kiddo.”

  I hope so too.

  Chapter 32

  An Unwanted Intrusion

  Amira Sarker

  Nanu came back from the hospital a few days ago and stayed at home with us. He had been unusually quiet, which was odd considering how much he talks. Mum reassured me that it was only because he was tired, but I knew there was something else bothering her. The reassuring smile she gave me didn’t reach her eyes.

  I slumped down on my bed. This day had been going so slow. I just felt so exhausted and useless.

  Ever since Nanu got back from the hospital, Mum and he just argued. The constant bickering was pretty harsh on me. I hated it when people raised their voices. When I overheard their arguments, I felt so weak. I couldn’t stop them no matter how hard I would try.

  People didn’t take teenagers seriously, even though I was more mature for my age, no one would listen. My voice just withered from their minds as a faint memory, drifting endlessly in a realm of darkness and sorrow.

  Baba was usually at work or quiet throughout the whole daughter-father arguments. Tanwir didn’t really see this because he was always locked in his room, completely ignoring the world around him. I was the only one who couldn’t ignore the shouting, the heartbreaking screams or the broken hearts that haunted our home.

  Then there was Tanwir, his words echoing my mind like a broken symphony. I couldn’t sleep at night without thinking how wrong I was.

  “When you lose self-control in one aspect of life, you lose it in another.”

  I placed my palms to my ears. No, not again. No, please.

  “Don’t stray away from the right path where you are in.”

  I laughed bitterly; I’m already losing it. I bet Allah hates me. I let Damon take the one thing from me that I kept under so much protection and resistance, but around him they all just vanished.

  He got close to my heart, and now I was going to be punished for it with agony. He was going to leave me and I knew he would. No matter how many times he said he loved me, I knew he would leave me in the end.

  Yet that never stopped my heart from yearning for him. It never stopped me from falling in love.

  I brought my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as I buried my face in my knees. I took deep breaths to calm myself down.

  It’s going to be okay.

  I was going to fix things. If I didn’t stop things with Damon soon, he might get hurt. And that was one thing I would never let happen. Besides, I had bigger things to worry about. A tragic romance was the last thing I needed.

  I lifted my head, staring through the clear surface of an opened window. The soft breeze lightly twirled my hair in its embrace, wrapping me in its comfort and reassurance as if nature sought to provide an answer to my distress.

  At that moment I tuned out the tortured feeling, locking it away deep within me, and just lived in the moment. The voices of the past were hushed out of my system as the wind whispered to me. I felt my body relax as I thought of a Quranic verse.

  “Only in the remembrance of Allah can the heart find peace.” [13:28]

  I smiled slightly; I’m going to be okay. I just have to stay strong.

  Glancing back at the darkened night sky, and saw the glimmering specks of white flicker across the black sky with their radiance reminding me of people. In their darkest hours, they needed that star, that light in their lives.

  With this in mind I got up and prayed. I forgot the world around me and stayed focus on my Lord.

  ***

  It was getting late as I walked into the kitchen. I walked by our living room, and paused in the hallway as I heard voices. Nanu and Mum were fighting again. I was going to keep walking, but the things they said, froze me to the core.

  “How can you do that to yourself? Don’t you know how hard this is for us?” Mum yelled.

  Nanu laughed humorlessly. “I’d rather die. I’m getting too old to live. It’s better if I died.”

  “If it was your time to die, don’t you think Allah would have taken your soul by now? We’re trying so hard to help you become healthy again and you deliberately eat the things you aren’t supposed to, and not do what the doctors tell you to do!”

  “What do those doctors know? I know best for my own body!” he countered.

  “Oh really? You know best? You’re a certified doctor now? Clearly, if you were you wouldn’t have been at the hospital or you wouldn’t have been swelling.”

  He slammed his fist on the table roughly. I flinched at the thundering sound, leaning my body against the doorway of the living room. My heart hammered within my chest, and I found myself counting my breaths in an effort to relax.

  “I just want to go back to my home country! I’m tired of these Americans thinking they know my health! Send me back!” he roared.

  “They’re trying to help you! We’re trying to help you! Can’t you see that?” she questioned with tearful eyes. Why doesn’t he see how much pain he was causing his own daughter?

  “I want my true grandchildren to be near me,” he muttered quietly.

  My blood ran cold. He couldn’t have just said that.

  “And what about my children? Are they not your grandchildren?”

  He looked away from Mum’s piercing gaze. “They don’t show the same love.”

  I stood forward. “How can you say that?” I asked with a distraught expression.

  Both Mum and Nanu snapped their heads toward me. He kept his mouth in a tight line as he stared at me. Mum’s eyes held sadness as she gazed upon my expression.

  “We’ve spent thousands of dollars trying to help you. We’ve been researching ways to help your condition. I’ve sacrificed my time to stay with you at the hospital and made so much duaa for you. I had sleepless nights just hearing you arguing with Mum and praying to Allah that you would realize all we were trying to do is help you!” I exclaimed with tears in my eyes. I blinked them back harshly.

  I will not show weakness.

  I will stay strong.

  His silence proved to be even more deafening.

  “Can’t you see how much pain you are causing us? Your pain is our pain that is why we are trying so hard to keep you alive! How can you say that we don’t show the same amount of love? Just because I don’t see you every day doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It just means that I’m learning the value of love and cherishing every moment I have with you,” I said quietly.

  I waited for a reply from him, yet he sat still. Mum reached out to hold me, but I pushed her arms away and ran upstairs. Slamming my door, I leaned my back against the door as I slid down.

  Oh Allah, why doesn’t he see the love we all have for him? Why did he have to say something so hurtful?

  The fact that he thought distance could destroy the special blood bond that we had just broke me. Distance didn’t demolish love. It just made it greater because we begin to hold every memory dear to our hearts.

  We didn’t think of the bad times, we only thought of the good times. It was a struggle at times, but he was my grandfather. I couldn’t ever stop loving him. He was the person who had a great impact in my life and helped make me become who I am.

  I sniffled a little, trying to blink back the tears, but every time I thought of what Nanu said, I would feel a damp trail down my cheek. I sighed. How can one expect me to be fine, if I’m the one who is comforting myself?

  I was never really good at expressing feelings. I had ignored unwanted emotions for so long and now all of a sudden, I felt that the wall come crumbling down.

  My phone started ringing. I got up to pick it up from my dresser, checking the caller ID. It was Damon. My face scrunched up in confusion, wiping off the last of my tears as I took a deep breath.

  “Hey,�
� his deep voice sighed in contentment.

  “H-Hey,” I sniffled quietly. Damn it! Now he’ll know that I’m upset.

  I heard a pause from the other line as he registered the sound of my voice. “Are you crying?” he asked with worry lacing his voice.

  I mentally awed at the fact that he was worrying about me. I moved to lay down on my bed as I flung an arm over my eyes. Could I trust Damon? Yes. Would it be a good idea to tell him the reason for my sour mood? Probably not, but I knew he was going to keep pressing the matter.

  “Yes,” I mumbled.

  I tried to control my breathing, but it came out uneven as I bit back the sob.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here,” he whispered softly into the phone.

  My heart swelled at the way he said it. The gentle tone he used with me always made me feel welcomed and gave me a sense of comfort.

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Now, tell me what has my sweet girl in tears?” he asked.

  “It’s really nothing to worry about,” I reassured him as I wiped at my eyes.

  “Amira,” he said sternly, “Please tell me. It hurts to hear you cry.”

  I sighed into the phone, “Just a lot of bad things happening in my life right now.”

  “I hope I’m not one of them,” he joked.

  You’re one of the best and worst things that ever happened to me, I thought.

  I snorted. “Very funny,” I said sarcastically.

  “Seriously, Amira. What’s wrong?”

  I hesitated for a moment and then just shrugged to myself. I might as well tell him. He’s offering help and comfort, something that I wasn’t used to.

  I inhaled a shaky breath. “Before I say it, just know that I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings.”

  He hummed in response as he waited for my answer.