Rev (Jack 'Em Up #4)

by Shauna Allen

  “I know I’m not the easiest guy to be around, but I hope we can be friends.”

  My heart melted in my chest and this time my smile was real. “We are friends, Micah.”

  Micah

  As I watched Jewel drive away, something shifted inside of me. Like the first ice being chipped away after a long, hard freeze. I blinked and tried to place the foreign feeling.

  Hope?

  Maybe.

  I’d lost that long ago in the rugged terrain of Kandahar and I’d forgotten what it felt like. I had no idea what it was about her that stirred me so. Maybe it was because sometimes, when nobody else was looking, I saw the hollowness of her eyes. I knew a kindred spirit when I saw one, and Jewel Jackson was as tortured as I was. I’d give anything to know why.

  I fisted my keys and strode to my Jeep. Climbing inside, I rehashed every moment of the night. The way the corners of her eyes crinkled when she smiled. Her breathy laughter. How soft her hand was when we accidentally brushed each other walking into Starbucks. But what really got to me was the way she paled and the glimpse of terror I found in her eyes right before she slammed down an iron curtain. She was seriously afraid of something. Or someone. Hell, I’d sat through enough counseling sessions to know PTSD when I saw it. This was just the first time I’d seen it in someone besides myself and I had a burning need to wipe it away for her. But, how?

  I also knew, better than most, that no one can do your healing for you.

  The next day was steady, but not terribly busy at the shop. It gave me some time to catch up on the month end books, and I was happy to report to Blake that we’d turned a tidy profit. Ever since his first big resto sale of a ’55 Cobra, times had been pretty sweet at Jack ‘Em Up.

  “That’s pretty much what I figured,” he said from the other side of his desk when I handed him the final reports with a smile.

  “Daaaaaadddddyyy!!!” a little voice squealed, just before Molly launched herself into the office and into Blake’s arms.

  He kissed her head and adjusted her onto his lap. “Hello, my princess. Where’s Mommy?”

  “Here.”

  I spun to find Delilah standing in the doorway with the cute but harried look of a mother. Her T-shirt sported a fresh spit-up stain and her hair was in a messy ponytail, but her smile was content. Baby Declan cooed from his perch on her hip. She smiled at me before sauntering over and leaning over her husband for a kiss of her own. Blake grabbed his son while she did, perching one kid on either thigh.

  “What’s my beautiful family up to?” he asked.

  Delilah sunk into the chair next to mine with a sigh. “Shopping. About to go home for our naps, but we thought we’d stop by and see Daddy first.”

  Blake grinned. “I’m glad you did.”

  His joy was infectious. I was happy for my friend. Hell, all of them. I just wished I knew what to do with the spark of green that flared to life anytime I witnessed this kind of unconditional love.

  It was more than simply jealousy. It was a taunt of what would never be mine.

  “Oh, darn.” Delilah faced me. “I forgot Blake’s lunch in the car. Walk with me to grab it?”

  Blake was ignoring us, his focus on blowing razzberries on his kids’ cheeks.

  “Uh, sure.” I stood and followed her out, not sure why she needed my help with a lunch bag.

  We strolled silently to the BMW X5 Blake had redone for her once they started popping out kids. Its steel blue paint job sparkled in the sun like a stormy ocean. She spun to me before she opened the door. “I wanted to make sure you were coming to Blake’s surprise party on the fourth.”

  Ah. That explained the secrecy. “Of course.”

  Her smile bloomed. “Good. I got confirmation from Tori and Rachel about the other guys, but I wanted to be sure you were planning on being there. We can’t have a party without you.” She opened the door and grabbed a Jack in the Box sack and large drink.

  “Sorry. I guess I should’ve texted or something. I’ll be there.” I took the bag from her as she slammed the car door.

  “Okay.” She lowered her voice as we neared the bay doors. “See you Friday.”

  We silenced with a mutual glance as Blake appeared at the door, his son in his arms and Molly wrapped around his leg. He thanked me for his lunch as I handed it off and brushed past to get back to work.

  Trace and Jesse tinkered across the garage, their voices and laughter filtering over, along with the scent of transmission fluid. The work was routine, I could do it in my sleep, but my mind kept wandering back to Jewel and our awkward coffee date. Was that even a date? I was so out of practice, I had no clue. I only knew it felt good, almost normal, when she was around. Like my fractured pieces were beginning to heal. For a man who’d been broken as long as I had, that was a scary thing. It was too easy to live in the painful cocoon I’d created for myself, isolated and keeping the world at bay. Not to protect myself, but to protect everyone else. There were days I felt like a ticking time bomb, detonation inevitable.

  Except for when Jewel was around.

  I leaned on the hood of the Chevy and dropped my head. I did not want a savior, and I did not want her, or anyone, in the position to sacrifice themselves for me. That was unfair.

  Still, I was counting the minutes until Thursday’s class.

  I came face-to-face with Mildred when I let myself into the gym classroom Thursday night. I stopped short. “Hi, Mrs. Wallace. You’re early.”

  She glanced down to where she’d grabbed my arm and squeezed my bicep with an appreciative lift of her brow. “I know. Didn’t want to miss a moment of class.”

  Lifting my eyes to the clock on the wall, I casually stepped away and dropped my gym bag in the corner. “Well, you have a few minutes if you need to take care of anything first.” Please, God, I silently prayed, let her have to go to the bathroom. Or have another student walk in. I wasn’t one to be easily intimidated, but Miss Mildred was a land shark and I had the feeling she could inflict some damage.

  She opened her mouth to say something saucy, I’m sure, but the “It’s Raining Men” ringtone on her phone cut her off. She scrambled to answer and I realized she had a newer, fancier phone than I did. She slid me an apologetic smile and slid out the door, leaving me alone.

  I stared at myself in the mirror and attempted to school my expression. Sometimes my stormy glares or blank features startled even me. How the hell had I become so lost? So different from the man I used to be?

  Shaking that off, I pulled the demo dummy from the closet for demonstration purposes. A few minutes later, the ladies began filtering in, their idle chatter grating background noise. Forcing myself to try for sociable, I pivoted to face them, my eyes automatically scouring the group for Jewel. Disappointment washed over me. She wasn’t there. I checked the clock. She had a couple more minutes.

  “Evening, ladies.”

  They silenced and faced me, their expressions open and friendly, and totally oblivious to the horrors of this world.

  I swallowed thickly. “We’ll be pairing up again, just like last week, and reviewing what we learned. We’ll also go over some important parts of an attacker’s body to focus on.”

  Their chatter started again as they gravitated into pairs. I waited, going over the night’s lesson in my mind. I didn’t want to overload them, but we had a lot to cover in a few short classes.

  “Looks like my partner isn’t here,” Mildred purred.

  I checked the clock again. Jewel was ten minutes late. Worry slithered up my spine. Had that guy at the Starbucks really been someone to worry about? Was she being harassed? The idea tortured me, but I shoved it into a box to be dealt with later. I had to survive this class first.

  “Guess we’re working together tonight.”

  Mildred’s Cheshire Cat smile screamed victory. “Well, okay, teacher.”

  I spent the next hour rehashing safety, drawing attention to yourself during an attack, hand positioning, and teaching the sensitive points on a
male body and how to properly take advantage of them. Mildred was a quick learner, and thankfully, only grazed my groin once. I wasn’t sure it was totally unintentional.

  I fought my growing anxiety the entire time, never more thankful for a class to be over in my life. I wished them all a quick goodnight and loped out to my Jeep. Without thinking twice, I headed to Jewel’s apartment. Luckily, I remembered the way from a couple trips there when she and Rachel were roommates. I’d never had a reason to go by once Rachel married Jesse and moved out, but I needed to lay eyes on her tonight for my own sanity.

  I ran to her door and pounded, my gaze scanning the parking lot for her white pick-up. When she didn’t answer quickly enough, I knocked again. “Jewel? You home?”

  Finally, the door swung open and my eyes drank her in. Boy shorts and a tight V-neck tank top in cotton candy pink, bare feet, not a stitch of makeup.

  “Micah?” She checked behind me as if searching for someone else. “What’re you doing here?”

  Seeing her safe, sound, and beautiful had me feeling like a fucking idiot. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and took a step back. “You didn’t come to class tonight.”

  Her brows curled down. “I know.”

  Holy shit, she wasn’t wearing a bra. I forced myself to maintain eye contact. “I’m sorry for barging in on you like this. I was worried.”

  “About me?” Her body language folded in on itself as if she couldn’t understand anyone caring.

  My gaze skated away. “Yeah.”

  “Oh.”

  I peered back. Her green eyes sparkled a deep emerald in the dim light as she seemed to see me there for the first time, her gaze raking me up and down. I doubt she even realized she was doing it.

  She folded her arms across her chest. “Would you like to come inside?”

  I hesitated. The stupidity of my decision to come here was now crystal clear. It was not my job to protect her, though that line was becoming more and more blurred.

  “Come on,” she said. “You came all this way.”

  I nodded and stepped inside, where I was overcome by the power of her scent. Intoxicating, it was more than mere flowers or sweet fruit. It was succulent and earthy in a way that had my stomach suddenly in knots.

  She closed the door quietly behind me and stepped away, her eyes not quite meeting mine. “Let me just go, uh, change. I was getting ready for bed. One sec.”

  “Oh. Don’t. I’ll go.”

  “No.” That one word stopped me, my hand on the knob. “Stay.”

  I slowly pivoted back.

  “Please.” It was a breathy whisper, barely a word, but it undid me in a million ways.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.” She grinned and spun away to lope down her short hallway and disappear into her bedroom.

  I sucked in a breath and took in her apartment and all the changes she’d made since Rachel moved out. The couch was the soft brown of a newborn foal. A single white candle flickered on her low coffee table. More artwork hung on the walls. I stepped to the closest one and studied the haunting charcoal portrait of half a woman’s face. The other side of her face bled down like melted wax, the expression in her good eye one of sheer sorrow. Next, was a bright-eyed girl with pigtails and a mischievous smile.

  I felt Jewel before I heard her, but she remained silent behind me, allowing me to study her art. I gently touched the glass covering the girl’s face. “Did you do these?”

  “Yes.”

  I faced her now. “They’re beautiful.”

  Something like sadness crossed her face before she tucked it away. “Thank you.”

  I said nothing, not sure how to reach out in any real human way, though the urge was fighting to rip out of me.

  “Wanna sit?” She indicated the couch behind her. “Can I get you a drink?”

  “Uh, sure.” I moved by her and she practically jumped away. I waved off her offer of a drink and waited to see how this would go down. I was itching to go home to the sanctuary of my lonely apartment.

  “I bought green tea.”

  I peered up.

  Her shrug was adorable. “I noticed it’s what you drank at Starbucks.”

  She bought green tea, anticipating I’d be at her apartment? Surely not.

  “I’ve never had it before, but it’s pretty good. I prefer good old fashioned sweet tea, but it’s not bad. Kinda citrusy . . .” Her words tapered off. “Sorry. I’m rambling.”

  “Tea would be great. Any kind you have.”

  Her smile was grateful and I wished I had more words to ease her, though I had no idea why she was so skittish around me. Maybe she was always like this and I’d never noticed? Somehow, I doubted it. I noticed just about everything about her.

  She returned with two plastic cups and handed me one before sitting on the other end of the couch, as far as she could get from me. I sipped. She sipped. The silence was painful.

  I set my cup down on a coaster. “I really didn’t mean to barge in on you. I just thought . . . well, last time we spoke, you said you’d be at class. I worried something might be wrong when you didn’t make it.”

  “Right. That’s sweet.” Her eyes drifted to the blank television screen. “I’m fine. My little brother, John, came to town to visit, plus I had a bad day and came home with a headache. I wasn’t up for crowds or sparring. Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. Did you take something?”

  “Take something?”

  “For your head.”

  “Oh. Yes. I’m better now.”

  “That’s good.” I glanced around and spied a duffel bag tucked in the corner. Must be her brother’s. “So, you have company?”

  She smiled, following my eyes. “Yes. John. He showed up and we talked a little while, but he’s gone now visiting friends I think. Guess he figured I wasn’t the best company tonight.”

  “Huh.” I idly wondered when was the last time I saw any of my brothers. Not since the week I came home from the war maybe? I lifted my cup for another sip, the cold tea easing my dry throat.

  “Micah?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Why are we acting like this? It’s not like we don’t know each other, but . . .”

  “But, what?”

  She picked at a string on the yoga pants she’d changed into. “I just don’t understand why it feels awkward.” Pink tinged her cheeks, letting me know she did have a clue why it was awkward.

  “I don’t either,” I admitted. “But let’s not let it be.”

  Her face softened. “How?”

  I glanced around her apartment again, searching for a topic of conversation. My gaze zoned in on the picture of the little girl. “Who’s that?”

  “Me.”

  “Yeah?” I smiled, seeing the resemblance now. “Cute.”

  “I used to be.”

  My gaze snapped back to her, but her eyes were focused on the portrait. “What do you mean, ‘used to be?’”

  Jewel

  I felt Micah’s eyes boring into me like laser beams and fidgeted with my cup. I hadn’t meant to sound so self-depreciating. Just being factual. “Nothing. Just saying.”

  His silence was stifling.

  I finally met his stormy eyes and was startled by the simmering anger I saw there. I internally curled into a fetal position, not sure what I’d done wrong. I fought the tears that wanted to crowd my eyes. Old habits die hard.

  I blinked fiercely and stared at my lap.

  “Jewel?” His voice was soft, sweet, belying the fierceness I’d seen on his face. “Look at me please.”

  I did as he asked and the confusion I saw in him floored me.

  “Why would you say something like that?”

  “Because it’s the truth.”

  His stare hardened. “No. It’s not.”

  I swallowed and stood. “Want a refill?”

  “It’s not true, Jewel. You’re more than cute. Surely you know that.”

  I managed to nod before grabbing his cup and spinnin
g for the kitchen. He had me all kinds of discombobulated. I peered up from pouring more tea to find him at the kitchen threshold, studying me, a hundred painful questions in his eyes.

  I set the tea down on the counter and leaned on my hands, dropping my head. “Look. I appreciate you being so sweet, I do, but there’s no need. I know what I am.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Oh, come on, Micah. Let’s not do this, okay?”

  “Do what?”

  “Argue!”

  He snapped back, surprised. “We’re arguing?”

  I couldn’t help my smile. Shaking my head, I put the tea back in the fridge. “Guess not.”

  “I don’t offer compliments lightly,” he said, his voice granite hard. “And I don’t lie. You are the most beautiful woman I know and it kills me that you can’t see that.”

  It was like electricity shot through my body, jumpstarting my heart to beat rapid fire. I had no words.

  “Who was he?”

  “Who?” My voice was squeaky and I hated how small I sounded.

  He tilted his head. “Whoever made you feel this way about yourself.”

  “What makes you think there was anybody?”

  “I may not talk much and keep to myself, but I’m not ignorant.”

  “I didn’t think you were.”

  His brow lifted in an ‘oh, really?’ motion.

  “Can we not talk about this? Please?”

  He watched me for several long moments then finally relented. “Okay.”

  Relief made me weak. “Great.” I glanced back at my fridge. “Did you come straight from class? Have you eaten?”

  “I did and no.”

  I smiled. “Can I fix you something to eat? Oh, shit. Wait. I probably don’t have anything you’d like.” I was currently a bit short on tofu and health shakes.

  “You don’t have to go to any trouble.”

  “It’s no trouble. I’m just not sure what you eat other than health food. Is that it?” I wrinkled my nose.

  His laugh cut through the kitchen like a balm. “I do take care of myself, but no, that’s not all I eat.” He was still grinning as he walked my way. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”