Because of Lucy: 2016 Revised Edition (Butterfly Days #1)
Page 5
“Fuck,” he mutters.
Evan’s lips crush mine, and I make a sound of surprise as his rough kiss parts my mouth. My first instinct is to push him away; but my body has other ideas, and I kiss him back. Evan pulls me against his chest, the embrace tight, and his heart races against mine. Logic flies out of my mind without even a goodbye as I wait eagerly for his next move. My body flares into arousal as his tongue tangles with mine; the expertise in his kiss sends pleasure shivering down my neck and into my belly. I’m trembling and all Evan’s done is put his mouth on mine; the guy I swore never would. Now all I want is for him to show me what else he could be good at with his mouth.
Evan pulls his head away and cups my cheek with his palm, tracing a finger over my swollen lips, as his breath comes fast against them. “I have to go,” he says hoarsely, “but I wanted to do that first. I hope you don’t mind.”
He grabs his phone from the table and shoves it into his back pocket. Sinking back into the sofa, I watch Evan walk out the door without saying anything else. My brain has dissolved into a pool of lust and my body a shaking mess of arousal. I cover my face with my hands, lost in a mixture of embarrassment and confusion.
What the hell just happened?
9
EVAN
The cafeteria in the halls serves up the best breakfasts—full English, practically half a pig per plate. I’m not normally awake in time for breakfast here, and I’m surprised how busy the place is. I’m tired, and the voices and banging of trays grates on my nerves. Matt pushes through the double doors and crosses the linoleum floor, weaving between chairs.
He’s wearing the same clothes as last night. “What you doing here?” he asks.
“Could ask you the same, thought you were with Abby last night?”
Matt scrapes a chair across the floor and sits opposite me. “I left early. Things are getting too cosy. I don’t want her to think I’m ‘the one’ or whatever the chicks call it.”
“Think you might’ve missed the boat there.” I fold my bread around a slice of bacon and take a bite. “From what I’ve seen, I’d say she already thinks you’re the one.”
“Should take a leaf out of your book. Keep things simple.” He grins. “So, did you do her?”
The word doesn’t sound right when associated with Vanessa. Ness. Cheapens her somehow. Weird. I don’t care about the word usually; her opinions must be rubbing off on me. “No. Something interrupted me.”
“Who did? I never heard anyone else come over to Abby’s last night. Mind you, I was busy—”
I lift a palm up. “Don’t want to hear it, Matt.”
“So…what interrupted you?”
“She’s calling me again,” I say flatly.
“Who?”
“Lucy.”
Someone bumps the back of my chair on the way past, and I have to stop myself from turning and yelling at them.
Matt rubs his eyes. “Oh shit.”
“Yeah, oh shit.”
“What does she want?”
“I haven’t answered.” The phone remains in my room, switched off. But it can’t stay off forever. “The same as usual, I suppose.”
Matt takes a piece of toast from my plate. “It’s not your crap to deal with, man.”
“Somehow, it is. It always will be.”
“Does she know where you are?”
“I don’t know, depends if someone’s told her. Lucy wasn’t around when I left, was she?”
The noise of the cafeteria fills the void when our conversation stops. Silences are never awkward with Matt, but I can tell by his fingers tapping on the table that he’s uncomfortable.
“I don’t know what to say,” he says finally.
My mind drifts back to Ness and the night before, the urgent kiss before I left. I could’ve torn all her clothes off there and then, dragged her straight to bed, and emptied my mind of everything but Ness’s body against mine. I should’ve lived in the present and ignored the past. Instead, I picked up the past and took it home with me.
I can’t do this. Lucy needs to stay away; she doesn’t belong in my new life.
* * *
The cloud called Lucy hangs overhead, greying my world, and I wait for the storm to sweep in and drown me. It’s only a matter of time. I hide in my room for most of the day, refusing to switch my phone back on. Using the pay phone, I make some phone calls of my own. No one can enlighten me to where Lucy is, or what she’s doing, and the clouds above me gather.
Crap. If she’s looking for me, who knows where she is?
When I get the courage to switch my phone on, I find fifty missed calls along with half a dozen increasingly hysterical messages. As soon as I hear the caller is Lucy, I delete each one. I’ve done enough for her. I can’t keep doing what she needs.
My next move is pretty stupid. I spend most of the next two days drunk. Not even happy drunk, but ending the evenings slumped in a corner and not in the arms of a girl. Even fuelled by alcohol, I can’t push Lucy out of my mind; the intoxication does the opposite and weakens my resolve. What if Lucy really needs me and I’m letting her down? I come very close to returning her calls but don’t.
Then there’s Ness. I’m not sure what to do or whether to contact her. Things would be uncomfortable, not because of the kiss and my missed opportunity, but because Matt is avoiding Abby. Plus, Ness asks questions, tries to talk to me about my life, and I can’t cope with uncomfortable questions until Lucy’s off the horizon again. Maybe I’ll call Ness when things calm down.
* * *
My next attempt to forget is more logical. I hit the gym and hard. Gradually, the frustration of the last few days recedes and life clicks back to normal. Almost. A few days later, I walk out of the gym after finishing training to find Abby waiting near the entrance. Wiping my face with the towel, I head over.
Abby straightens, and moves towards me too. “Do you know where Matt is?”
She fiddles with the zip on her bag. Her blue eyes are wide, as she searches my face for an answer I can’t give her.
“Haven’t seen him today.”
“Really?” She pulls her mouth into a thin line.
“Yes, really.”
Dealing with girls I’ve pissed off is bad enough, but other people’s? Thanks, Matt.
“Is he avoiding me?” Her voice rises an octave.
“How should I know?” I need to go, get in the shower; otherwise, I’ll be late for class.
“Are you avoiding Ness?”
I frown at Abby. “That’s a bit left field.”
“She thinks you are. Ness hasn’t said what happened, but I can tell something did.”
I recall Matt’s words about becoming a fixture in a girl’s life. Why do some girls go way over the top when nothing happened? Me and Ness barely even kissed; this is bullshit. I can’t think of anything to say that won’t be passed back to Ness, so I shake my head and walk away.
Ness sits on the low wall nearby. I pause, unsure what to do. She’s seen me, so I can’t bolt without looking as if I’m avoiding her, which I now am.
* * *
NESS
Evan moves away from Abby then stops as he notices me. The unpleasant moment when the unsaid hangs between two people hits us. Sweat glistens on his forearms and his T-shirt is soaked through, accentuating the broad chest he pressed to me a couple of days ago. My body fires to life at the sight of him. Evan looks like he’s stepped from the pages of a men’s magazine with articles on how to get a body the girls will fall over themselves for. Or those pictures of damp-chested men from my Facebook feed. No, he’d have to be shirtless for that. An image of the shirtless Evan pops into my head, and I want to smack myself for becoming sucked in this easily. I’m convinced he’ll walk in the opposite direction, towards the trees where his eyes have shifted. My heart rate spikes as Evan walks over. Get a grip.
“Ness…” He crosses his arms over his chest, looking at me uncertainly. “I didn’t expect to find you on campus.”
Abby did a pretty good stalking job though. Unable to contact Matt, she set about finding Evan instead. Her ingenuity astounds me, but her motivation worries me.
“Yeah, she found me.”
“Lucky you,” I say, smiling
“Why is she asking me about Matt? I don’t know what to say to her.” He sets his bag on the wall next to me.
“Is he avoiding her?”
Evan rubs his nose. “Maybe. Probably. I’ll ask him to call her.”
My heart sinks for Abby. Over the last few days, I’ve tried telling her she’s a month into her life at university, and the likelihood of finding a lasting relationship is slim. God knows why she wants to get involved with someone. But Abby falls hard each time a guy enters her world and clings on without realising guys don’t like girls who do. I knew from the start Matt was the kind of guy who wouldn’t be permanent, but I gave up telling her these things years ago.
“Abby’s upset. It’s pretty rude of him not to return her calls. He should man up and tell Abby if he doesn’t want to see her and stop ignoring her.”
“Is this about him or me?”
“What?”
“Abby told me that you think I’m ignoring you.”
What the hell? “I never said that! Why would I say that?”
“I thought it sounded strange.”
And that’s all he has to say? The kiss isn’t going to get a mention, obviously.
“Where’s Abby now?” I look behind him towards the door. “I have a shift this afternoon and need to go. So if Abby needs consoling, she’d better get over here.”
“Won’t keep you then.” He smiles and his eyes brighten for the first time since our conversation began.
“Did you sort it out?” I ask.
“What?”
“The problem the other night. The phone calls that sent you running.”
The brightness leaves his eyes. “Yeah.”
He’s lying. I want Evan to acknowledge he kissed me. But more than the acknowledgement, I want him to ask me to see him again. I mentally kick myself. I’m as bad as Abby. I should be grateful of a lucky escape, because my hormones were sending me straight to bed with him.
Evan doesn’t elaborate, the evening obviously forgotten. Of course, what’s a kiss to Evan anyway?
“Cool. Well. See you around, I guess. If Matt’s out of the picture, I suppose the whole lot of you will stay away from the house too,” I say more cheerfully than I feel.
“Yeah, no more strange men in your bed.”
“Or dodgy guys quoting poetry at me outside my bathroom.”
We both smile and something tears inside me. I like Evan a hell of a lot more than I should. Not only is he smart, but something about his hidden sadness tugs at me. Not to mention there’s the fact I want to do more than kiss him. In my head, I jump back to the memory of his mouth on mine, and the incredible physical sensation that poured into me from his lips. I know I’d be one in a long line; but if his kissing is anything to go by, sex with Evan would be incredible.
Now I’m disgusted with myself.
We part and I hurry off to find Abby.
10
NESS
The quiet evenings, and uninterrupted sleep, improve my ability to cope with the mundanity of work. Although, Abby’s moroseness takes the edge off the feel-good. She hasn’t been out with her friends since she got The Call from Matt two weeks ago. I switched into broken heart nursing mode, piling the fridge and cupboards with her favourite comfort food and nodding sympathetically through the repetitive angst. Trying not to sound too much like a mother, I cajole her into returning to campus.
Work today involves more sales training. Intensive, mind-numbing parroting of everything I learnt a couple of months ago. The irritating sly smiles and sniggers, from the group of girls who’ve pigeonholed me into posh bitch, push me to the verge of a confrontation. Regret over my decision to work here follows me to the battery farm every day, and this kind of crap doesn’t help.
After my stomping around upstairs, swearing about my shit day, Abby appears and decides dressing up and a night out is what we both need. She insists on playing dress ups with me and I cave to her whim. Five minutes later, Abby gleefully arrives in my room with her bulging tote of cosmetics and a selection of dresses.
Half an hour of poking and prodding me, and Abby pushes me in front of the mirror. “There!”
The short black dress barely reaches my knees and hugs my small figure too tightly for my comfort. I pull a face when I look at the heels Abby gave me. Sure they make my legs longer and sexier, but falling flat on my face won’t be a sexy move. I remove them and put on flats.
Abby pulls a face. “Do you want me to change the dress as well?” I threaten.
“No! Don’t you dare!”
For once, Abby’s handiwork on my face gives a natural look; the eye makeup accentuates the green of my eyes, rather than the heavy make-up Abby favours. I turn and pout at her; she leans in and takes a shot of us on her phone. I’ve agreed to go to the Union with her for the first time. Not because I might see Evan. Much.
As I walk arm in arm with Abby, a doubt nags at me. We’re getting on much better without her boyfriend and his posse. Do I really want to help find Abby a new one?
* * *
EVAN
Two weeks, and Lucy hasn’t called or appeared. I relax and resume my routine. Hopefully someone intervened before she had a chance to find me.
Ness crosses my mind occasionally, something about her sticks with me, apart from wanting to get her naked, which is a given. I’m pissed off I only got as far as kissing Ness, and I can blame Lucy for that too. The spark of a different type of connection than I usually have with girls happened between me and Ness—a shared desire to run away from childhood bonds. Our lives are miles apart, yet for the first time in a long while, she’s a girl I want to get to know. I’d like to understand why she chose the path she has, limiting herself when she’s a smart girl.
Since Matt isn’t dating Abby anymore, I won’t come across Ness unless I look for her. The sprawling campus hides the sheer number of students who attend; and because Abby isn’t in my department, I’m unlikely to come across her either. Despite my interest in Ness, I’m unsure about approaching her and giving the wrong impression. The last thing I need is a full-blown relationship and, in my experience, if you chase a girl, that’s what they think will happen. No. It’s better if I try to forget Ness instead.
So back to my old haunts and habits. Pubs, alcohol, and blurry memories of the night before.
I arrive at the Union with my drinking buddies, where bodies vie for spots at the bar and the air is thick with heat. Our pub-crawl began a couple of hours ago, the progress predictable: we’re drunk and now accompanied by giggling girls, Matt’s voice already twice as loud as usual. A couple of the girls in our group catch my interest; but my reputation precedes me, because I’m not having a lot of luck with them. Oh well. I scan the bar for suitable alternatives.
An altercation takes place at the end of the bar and Matt’s head is in the midst of a group. I prepare to intervene because his big mouth and alcohol are a lethal combination. Matt’s either hitting on someone who isn’t interested or a past conquest caught up with him.
Abby pushes out of the group, towards me, but stalks straight by. Okay. I twist around to watch her go and someone else bumps into me from behind.
“Sorry.” Ness passes me, following her friend.
Neither girl registered me, so either I’m on their shit list, or they didn’t notice. Abby pushes through people and slops her drink; she’s paying no attention.
And Ness.
Holy crap.
Her dress hugs the curves I caught glimpses of in the times we were together. What a bloody idiot I am not trying har
der to get my hands on Ness’s body, because it’s clearer than ever how goddamn hot she is. Watching her rear as she walks away, and a memory of Ness leaning into her car the first morning skips happily into my mind. I search again for the reason I haven’t bothered contacting her.
Lucy’s the reason. Taking up too much space in my life again. Interrupting me. Well, not tonight. Ness is here. I’m here, so it makes sense we should pick up where we left off. To my alcohol-fuelled brain, the decision makes sense, anyway. I follow and, just in case, I switch off my phone and tuck it away.
I weave in and out of the bodies and finally spot the two friends sitting at a round metal table in a quieter corner at the opposite end of the Union. Ness rubs Abby’s back, cajoling the tearful girl. As Ness leans forward to talk to Abby, the tops of her breasts push free from the thin material and bunch together. And there we have it. Instant semi. Crap. I can’t saunter over like this.
As if she has some kind of sixth sense for guys perving on her, Ness looks up and catches sight of me. I walk over; standing here and staring would be way creepier.
“Where’s your bastard friend?” snaps Abby. “Which of those girls is he screwing?”
Whoa. “I don’t know.”
Ness shoots me a look. I think I just made one of those ‘men don’t understand women’ mistakes.
“Oh!” Abby shrieks. “So he is screwing one of them.”
Ness pokes her tongue into her cheek as she watches me. Okay, I get what I said wrong now. “Um…” I glance to Ness for guidance and she imperceptibly shakes her head. “None. I don’t think.”
“What about you? Which one are you screwing?” she continues.
“What?” Ness and I say in unison.
“Well, it’s your fault! He’s only copying you!” She hiccups.