Because of Lucy: 2016 Revised Edition (Butterfly Days #1)

by Lisa Swallow

  The surprise from the group at Ness being here isn’t as great as we imagined, possibly because half of them spent the afternoon in the pub and don’t care who’s with me. Ness perches on the edge of a chair—and on the edge of the group.

  Matt sits on the floor, and rests against the sofa. He cocks his head and looks between us with surprise. “Hey, Ness.”

  “Matt.”

  He cranes his head behind me. “Is Abby here?”

  “Don’t panic. She didn’t come.”

  Matt sighs, “’kay.”

  Does he genuinely want to see her again?

  “This is Ness,” says Evan.

  Nobody responds past a hello or acknowledging grunt; Ness’s smile is wasted on them.

  I wind an arm around her shoulders and attempt to talk about things to the group, which Ness could involve herself in. This doesn’t work, as the conversation remains on past nights out and complaining about tutors. Ness remains silent, and I switch my attention from the group to her. Finally, we get around to talking about bands and movies and Ness relaxes against me. Or that could be the fact she’s moved onto drinking vodka.

  “You okay?” I whisper, rubbing a hand up and down her leg.

  “I’m fine, Evan. Honestly.”

  “Liar,” I whisper and place my lips on hers. Ness ducks her head away from the kiss. Not a public display girl, then.

  “I’m with you; that’s enough for now.” She runs the back of her hand along my cheek, and I catch hold, kiss her palm.

  “For now?” I cock a brow.

  Again, the smile I wish I could interpret. “Yes.”

  “Okay. I’ll be back in five.”

  NESS

  I watch Evan leave the room and sink back against the soft sofa cushions. I’m more comfortable than I expected, happier that Evan’s invited me into his world despite the uncomfortable location. The room fills and people break off into groups; not everybody knows each other and I’m not as out of place now. My switch from beer to vodka helps, but my cups have emptied quicker than they should, thanks to nervous drinking. Maybe slowing down to a coke instead is a good idea. I wander to the table and open a can, and then take a handful of crisps from a bowl before turning. A pretty girl, with blonde hair tied away from her face, stands next to me.

  “Hey,” I say.

  “Hiya, I’m Ashley.”

  “Vanessa. Ness.”

  She takes a cup and pours in a generous serving of spirits, then cracks open a can of Red Bull. “I haven’t seen you around.”

  “I don’t live in the halls.”

  “Right.” She sips her drink. “What do you study?”

  “Nothing. I work.”

  “Oh.” Confusion crosses her face. “Are you friends with someone here?”

  “I came with Evan.”

  Ashley blinks. “Evan Hyde?”

  “Yes.”

  Why does she sound incredulous? “Really? Known him long or just met tonight?”

  “I met him through Matt. He was seeing my best friend so I’ve known him longer than we’ve been—” What do I call what we have?

  “Been shagging?” Ashley sips again, her pink cheeks suggesting she’s already had a few drinks.

  “We haven’t,” I say and wonder the hell why.

  “Yeah, I guess he’s good at the other stuff too. Makes it hard to say stop though.” She grins.

  Ugh. Is this girl about to discuss Evan’s sexual prowess with me? Oh God, I bet he’s…with her. I force a smile. “I guess.”

  “If you want Evan to stick around, don’t hold out on him. Mind you, he doesn’t hang around even if you do give him what he wants. Can’t tie that guy down.”

  The tight-lipped smile remains on my face as Ashley continues her expert analysis of the guy who I’m considering sex with tonight. Or was. “Mmm.”

  “I mean, I’d know. I wasn’t interested in any more from Evan; I wanted to find out if what I’d heard about him was true. Most guys here have no idea what they’re doing, but apparently Evan does. He has a nickname, we call him—”

  “Right,” I interrupt. Please shut up now.

  How far removed from me can this girl be? Happily telling me, she has casual sex with no desire to mean anything to the guy. I know I shouldn’t judge but I can’t help it, especially as the guy she’s talking about is Evan.

  My mouth dries as an image of her with Evan pushes into my mind, and shoves out the recent ones of his respectful behaviour. Am I a longer-term project? I need another drink. I add some vodka to my coke and fortunately, another girl approaches the table and distracts Ashley.

  I don’t miss their glance back and unsubtle whispering as they head away with fresh drinks.

  Where the hell is Evan?

  A few minutes later, as I stare into my cup, a large hand strokes hair from my face. “Ness?”

  Evan smiles in the heart-leaping way he does, but I don’t smile back. “I think I’ve had enough now. Can we go?”

  “What happened?”

  I look back to my drink. “Nothing. Can you take me to the bus stop since you’ve had a few beers and can’t drive?”

  He straightens, and looks around the room. “Did someone piss you off?”

  “I met Ashley. Friend of yours?”

  Evan groans. “Right. You meeting a girl I’ve… known. Was going to happen, I suppose.”

  “Wow.”

  “What?”

  “So blasé, Evan.”

  He runs fingers through his hair. “Oh. Sorry. I forget you’re not part of this.”

  “I’m not, you’re right. Take me home, please.”

  Evan doesn’t move and sighs. “Crap. I’d hoped you wanted to stay with me tonight.”

  I choke on my drink. “What?”

  “We don’t have to… yeah. Just stay.”

  “Are you insane? One of your conquests just reminded me about your reputation and you ask me to sleep with you?”

  “She’s the past, Ness. I don’t do that anymore. I’m with you now.”

  I fold my arms across my chest. This is the first time he’s told me we’re ‘something’, whatever that means to him. “Why should I believe you? We’ve met a few times in the last couple of weeks, but how do I know what you’ve been doing in between?”

  A nearby couple stop their conversation and I catch their eye, before the girl looks away. Evan takes my arm. “I want to talk to you about this but not here.”

  Evan doesn’t take his eyes from mine and the intensity in them confuses me. I waver in my new disdain for him. But will any explanation change that? The moment is interrupted by Matt approaching and clapping Evan on the shoulder.

  “Dude! Are you having a domestic? Has it come to this?” He’s too loud and people stare.

  “Come to what?” asks Evan in a low voice.

  “Evan Hyde taking shit from a girl. This who you’ve been sneaking off to meet? The housemate?” He looks to me. “Give him grief and he’ll walk away.”

  “I wasn’t sneaking.”

  “My wingman let me down!” This Matt isn’t as drunk as the one who collapsed on my floor a couple of weeks ago, but he isn’t somebody I want to be around either. I’m not even sure I want to be around Evan.

  Increasingly uncomfortable in the situation, I set my cup down and step away from them. If I say anything, I’ll add fuel to this, but if I walk away how would that look?

  Who cares? I don’t.

  The corridor outside the common room is empty and I walk along the tiled floor, past the rows of dorm room identical doors covered in notes and stickers, in the direction of the entrance. Outside, the cold air hits and the amount I drank swims around my system. Although the alcohol warms against the cold, it also numbs my common sense; midnight isn’t the best time to catch a bus home and walk from the stop to my house alone.

  I stand and debate my next move. I could call Abby. Get a taxi. I have work tomorrow; this was a bloody stupid idea.

  “Ness!” Evan’s heavy fo
otsteps approach. “Don’t leave.” I turn to him. He’s jacketless and out of breath, his face is pulled into consternation.

  “I’m tired.”

  He shivers and rubs his arms. “Do you think I’d bring you here if I’d been with somebody since I met you, and if there was a chance you’d meet her?”

  “Leeds is a big city, what’s to say you didn’t pick up a random girl on a night out with Matt.”

  “You heard him. I’ve behaved since I met you.” I’m about to retort when Evan touches my face with cool fingertips. “Because I don’t want to behave myself with you, Ness, and there’s no way I have any chance if I’m messing around with other girls.”

  His use of the word ‘behave’ spreads heat through me. We’ve held back from anything past a kiss, which had the opposite effect to what I intended, because each time I see Evan I want him more. I crave another of the type of kisses we shared on my sofa at home, to have his hands on my skin. And more.

  But, Ashley. Who else in that room has Evan slept with?

  I cross my arms. “How many girls have you had sex with since you came to Leeds?”

  “One.”

  I expected a retort at my intrusion into his sex life, but he answers without hesitation. “One?”

  “That’s the truth. You’ve seen the state I get into. How many times would I be capable of screwing a girl? I was so bloody wasted I fell asleep most nights I had the chance. If you’d asked Ashley for more details, she wouldn’t have an impressive story.”

  I giggle. Quietly at first, and then snort in an unladylike manner.

  “What’s so funny?” Evan smiles.

  “Those poor girls, getting a piece of the hot and talented Evan Hyde, and then he passes out.”

  “Talented, huh?”

  I scowl at him and he takes hold of my face so I have to look directly at him. “I won’t deny I’ve fooled around with girls in my bed, but that’s the truth. One girl. I’m an attention whore as much as anything else. It’s bloody easy for me to charm a girl, and when they want me, it’s an ego boost.”

  “And if you’d been sober enough to do more than ‘fool around’?”

  “Yeah, can’t answer that, Ness.” I pull his hands from my cheeks, stomach sinking. “Hey, I’m being truthful here.”

  Truthful or very clever. “I’m cold. I want to go.”

  I shouldn’t trust him but I want to. Why is he admitting these things to me?

  Evan’s mouth meets mine, and he wraps his arms around my waist to pull me closer. The kiss is slow, tender, and against my better judgement, but I deepen it. He responds, and we return to the hungry kisses we’ve shared before and the desire I hold locks me to him. Why would he lie? He has his choice of girls who apparently offer up what he likes, and he’s chosen to see me more than once. The kiss coils inside, tightening my stomach and I’m lost to the lust I swore I’d keep under control.

  “Warming you up?” he whispers, warm breath against my cool cheek.

  “A little.” I slide my lips against his again.

  “Come back to the party.”

  “I want to spend time with you, on our own.” I swallow as I meet his eyes. “Not that I’ll have sex with you, it’s just…”

  “Alone?”

  God yes, alone. “I hope you tidied your room.”

  14

  NESS

  I’ve never seen a dorm room before, and Evan’s surprises me. For a start, he’s neat. Or he tidied because he was planning this. Apart from a small desk attached to a wall, with a chair, there are half-empty shelves, and a single bed near the window. His wall is adorned with an Arctic Monkeys tour poster on one side and a poster-sized print of a John Waterhouse painting on another. More Evan contradiction.

  I point at the books stacked on the desk. “Is that where you get your inspiration from for seducing girls with poetry? Please don’t tell me you’re going to read to me.”

  Evan grins and pulls his phone from a pocket. “No, you can have music instead.” Momentarily, he frowns at the screen, and then plugs the phone into speakers on the shelf.

  I sit on the edge of the bed as music from a band I don’t recognise plays over the sound of other people’s nights. My heart thumps with anticipation and apprehension as Evan approaches. He brushes hair from my face and kisses me softly, a quick brush of the lips. Before I can do anything else, he drops back onto the bed and lies with hands behind his head.

  “Tell me more about Ness.”

  I look down at him, fighting the urge to push my hands beneath his shirt and run them across the taut muscle. “We’ve had endless conversations about me on our other dates, Evan. There isn’t much more to know. It’s you who doesn’t tell me much.”

  He turns onto his side. “You’re an amazing person, did you know that?”

  “Subject change.”

  He continues to ignore me. “You’re strong and determined. I reckon you could take on the world and win.”

  I lie next to him and wriggle closer so our legs touch. “I took on you and won.”

  “Oh, really?” He wraps one of his legs around mine.

  “I’m here aren’t I?” I shuffle closer still, my face close to his.

  Evan’s mouth twitches with the smile I recognise from when our sparring starts. “Hmm.” In a sudden movement, Evan rolls onto me and props himself up with a hand either side of my head as he looks down. “Doesn’t that mean I’m the one who’s won?”

  Our legs remain wrapped together, Evan’s breath shortening to match mine. “Maybe I’m letting you think you have,” I whisper and thread my fingers into his hair.

  I’m unable to move beneath his weight, overwhelmed by the heat and hardness of his body. No touch. No kiss. But the growing obsessions to get skin on skin with Evan already send desire through me. When he strokes my hair, his touch jolts lightning from my scalp to my toes. If this is a game, it’s over and Evan won.

  No. There’s no imbalance here. I want Evan as much as he wants me; I’m willing to dip my toe into the lifestyle he’s chosen. This is my choice. As his darkened eyes hold mine, I make a snap decision. Tonight, I’m having sex with Evan. On my terms. If he’s playing me, I’ll deal with any emotional fallout later.

  “Do you want to make it two?” I ask, and slide my hands beneath his shirt, across the muscled planes of his back.

  “Two?”

  “Girls you’ve slept with in Leeds.”

  I’ve seen the look on Evan’s face before, the night in the pub when his mask slipped a few seconds. He hesitates.

  “Ness…”

  “You’re saying no?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know what to say.”

  I tug him down by his hair. I’m a bit drunk and a lot reckless, but what the hell, it’s about time I had some fun. “No? How about you hit me with some poetry, I hear the girls really…”

  “Ness. Shut up.” Evan crushes his mouth on mine; the breath is sucked from my lungs as the urgency of his kiss overwhelms me. The tiniest amount of self-control I had just disappeared.

  I tighten my legs around Evan’s and grip his back again, pushing myself into him. We wrap ourselves together, the shared desire unleashed into a tangle of hands and bodies, pouring from his lips to mine. We tumble over on the bed, Evan beneath me; he looks up in surprise but doesn’t stop me even though he could, judging by the biceps I’m holding onto.

  I sit back against the solid muscle of his thighs and smile down at him.

  EVAN

  Ness straddles me as I lie on my bed, and as she kisses my neck, her soft hair tickles my face. My hands are on her legs, her skirt hitched up and I’m stunned. I want to ask Ness why she’s doing this, but asking girls why is a bad idea. She might stop.

  Ness pulls her mouth away and sits back up, running a finger down my chest. Deftly, she unbuttons my shirt, her delicate fingers warm on my skin. Pushing the shirt to one side, Ness places her warm lips on the cool of my chest and drags her tongue downwards.

  “Hol
y crap, Ness,” I growl and tip her over onto the bed. “I’m trying to keep control of myself here.”

  She looks up at me, hair splayed on the bed behind her. “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to be accused of anything tomorrow.”

  “I won’t accuse you of anything. I want to do this.”

  I’m fighting with myself, with the whole respect thing girls go on about. Situations like this confuse the hell out of me. Of course, I’ve dreamt of sex with her, numerous times, but I didn’t want to push this tonight. And after what stupid bloody Ashley said, I abandoned any hope of getting Ness naked.

  “Ness…”

  “So you don’t want to?”

  Ness’s eyes shine as her hands slide my shirt off my shoulders. She digs her fingers into the sinew before tracing lightly down the centre of my body, towards the edge of my jeans. My heart slams against my chest, and the blood pools away from my head.

  I squeeze her thigh through her dress and push the material up, sliding my hand around her waist and pulling her in to me. I’m used to coy girls giggling, but Ness looks back at me with an amused determination on her face.

  “Jesus, Ness, of course, I want to…”

  The strap of her dress pushes down easily and I nip Ness’s shoulder with my teeth. She makes a small noise, low in her throat as I trace kisses towards the top of her breasts. My fingers slide along her warm skin, following the direction of my mouth. I hook the other strap of her top down and she shifts so I can move the dress to her waist. Easing down the fabric, I follow the dress’s path to the floor with small kisses on her impossibly soft skin. Ness tugs my hair, pulling me back upwards, towards her face.

  I swallow and meet her eyes. God, I hope she’s not about to change her mind.

  NESS

  Evan looks down at my half-naked body and hesitates. I prop myself up on my elbows and look at him kneeling shirtless on the floor. The light from the open curtains highlights the curves of his abs and it takes every ounce of control not to throw myself at him.