To Be An Israeli: The Fourth Book in the All My Love, Detrick series

by Roberta Kagan

  Lucas surprised Janice that night. He told her that he had some money saved and asked her if she would like to spend a few nights in a cabin up in Wisconsin, in Eagle River. They would have a honeymoon. Janice was elated.

  So the next morning, Janice called all of Lucas’ students who were on the list to attend classes in the next three days, and she told them that classes were canceled and would resume the following week. Then she and Lucas packed a single backpack between them and drove north to Wisconsin while Violet cared for Bari Lynn at the Lichtenstein’s home.

  Eagle River was a quiet little town with lots of trees, and ducks swimming on the open water. The cabin was homey and simple, but it had a king-sized bed, and Janice convinced Lucas to make love to her on it. It was the first time they’d ever been in a bed together, and it had been years since Lucas had lain on a bed at all. When they were finished, she rested in his arms listening to the birds and crickets chirping outside.

  “So, how did you like that?”

  “The bed?”

  “Yes.”

  He laughed. “I did like it, actually. It was really comfortable. I felt like I was immersed in a cloud.”

  “Lucas?”

  “Yes?”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure, anything.”

  “I know you told me before. But please just reassure me, you did marry me because you love me and not to avoid the draft, right?”

  “Yes, right. I would never have done that…to you or to me.”

  “I’m glad…”

  They lay quietly for a few more minutes.

  “Lucas?”

  “Hmm?”

  “You’ve never asked me about my ex-husband. Why not?”

  “Because I thought you would tell me if you wanted me to know.”

  “Do you want to know?”

  “If you want to tell me. I would never pry into your life.”

  “Even though I’m your wife?”

  “Yes, even though you are my wife.”

  “My ex was an Israeli.”

  “Yes, you did tell me that much. You also said that you lived in Israel.”

  “I thought I loved him. I thought he was the most wonderful man in the world…at least, that was, until I met you.”

  “I guess, if you want to know the truth, I would like to know more about you and your ex. If you feel comfortable talking about it. If not, I’ll understand. But I am wondering why you two broke up.”

  “Well, when I first went to Israel, I was caught up in the whole romanticism of it all. I mean, it was so different from America. In Israel, the Israelis live for their country. It all seemed so storybook to me. Do you know what I mean?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Israel is very different from the States. In fact, when you meet a new person in Israel, one of the first things they talk to you about is their country. Now who the hell does that in America? It’s like, to the Israelis, the country is more important than they are. When I first got there, that mystique was so attractive to me.

  “My ex, Elan, was a Sephardic Jew. His family originated in Spain, but he was born in Palestine before Israel was even a nation, and so were his parents. And the thing was, Elan was all caught up with the European Jews who had come to Israel after surviving the Holocaust. He was always talking about how important it was that Israel didn’t fall and must never lose a single war. He said that if they did, it would be the end of the Jewish race.

  “He was strong, a fighter, a powerful man with so much passion that I guess, in the beginning, I was attracted to the excitement of him. Does that make sense?” She shrugged her shoulders and continued. “But I certainly changed my mind later when he walked out the door on me, leaving me in a hotel to fend for myself.

  It was the night that the Six-Day War broke out. This was the way Israel was. A soldier came to our hotel room and told Elan he must prepare to leave to go to war. Can you imagine? No warning, just some guy appears dressed in an IDF uniform at the door to your hotel room in the middle of the night. It was surreal.

  But the thing that really got to me was that earlier that night, I had told him that I was pregnant. I was very sensitive– maybe it was my hormones because I was pregnant–and when the soldier told us that war had broken out, I was terribly frightened.

  I had to get back to Jerusalem where we lived from Tel Aviv where the comedy show was. I told him that I could not do it all alone knowing that the country was at war. He knew that there could be bombings, and that anything might happen. I begged him not to go. I told him how much I needed him, but he went anyway. I ran after him into the hall in the hotel. I saw him get on the elevator. I yelled his name, but he never turned around,” she said, gripping Lucas’ upper arm, caught up in the memory of how afraid she was.

  “I have to tell the truth. The Six-Day War wasn’t the beginning of the problems between Elan and I. We’d had a troubled marriage from the start. His mother was very domineering, and she made my life a living hell. The reason we were in the hotel was because I’d purchased tickets for us to go to a show in Tel Aviv, just so that we could be away from his mother, even if it was just for a night.

  And when I first told him I was going to have a baby, he seemed so happy. For a moment, I believed that things were going to get better. But then, after the show, when we got back to the room, he was acting strange, distracted, and very detached. I tried, but I couldn’t get him to open up and tell me what was bothering him. It was like all of a sudden, he was so unhappy.

  Finally, I gave up and fell asleep, hoping that whatever this was would pass and that he would be better in the morning. I told myself that maybe he was tired. Elan could be like that sometimes—cold, I mean, uncaring, aloof. I don’t know what would cause these moods, but sometimes they just came on, and the only thing I could do was ride them out.

  Then, when we heard the loud knock on the door in the middle of the night, Elan jumped up out of bed and answered it. That’s when the soldier gave him the five minutes to get ready to leave. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Five minutes? Leave your pregnant wife in a hotel room in a strange city? I’m an American. I had no idea what to expect. I’ve never been in the middle of a battleground. I reminded him that was I pregnant. He never answered me. I said that if he walked out of that room and left me, I was going home to America and never coming back.

  Then, like I said, he got into the elevator with the other soldiers and never even looked at me crying as I sat on the floor in the hall of that hotel. So the next day, I came home.”

  “Did you tell him about Bari when you contacted him after the Six-Day War ended?”

  “No, I sent him a letter asking for a divorce, and in that letter, I told him that I miscarried.”

  Lucas didn’t say anything.

  “You think that’s terrible, don’t you?”

  He sighed. “I don’t think it was fair, but I won’t judge you. You did what you thought you had to do.”

  “I told you that I am going to tell Bari that her father died in Vietnam. I don’t even want her to know that he was an Israeli.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “You don’t think it’s right. I can tell.”

  “More importantly, Janice, do you think it’s right?”

  “I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. All I know is that I want to put that part of my life behind me. The very thing that I thought I loved about Elan, his passion for his country, was the very thing I ended up hating.”

  Lucas didn’t speak. He just ran his fingers gently through her hair.

  “Do you still love me?” she asked in an almost childlike voice.

  “Janice, of course, I love you. You’re spoiled, and you’re as stubborn as can be, but I love you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re you, and there is no one else I have ever known who is like you. You’re incredibly brave.”

  “To the point of being stupid sometimes,” she said.

/>   He laughed. “But brave nonetheless. And you are kind, and you are open to new ideas. I have never seen you pass judgment on anyone.”

  “Except maybe Elan.”

  “Yes, but that’s understandable considering what you went through,” he said.

  “You make me sound so much better than I am.”

  “That’s what love is. Love is seeing the good in someone, and even though you know they have faults, the good things that you see far outweigh them.”

  “I hope you’ll always love me. And I have to thank God that you understand that I’ve made mistakes.”

  He pulled her close to him and kissed her. “There are no mistakes, Janice. If you hadn’t married Elan, you might not be with me now. Everything that happened in your past and mine is what led us both to this moment, so let’s just cherish what we have now.”

  CHAPTER 57

  It was on the west side of Chicago, on the corner of Monroe and Western, in a roach-infested apartment that almost never had enough hot water to take a full shower, nine people slept. At four forty-five a.m. on December 4th in the year of 1969, on this bone-chilling morning, the heat was barely working. Some of the occupants shared twin beds. Others just rolled up with blankets on the floor. This was the headquarters of the Black Panthers.

  The race wars between blacks and whites were escalating every day in the city of Chicago resulting in the deaths of police officers.

  Although Mayor Daley refused to admit it, the race riots following the death of Dr. King had brought the city to its knees. Chicago became a battleground filled with fire and violence. Instead of uniting as one people, the races were dividing, and Dr. King’s dream of peace was buried beneath the hatred and anger that clouded perspectives and created mass hysteria and overwhelming fear.

  The Black Panthers were growing stronger, and rather than negotiate with them, Daley chose to fight. This was his city and, by God, he was going to take control.

  So a secret attack was planned, and, on that very morning in December, the Chicago police raided the Panther’s headquarters. As Daley expected, the police found nineteen guns and one thousand rounds of ammunition. Chaos ensued, and by the time the raid was over, Fred Hampton and Mark Clark, two of the leaders of the Black Panther party, were dead and four others were seriously wounded.

  ***

  That morning, without giving any notice and without offering any reason, Violet packed her things and quit her job working for the Lichtensteins. Janice tried to talk to her, but Violet was not speaking. She was leaving. All Janice could do was thank her for all of her help with Bari Lynn and wish her the best. Then Janice stood at the big picture window in her parents’ living room watching as Violet walked out of their lives forever.

  CHAPTER 58

  It was decided that Bari Lynn would live with her grandparents who hired another full-time nanny to take care of her. Lucas legally adopted Bari Lynn, but the back of a martial arts studio was no place to raise a child. At least Ronald Lichtenstein didn’t believe it was. He insisted that Bari stay with him and his wife until Janice finished school.

  Janice’s parents bought her a used car, and Janice took extra classes in hopes of finishing school early.

  Lucas learned that his father-in-law had gotten him an exemption from the draft. At first, he was angry at the interference. However, Janice was elated that Lucas didn’t have to leave the country. She didn’t care how he had gotten out of going to Canada, or worse, to Vietnam. She was just glad that he could stay with her and be safe. Janice’s joy was contagious, and Lucas decided to thank his father-in-law instead of being stupidly prideful.

  Now Lucas decided that he needed to earn more income to take care of his family, so he added an after-school karate program for children. He bought a minibus and hired a driver to pick the children up at school and bring them to the studio where they stayed until their parents finished work each day.

  CHAPTER 59

  And so a year passed. It had been a cold winter, but the spring had finally arrived. Janice and Lucas always had the radio on when they shared their evening meal. On this Monday night, they were both tired. It had been a long weekend. They’d had Bari with them, and she was an active, busy child.

  Both Janice and Lucas were worn out and ready for a quiet night at home. She planned to study while he meditated. The radio played softly in the background. They both loved folk music, and Simon and Garfunkel were singing their hit “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” when the program was interrupted.

  “We interrupt this program to bring you the latest news.”

  Janice cast a glance at Lucas and cocked her head. They both listened more closely.

  “Today, at Kent State University in Ohio, four students were shot and killed by the National Guard during a Vietnam War protest.”

  “What?” Janice said.

  Lucas turned pale. “Students killed by the National Guard? Every day, more and more, it’s beginning to feel like we’re living in a police state.”

  “It’s really scary, and it’s only getting scarier.”

  “Yeah, it sure is.”

  CHAPTER 60

  Two years later, Janice graduated college and went to work as an art teacher at a high school that was close enough for her to walk from Lucas’ studio. They’d been careful not to get pregnant until Janice finished school, but now they began to talk about possibly renting an apartment and taking Bari Lynn and her nanny, Maria, to live with them.

  Ronald Lichtenstein insisted that Janice have the nanny to help her and insisted that he would pay Maria’s salary. Janice wanted to spend more time with her daughter. Lucas didn’t like taking anything from his father-in-law, but he could hardly afford a live-in nanny, and he knew how much Janice longed to spend more time with Bari Lynn, so he swallowed his pride and agreed. They moved into a small three-bedroom apartment. Maria had her own room which was adjacent to Bari Lynn’s room.

  ***

  The after-school program became so popular with the local parents that Lucas created a martial arts summer camp. That, too, had a huge enrollment, but Lucas was a terrible businessman. His kindness overran any ambition he might have had to earn money. If a student could not afford to attend his after-school program, he would not refuse the student attendance. He would just tell the parents to pay what they could when they could.

  Living a minimalist lifestyle was satisfactory to Lucas, but Ronald Lichtenstein wanted more for his daughter and granddaughter. So unbeknownst to Lucas, he gave Janice money. Between his help and Janice’s salary as a teacher, they were getting by.

  Janice’s father had grown to like Lucas as he came to know him. He’d never met a man so sincere and honest. Lichtenstein respected Lucas, but he doubted that his son-in-law would ever be a good provider if he were not given some help and guidance. Ronald Lichtenstein wanted to insure his daughter’s future, not just through inheritance but also by helping his son-in-law to find some measure of success. So he offered to provide the money for Lucas to open another studio on the other side of town. Lucas did not want to take money from his father-in-law, but Ronald insisted. He said that this investment would benefit both of them. And more importantly, it would be good for Janice and Bari.

  So after much convincing, Lucas finally agreed, but only on the terms that Lucas would pay Ronald a percentage of the profits each month. They would be partners. Of course, unbeknownst to Lucas, Ronald Lichtenstein would turn any money Lucas gave him back over to his daughter to help support the family. He didn’t need it, so why not use the profits to ensure that his daughter and granddaughter would have a comfortable life. Lucas hired one of his best black-belt students to manage the school.

  ***

  Bari Lynn started kindergarten, and Maria picked her up every day and brought her to Lucas’ studio. Bari Lynn sat on the sidelines. She never wanted to participate in the classes. She was overweight and clumsy. Lucas considered pushing her to join in but decided against it. He knew that Bari Lynn lacked self-confid
ence, but forcing anything was not the answer.

  Often Janice thought about Violet. She wondered if there was anything that she could have done differently, anything that could have lightened Violet’s load in life. She wondered if anything had connected Violet to the Black Panther raid. It could have been a coincidence, but Janice didn’t think so. Once she tried to look Violet up in the phone book. She only wanted to talk to her, to tell her how often she thought about her, but there was no listing. It was as if Violet had disappeared.

  The student demonstrations continued. When the soldiers returned from Vietnam, they were received with disdain and treated as if they were the enemy. Unlike the America that had fought in WW2, and unlike Israel, America was divided, and its division within had weakened the world’s view of the country.

  ***

  On their fifth anniversary, Janice’s parents gave Janice and Lucas a gift, a down payment for a house.

  “This is too much, but thank you for the thought,” Lucas said.

  “I want you two to have a nice place to live, a place of your own. Don’t do it for yourself or me. Take this money and buy a house for Janice and Bari. It would be selfish if you refused.”

  Lucas studied his father-in-law. Love complicated things. It made people reconsider their beliefs, their principles. What was best for Janice meant more to Lucas than his pride. So finally Lucas agreed.

  No marriage is perfect. As time moved forward, Lucas found that Janice’s stubbornness could be frustrating, and Janice found that Lucas’ lack of ambition kept them dependent upon her father. All of her life, Janice resented the idea of depending upon her father. She’d seen her mother kowtow to his whims and swore that she would never be submissive to a husband. And she wasn’t. In her mind, the fact that she was the breadwinner made her the head of the house.