Hellucination (Wrath Limited Edition)
Page 22
What about the Sabbath? Most of my life, I was taught it was Sunday, but now I hear it is Saturday. Most churches around me are closed on Saturday because they believe that Sunday is the Sabbath. The Jewish people believe Saturday is the Sabbath. I have been working on Saturdays for years and taking Sunday off to honor God. If you live where I live, in a society of fame and greed, then it’s an all-out assault against us.
So that’s where I had come to in my belief, that day in Ybor City. I needed a sin sacrifice, for the things I did know and for the things I didn’t. I needed to come to Jesus and give myself to him. I knew everything I had done and tried to do. I was still confused but was trying with my whole heart. But I found out it was not good enough. I wasn’t holier than thou; I’m probably worse than most of you, if not all of you. But I learned to have faith and belief that changed me for the better. I did become a new person. I was nothing like I used to be. I had been reborn and I was about to take the next step.
I walked up to the man preaching to passersby’s who wanted nothing to do with his words. I said, “I want to be saved and give myself to Jesus in my heart.”
Now he turned to the thousands of people, all strangers walking to and fro, and said, “Here is a man who wants to be saved!”
He laid his hands on me and began praying over me while asking if I would accept this gift in Jesus’ name. I don’t know exactly the words he spoke, but my eyes were closed and I was amidst thousands of people who didn’t care. He prayed and spoke the words and I felt my spirit lift up. Not because of anything mystical but because I believed I was saved and gave my soul to the Lord. Something changed that night; I had a Savior instead of a belief.
My earlier experiences told me God visited, but Jesus had never come up. Jesus became my answer, though I had never met him personally; I had to learn about Him. And I still had to learn from the Bible, even though I had it slapped into my hand and had Hellfire to deal with. It was still left to me to figure out and to grow in faith and belief—as with all of us.
When the street preacher said hallelujah, I smiled brightly and walked away.
It has been years since this happened. I’ve written movie scripts, getting ready to write this book. Learning everything I can and living life to my best. I’ve been trying and failing miserably. Just because I found the Lord and danced with the Devil doesn’t mean the Devil is not still fighting for me. Quite the contrary. The Devil is probably fighting for me ten times more than before. I do my best but my best is never up to the standards of the Lord, and that’s why I have to have a sin sacrifice.
Before we part, I want to tell you what I think actually happened to me.
I know I met something that tried to trick me, sidetrack me and startle me—while using people in my life to cause me to lose hope and make me believe in something false. It did this while masquerading as an Angel and even God. That thing almost had me kill myself. Only then did I give up and just live while still being in awe of the Lord. And that’s when He came to me—be it the Lord Himself or an Angel. I was spoken to only through the Bible, the word of God. When the word of the Lord was spoken to me, dread and horror came to me as I learned of my sins and realized I was evil by the words of the Lord.
Ten years ago, I thought I went to Hell. If you ask me today, I might still tell you I did. But after ten years of thinking, analyzing and pondering about where I went, I have other reflections on the matter too. Instead of Hell, maybe the Lord was just showing me what He sees as our sinful nature. Maybe I just saw the sins as they naturally are to the Lord. But then again…
I personally would rather see a Hell made by each and every soul exactly as it wants it. This Hell would be wonderful for the first 10,000 years, but as eternity played out, the agony would likely set in. And yet the creatures I encountered were all lost in themselves, so who knows what they were cognizant of. Maybe the Lord isn’t as cruel as we thought. Hellfire and torture, while being eternally raped by demons may just be what we assumed and interpreted.
Each soul has neglected and turned away from the Lord and worshipped his or herself or a desire or object. He gave them what they wanted. He allowed them to turn away from Him and worship and lose themselves in what they wanted most. They will never know the love and kinship of what our Creator has to offer and only in Heaven will that be felt and seen. I like to think, it is Hell enough to have separation from the Lord, even if you have all you think you want and know plenty of self-love. I believe that is the cosmic justice spoken about in the Bible. I believe a loving Lord can give everyone what they think they want and, in doing so, metes out Justice in a way mortals can’t conceive.
It’s also possible that my “Hell experience” was a way station for those who refuse the Lord. A place for the future damned to wait till the trumpets sound and Revelations begins, for the battle of all men’s souls. For those forsook and turned away from the Lord. They may be waiting to be cast into the pit of fire, for their destruction.
I pray that it is death. I pray that the Hell Sermons we hear from so many different Churches, from behind so many pews, are mistaken. I pray that the everlasting fire of the pit is just made for the Devil and those angels who rebelled against the Lord, not for mere mortals who are tricked and manipulated by demons who have studied mankind since the very beginning. They know our weaknesses and they know our souls, even when most of the time we don’t even know ourselves in this short life we live.
Ephesians 6:12.“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
You might be looking for answers and maybe you received some. I have had the hardest time writing this book, out of worry of being called a false prophet. This weighed on my soul for years, actually, because I was afraid of being judged by the Lord as a false prophet if I spoke to people in His name. I’m also afraid of ministers and clergy and other men of God saying I’m a false prophet. I have never once said, “Here is exactly what the Lord said to me.” When I did, it was out of the Holy Bible, which is the word of God. I have, though, told you what the Devil said. I showed you what the Devil did to me in all of his unholy glory; His misdirection manipulation and traps that I fell into.
Search for God in a safe way. Nothing is safer than opening up a Bible and reading.
I ask and I pray that none of you begin to dabble in the drugs that I explained. I never experienced God while high on LSD and nitrous, only the Devil. Remember that. I implore you to not do what I did. I beg you not to.
I’d like to thank you personally for reading my life’s account. It’s not your normal Christian book or even a cool drug book that tells you to partake and not worry about the consequences. I know what we all go through in this life. If you know anybody that can understand the places I’ve been, and you want them to know that even the craziest of us can get a grip—that the worst of us has hope—then give them this book. Pass it on and share. Show others that some of us understand about life and death and, most of all, sin. We can all rise above it and find hope in the only thing that matters: To search for God and never stop looking until He answers you. If you knock on the door long enough, He will answer you. Just be prepared…
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