His cock was pressed against the seam of her ass. It wasn’t insistent. It was just there—a warm, heavy weight. Reaching behind her, she stroked him and watched through half-lidded eyes as Maddox threw his head back into the pillows and arched his back. The muscles in his shoulders, neck, and chest corded with the movement, his pleasure tantalizing to see, intoxicating to know she had been the one to cause this reaction.
She continued to run her hand over his cock, pushing him higher and higher.
“Princess, you have to stop that, or I’m going to come.”
Her mouth parted. Her breathing quickened along with her pulse. “Maybe that’s what I want,” she purred.
Maddox looked up at her with his wolf. “I want to be inside you, Casey.”
Yes, that was what she wanted too but…
Her eyes shuttered, and she thought about Saxon—her one true mate. They would never share this. She would never be able to make love to him, then wake up with him—do something as mundane as have breakfast with him in the morning.
But most of all, she was terrified of losing him.
Replacing him…
Forgetting…
Maddox palmed her breasts, sweeping his thumb over her taut nipples. A pitiful moan escaped her mouth, and when she opened her eyes, she knew she couldn’t do this—not with Saxon still fresh in her mind.
Sliding off his body, she stood, covering herself with her arms. “I’m sorry. I can’t…” She blew out a pained breath. “I can’t do this.”
Maddox sat up, but before he could talk her into bed again, she locked herself into the bathroom and turned on the shower. The rush of water drowned out her tears as she realized she probably wouldn’t ever get over Saxon.
Chapter Twelve
Three Weeks Later…
Maddox plugged his elbows into his knees and sank down into his hands. It was a cold but clear winter day in Greenville, the sky a brilliant blue. It was officially the first day of spring, but Pennsylvania hadn’t got the memo, apparently. It felt like winter was clinging on, a direct reflection of the block of ice in his chest.
After Casey had pulled the plug on them three weeks ago, she hadn’t spoken more than two words to him, barely looked at him, and couldn’t seem to stand being in the same room as him for more than half an hour. And given it was his birthday today, it seemed fucking apt. This time of year reeeally filled him with joy.
As far as he was concerned, the day of his birth was a fucking curse that hung over his head. The day had always been fucking hard—mostly because his mom upped and left on the morning of his tenth one. You want to talk about fucked up? Try waking up on the day of your tenth birthday—perhaps the best day of the year for any kid besides Christmas—and find your mother gone and half the house cleared of furniture. Talk about the gift that kept on giving. He was on a perma-loop of abandonment, dredging up the memories each year.
He’d told himself not to give a fuck, that this shit shouldn’t bother him anymore, but it was as if it wasn’t this version of himself he was talking to. He was back to being that ten-year-old kid who thought he was responsible for his mother leaving.
And now, he could add heartbreaking rejection to his all-you-can-eat-buffet of birthday misery.
Ahhh, rejection.
He lifted his eyes when he heard the distinctive pop of a metal bar being depressed. The door to the building he was sitting in front of opened, and Casey walked out looking fucking amazing. Her dark jeans clung to the curves in her legs and hips. The cable knit sweater was cream, the jacket over it dark blue. He studied her face to see if there was a flicker of regret or longing on her beautiful face, but there was nothing but a disinterested dullness to her eyes.
“I’m going back home tonight for the weekend,” she announced, walking down the central pathway of the campus. “You’re free to go do whatever you like after I’m dropped off.”
He fell into step with her easily, shoving his hands down into the pockets of his jacket. “Are we finally going to talk about what happened between us?”
“Nothing happened.”
“The fuck it didn’t,” he seethed, then clamped his mouth shut. Getting angry or upset wasn’t going to make this any easier. Sucking in a breath through his nose, he let it go through his mouth and watched all that anger he was feeling disappear in a puff of white. “Please, Casey, we need to talk. At least let me clear the air.”
“Nothing happened,” she repeated, picking up the pace.
When they arrived back at their apartment, she shut herself in her room, and he just stood outside, getting a wicked case of déjà vu since he’d done this the night they’d finally—
Made love wasn’t the right way to frame it.
Neither was fuck, since that technically didn’t happen.
He had loved on her, though. And he’d fucking enjoyed every damn second of his mouth on her secret place, his tongue inside her, his lips caressing her skin.
Casey’s door pulled open, and he rolled to a stop in front of it. She had a duffel bag over her shoulder and a tired look on her face. “I want to go now.”
He planted his feet. Tired of the whole not-talking-to-him thing, he folded his arms, lifted his chin, and said, “Not until we talk.”
She dropped her eyes to the ground. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“See, that’s where I think you’re wrong. We have plenty to talk about.”
Brushing past him, she went to stand at the front door, her back still to him. His eyes traveled down her body to where she clung to the handles of her bag. Her knuckles were white, and a fine tremor was wracking her body.
Stalking in her direction, he came up behind her and took her hand in his, easing her fingers open so the bag would drop. She didn’t fight him, and he didn’t think she would either. Pressing himself closer, so all she could smell was him, all she could feel was him, he nuzzled the side of her neck. “Tell me what’s going on.”
She stepped away into the kitchen. He backed her against the counter, his wolf flashing an image of his broad shoulders between her delicate thighs, his head buried down between them and her moans of pleasure. She had wanted that. She had wanted him, but something had changed between the kitchen and the bedroom.
And he was damn well going to find out what.
Planting his palms on either side of the Formica, he caught her eyes and held them. Her wolf came forward on a surge and stayed. His own wolf answered the call, the word mate drifting through his consciousness.
Yeah, well, it’s kind of hard to be someone’s mate when they don’t want you.
“Talk to me.”
She looked away from his insistent stare. “There’s nothing to say.”
“Believe me, there’s plenty. Why don’t you start by telling me why you’ve been so cold toward me these past few weeks?”
“I haven’t been cold. I’ve been me. You’re my bodyguard… nothing more. We don’t have anything beyond a working relationship.”
Ouch. “Bullshit. You’ve been uncharacteristically cold to the point where it’s just cruel.”
Her eyes jumped to his face then, filling with a roiling storm of anger. “Excuse me?”
He stepped back, looking her over. “Nah, I don’t think I will. All I want from you is an explanation. Why the fuck did you stop? If you tell me it’s because you changed your mind and you didn’t want me anymore, I’d fucking take that reason and forget anything happened.”
“I changed my mind,” she replied with zero inflection. “Can we go now?”
Could they go? Fuck no. He needed her to see how good they were together. He needed her to trust in him. Without giving her a chance to escape again, he caged her in against the jail of the counter and cupboard and took her hand, pressing it to his heavy and hard cock. A startled gasp escaped her lips, and he felt a pang of regret for forcing her to talk, but dammit, he needed answers too.
“No, Casey. We can’t go until we sort this out.”
She started to pull away, and he forced her hand back, holding it in place with his own. He panted through the lust filling him. Her hand on him—hell, her even just looking at him—and he was ready to go. That was the power of the mate bond. And by the flush of color on her cheeks, she felt that pull too.
“I didn’t want you to stop before. Not speaking to you properly for the past few weeks has been like a dagger twisting in my gut. I need you, princess. I need you to open up and tell me what’s going on.”
Wrenching her hand free of his, she shoved him out of the way and started to pace. At least she wasn’t running for the door.
“You want to know why I stopped?” she demanded.
“Yes. Tell me the truth. Good or bad, I can take it.” Whether or not it would tear him apart was a different story.
With her back to him, she finally said, “Because all I could think about was I would never get to do this with Saxon. That I was somehow replacing him with you. That I would forget him by giving myself to you.”
He felt like he’d been sucker-punched in the head. “Casey—”
She whirled around and faced him. “No. You don’t get a say in this.”
“I hate to break it to you, but I kind of do.” Tapping his temple with two fingers, he added, “Do you even know what’s going on in here? My wolf has claimed you. He’s fucking claimed you.”
She shut her mouth. “He has?”
“Yes. He wants all of you. I want all of you, but I feel like there would be three people in this mating.”
Casey curled in on herself and whispered, “I want you, too, Maddox.” Looking up at him through her lashes, she tightened her arms. “I want you so much, but all I can think about is Saxon. What if he was my true mate? What if I’ve lost my chance at love?”
He shook his head, trying to get his damn brain to focus, not on what she’d said about wanting him, but rather on the fact that this was progress here.
“I don’t know whether we only get one true mate in this lifetime. I don’t know whether fate has another plan for us.” He walked over to the window and peered out, giving himself a moment to collect his thoughts. “You want to know what my greatest fear is? I’m afraid that no one will ever love me like you loved Saxon. I’m afraid there’s something wrong with me, otherwise why else would my mom have left or my father beat me so badly I couldn’t stand up. Why else…” He hesitated, feeling a choking rise in his throat. He tried to swallow it down, but it was no good. They were coming, and as much as he wanted to fight against it, he knew he couldn’t.
For almost thirty years, he hadn’t cried about what had happened.
But he was going to do it now.
He kept his back to Casey as the tears fell. He didn’t want her to see this. She needed a strong male, someone who could look after her. Not one who fell apart when his own fucking Mommy and Daddy issues became too much.
And so he cried. He cried for the ten-year-old kid who had to discover his mother gone. He cried for the twelve-year-old kid who had endured beating after beating for looking too much like his mother. He cried for the sixteen-year-old kid who killed his own father to stop the abuse. And he cried for the male he had become—the one who had to be strong, who had to be fierce and rough and savage. He cried for the life he never got to live with a mother and father who loved him.
Because that was the simple truth of it all—he didn’t deserve love.
He jerked out of his dark thoughts when Casey wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his back. Her warmth, and her scent, invaded his nose and something loosened in him, some kind of lock he had on his chest.
“You deserve to be loved, Maddox,” she whispered.
“So do you, Casey.”
She slipped free of his body, and he mourned the loss of her. He waited, waited for the door of the apartment to close, to be left alone with this overwhelming pain still trapped in his chest.
Casey stepped in front of him and framed his face in her hands.
“I’m sorry.”
He wiped away the tears that were still clinging to his cheeks. “What for?”
“For getting stuck in my own head. I know Saxon is dead. He’s been dead for almost seven years now. He’s not coming back. I always thought he was my true mate. The male I would settle down and start a family with, but the thing is… he never said the same back to me. So, maybe I was wrong.”
“Your wolf—”
“My wolf has been flashing me images of us together for the past three weeks. She’s grieved for Saxon and moved on, but I haven’t. Not yet, anyway.”
“So what are you saying?”
She bit her bottom lip and stared into his eyes. It was funny, though. As he stared into her eyes, he could see it all so clearly.
This was the female for him.
This was his chance to love and be loved.
She let out a deep breath, bracing herself. “I’m saying maybe I should listen a little more to my wolf and a little less to my head which is still so messed up.”
Casey kissed him then. It started off as a slow sweep of her tongue, of her lips, but when he opened his mouth to her, both their needs took over. He clung to her, one hand on her waist and the other pressed between her shoulder blades, bringing her in even closer. Her breasts were cushioned by his chest, the feel of her skin on his something he would never forget.
Mate, his wolf whispered. Claim.
He mentally shook his head. He had to slow that roll because there was no way she was ready for that. This was just the first step they had to make, and they made it together.
Chapter Thirteen
Trust him.
Casey jerked back in surprise. Her wolf’s words were unexpected, but she knew she had to follow them. Her wolf would never have misled her or given her bad advice.
Trust him with your heart.
Casey anchored her arms around his chest and decided to do just that. Just because she was choosing Maddox now didn’t mean she was forgetting about Saxon. If anything, she was honoring him because she was honest with Maddox about her feelings and reservations. He seemed to understand that she would always have him in her heart, and he was male enough to handle that.
He leaned down to kiss her lips, then the side of her mouth, her jaw, her neck. Lower and lower he went until he was pressing his mouth to the space over her heart. It lurched in response, that stupid organ practically jumping for joy in her chest. Casey threaded her fingers through his dark hair, holding him to her.
Peering up, his wolf was front and center. “I think we need to try this again.”
She bobbed her head. “Please.” Her reply was breathy and wonton and oh, so desperate.
She wanted this.
She wanted to find some happiness.
Maddox scooped her up into his arms and walked them into her bedroom. Kicking the door shut, he placed her on the bed with the same sort of care a male would have with his infant son or daughter. Casey could definitely see that with him. Maddox might have a short fuse or be a stubborn-headed asshole, but there was tenderness in him—something he didn’t want to show the world, but in the privacy between them, she knew he had it in spades.
Slowly, reverently, he peeled the dark denim from her legs, leaving her panties in place. Starting down at her left ankle, he dropped kisses onto her calf, her knee, the inside of her thigh. Casey’s heart pounded harder than before, the anticipation and the thrill the best kind of aphrodisiac. He skimmed over her sex, merely brushing his fingers against her panties as he burrowed them under her sweater.
Maddox’s warm hands slid up her ribcage until finally cupping her breasts through her bra. Arching, seeking his touch, Casey moaned her approval. He shoved the wool out of the way, exposing her stomach and breasts to him. With impossibly soft tugs, he pulled the top of her bra down, making her breasts push up and out with the scaffolding.
Then, all she could see was his dark head as he suckled at her, biting and rolling her nipple arou
nd in his mouth. His free hand came to rest on her other breast, thumbing her sensitive flesh until she thought her eyes were going to roll back in her skull. He nursed at her for a long while, taking his time.
In his own way, he was worshiping her.
She squeezed her thighs together when the sensations became too much. Wetness pooled between her legs, and she bit her lip trying to hold back the moan of pleasure. As if reading her thoughts, Maddox released her breast and moved his free hand down between their bodies. His fingers explored her, caressing, stroking, driving her insane as they dropped below the waistband of her panties.
With a whisper of a touch, he dipped into her, groaning when his fingers slicked through her heat. Releasing her breast, he kissed her with frantic need. Somehow, her pussy was like a charge that had been set, and now he was desperate to fan the flames. He pushed his tongue into her mouth, retreated, then advanced again. He was mimicking what she knew he could do with his hips, the preview making her even more soaked for him.
With an inarticulate growl, he broke the kiss and stared down at her, panting. “I want to do right by you.”
She eyed his black shirt. “So get undressed and do me right.”
His eyes were a flash of color before he stood and quickly removed all his clothes. She watched them land on the floor, each new item making her anticipation jump into the stratosphere. She’d never paid too much attention to a man getting dressed or undressed before. Living with four brothers, she’d seen it done plenty of times when they shifted to run, but this was different…
… Maddox was different.
The raw energy that beat off his body was intoxicating.
And when he finally stood naked before her, his cock hard and long, he stroked himself from base to tip. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down on a hard swallow, his eyes a maelstrom of color. Casey sat up and drew her sweater off her body, dropping it onto the comforter beside her. Next was her bra. She hesitated, but only for a moment, as she brought down the barrier between them. She shouldn’t have been embarrassed—he’d already had his mouth on them, but it was what it was.
The Helheim Wolf Pack Novellas: The Complete Collection Page 35
