by Karen Deen
He drags me so tight into him. We are clinging to each other like we will never let go again. Ever.
I can hear his breathing, I can feel his chest rising. I sense his heart beating in his chest. I will never get tired of any of that.
Then the moment gets away from us as our lips touch. It starts soft and tender, and then becomes urgent and hard. It’s like we are breathing life back into each other. I don’t want to stop. He pulls back to look at me again. It’s like he needs to reassure himself I’m real and he isn’t dreaming. I feel exactly the same.
“Ally.” His voice quavers. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I let you down. I didn’t protect you, I didn’t keep you safe. I….” I put my finger on his lips to stop him.
“Shh. Don’t do that. None of this is on you. None.”
His eyes look tortured. I don’t know what has happened to him but there is more to this that we will need to talk about later. Now, though, I just need to keep holding him.
“I love you. You came back to me. That’s all that matters.” I can’t hold it in anymore. Everything I have been feeling since that moment on the mountain starts to overcome me. I start sobbing and trying to talk just becomes impossible. Xavier pushes me back against the bed and then helps me into it. He crawls in next to me and holds me tight while I cry into his neck and shoulder. The room is empty except for us. Nat has left us alone and the door is closed. She knew we needed this time to reconnect and just breathe each other in. Xavier is crying, too. Not just little tears but I can feel his body jerking and hear his sobbing. I’m not sure how long we are like this but eventually we both have no tears left and just lay there. No words spoken. They don’t need to be. Everything we need to know, we can feel.
After a little while, Xavier pulls my head up to look at him. There is finally some of his sparkle back in his eyes. His thumb caressing my cheek is so soothing.
“I was so scared I lost you,” I whisper. His beautiful smile starts to creep up his face.
“I told you we never end, and I meant it. Your love is what kept me fighting to get back to you. I could feel you with me the whole time. You never gave up on me, did you?”
I shake my head. “I couldn’t. Nat and I both still felt you in our souls. We knew you were still alive. We just kept believing they would find you.”
“Thank you.” He kissed me with such love.
“Tell me what happened. Where are they, does Kane have them?”
“Yeah, baby. Kane has them and they can never hurt us again.” Xavier’s voice is strong as he says it to make sure I know I’m safe now.
“Did they hurt you?” I don’t know if I want to know the answer, but I need to know. “Besides the hit to the head, of course.”
“No, baby, they didn’t. I got out of there before anything happened. But they didn’t want to hurt me, they wanted to love me. I told them they could never have me because I will only ever belong to you.”
“Damn straight!” This makes me angry. That bitch thought because she couldn’t get him to like her, she would just take him. How sick is that? Not happening! I may not be a very confident person, but I fought for what was mine and Xavier is all mine.
“They told me they hit you in the head, too, but you managed to get down the mountain on your own to get help. I’m so proud of you and grateful. They were planning on moving me tomorrow. I was running out of time. You are so strong and brave. They didn’t do anything else to you, did they?” He looks a little weird as he asks the last question.
“Like what?” I ask.
“Just anything. I need to know that they didn’t hurt you.”
“No, they just left me to die, I think.”
“Motherfuckers!” His body tenses and I can feel his anger building.
“Hey, don’t let it get to you, we’re both here. They tried but we are stronger than that.” I rub my hand along his cheek and jaw to calm him. His stubble makes me grin. I love that bit of roughness on him.
“Why don’t we talk about all this tomorrow. None of it matters now. It’s over, that’s all I care about.” With that, he kisses me again and hard like he’s doing it to make me forget.
I let myself get lost in Xavier and just like always a sense of calm is falling over me.
Chapter Thirty-One
Alesha
His kisses reach far into my soul and soothe it.
I’m surprised Lilly hasn’t barged in here yet. Mom and Nat must be working really hard to keep her at bay. I know how much she loves me but I’m grateful Xavier and I have had this quiet time together. It’s what we needed to get the emotions of fear of losing each other out of our system. I have plenty of questions, but I don’t have the energy to ask them tonight and to be honest I’ve cried enough today. I need to recharge first before I can cope with any more. Xavier looks worn out, too.
“Didn’t Doctor Trudy say you need to have an MRI?” I thought she would have been back by now.
“I told her I needed time with you first. But not sure a brain scan is a good idea. Imagine what they’ll find in there.” He’s smiling that comical grin of his.
“You worried they won’t find anything, that the skull will be empty?” I giggle for the first time in a while.
“Ouch. I’m injured and lying in a hospital bed, and you say that. A stab to the heart, right here.” He pats his chest, pretending to be wounded and devastated. “You’re just lucky we aren’t at home, otherwise you would be pinned on the floor being tickled until you peed your pants. Then I would lay you over my knee and spank your raw ass.”
My breath hitches slightly at that thought. Xavier stops and looks at me, noticing what he is saying and how it is affecting me.
“Oh, my girl would like to play a little, would she? I’m all for a bit of fun. I can’t wait to experience that night with you. When you’re better and we are both ready. Once again you surprise the hell out of me.” Xavier has heat in his stare. I reach to him and kiss along his jaw bone and down onto his neck. My body is on fire wanting to touch him. Now is not the time or the place but it doesn’t stop me from wanting him.
We don’t hear the door quietly open until we hear his voice.
“Hey, lover boy, can you leave her alone? She needs rest, not to be annoyed by your sorry ass.” We both start laughing in the little cocoon we have in the bed. Pulling back, we both to turn and see Kane, looking exhausted, but you can tell he’s happy to see us.
“Kane.” Xavier starts moving to get up and greet him, but Kane stops him before he gets very far.
“No, don’t get up for me. Stay with Alesha. She deserves every minute with you.” He leans down and places a kiss on my cheek and then grabs Xavier’s hand and leans in for a man hug. They don’t move for a little minute. I feel like I’m intruding on a private moment between these two close friends who have had a huge day. Slowly, they separate and don’t even bother trying to hide the little tears glistening on both of their faces. I just pretend not to notice.
“Are you both okay? Because you look a hell of a lot better than the last time I saw either of you.” Dragging the seat over to beside the bed, he sits close but not close enough to give away that real men get emotional, too.
“A bit sore and tired, but we’ll be okay. Nothing we can’t cope with now that we’re together again,” I say with Xavier pulling me back into his side nice and tight. “Thank you, Kane, I will never be able to repay to you for finding him.”
“Well, technically he found me, but he can fill you in on that part of the story.” Kane laughs. “You both freaked the shit out of me today. Hope I never have to go through that ever again. To be honest, I’m pretty exhausted, too. Just spent the last few hours getting my balls chewed off by my superiors and the FBI for not obeying orders. They can go fuck themselves, for all I care. There was no way I was leaving you out there in the hands of psychos. They were still wanting to debrief with me, or more like give me a lecture. I’d had enough so I told them I was leaving, and they can wait unt
il tomorrow. I’m sure that didn’t really help my cause but who cares.”
“Man, I’m sorry you got in trouble because of us. Is there anything I can do to help with that?” Xavier looks upset for his friend. I love the closeness between these two. I knew if there was anyone out there that was going to find him, it was Kane. Xavier is just as important to Kane as he is to me.
“Fuck em, Xav. Who cares who solves the case and saves you? They can shove their rule books up their asses. You just worry about getting better so we can have that night out you promised me with Alesha’s hot sister. While you were out playing ranger scout in the forest, I was stuck getting blue balls in the restaurant with Lilly. You two were holding out on me. She is gorgeous and one hell of a firecracker.” And the old Kane is back. He has switched off the emotion and turned off any talk that remotely resembles work.
“Geez, sorry we made you wait. We were a little busy trying to, umm, let me see… oh that’s right, stay alive.” We all start to laugh as Xavier starts to banter straight back at him. “Next time, I’ll just ask the psychos if they can pause for a little while because Kane is a too busy to come and rescue us just yet. He’s trying to chat up my girlfriend’s sister.”
“Good, I’m glad we got that straight. Now, when are we rescheduling?” Kane continues to laugh, and we just sit looking at each for a minute. We are just grateful to be back together and to be able to still joke like this.
“Do I have another young man I need keep an eye on around my other daughter?” Dad’s voice fills the room.
“Daddy.” Jumping out of the bed, I rush to him. He wraps me in the biggest hug and just holds me. I don’t want them to, but the tears start again. “Thank you. You found him. You, Kane and the boys, you brought him back.”
“Sweetheart, the biggest hero in this story is you. My quiet little princess who hates the mountain. You got yourself down from the peak in the dark, with a head injury and on the run from a couple of whackos. That is far more important than me storming the mountain with a group of men with guns to protect ourselves. Besides, that man of yours is pretty tough and he was well on the way to saving himself.”
He guides me back to the bed and helps me back into Xavier’s arms. The boys agree with him, and all three make a few comments about what happened. Kane gives us the heads up on what will happen tomorrow with the FBI needing statements. The only reason we haven’t been bothered tonight is that the doctors told them no and they are too busy tied up sorting out Dana and Edward.
“Now, back to you, young man. What’s this I hear about blue balls and my Lilly?” I can see Dad is joking but Kane isn’t quite sure how to take him yet. He looks like he wants to dig a hole and crawl into it from the glare Dad is giving him. I can’t help but giggle. “I will warn you, she is a firecracker and you will need to bring your ‘A’ game if you think you are going to pin that one down. Good luck, I say.” He chuckles and slaps Kane on the back.
The look of relief on Kane’s face is instant.
“Come on, boy, we better leave these two to sleep and I need to see my wife. I’m sure I will be in trouble for taking the gun with me, someone will have ratted me out by now. Sophia hates guns and doesn’t know that it’s still kept in the truck.”
Just as he opens the door, the family starts to pile in. Mom leading the way with the look of love for every person she has here with her. She will never run out of love to share. I’m not surprised to see Grant carrying a sleeping Sophia in his arms. Luke is carrying Sammy, and Zoe has her arm around his waist. Zach has Thomas in one arm with Emily hanging on tight to his other arm. Nat comes to Xavier at the bed and rests her hand on his shoulder.
Jordan is standing at the back quietly. He watches every movement Nat makes with such longing. There is something between them that I’m not sure they want to admit to. Nat looks nervous and keeps her gaze down, never looking him in the eye. I will ask Xavier about that later.
“The hospital came and told us it’s time for us to leave now. For some reason, they want their waiting room back and not full of the Stevenson family. I can’t understand their problem. They should think themselves lucky it’s night time, the kids are asleep, so we’re being quiet.” Mom looks offended and the rest of us think it’s funny.
“Come on, love, we need to get everyone home to bed now the excitement has settled down.” Dad has his arm around her shoulder, trying to guide her to start the rounds of goodbyes.
“Excitement? Mitchell Stevenson, your idea of excitement and mine are two different things.” Mom puts her hands on her hips as she faces him.
“Wow, Dad’s in trouble now. When she uses your full name you better start running,” Luke pipes up from the corner of the room.
“Watch it, Luke, or you will be in the shit list, too.” Mom points her finger at him.
“Sophia, it’s time to go home. You are tired and just about to lose it. It’s been a big day and you need sleep. Say goodbye to everyone and then I’m taking you home.”
Her feistiness is fading as she circles the room. When she finally reaches me, she can’t hold it back any longer. The tears are falling and all the strength she used to keep everyone calm is all but gone. A little embarrassed, she turns to Dad.
“Take me home, Mitch.” She buries her head in his chest while he leans down and kisses the top of her head, and then he leads her to the door, telling everyone else to get moving too. When Dad speaks, everyone listens. Even the ones in the room who aren’t his kids.
It’s just down to Jordan, Nat and Kane in the room as they say their goodbyes. Jordan offers to drive Nat home which she shyly accepts. I hear Xavier say to him quietly as he is leaving, “We need to chat about this,” to which Jordan just smiles and gives him the man nod of acknowledgement. The one that is part of the bro code.
Kane stands there, a little lost at the side of the bed. I’m not sure what is going through his head, but he can’t quite work out what he needs to say. Xavier senses he needs him, so he stands and wraps him in a tight hug.
“If we lost you today, not sure I would survive without you,” Kane whispers. “I need you more than you know.” It’s quiet and I can only just make it out.
“I know, man, I know. But we live to fight another day. Love you, man.” Xavier has really let it out with both of us tonight. Kane mumbles his reply into Xavier’s shoulder. Then as he does, Xavier lightens the moment. “Now get out. I need to be alone with my woman and you are cramping my style.”
I smack him on his arm as he sits on the side of the bed. Kane just chuckles and starts walking out the door telling us he will see us in the morning. I’m pretty sure it’s already morning, I just have no idea how early.
As he opens the door to the room, Lilly comes barrelling through it and runs smack into Kane’s chest, making her stagger backwards a little. He wraps his arms around her to stop her from falling.
“Oh, man,” she says as she tries to pull herself together.
“That’s right, gorgeous. All man and happy to show you that any time.” With that, he lets her go and keeps walking.
Lilly is left standing in a daze. “Damn, that guy is so hot. I need to get me some of that.”
Xavier and I just look at each other and start to laugh. It is the most beautiful sound.
Lilly looks confused. “What?” She waits for an answer.
I turn to Xavier and smile “And so it begins.” He knows exactly what I mean, we’ll enjoy the fireworks of Kane and Lilly.
The next few days Xavier and I were both told to rest and take it easy. No physical activity. Xavier embarrassed me by asking the doctor straight up if that meant sex. That man has no shame. Thank goodness it was Doctor Trudy. She just thought it was hilarious.
We spent hours in the police station with Kane and the FBI going over all the events that led up to the day on the mountain. It was hard to hear all the details over and over again as they make sure that they have everything perfect for the court case. Rocco told us that Dana and Bear wi
ll be lucky ever to be released with the amount of evidence they have on them, from the other attacks as well as ours. Xavier will have to testify at trial, but they will try to keep me off the stand if they can. Xavier is adamant that he doesn’t want me to have to go through that. He is still struggling with not being there to save me. No matter how much we’re talking it through, he agreed this morning that we need to talk to a therapist, both together and separately. I already have the names from Trudy so now it’s time to act on that.
Xavier is not the only one still struggling from what has happened. Mom is on the phone every five minutes, and not only to me but to my siblings, too. Dad is threatening to take her phone away if she doesn’t settle down. I get it, though. She almost lost one of her babies and then her husband and sons put themselves in danger looking for the people who hurt me. Mom is strong but not that strong. Dad just needs to give her time. She will get over it and move on but at the moment we just need to humour her.
We are all secretly laughing at Dad for chastising Mom about calling us, when he just does the rotation of visits between all of us. Every day. Just calling in for coffee or a chat. So obvious, but nobody cares. That’s what family does. We care.
Life has gone back to normal. Well, as close to normal as you can get with my family. Xavier and I are in a great routine. We never sleep apart. Neither of us can let go. I don’t care where we stay just as long as I sleep in his arms then I’m happy.
Grant and Zara have finally got their act together and he is so much easier to work and live with. It’s like she has brought out a whole side to Grant we never knew existed. People are probably saying the same thing about me with Xavier. He gives me confidence to do and say things I never would have imagined.
Like today, we are going motorbike riding with Kane. Something I swore I would never do, yet here I am climbing on the back of a motorbike with Xavier. Luckily, he has a leather jacket on. Otherwise, he would have ended up with fingernail claw marks all over his body. We get to a section of the highway and Kane keeps going while we turn off and head down the gravel road to the parking lot for the trails. I can feel my heartbeat picking up. I don’t know why we’re here, but I feel funny as we pull to a stop and he cuts the engine.
