Loving Desire

by Renee Young

  "I believe I should take myself off this case." The fucker muttered before walking out of the room. He left what I assumed was his partner. She looked uncomfortable and I didn't care.

  "I have to ask a few questions, to get a statement." She mumbled with no confidence.

  "Why? So you can let him walk too?" I sneered.

  "That is enough!" A booming voice called.

  "Dad?" Ethan and I said at the same time.

  "I called them." Jamie offered. "You need your people Sawyer." He explained when I looked at him questioningly. Dad came into the room and whispered something to the lady who just nodded and left the room.

  "Sawyer Dane, is that they I taught you to speak to people." He admonished and- despite me being a grown ass man I felt shame. "Your mother will be up in just a moment and you're lucky she didn't see that." I sighed and he came to me, pulling me from Ethan and wrapped his around me. We were always close; the four of us.

  I felt the tears begin to well up again with my dad here. I didn't realize how much I needed him and mom. It was just a moment later that she rushed into the room. She threw her arms around us and I lost it completely. She whispered words that were meant to sooth, but all they did was remind me of Liv's lack of relatives. We were all she had.

  "Okay, someone tell us what's happening now." Dad said when we all pulled apart. I was still crying, but I was able to talk without losing it completely.

  "This is Olivia." I pointed to her in the bed before walking closer to her. "She is the love of my life." I said it more to her, than to them. "She-- uh she was--" I was cut off by my own sob.

  "She was attacked. About ten weeks ago she was attacked." Nova continued for me. I zoned out as she recalled what happened then, and what had happened today.

  "She's- we're pregnant. We're having a baby." I informed them when I noticed no one was talking anymore. I continued to just keep my eyes on her.

  "A grand baby?" Mom cried out with a little smile. A smile that wasn't ready to actually wear, not given the situation.

  "Yeah." I breathed out. "So she has to wake up." I directed my comment to my sleepy girl. "She has to wake up because I love her, and we're having a baby."

  No one said anything, or if they did I didn't hear it. I was in my own world. I sat beside her and I prayed for her, for our baby. I sat there and I thought about everything we'd been through. Every movie night or pancake breakfast we share. I could picture every smile she'd ever given me, every giggle that fell from her lips. Is there something stronger than love? Something that consumed you so completely?

  I didn't move from that chair beside her bed- except to pee- for three weeks. Three weeks I stared at her. One week I got to watch her without a tube down her throat. She began breathing on her own. I cried that day. It was different from the tears I shed every other day of those three weeks. That was the day that I felt hope again for the first time.

  Three weeks I didn't go to work. Three weeks I didn't speak to anyone other than her. Three weeks I spent with one hand on her belly to comfort our baby and the other I gripped her hand. Three weeks I spent in utter agony praying everyday to see those beautiful hazel eyes. I told her every day how much I loved her- how much I loved the tiny life growing inside her.

  Yesterday the doctor came in and tried to convince me to leave, I snapped at him- then I asked for a new doctor. It wasn't him trying to get me to leave that made me dislike the man, it was his subtle insistence that she wouldn't ever come back to me. I could have decked him.

  She was coming back to me, and I would wait for her forever. I would sit in that uncomfortable chair for the rest of our lives if that's how long I had to wait.

  "Sawyer, baby you need to get out of here." My mom insisted as I continued to stare at Liv.

  "Don't call me that." I whispered, finally looking up at the woman who gave birth to me.

  "What?" She breathed out her confusion. Mom has always called me that.

  "That's what he called her and I don't want her to hear it and be afraid." I explained. "He took so much from her."

  "No more." My new favorite words.

  "What?! Livvy, honey?" I stood to get closer to her. "Can you hear me?"

  "Mhm." It was broken, but was the confirmation I needed. She hadn't opened her eyes, but she was awake.

  "Get the doctor please, and some water." I shouted at my mom. she ran out of the room to do as I asked.

  "Okay, I need to see your perfect eyes, now Livvy. Can you do that for me?" I urged and after a few attempts her precious little eyelids flew open. "Hi." I whispered with a watery smile as I placed my forehead lightly to hers.

  "Hi." She smiled as she croaked. I laughed as tears streamed.

  "You're awake." I breathed and let my eyes close in relief. She was awake.

  Chapter 30

  It was weird. That was the only way I could find to describe it. Nova had asked, Sawyer had asked, Jamie had asked- everyone wanted to know what it was like to be in a coma. It was weird.

  I actually had no clue at all that I was. One minute I passed out from the attack, the next I woke up in a hospital bed with an exhausted looking Sawyer beside me. I remember hearing a few bits of conversations, but it just felt like I was asleep. I was stunned when they told me I’d been out for three weeks.

  What was weirder was that, even after sleeping for so long I felt sickeningly exhausted still. It took all of the very little energy I possessed just to keep my eyes open and attempt to focus on what I was being told. I dozed off a few times, and everytime I woke again Sawyer was standing over me with concern in his beautiful eyes.

  The first time I opened my eyes he’d flashed me the biggest smile despite the tears that had gathered in his eyes. The smile dropped just a little as he must have seen what my next thought was. Before I could even ask he rushed to tell me our baby was perfectly fine. Then he’d asked what I meant when I said ‘no more’.

  Which dove me into the longest rant I’d given him for the first week I was awake. I told him that Mike didn’t get to take anything else from me. He didn’t get to hold the fear over me. I was done feeling weak because of him. I didn’t care that he hadn’t been caught by the police. I didn’t care that he was out for blood- my blood. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life focused on him- running from him. So no more.

  That earned me my first kiss. Then my second, and what would have been the third had we not been interrupted by the doctor and the woman I was told was Sawyer’s mother. She was very sweet, very kind and it was obvious how close she was to her son.

  I woke from the coma three weeks ago. That totalled my time in the hospital at six weeks so far. The doctors wanted me to stay so they could watch over me and keep an eye on the baby just in case we missed something. That meant I got weekly ultrasounds, so I wasn’t complaining all that much. Sawyer and I had the same reaction every time. Awe and love poured through us as we looked at the tiny baby growing so well.

  My baby bump had definitely grown. Nova and Mrs. Mathews went out one day and they got me some clothes so I wasn’t stuck in the gown the whole time, and they’d had to get me maternity clothes. I thought I’d feel a little self conscious over that, but really I was excited.

  I was restless though. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to get back to regular life. I needed to help Nova with the planning- which some of it I was able to do from the bed, but I wanted to do more for her. I mostly wanted to sleep in the same bed as Sawyer again. I missed that more than I ever thought I would. Sure he stayed over night with me, but they have a cot for him.

  I’m sure he’d like to get back to regular life too. It’s hard for everyone to convince him to leave. He only goes to work for about an hour every day, then he brings his laptop to the hospital and he works right here with me in the room.

  “You guys ready to see your baby?” A sweet voice called through the door which was coupled with the sound of a machine being wheeled around with her.

  “We are always ready to see o
ur baby bean.” Sawyer answered for me, as he stood from his laptop. His heavy footsteps sounded as he made his way right next to me. “You know the drill, love.” He kissed my forehead and I nodded before lifting my shirt up to just beneath my bra.

  “How are you feeling today Olivia?”The tech asked as she moved the wand around my gelled tummy. She found what she was looking for pretty quickly and a smile broke out on my face. That was our baby.

  “Honestly? I’m super restless. Do you have any idea when we can get out of here?” I asked her with a hopeful look on my face. I asked her the same thing every time I saw her, so she just chuckled.

  “Soon I think. We just want to make sure you and the little girl are safe and healthy.” She turned back to the machine and started her usual measurements, while Sawyer and I just froze.

  “What?” It came out breathy- my question. The tech- Morgan, froze as if she just realized what she’d said. I turned to Sawyer; “Little girl?” He had tears in his eyes and a smile so big- only once had he smiled that big and that was when I woke up three weeks ago.

  “We’re having a girl?”He clarified with Morgan.

  “I am so sorry. I didn’t even ask if you guys wanted to know. Please tell me you wanted to know.” She begged.

  “It’s okay. We wanted to know.” I assured her still reeling. Her shoulders collapsed in relief before she confirmed that yes we were having a girl. She gave us the rest of the information about her size and growth rate before she printed off a photo and gave it to us.When she left us alone Sawyer squeezed onto the bed, being careful of my injuries.

  “We’re having a little girl.” She mused and I smiled with him.

  “Is that okay?” I asked him. I didn’t mind either way.

  “As long as she’s healthy. That’s all I care about, but I am really excited. It feels more real now.” I nodded in agreement.

  “How should we tell everyone? I don’t want a party or anything.” I wondered.

  After a little discussion, Sawyer and I agreed to send everyone a text message with a short video attached. He set up his laptop to play Stevie Wonder’s ‘Isn’t She Lovely’ and grabbed a nurse to record. He then hopped up onto the bed and sat behind me so I wasn’t hurting or anything. With his arms wrapped around me and his hands holding the newest ultrasound photo against my belly we both sang gently along with the song. The message we sent along with the video just said ‘Update’. We didn’t want to give it away right away.

  The first response we got was from Nova, naturally. She messaged back in all caps about how excited she was. She also insisted on helping pick a name since she introduced us. Everyone else sent us congratulatory messages.

  The day after we found out about our little miss the doctors were finally gearing up to release me. They were certain that both baby and I were going to be just fine. With the doctor, and my OBGYN all in agreement, all we were waiting for was the papers to sign so we could hightail it out of that hospital only to return in a few months when I was in labour.

  The first mistake we made that day was getting our hopes up. The second was when we insisted that since Sawyer was there we didn’t need the guard that had stood at the door for the last six weeks. The final mistake we made was that we forgot Mike was still at large and he was a determined fucker.

  I thought nothing of the door opening as I laid in the bed as Sawyer rushed around gathering all of our stuff we’d accumulated over our time in the hospital. I figured it was a nurse, or a doctor or even Sawyer’s mom. She visited everyday so it wasn’t a stretch to think it was her.

  “You know,” I jumped when his chilling voice sounded throughout the room. My eyes shot to him as I took in his state. He didn’t look well. His usually slicked back hair was unruly, his shirt was wrinkled and his shoes didn’t even match. He looked absolutely haggard and I didn’t miss the glint of the metal in his palm. How he got that in here, I have no idea, but I wasn’t about to ask. “I was beating myself up. I thought I’d killed you. For weeks I thought you were dead somewhere and it was at my hand.” He scoffed. “Then I find out you’ve been here the whole time.”

  “What are you doing?” Sawyer asked and Mike turned to him abruptly. He didn’t even notice him before, I could see the surprise in his eyes.

  “Why is he here, baby? You were supposed to be alone.” He faltered just a bit as he debated. “I just came here to pick you up. I thought you could use a ride home. Now I see that you have one.” His eyes flashed with anger before he looked at the gun he had down at his side. “I only brought this as a bit of insurance, you know; just in case.” He muttered before looking up at me. “Why’d you have to bring an innocent man into this, baby? I don’t want to hurt him.”

  Gone was the coolness he’d held in the, The only thing I could discern from that look was anger. Pure, unadulterated, anger directed at me. I couldn’t understand his reluctance to harm Sawyer, I was grateful, but still confused. Anytime I’d seen movies or shows that were like this the guy wouldn’t hesitate to harm anyone who got in the way of what he wanted, and what he wanted was me. I tried to take a deep breath, but I was afraid any movement would set him off.

  “I told you I don’t like it when you’re with him.” He shouted as he lifted the hand with the gun in it to point. “It does something to me, baby. Something that makes me irrational.” I almost laughed at the irony. As if anything he’d ever done regarding me was rational.

  “I know, Mike. He’s only here to take me home. I told you he doesn’t mean anything to me. He’s only a friend.” I tried to talk him down.

  “I wish I could believe you baby. I really wish I could. If I felt you were telling me the truth I wouldn’t feel this- this desire to-” He cut himself off as he shifted his focus to me.

  “It was my fault. She told me she didn’t want me, but I couldn’t let her go. You know how that is, right Mike?” Sawyer tried to pull focus.

  “Yeah, man. I get it. Seems she’s ruining both our lives.” Mike scoffed. Not what Sawyer had hoped. He wanted to anger him so he would stop aiming at me, not form trust or whatever.

  “What is it you want Mike? What do you want to walk away with?”Sawyer asked as he slowly took the three steps to stand right beside me.

  “Her. I want to walk out of here with her. That won’t happen though, I’m not stupid.” He let out a laugh. A chill inducing laugh that I felt in my bones. Not the way I felt Sawyer’s laugh. No, I felt disgusted.

  “Maybe we can figure that out, but you’re scaring her. Maybe you should put away the gun.” Sawyer sounded so in control.

  “I like it when she’s scared.” Mike whispered. “Her eyes get so big, I can see myself in them. When she’s scared she fights back.” His smirk returned, but his eyes seemed far away. As if he were remembering the two other encounters we’d had. Sawyer used his distraction to make his move.

  He moved quickly as he threw himself over me. He was using his body to shield me from Mike. In his movement I noticed he’d also pressed the nurse call button. “What are you doing?” I rushed out in a whisper. I couldn’t stand the idea of him getting himself hurt because of me.

  “He’s not going to hurt you again, Olivia. I don’t care what I have to do-”

  “No!” His sweet words were interrupted by an enraged cry as Mike finally noticed the turn of events. “Move! You have to move! It has to be her! If I can’t have her, no one can! You have to let me make this right. Move!” He rambled as he paced back and forth. I let my eyes follow him, and I saw movement at the door. The tiny window let me see the nurse who looked into the room as she was about to open the door. Her smile dropped and she moved away from the door.

  “Look at me, Livvy. It’s just you and me.” Sawyer soothed. I nodded and did what he asked. My eyes found his deep blue set and my pulse slowed down. Everything slowed down. He looked at me with so much love and adoration I had no choice but to give him my undivided attention. No longer was I worried about the erratic man waving his gun around frantically.
Which, yes I know that’s stupid, but that’s what Sawyer does for me. The fear melted from my body and it was replaced with a confidence I hadn’t felt in years. I don’t know how he did it, or how he would carry out the message he was sending me, but I somehow knew we would be okay. We would both be fine.

  Maybe he’d thought that if one of us were to go, the other wouldn’t be far behind. Maybe that’s why he didn’t look afraid. If I were to die in Sawyer’s arms, well I couldn’t have imagined a better way to take my final breath.

  The more like thoughts running through his mind were that he’d alerted someone and within moments there were police officers entering the room. They came in calmly as they assessed the situation. They asked if we were okay, which was answered with a single nod from Sawyer. I was still trapped. Trapped in the emotion and comfort as I didn’t move my eyes from Sawyer’s, and he didn’t move his from me.

  “See just you and me.” He reached up a hand to run in along my cheek.

  I vaguely heard the shouts. It was a haze of movement. The only thing that my subconscious noticed beyond Sawyer was the raise of Mike’s arm. He directed his aim at the two of us, huddled on the small hospital bed. I gasped as my focus went to that.

  “IF I CAN’T HAVE HER NO ONE CAN!” He’d shouted before a shot rang through the room. Sawyer’s grip on me tightened as we both flinched and cringed, waiting for the pain.

  When I didn’t feel it I panicked. If he hadn’t gotten me, I was sure the bullet would have hit Sawyer. When I opened my eyes, he looked at me with concern and panic, much like I must have appeared. I sighed in relief as he seemed to be unharmed.

  “We’re okay.” He whispered before planting his lips on mine. This kiss wasn’t sweet. It was hard and heartbreaking. Not in that he was breaking my heart, but in that we almost lost everything in that moment. It was full of relief, but more than anything it was full of love.

  Everything after the kiss was irrelevant. I didn't care to focus on the cops or doctors pulling Mike’s body from the room. I didn’t care to focus on the abundance of questions that were hurled our way. All my mind wanted to think about was Sawyer, and our little girl. That’s all that mattered as we were finally released. That was all that mattered as we pulled into the driveway at home.