Get Rocked? (The Next Generation #2)

by K E Osborn

  “Shut up! Don’t talk so loud,” he says slamming his door behind me and running his hand through his hair.

  “Are you being serious with me right now? You actually strangled her? Where is she? Is she…breathing?”

  “She’s okay, I dropped her before it was too late and she scurried off. Unfortunately, though, she’s probably told the press by now—”

  “Shit, Caleb!” Dad says loudly pulling out his phone.

  “What are you doing?” I ask as he types on his phone.

  “Fixing your fuck up.”

  “Fuck!” I yell and pick up a statue of a bird and throw it at the wall watching it smash.

  “Caleb, stop it! And shut up,” Dad says as he finishes typing on his phone.

  I swallow hard while running my hands over my face trying to scrub away the pain of the last ten minutes of my fucked up life.

  “Caleb, you need to calm down. You need to stay here and focus, because if you flee the country and Sasha talks, you could be in deep shit,” Dad states the obvious.

  I turn to face him while shaking my head. “No, I have to go. I have to get to Indi—”

  “No, you need to give her time and you need to stay here so you don’t look guilty if something does come out. Caleb, think about this. This is your life here. Do you want to spend it in a German prison?”

  I take a deep breath running my hands through my hair and shaking my head.

  “No, you don’t. Indi will answer, eventually, and if she doesn’t you can see her when you get back in two weeks if this all blows over. I’m sorry, but I’m thinking of you here, Caleb. You’ve done something so incredibly stupid and now you need to think about your future.”

  I sit on the edge of his bed and rest my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

  “What am I going to do, Dad?” I ask suddenly feeling extremely overwhelmed.

  Emotionally I’m spent. I’m so worried about Indi and what she must be going through. I’m concerned about Sasha, not about her wellbeing because to be honest I wish I’d snapped her neck. But I’m worried about her going to the authorities or the papers and I’m concerned about what this will do to the tour, my band mates, my family, and to Indi when she finds out I nearly strangled someone to death. She will be upset that I had so much anger in me to do something like that. Hell, I don’t like it, but it happened and I can’t change it now. All I can do is hope that whatever, or whoever Dad has talked to will help out however they can.

  “Look, all I can say is that you need to think straight, Caleb. And right now, unfortunately, Indi is not your top priority. As much as I love her and I know what a flight risk she is, you can’t leave the country. I can’t lose you, Caleb,” Dad says sitting down next to me and my heart lurches into my throat and my stomach twists so violently I feel nauseous.

  I shake my head as tears well in my eyes thinking of Indi sitting in London not knowing the full story and having given up on us. My heart thuds and I gasp at the sensation and the tears fall down onto my cheeks. All the emotion is too much for me and I can’t stand the fact that I have lost Indi…again, and more than likely for good this time.

  “Hey, I hate seeing you like this. You’re such a strong man, Caleb,” Dad says wrapping his arm around my shoulders for comfort.

  It doesn’t comfort me at all.

  I feel cold, alone, and exhausted.

  “I’m not strong when it comes to Indi, Dad. I’m weak and I’ve lost her, and it hurts so bad that I can’t fix it. I stuffed up again and it’s all my fault I can’t go to her now, all because of my fucked up anger. I’ve lost her Dad. I can’t believe I’ve finally lost her and for good this time,” I mumble through my distress. Dad sighs and holds onto me trying to make me feel a comfort that I know will never come.

  Whatever Dad did to silence Sasha worked. We heard nothing after that night and I stayed in the country until we had to leave to continue the tour, and for two weeks I pined over Indi. I tried to reach her in any and every way I could think of. Phone, email, text, Facebook. I tried calling her at work, but no one would put me through to her. I even tried talking to her on stage hoping she’d see it via the live streaming if she was watching, but I heard nothing from her, and got an earful from Rob and Dad about confessing my love for someone on stage and sending subliminal messages about getting her to contact me. I feel lost, and I have no idea what to do other than to go to her house, which is what I plan on doing as soon as I get off this damn jet.

  We landed ten minutes ago. I don’t understand why they’re taking so long to open the fucking doors.

  “Caleb,” Dad calls out and I look down to him.

  “Just be calm when you see her, okay?” he calls out and I nod as they open the doors and I rush down the stairs running as fast as I can to the taxi rank. I didn’t even say goodbye to everyone. I get in the taxi and give him the address to Indi’s house. I try to call her, but again nothing, so I leave a message telling her I’m back in London and coming to see her.

  The car pulls up outside her house and it looks exactly the same. Her car isn’t out the front, but that’s fine if she isn’t here I’ll wait. I pay the driver and rush up the path to the front door and bang on it forcefully. I wait for Mrs. Latham to come out being nosey as usual, but she doesn’t. I bang again and eventually the door opens.

  “Indi, I promise I…” I pause as I notice a little girl staring up at me. I furrow my brows. “Umm, hi, sorry, is Indi here?”

  “Nope, just me and Mummy,” she says.

  “Who’s Mummy?”

  I hear footsteps and then a redheaded lady walks up to the door.

  “Can I help you?” she asks grabbing her daughter and pulling her back to her.

  “Umm, yeah, sorry, I’m looking for Indi? She lives here?” I question wondering who these people are.

  “Oh right, she moved out. We live here, we moved in a week ago.”

  Oh crap, she’s flown again.

  “Right, umm, did Indi leave a forwarding address?” I ask and she smiles and shakes her head.

  “No, sorry.”

  I exhale and slump as I run my hand through my hair in frustration.

  “Right…right, okay…sorry. Um, thanks…okay,” I stutter out and walk away from the house that holds so many memories for me and Indi. I can’t believe she just up and left again.

  I swallow hard and decide to make a move for the only place I can think of where she might have gone.

  Kenzi.

  I get out of the taxi and run up to Kenzi’s door and bang on it loudly. I don’t call out because if Indi is here and she hears me she might run. I bang again and I hear footsteps coming toward the door.

  “All right, all right I’m coming, sheesh,” I hear Kenzi say and then she opens the door. Her eyes widen when she sees me and I barge past her.

  “Where is she? Indi?” I call out and Kenzi shuts the front door and huffs.

  “Come on in, why don’t you,” she says sarcastically.

  “Indi,” I call out as I race through Kenzi’s house frantically searching each room, but there’s no sign of her anywhere.

  “She’s not here, Caleb,” she calls out.

  “Then where is she?” Racing back out to the lounge room where she’s standing with her arms crossed over her chest, I come to a halt in front of her.

  “She moved into a house with another girl from work. Indi didn’t want to shift in here because she knew this would be the first place you would look for her.”

  I grab her by the shoulders and she looks down at my hands and back up to me. “Where is she, Kenzi? I need to tell her what happened.”

  “Caleb, I know you love her, and I know she loves you. That is painfully apparent. But you two together? You keep breaking her heart, man. You need to let her go because she can’t keep living in a world where you continually disappoint her.”

  I drop my hands from her shoulders and turn away scoffing in frustration. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”<
br />
  “Don’t I? I know that ever since you came back into her life she’s had more disappointments and desolation than I’ve seen since I met her. She’s a mess because of you. You only bring her pain, anguish, and heartbreak, and if you love her like you think you do then you need to let her live her life free of you and your drama. Your life is so different to hers, Caleb. She is a simple girl. She needs a simple life. Not a rock star, paparazzi, drama, groupie, crazy fan girl, filled life. She needs to find someone who’s relaxed and calm. A normal man. You’re far from normal, Caleb, and if you love her, you have to see that she’s better off having a normal life. A normal life that no matter how hard you try you can’t give her.”

  My chest tightens and my stomach churns because deep down I know she’s right. I can’t give her a normal life. I can’t promise her a life without crazy fans and paparazzi. I can provide for her yes, but normality I can’t.

  “Shit,” I murmur and she leans out grabbing my shoulder and squeezing it tenderly.

  “Look, I know that the love you guys share is a once in a lifetime thing. But sometimes love just isn’t enough.”

  Exhaling, I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat and I sniff back trying to stop the emotion forming.

  Kenzi is right. Maybe Indi would be better off without me?

  I’ve only ever brought her pain and misery. As much as it pains me to think of my life without her, maybe me living a life of unhappiness without her so she can have a happy life away from me, is something I need to do. I just don’t know if I can give up completely. I didn’t for the six years we were apart, so now even though I will stop looking for her I will keep calling her like I used to, and maybe one day she will answer my call. Maybe one day she will forgive me and I will see her again. I love her enough to let her go to ensure she lives a happy life and Kenzi is right, maybe that is without me.

  I look at Kenzi and she’s watching carefully and assessing me. I think she can see the shift inside me at the same time I feel it.

  I have to let Indi go.

  “You’re doing the right thing, Caleb.”

  I swallow hard and shake my head running my hand through my hair.

  “Then why do I feel utterly dead and desolate inside?” I ask and she half-smiles and pulls me in for a hug.

  “Because letting go is the hardest fall of them all.”

  I exhale and clear my throat from the lump that has formed. “Just promise me one thing,” I ask and she pulls back and looks at me raising an eyebrow.

  “What’s that,” she asks.

  “If she finds another guy, make sure he’s good to her. Make sure she’s happy. That’s all I w…want,” I struggle to say the last word as my emotions are getting the better of me.

  “I will. I’ll look after her, Caleb. And don’t be hard on yourself. You need to find love again too. Be happy, find peace, okay?”

  I scoff and shake my head. “There’s no one after Indi, Kenzi. But I’ll try and find my place. It’ll just take some time.”

  “I wish you well, Caleb, I really do,” she says and walks with me to the front door.

  I feel heavy and every step I take makes me feel like I’m dying a little more inside. I don’t know how I’ll cope without her in my life, for the rest of my life. But I need Indi to be happy. I need her to be free. I need her to live her life the way she wanted to, being a nurse and carefree. With me in it there was and always will be something to worry about. Now she has nothing to worry about and life can return to normal for her. I need for her to feel normal. I need to let her go and it’s the hardest thing I’m ever going to have to do. I can’t stand the thought of her thinking that I was screwing Sasha. I hope she didn’t think that I did, especially with the stupid bitch turning up at the hotel and Indi hearing Sasha on the phone, especially with what Sasha said. I wish I could tell her that we never had sex in the first place and that it was all a setup. Sasha is completely insane. I wish I could tell her that everything was one big mess and all of it was for nothing, but I can’t. She won’t answer my calls and even if I tell Kenzi to tell her, I know she won’t, so there’s no point in explaining it to her.

  “Just tell her I want her to be happy. Can you do that?”

  “I can do that,” she says and opens the front door.

  I walk out of her house and onto the front step and look back at Kenzi.

  “Seriously, take care of her. I love her so much. I just need to know someone is watching over her.”

  “I know, and I will. I promise, Caleb,” she replies.

  I exhale, nod and turn to start the long walk home. I can’t be bothered calling a taxi, I need to clear my head, and walking will help. As I hear the door click shut I feel like I’ve just closed the door on a part of my life that I will never get back.

  Indi is the love of my life and to let her be happy, I’m letting her go.

  I’ve moved in with Ingrid from work into a much larger house, which is nice. It’s not far from my old place which is great, but far enough away so if Caleb was desperate enough to go door knocking he wouldn’t have found me. I also moved departments at work across into the orthopedics’ ward, so if he came to the emergency department, he also wouldn’t find me. Kenzi said he never came in, which surprised me a little. But she did say he came to her house looking for me and that they had a chat. She didn’t say what about, but his constant phone calls decreased to one a day instead of ten, and I feel like maybe she said something to make him give up. Which, of course, is what I want, but it still makes me feel sad at the same time.

  Losing Caleb was a pain I’d felt before, but this time it was inconceivably worse. The betrayal was harsh and I struggled with it for weeks. I took flight straight away and moved as quickly as I could. He knew the rules and he broke them. Not only having a happy snap with her but then having her in his hotel room was a deal breaker for me. He might have had an excuse, but I didn’t want to hear it. Hearing her on the phone saying, “Caleb come back to bed,” even though I know he wasn’t sleeping with her was enough to make me feel physically sick. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me, but the fact that he was still in her company knowing she would say things like that to upset me was unforgivable.

  It’s February. Three months later and the pain of being without him hasn’t lessened at all. It doesn’t help that I follow his every move on the Internet. The band isn’t doing much right now, but Caleb seems sad in all his photographs and so does Annie. Watching them both makes my heart ache. I don’t know why I torture myself, but for some reason I do. I can’t help it. I feel like even though I’m kidding myself and trying to move on and have a life without Caleb, he keeps creeping his way back in. Whenever I tell myself I won’t Google him and take a week without searching for him, I have a weak day and then I’ll waste my entire day off searching for images of him. I never see him with a woman, which always makes me happy. I haven’t seen any pictures of him with Sasha, which is a good thing because seeing her would tip me over the edge. I’m sitting on that edge most days now and anything could tip me over. I’m barely holding it together and I’m really only functioning because I have to.

  I even started dating someone to try and rid myself of Caleb. He’s such a great guy. I met him at a coffee shop where he works. He served me and made me feel great for once. He saw how miserable I was and cheered me up and I was grateful for that. So I thought I would give him a shot, that plus Kenzi said I really needed to get out of the slump I was in. I went on a date and we’ve been together officially for a month. Having sex with him was so hard the first time. I felt like I was cheating on Caleb and I went to the bathroom and cried while he slept. I never felt so low in my life. But the next time it felt less like cheating and more like I was moving on. Although sex with Mick is not mind shattering like it was with Caleb, it gets the job done. But I guess once you’ve had something that extraordinary, the ordinary seems less exciting than what you’re used to.

  I should give more of myself to Mick, he is real
ly good to me. He tells me he loves me which I thought was way too fast, but he seems honest about it and he’s normal and laid back and there’s nothing ‘out there’ about him. No groupies, no paparazzi, no headline news that could break us apart. No excitement.

  Wait, did I just think that?

  I guess even though Mick has everything I was looking for, I miss the extraordinary. Even though Caleb and his spotlight was emotional, it was exciting and it kept life interesting. Life with Mick is average, and even though it’s the life I wanted, the life I have chosen, I can’t help but feel smothered by a life of beige blah-dom.

  Even working in the orthopedics’ ward, while rewarding, it’s not the excitement and adrenalin charged work I had in the emergency ward. I miss my old life. I miss everything I had. I miss Caleb, and I wish he had fought harder for me. I wish I had fought harder for us because even though Mick loves me, and he is great for me, he’s not Caleb.

  I miss him. I miss his family. I miss his friends. I even miss our Skype calls when he was on tour. Hell, I even miss the drama of Sasha, because at least when that was happening the emotions flowing through me made me feel alive. Right now, I feel like I’m drifting through a world with no emotion and no feeling. I feel like I died the night I gave up on Caleb and I have never truly come back to life. I’m just going through the motions and trying to live day by day the best way I know how, by faking my way through.

  It’s the weekend and I have a day off work. Mick is finishing at two, so I’m heading to the coffee shop to pick him up and we’re going to the movies for a date night. It’s sweet the way he looks after me, really it is. I love the way he treats me, he really respects me and even though he calls me Indica most of the time, which I hate, I put up with it because he treats me so well.

  I drive to the coffee shop and as I pull up a Staked song comes on the radio. It’s ‘Saving Grace’ and I take a sharp inhale of breath and shake my head trying to force out any images of Caleb. I’m about to go and see my boyfriend Mick, I do not need to be thinking of Caleb right now. I turn off the ignition and step out of the car with a lump in my throat and my heart racing. I swallow hard, grab my bag, and head into the coffee shop. It’s quite a popular one in the heart of London, and it seems to be busy. I try to gather myself because I’m feeling all kinds of wrong. Today isn’t a good day and hearing a song Caleb wrote about me just before I came in to see my new boyfriend is making me feel uneasy.