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Finding Shadows

Page 12

by Lindsay Nall

“I am still angry with you.” He let out a breath and leaned against the door. “But in a sense, I can understand, you’ve always done your best to protect me but I never really understood that need until I was in the field, facing a demon and wanting nothing more but to keep its evil from those I loved. You had the same fear that Uncle Rayne did…that I would endanger myself by going after her.” He nodded at her assumption and continued to watch her carefully as she tweaked a few more files on his desk. He remembered the days when she would constantly berate him for his inability to keep his office in any kind of orderly fashion but still praise him for not being as bad as Karter. “I haven’t, and I won’t.”

  The breath of relief he let out was a telltale sign of how much this had been straining on him. She watched slowly as he walked over to take a seat in the plush chair she had been in only a few moments earlier. “You need to understand something now though.” She turned so she could look at him leaning her hip against his desk. “I am a Shadow, it is my job now to protect you, you need to accept that.” There was a silence in the room for a long minute as Bart thought over everything she had said. He watched her return pens and pencils to the cup on his desk as she waited for his response not pushing him to answer right away.

  “You’ve grown.” The observation came out causing Mari to look up. “You’ve grown so much in two months. It’s going to take me a while, but I’ll try my best to remember I can’t protect you anymore, but…bear with me I’ve spent my whole life watching over you; it hurts that I can’t anymore.” Slowly he leaned on his knees and placed his face in his hands, she watched him for a second wondering if he had anything more to say but at the soft sniffle that escaped him she knew this conversation was over. Walking to stand in front of him she nudged his arm until he looked up at her. Gently she crawled into his lap just like she used to do as a child and held her arms out. He fell into her holding her close as he cried quietly on her shoulder.

  “You were always so sensitive.” She sat a hand on his head and ran her fingers through his hair. “You can still protect me, Bart, never stop protecting me, just let up a little and let me protect you too.”

  “I’m sorry…” She shook her head with a smile. “I just love you so much…”

  “I love you too idiot.”

  In the hallway Nyght turned and walked away from the door to Bart’s office, his eyes flat, his blood felt cold, in a few minutes this whole journey had completely changed.

  The next morning the four Shadows stood around the doorway that would take them back out into the eastern valley, Bart and Andre were both there to see them off. Bart hugged Mari tightly and looked to the three men she traveled with.

  “Take care of her for me.”

  “Bart!” She slapped him on the arm playfully.

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s ok Bart. We’ll bring her back to you.” Nyght said. Mari turned to look at him barely catching his eye as he turned his back on her. ‘That look is on his face again…He won’t even look me in the eye…’

  “Marisol, I believe this should belong to you now.” Bart held out a manila folder and a small leather journal to her. “It’s your fathers' file and the journal that was recovered from his…from him.” Mari blinked several times at the items. Taking them from Bart she put them in her knapsack.

  “Thank you.”

  “Be careful.” She nodded acknowledging the concern in his eyes as she turned and joined her comrades who were halfway out the door.

  As they set out down the road away from the Silhouette building Mari pulled Vander back to walk next to her.

  “Is something wrong with Nyght?” He gave her a curious look then looked to his friend.

  “He’s been like this ever since you left the dining hall yesterday…” He didn’t want to say anymore, he had noticed the change in Nyght last night and had asked him about it then.

  ‘It doesn’t matter anymore, she’s where she truly belongs.’ Vander still wasn’t sure what Nyght had meant by that but whatever it was he knew it had to do with Mari. He wasn’t blind; he had seen the connection that had evolved between the two of them but for some reason, something had happened that had Nyght wanting to break it. “Mari?”

  “Hmm?” She had been watching Nyght walking ahead of them but at the look on Vander’s face stopped. “What is it?” He looked like he was fighting an inner battle, and on the losing end.

  “Did you and Nyght have a disagreement last night?” She cocked her head and thought over their conversation in the hallway, nothing stuck out as argument worthy but there was that moment where Nyght’s eyes changed.

  “No but…” She trailed off her eyes wandering back to Nyght.

  “But what?”

  “I’m not sure yet.” She walked off without another word following Reagan and Nyght down the road as she thought. ‘We were just talking about Bart…what changed?’ She continued to think about the situation with Nyght all day until they camped out near a small stream. She tried to talk to him twice but both times he either shrugged her off or busied himself with something so he wouldn’t have to look at her. After dinner she walked off to sit down by the stream, water always helped her clear her thoughts but tonight the sounds of soothing water just irritated her further. Pulling her knees to her chest she sat her chin on them and thought over the conversation she had with Nyght again but again nothing struck her as odd in the moments before his eyes changed. A rustle behind her made her look, she assumed it was an animal until Nyght broke through the bushes.

  “Oh…sorry…” He turned away from her. “I was just looking for a place to wash up, I’ll go further downstream.”

  “Nyght wait.” He froze but was stiff, jerky, like an animal trying to avoid a predator. “Please talk to me.”

  “About what?”

  “About what?! About why you’re avoiding me!” This was ridiculous, is this how people felt when she avoided subjects?

  “If I was avoiding you I wouldn’t be here.” He took another step away from her with a shrug.

  “Dammit, would you stop with all the cryptic crap! If I did something wrong if you’re angry at me…”

  “I’m not angry, I’m happy for you.” She cocked an eyebrow in confusion.

  “Happy?”

  “You fixed things with the one you love; why shouldn’t I be happy for you?” Mari’s head began swimming with her confusion.

  “Bart?”

  “Who else would it be? Don’t worry, I’ll still protect you. I promised Bart I would bring you back to him…” It felt like a light bulb clicked on over her head and with her realization, she broke out in fits of giggles.

  “What’s so funny?!” Nyght yelled. “I made a promise to him! He shouldn’t lose the one he loves! If I can spare him that pain I will!” She froze wide-eyed as Nyght panted in front of her, his eyes were so angry but they also showed so much pain. With a grunt, he turned and stormed away from her.

  “He really thinks…Nyght!?” She ran through the bushes and straight into him throwing her arms around his waist from behind. “Nyght…I’m sorry…”

  “You’re always laughing at me…”

  “I laugh when I’m nervous, or scared, or any high emotion it’s kind of like a nervous tick but I will admit this time I was laughing at you. You always take things the wrong way.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Bart…he’s not…” She sighed and let go of him so she could walk around to stand in front of him. Placing a hand on his cheek she lifted his gaze to hers. “Bart’s my brother…sort of, at least that’s how I think of him. He pretty much helped raise me, he would watch over me when I was little and my father was training or when he would leave.” Nyght blinked twice and dropped his gaze from hers. He had hurt her for no reason other than his inability to ask a question. “What is it with you and thinking I’m in a relationship with everyone?” Nyght laughed lightly as he scratched the back of his head. He didn’t want to think about her in a relationship with
anyone, he didn’t want to think about anyone else touching her skin or kissing her lips.

  “Self-preservation?”

  “I am not involved with anyone, no more assumptions ok?” Nyght nodded but in the back of his head a little voice popped up that he had never heard before, a voice that questioned her and Tadum’s relationship. If she wasn’t involved with him then did she act that way with everyone? “What?”

  “I just…” He shook his head. If it wasn’t important enough for her to tell him on her own then he shouldn’t pry.

  “Just what?” But at the same time, he wouldn’t feel right expressing a single emotion towards her if Tadum was still a big part of her heart. “Am I going to have to turn my eye on to figure out what’s going on in that head of yours?”

  “No.” He let out a little laugh at the vague threat then sighed. “I just wanted to know, no I need to know…” He did need to know, didn’t he? ‘Of course, you can’t conquer her if someone else is.’ He shook his head at the demonic whisper.

  “Need to know?”

  “Tadum.” She blinked and stepped back from him.

  “I just told you I’m not involved with anyone why would you bring him up?” He became leery at the look on her face, she had become guarded at the mention of Tadum but quickly her eyes softened. “Because of the way we act…ugh, Leaf warned me about this.” She ran a hand over her face and looked to the ground trying to figure out how to explain her and Tadum’s relationship. It was complicated but at the same time, it wasn’t.

  “I’ll let it go.”

  “No, you won’t.” He wouldn’t? “You’ll walk away and act like you don’t care about it but it will bother you until you either corner me about it again or have the chance to corner Leaf and let’s face it talking to him is like talking to a bag of bricks sometimes.” He coughed to hide his laugh but nodded. “You asked, you have a reason for asking.” He nodded again.

  “I do.”

  “I have to assume it has to do with why you keep trying to pair me off with every man in my life.” He bit his lip feeling bad for the way he acted.

  “It does.” Self-preservation, that’s what he had said, she wasn’t an idiot she cared about him and she knew in the way he got angry with her that he cared just as much if not more about her. Still, it wasn’t something he should be doing, she knew that but there was no way out of this conversation now. How did she keep ending up in conversations with no way out? And why did they always have to involve Tadum?

  “The way I act with Leaf…” She blushed at the memory from headquarters when he had pressed her up against that wall. “It’s not what you think.” He said nothing just let her talk through her explanation. Taking a few steps away from him she looked over the tall grass and bushes at the running stream with her back to him. “I don’t even really know how to explain it, yes we kiss and we hold each other, and I guess we act like lovers a lot of the time when we’re alone.” She heard Nyght sigh. “But that’s it, I still love him and I always will but I don’t think I’ll ever be in love with him again.” Marclay gave Mari a little nuzzle from where she sat on her shoulder.

  Nyght watched her backside as she ran her hands up and down her arms at the chill in the air.

  “It’s a physical thing, a need to feel wanted by someone.” She shook her head. “I guess it doesn’t make much sense but it works for us, we are what we are but we also know one day one or both of us will fall in love with someone else and when that day comes our friendship will change.” She shook her head and looked to the ground, she wasn’t even sure anything she had said made any sense but it was all she could say.

  Nyght watched her as she went silent both irritated and relieved. He knew Tadum wouldn’t leave Mari again but at the same time, he was a little jealous of the relationship he had with her. Would any relationship she had after Tadum be normal? More importantly how much would her and Tadum’s friendship change if she was no longer single?

  He wanted to know, he wanted to take the risks involved in finding out.

  You should just get rid of him, then she’d be all yours. He shook his head at the whisper, he could never take Tadum out and even if he tried Mari would never speak to him again. It took him a few minutes to calm the thoughts racing through his head so he could approach her slowly.

  “Mari?”

  “Hmm?” When he said nothing else she turned around only to find him standing right behind her. Those beautiful silver eyes of his seemed to soften as he reached out and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her left ear. She could feel what was happening, could tell what was on his mind but she couldn’t move, couldn’t do a single thing to stop him as he cupped her chin and kissed her.

  It was a much different experience than kissing Tadum. Where Tadum was all hard lines, pressure, and strength Nyght was softness, tenderness, and caution. This moment felt more natural to her than any moment she had shared with Tadum and that scared her. Breaking the embrace she stood there just watching his eyes and the wary tenderness they were showing her.

  She hadn’t reacted the way he had expected her to. He had expected her to either pull away and sock him or to reciprocate his feelings but all she had done was stand there and now she was just staring at him. Had he just ruined this? Had he made the wrong move in following through on his thoughts? Was she mad? Was she happy? He couldn’t find his voice to ask a single question, instead, he just stood there staring back at her like an idiot.

  “We should get back to camp.” She pulled away from him as she spoke making him wonder even more if she was upset.

  “Wait.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Did I just completely mess this up?” She didn’t want to laugh but the look on his face was too much to bear. He looked like a little kid who just dropped his ice cream on the ground. “And there you go laughing at me again… or are you nervous?”

  “A little of this a little of that.” She shrugged.

  “Mari…” Placing her hands on either side of his face she stood on her tip-toes and placed a kiss on his forehead. Without another word, she walked away through the tall grass and back to camp. “So was that a yes or a no?” Honestly, he had no idea.

  Nine

  “Incoming!” The three men all looked up and Nyght let out a yelp before a net full of fish landed on his lap.

  “Look at all the fish!” Reagan whispered with wide eyes.

  “We’re saved!” Vander cried. “But where did they come from?” Mari strolled out from some long grass dusting her hands off with a smile.

  “I couldn’t let you starve now could I?” She asked.

  “You’re amazing.”

  “Where’s Nyght?” There was a rustle as Nyght fought with the bag on his lap attempting to sit up under its weight but forced to try and shimmy out from underneath it. “What are you doing? You’re going to smell like fish.” With a grunt, he wormed out from under the bag and glared at her.

  “You threw it on me you twit.” She giggled but held her hands up in defeat.

  “I can only control the elements to an extent.” Nyght continued to glare at her as she nodded for the other two men to grab their fish and start cooking them up. She had gotten annoyed earlier when they kept complaining about being hungry and knew if they didn’t get fed her and Nyght would be up all night listening to their stomachs growl.

  When the first batch of fish was done Mari grabbed the smallest one and told everyone she was going for a walk. Nyght ate his helping then grabbing a few extras he went to go find Mari, he knew she hadn’t eaten much and figured she was still hungry.

  “Here.” He sat the fish down next to her making her jump. She looked from the journal in her hands to the fish sitting next to her then to Nyght.

  “I told you I was fine.”

  “Don’t lie to me, you barely ate anything and I know you’re still hungry.” She glanced at the two fish sitting next to her.

  “I’m fine.”

  “I already ate if that’s what you�
�re worried about. Vander and Reagan have plenty so stop worrying and eat.” He nudged the fish towards her as he sat down smiling when she grumbled.

  “You know me too well.”

  “I’ve seen them fight on empty stomachs before, they would have been fine.” She swallowed with a shrug.

  “Still…I want them to be at full strength. I’d rather put my life in their hands then for them to put their lives in mine.” He watched her as she finished eating then picked up the journal she had been looking at when he found her.

  “What is that?”

  “It’s my fathers’ journal.” She seemed to be scanning over something on the page she was staring at.

  “Would you rather I go and let you read it on your own?” She shook her head. “Okay.”

  “There was a letter to me in front of it but someone ripped it out.” They what? She flipped back to the beginning of the journal and handed it to him. The very first page was mostly missing, the only part of it left read her name and then the words ‘I have’, other than that it was gone.

  “Who would desecrate your fathers’ journal?”

  “Bart. There was something at the beginning of this he didn’t want me to see but he left the rest intact.” Nyght handed the journal back to her watching her face carefully. She didn’t seem as upset as he thought she would be at the idea of Bart defiling something of her father's. “My father kept diligent records though.” She flipped through a couple of pages stopping on the one she wanted. “He tried to write down as much as he could about every one of the people my mother killed.” She turned the journal showing the detailed notes of names, dates, descriptions of the people, where they were killed and if they left behind any family. She went quiet for a long time after that just flipping through the pages of the journal quietly. She seemed so lost.

  Grabbing Mari around the waist Nyght pulled her up to sit against his chest between his legs. She let out a little gasp at the movement but settled against him quickly.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t read any more of it tonight.” She shook her head.

 

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