What a Lady Wants

by Victoria Alexander

  “Because I wished to get you out of my life before”—his jaw clenched—“before something irrevocable happened. The life, I might add, Maddy assisted you in becoming part of. I would never have made such a wager if I had not been desperate.”

  “Desperate?” Her heart twisted.

  “I knew my own nature.” He shook his head. “And you were always there, and always so very tempting.”

  “I should be flattered, I suppose. No one has ever called me tempting before. Nonetheless.” She drew a steadying breath. “You could have waited, at the very least for daylight, to get the painting. There was no need for you to climb my balcony.”

  “Admittedly that was a mistake—”

  “One of many,” she said in a cool tone.

  “I never wanted this.” He shook his head. “I never wanted marriage. I never wanted—”

  “Me?” she snapped.

  “Not as my wife!”

  “No, of course not! That would have forced you to become an adult. To accept the responsibilities of your position and your life!”

  “Which I was well prepared to do when the proper time came! Instead, thanks to you and my sister, the choices I should have made, the choices that were indeed mine to make, decisions about my life, were ripped out of my hands! I was forced into a—”

  “I am so bloody tired of hearing about how poor Nigel was forced into a marriage he didn’t want. Forced by his own actions and his own mistakes which he—you—so conveniently tend to forget.” She whirled away from him, moved toward the windows, and gazed out at the night. “I’ve had more than enough.”

  “So they are my own actions and mistakes, are they?” Sarcasm dripped from his words. “And I thought I was being manipulated by fate.”

  “Let me tell you about fate, Nigel.” She crossed her arms over her chest and stared up at the stars. She wished—no. Wishing had started all this in the first place. Now it was up to her to finish it. She drew a deep breath. “I believed everything I ever said about fate. I never once lied to you. Not about anything and certainly never about that. I did believe, I still do, that fate brought us together.” She searched the heavens and found the star she had trusted with her hopes and dreams. “The night you first appeared in my garden, I had just done something incredibly foolish. I had wished on a star for a future that was not boring and ordinary. I wished for a man who would make the rest of my days an adventure. And then, as if by magic, there you were. And you were indeed exactly what I had wished for.”

  She turned to face him. “That, dear husband, was a dreadful, dreadful mistake. The biggest of my life, I think. It’s true that one should be careful what one wishes for. I should never have wished for excitement and adventure. I should have wished for happiness.” She met his gaze directly. “I should have wished for love.”

  He stared at her, a stunned expression on his face.

  “The last thing I ever wanted was to make you unhappy, and certainly I never wanted unhappiness for myself. But apparently my happiness is contingent on yours.”

  His brows pulled together. “What?”

  “I can’t be happy if you aren’t. It’s as simple as that. And I refuse to live my life with a man who resents my presence in his. Therefore.” She forced a smile. “I shall give you what you want. I shall remove myself from your life.”

  “Felicity.” He moved toward her.

  She stepped away. If he so much as touched her hand, she’d dissolve into a quivering mass of sorrow. “There’s nothing more to say, Nigel. We don’t want the same things. You want the freedom to do precisely what you wish. I want…” You. She shook her head. “I want someone who wants to make me as happy as I want to make him.” She nodded and moved toward the door.

  “Where are you going?”

  She paused and looked back at him. “It’s no longer any of your concern. And frankly, Nigel, you’ve forfeited the right to ask.”

  A moment later she was out the door and on her way down the stairs. She caught sight of Madeline out of the corner of her eye but refused to so much as hesitate. One sympathetic word from Madeline and she’d lose what little hold she still had on her emotions.

  She reached the entry, accepted her wrap, hat, and gloves from a footman, and stepped out into the night. Her carriage, Nigel’s carriage really, waited in front of the house. Madeline must have anticipated her leaving and had it brought around. Felicity would miss having a sister, but it couldn’t be helped. She paused on the top of the steps leading to the drive and looked up at the sky.

  This was it then. The end of an adventure that had begun on a starry night very much like this one. She found her star once again and cast it a weak smile.

  “It didn’t quite turn out the way I had hoped but I do appreciate the effort. And I am grateful.” The star blurred with her unshed tears. “Regardless of the end, the beginning and very nearly all of it has indeed been a grand adventure. I wouldn’t have missed it for all the stars in the heavens.”

  With that, she descended the steps and allowed her driver to help her into the carriage. Not until he asked where she wished to go did she realize she had no idea where she would go or what she would do now.

  And realized as well she didn’t care.

  Nigel stared at the door in shocked disbelief.

  She had walked out on him! He was the injured party here. He was the one whose own sister had schemed against him. He was the one who had been manipulated. And Felicity had the nerve to walk out on him?

  He paced the floor, his anger propelling every step. How could she? And how could Maddy? This must be how Caesar felt when the knives of those he had trusted sank into him and he’d realized he’d been betrayed. Betrayed, yes that was it. That was exactly how Nigel felt.

  Still, a tiny voice of reason sounded in the back of his head, all things considered, the plot against him had been rather feeble. His steps slowed. Maddy and Felicity had done little more than assure that he and Felicity would be in the same places at the same times. Even then, Felicity had done nothing to solicit his attention. He was the one who had approached her. He was the one who had arranged a private dance with her. And he was the one who had climbed uninvited into her room. If Maddy and Felicity had indeed trapped him, from beginning to end, it was with his willing cooperation.

  He groaned aloud. What a fool he was. He’d been so angry at this perceived plot against him, he hadn’t seen the truth. The fact was, whether he’d realized it or not, he’d been drawn to Felicity from the moment they’d met. Every step he’d taken had brought them inevitably together. No one had truly forced him to do anything. And who could say it was not the hand of fate guiding his actions? Or a force just as powerful. Instinct? Something inside him, his heart perhaps, recognized that this was the right woman for him even if his head had resisted. Or could it have been, from the very beginning, love? Immediate, irresistible, at-first-glance love.

  Admittedly it had taken him longer to realize they were meant to be together than it had taken Felicity. But surely that was to be forgiven. After all, he was a man and a foolish one at that. Ask his sister. Maddy never had hidden the fact that when it came to the way Nigel lived his life, she thought he was indeed a fool. In the week of their marriage, Felicity had never once made him feel like a fool.

  He strode to the window and gazed up at the stars. Her stars. How could she have walked out on him like that? Certainly he’d been angry. He winced. And indeed he had said some vile things to her, but they were said in the heat of the moment and as such could be forgiven if not forgotten entirely. He would apologize when he saw her. Profusely. Perhaps even grovel. And admit as well his other mistakes.

  I shall remove myself from your life.

  Surely she hadn’t meant it? It was said in the throes of anger. She couldn’t possibly have meant that she was leaving him for good. No, of course not. How could she?

  At once it struck him with a blinding clarity.

  He had given her no reason to stay.


  Good God, what had he done? He was angry and justifiably so. But he didn’t want her to leave. Still, she had no way of knowing that. In truth, very nearly everything he’d done in these past weeks had been with the express purpose of getting her out of his life. And now, when he had finally realized she was all he’d ever wanted, he had at last succeeded.

  He started toward the door, then stopped. No. He had no idea where she’d gone and he very much doubted she would return to his house. To their house. She might have gone to her parents or Lady Kilbourne’s house or any number of other places. It was too late in the evening to be chasing after her from one possible refuge to another. Besides, his wife was a clever woman. If she did not wish to be found, he would not find her.

  He sank into a worn, overstuffed chair and buried his head in hands. Surely he hadn’t lost her just when he’d truly found her. Just when he’d at last come to understand that she’d filled a hole in his life he hadn’t known was there. She completed him as he’d never imagined he’d needed completion. How could he possibly let her go?

  It would be futile to look for her to night. Best to wait until morning, until the light of day, when, with any luck, cooler heads would prevail. Besides, he needed time to figure out exactly what he would say to her. Exactly how he would convince her to take him back. It wouldn’t be easy. She had been so resolved. Or resigned. He wasn’t sure which was worse. He had hurt her; he knew that. What he didn’t know was how to make it right.

  It was the height of irony. Nigel Cavendish, who had never lacked for female companionship, was now in the position of having the one woman he wanted no longer want him. He’d never been in this spot before. Indeed, he had little experience with apologies at all and none with anything of this magnitude. Regardless, he knew he had to find the right words. It was his only chance.

  He raised his head and stared at the stars that twinkled down at him in a silent chastisement. She had wished for him and he had appeared. Now he understood what she’d meant when she’d told him that he had made her believe in magic and fate. It was nonsense, of course. Nothing more than a coincidence, really. Even so, it was odd and enough to make even the most skeptical believe.

  He knew it wouldn’t be as easy as simply wishing for Felicity to return. There was a penance to be paid for his sins, but perhaps he could ask for a little assistance.

  “If you would be so kind…” This was absurd. Still, he drew a deep breath. “I have been something of an idiot and I may well have lost the best thing that has ever come into my life. I could use some assistance in this matter. You know her better than anyone.” A helpless note crept into his voice. “I don’t know what to do.”

  He had made her believe in fate and magic, and he had to find a way to tell her she had made him believe as well. In fate, in magic, and, more than anything else, in love.

  Nigel gazed at her stars and hoped and prayed that somehow they would help him find the answer. He stared until the stars faded in advance of the sunrise, and still he sat unmoving, searching for right words to undo what he had done. He considered and discarded a hundred thoughts, a thousand words; nothing was right. Even when the sun rose and dawn drifted into morning, he still had no idea how to get his wife back. And tried to ignore the thought that occurred sometime before dawn and had grown with the daylight.

  Maybe it would be better for her if he didn’t attempt to get her back. Maybe she was right about having made a dreadful mistake. As much as he was now convinced she was the right woman for him, maybe he was not the right man for her? She’d said she wanted someone who wanted to make her as happy as she wanted to make him. Nigel had never thought of himself as a selfish man, indeed he’d always considered himself quite generous. But had he ever once considered Felicity’s feelings, her wishes, her needs above his own? The more he thought about their time together, the heavier his heart grew. From the start, it had all been about his feelings, his wishes, his needs. Could he indeed make Felicity happy? Did he still have the right to try?

  Even when the sun reached the midmorning sky, he had no answers, only an awful ache that radiated from his heart and a nagging thought he could not ignore. If he truly loved her, he should let her go.

  Behind him the door opened, and he knew without looking that it was Maddy. He had expected her to make an appearance long before now. Nigel blew a long breath. “I know, Maddy, you needn’t say it. I am an idiot. The worst sort of fool.”

  “Nigel.”

  “I don’t know what to do.” He shook his head. “Worse, I don’t know what I should do.”

  “Nigel.” There was an odd, strained note in her voice.

  He turned in his chair to look at her. “Maddy?” Her face was white; shock glazed her eyes. “What is it?” He jumped to his feet and moved toward her. “Has something happened to Felicity?”

  “No.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper. “It’s not Felicity. It’s Father.” Her gaze met his, and his heart lodged in his throat. “He’s dead.”

  Fourteen

  What a man really wants is to have the woman he loves by his side for the rest of his days. He can only hope he is smart enough to know that.

  Nigel, Viscount Cavendish

  “Nigel,” Maddy said in a no-nonsense manner as she pushed open the library door and stepped into the room. “We need to…” She pulled up short and stared.

  “What is it?” Nigel looked up from the documents spread before him on his father’s—no—his desk.

  She stared for a moment longer, then shook her head as if to clear it. “I have never seen you sitting behind Father’s desk before.”

  “As you can see, I have a great deal of work to do. What do you want?”

  “You needn’t take that tone.” Maddy approached the desk and seated herself in the chair Nigel used to sit in when speaking to his father. To the viscount. And now, behind the desk, the very symbol of his father’s position, sat Nigel. The new Viscount Cavendish. He brushed the thought away. “It’s been ten days, Nigel. We need to talk.”

  “Do we?” He set his pen down, rested his hands on the desk, and clasped them together. “It seems to me we have spoken any number of times in the past ten days.”

  “About death and arrangements and the like.” She met his gaze firmly. “There are other matters we should discuss.”

  “Go on.”

  She studied him for a moment. “First of all, I have not had the opportunity to apologize for what you may have seen as a betrayal—”

  “It’s not necessary, Madeline. As you pointed out, while you might have set the stage, the actions taken were entirely my own. Besides”—he shrugged—“it’s of no consequence now.”

  “Of course it’s of consequence.” Her brow furrowed and she leaned forward in her chair. “You do realize Felicity has been here, through the funeral and everything else.”

  “Of course I realize she’s been here,” he snapped. “I’m not dead!” She paled and he winced. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean…”

  He was well aware that Felicity had been at Cavendish House, by his side. But then he would have expected no less of her. He had moved back to the house immediately upon his father’s death to handle the family’s affairs. Felicity had returned to her parents. The house they’d shared stood empty of life. Yet another symbol he didn’t wish to dwell on.

  “I wasn’t entirely sure you had noticed. You have been—I don’t know what the right word is, preoccupied is as good a word as any, I think.” She sighed. “But then I suppose we all have.”

  “It’s been a difficult time.” Difficult was every bit as insufficient to describe the last ten days as preoccupied was to describe Nigel’s manner, or anyone else’s.

  The late Viscount Cavendish had died peacefully in his sleep from what his physician had inadequately termed a stoppage of the heart. Aside from the shocking abruptness of his death, it was odd to think his father had died without fanfare, gently and quietly. It was not at all the way Nigel had imagined Edmund Cavendis
h would end his days. But then Nigel had long preferred to avoid the inevitable fact that one day his father would be gone.

  He spread his hands in a helpless gesture. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “About Father?” She paused. “Or about Felicity?”

  “There is nothing I can do about Father except carry on. You see all this.” He waved at the papers in front of him. “The details that accompany the passing of a man with varied interests are too numerous to mention. Were it not for these last weeks spent under his tutelage I would be overwhelmed. As it is, I have had no time to indulge in anything other than this.”

  “No time to make things right with your wife?”

  “No.”

  He had been too consumed with grief over the loss of his father to deal to any great extent with the loss of his wife as well. In many ways, from the moment Maddy had told him the news, he had felt as if he were moving through a fog. Blast it all, he had just gotten to know his father. As a man, not merely as a parent. It was so bloody unfair.

  “Did he know, do you think?” The question had haunted him since his father’s death. “That his days were nearing an end?”

  Maddy shook her head. “I don’t—”

  “Do you think that’s why he wanted to turn all this over to me?” He met his sister’s gaze. “Because he knew?”

  “I don’t know; I wish I did.” She picked at a piece of invisible lint on her stark black dress. “I have thought about it; one can’t help but wonder. It’s the sort of thing he would do, though, isn’t it?”

  A reluctant smile curved Nigel’s lips. “Even in death, Father has made certain the family’s interests are run properly.”

  “He would be pleased with you.” She paused. “Although he would not be happy about the rift between you and your wife. He liked her, you know.”

  “What am I to do, Maddy?” He got to his feet and strode across the room to the table where Father’s brandy was still in place.