"You certainly are popular," he murmured to himself. "Let's see who is so anxious to get a hold of you." He pushed the button to retrieve the text and immediately wished he hadn't:
From: Jaxon
Sorry 4 Sat. Had 2 work. Heard u got stuk w Darcy. Know how much u hate him. Tried 2 call. Miss u.
PS, ur a great kisser J
William's head began to throb from lack of oxygen. He decided, for the safety of other drivers, to pull off the road. His eyes burned and his vision began to blur. This was not happening. It couldn't be happening. Beth didn't feel the same about him - she hated him. This didn't bother William nearly as much as the image of Beth kissing Jaxon. A small voice in the back of his head warned him to be reasonable. According to Jaxon's text he hadn't seen Beth since before the dance. What happened between he and Beth last night could have trumped anything that started with Jaxon. Everything had changed since then. A louder, angrier voice shouted back that it didn't matter. How could she kiss him? If she could be with a sleaze like Jaxon, then she wasn't a very good judge of character. Maybe she was more like her sister Lindy than he had thought. The small voice argued feebly that he had watched Beth long enough to know that she wasn't that kind of person. But she kissed him. He flicked the angel off his shoulder, jerked the truck back into drive and peeled onto the road, heading away from Longbourn.
~:~
Beth read the line over again, still not taking it in. She really wasn't having much luck with her current novel. Maybe she should try something else. It seemed like every time she picked it up lately she had fallen asleep reading it, and now she was so nervous and distracted she wasn't retaining any of it. She checked her clock for the umpteenth time. It was quarter after eight, and she hadn't heard from William or seen him since she left Les's place in the morning. She had fretted and worried about their parting all day; about each detail of her behavior the night before. In retrospect, she felt like she might have come on a little strong in his room. He probably thinks I'm some brazen hussy, Beth told herself. He probably thinks I'm a minx with no morals. Why did I go over there? I should've just stayed home. On and on it went. Then again, last night he hadn't seemed incredibly put out about any of it - until he'd practically run out the door. But last night Beth hadn't gotten the impression that he was running from her because he didn't want her.
There was a soft knock at the door, and Beth started. She tried to push down the rising anticipation inside her as Jenna stepped into her room.
"Hey. William was just here. He's waiting for you in the lobby."
Beth scowled. "The lobby? Why?"
Jenna seemed nervous. "I'm not sure, Beth." She stepped to her and hugged her tightly. This simple act scared Beth more than anything else. Preemptive moral support from your best friend was always a bad omen.
William stood just outside the double glass doors of Longbourn, leaning against the brick exterior and wearing an ominous scowl.
Beth stepped through the doors, her suddenly fast-beating heart rivaling the anxiety rising inside her. "William? What are you doing out here? Why didn't you come in? 'Boys out' isn't until ten o'clock."
William refused to meet her eyes. He took a step toward her, holding her phone out. "Someone's been trying to reach you," he said coldly.
She remembered seeing Jaxon's number under 'missed calls,' and suddenly Jenna's evasiveness about answering her phone at Les's fell into place. He must have called again.
Reining in the growing dread, and the simultaneous urge to get riled, she said, "If you remember, I didn't answer my phone last night." The change in his manner made her want to retaliate. How could he be mad at her for a call she hadn't answered?
"I wish you would have. Then he could have told you himself how sorry he is that you had to spend the night with someone you hate, and what a good kisser you are. At least we agree on that." His face flushed with color, hatred gurgling up and melting his icy persona.
Feeling like he had just slapped her, Beth opened her phone and skimmed the offending text. "That was before. Before the dance on Saturday, before -"
"Yes, and now it's, what, Sunday? Pretty quick. I never would have guessed Lindy was family until now. Are you guys having a contest or something?"
Beth's mouth fell open, and she suddenly felt like a child who had fallen off the monkey bars at the playground and landed on her back. She couldn't breathe. He had all but called her a slut, and she had no immediate reply. Seeing her face, William winced at her reaction, but made no move to take his words back. This fueled Beth's rage.
"And I would never have guessed that you could be so vindictive to someone who was all but family. Tell me something, William. Why did you kick him out? Couldn't stand to see your spoiled sister with a commoner?" As the words left her mouth, she knew it wasn't the case…..but she wasn't about to take his abuse lying down.
"You don't know what you're talking about!" he spat, his face reddening.
"I guess that makes two of us!"
William advanced on her, so quickly that she flinched back. "Oh, really? Really. So you didn't have his lips all over you?" His words oozed revulsion like an infected sore.
"No. I. Did. Not. He kissed me - twice - on the mouth. Nowhere else."
William looked disgusted. "Well, that's twice too much for me. I've heard enough."
"Are you going to answer my question, or not?" Beth pressed.
"If you believe whatever he told you, then I'm not going to waste my time filling you in on something that's none of your business in the first place."
"And it's your business who I kiss?"
"Not anymore."
Another verbal slap. "Why do you hate him so much?"
"Because he ruins people's lives, that's why. And now you're going to let him do the same thing to you."
"But that's not your concern anymore, is it? You just made sure of that."
William visibly deflated. He opened his mouth to speak several times without success. "Just be careful, Beth. He's not a good guy."
"Oh good, it's Mr. Consideration again! You know, I had just decided I was wrong about you at first. But now you show up on my door calling me a tramp. Come to think of it, I'm not sure I've ever gotten anything but mixed signals from you. And I'm done. I'm done trying to decode you, William. I guess I'll see you later, unless I can help it."
His reply was barely audible. "No, you won't. I'm leaving, Beth. I was on my way over here to say goodbye when I read that message." He paused and looked up at her. "I'm going back home, and I don't know when I'll be back. Not that it matters now." The last was uttered under his breath.
Hurt overrode Beth's rage and she let her eyes burn into William's. She wanted to scorch him, the way the unshed tears behind her eyes were scorching her. Her voice was small but steady. "You were already leaving? And you knew, last night?"
William had the good grace to look ashamed.
"What was the point, William?" She paused and then cut him off when he opened his mouth to answer. "Never mind. I already know. I've known since the beginning. It was always about you having the upper hand. About the chase. And once I gave in, you gave up."
"No," he said, his voice dangerous. His obvious loss of control pleased Beth in a sadistic sort of way. "It was never about anything but the way I felt about you."
"Past tense noted," she smarted, trying to sound as if she found the whole thing funny.
His expression saddened and he took a small step in her direction, his hand stretching out tentatively toward her.
"Don't." She backed away. "I don't need you to come to my rescue, William. I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm just a stupid girl who thought first impressions could be wrong."
A renegade tear slipped down her cheek, but Beth knew she couldn't stop it. Part of her wanted him to see her pain. If he had ever cared about her as much as he'd let on, then seeing her hurt should bring him a sting of his own. The pleasure from this idea was short lived. Beth turned, ripped the double glass doors o
pen and stalked inside without turning back.
~:~
William watched Beth through the glass until he couldn't see her anymore, allowing his misery full reign. Why did her eyes have to burn with angelic indignation while she told him off? His last memory of her would always be that image: the wild, ethereal siren bathed in wrath for him. As William turned and walked away, he felt a ripping sensation inside and knew that he would leave a part of himself there on the steps of Longbourn, unclaimed. A voice sounded in his head, narrating the moment. You'll never be the same, it whispered. Trying to quash the feeling with each step, he trudged down the stairs of Longbourn and into the parking lot.
He had a plane to catch.
HEALING
"We live at home, quiet, confined, and our feelings prey upon us."
~Jane Austen, Persuasion
Gianna padded into the bonus room and sat gingerly in the squashy recliner William had bought for her while she was in the hospital. He looked up suddenly, as if broken out of his thoughts, and asked if she was okay.
"I'm fine. Just tired……and sore. Everyone says it takes a while to get back to normal. Especially -" she broke off, unable to mention the cause of her hollow discomfort. William remained silent. She looked up at him and realized he probably hadn't heard a word she'd said after 'fine.' His eyes wore a glassy sheen as he gazed into the vacant space in front of him.
"What's her name?" Gianna asked quietly.
William snapped out of his trance. "What?"
"I said, what's her name?"
"I don't know what you mean," William answered, his eyes downcast.
Gianna smiled patiently. "Okay. What color is her hair? Brown? Blonde? Red?"
William sighed, unsmiling. "Long. Brown."
"Curly or straight?"
"Curly."
"Eyes?"
William stiffened, clearly uncomfortable.
"Blue? Brown? Green?"
"Depends on her mood." He blanched visibly at some memory Gianna wasn't privy to. "Most the time they're hazel."
Gianna rose and hobbled to her brother. "Oh, William. Why didn't you tell me?"
He took her hand in his. "I didn't want you to worry about anything right now." He pulled her carefully down next to him, putting his arm around her.
"Does she know why you left?"
William didn't respond for a moment. He clenched his fists, set his jaw. "No."
"What?! Why not? Go and call her - right now."
William sat up, rubbing his eyes. "It's not that simple, Gi."
There it was again: the you're-so-young and the world's-a-scary-place tone of his. She'd never cared for it. But now she couldn't stand it. Now, it might even be fair to say she had passed him up in the life experiences department. He must have read her thoughts, or nearly enough, because he sat back with a gust of breath, resigned.
"We sort of got in a fight right before I left. I said some horrible things to her that I'm sure she won't forgive me for. Idiot!" He smacked himself in the head.
Gianna reached up to stop his self-attack. "You love her, right? And she loves you?"
"Yes, I love her. I don't think she feels as strongly about me, though." Bitterness surfaced in his eyes. "There was….someone else."
"Someone else? When? I thought you said you got in a fight right before you left."
"Well……technically I guess it was before anything happened between us."
"So you got in a fight over a guy she was with before she was with you?"
"Yeah."
"William," Gianna breathed, too tired to tell him off the way she wanted. "Sometimes you're so stupid!"
"Gi, it doesn't matter anymore, not really. It's over. It is."
"Convinced yourself yet?" Gianna asked gently, rewarded with grimace from her brother. Being post-partum had its advantages. She could pretty much get away with anything she wanted and blame it on hormones.
"Don't get upset, sis. You need your rest right now. Why don't you go lay down and I'll make some dinner?"
Gianna folded her arms stubbornly. "What's her name?"
William rolled his eyes and Gianna smiled, knowing she'd won the point. Her triumph was dampened just a bit by the pain in William's eyes as he said, "Beth. Her name is Beth."
"How did you meet Beth?"
"She's Jenna's roommate - best friend. They grew up together."
"Jenna, Les's girlfriend?"
"Yeah."
"So Jenna and Les probably see her every day, then, right?"
"I don't know. Jenna was practically living at Les's place when I left. All but sleeping there." He stared off into space again. "Besides, Les and Jenna are pretty caught up in each other right now. I'm sure he'll be proposing any day now."
"Well, then you'll see her at the wedding!"
This startling thought had obviously not occurred to William yet. He looked downright alarmed. Gianna stood slowly, then bent and kissed her brother on the head. "Call her, William. Life's too short."
~:~
William watched Gianna making her way slowly back to her room. He could tell showing the passion she had over the Beth situation had thoroughly drained her. And she needed all her strength - she still had a grueling ordeal ahead of her. The baby was with a family that was being considered on a trial basis for long-term placement. It would be three months before everything was finalized and Gianna could put it all behind her. This was not the time to dredge up his sordid love life. His sister needed him now more than ever.
~:~
Eighteen hundred-ish miles across the country, Beth stood staring down at her bed, frozen in place. A scrap of loose-leaf paper with Jenna's familiar scrawl read, "Picked up your pictures from the Ball."
Beth felt her heart rate skyrocket as her eyes bored into the offending note, petrified of what she would find underneath. It was a bit like the trepidation one felt before lifting a rock, and finding all sorts of creepy-crawly things underneath. Beth took a breath, then picked up the envelope and flipped it quickly so that the clear window faced away from her. As if she was putting her hand into a beehive, she gingerly reached into the envelope and pulled out the photos. After a moment of staring at the white backs with diagonal rows of 0000121812 stamped in blue ink, she slowly flipped the pictures over. The one of William and herself was nothing special - he stood behind Beth with his hands on her hips, as if he didn't really dare touch her. But it was the pose of the four of them that caught and held Beth's attention.
While Les, Jenna, and Beth all smiled at the camera, William was looking at her. With an almost secret smile on his lips, he watched her with profound, unabashed admiration. Beth wanted to feel angry, but something more like regret began filling her up. Since William's hasty departure over two weeks ago, she'd managed to convince herself that her reaction to William's accusations had been justified. That he'd deserved everything she'd said to him about Jaxon, about his sister, and especially about him. Because for all his declarations and burning looks and kisses, in the end he hadn't cared about her at all. Hadn't trusted her in the least. But looking down at the photos and the bare emotions on William's face, Beth's fury melted and her resolve trickled away. She found herself wondering what William would think of the pictures. Would they knock the wind out of him, the way they had for Beth?
Suddenly, something occurred to her and she felt around in the envelope, which was empty. There was only one of each pose. Had Les and Jenna divided the pictures and sent William the other set? Not that it matters, she told herself as she slid the pictures backward into the envelope and buried them under a pile in her desk drawer.
~ PART TWO ~
THE MISSIVE
"Be not alarmed, madam, on receiving this letter….."
~Mr. Darcy, Pride & Prejudice
Beth sat at the kitchen table, pouring over her study guide for finals. Winter semester had been brutal. In one way, it had been easier - at least scholastically. There had been no distractions in the form of testosterone. She hadn
't had a real conversation with Jaxon before he graduated his rescue program in February, not that he hadn't tried. He tried texting and calling several times, which only angered Beth. When you stand someone up, you should have the decency to apologize in person. Except that she had no desire to see him. She ignored his texts and didn't pick up his calls, and eventually, he got the picture.
For Beth, he was somehow indirectly responsible for William's departure - or at least for their squabble prior to his leaving. If she was honest with herself, she didn't feel that she had done anything wrong with Jaxon. But William's venom on learning of their encounter was still a bitter taste in her mouth. Last she heard, Jaxon had transferred to a different squad a few hours away.
She didn't feel the loss.
Whatever he had done to upset William must have been pretty bad. She wished William had confided in her, but she told herself it didn't matter anymore. Again.
Anger still bubbled in her stomach at the remembrance of William's words and his anger the night he'd left. She had tried to shove him into the mental folder labeled 'JERKS' that she'd formed from her pool of past suitors, but he just wouldn't stick. It was unfortunate, but Beth knew inside that it was because her feelings for William had been real, whether he'd deserved them or not. A stubborn thrill jetted up inside her whenever the memory of his kisses imposed on her. When she tried to squash it down, an uncanny mixture of fury and longing filled her up. Under all of her professed hatred was a pure, undiluted pain. And when it came right down to it, she was just plain miffed that he'd finally gotten the better of her in the end.
At least she'd pulled good grades out of winter semester, or thought she had. As long as she pulled B's on all her finals, she should have a 3.5 GPA. She rejected the notion that her scholarly stardom was due to the fact that she'd had nothing better to do for the last two and a half months.
Sighing, she pulled her fingers through her hair - which she had recently chopped to chin-length and highlighted - and coaxed it into a stubby pony tail. This was no small accomplishment; she'd spent the weeks since the cut regretting her decision almost every day.
Pride's Prejudice Page 17
