There was a soft knock at the door, which she answered with an unenthusiastic "Come in."
Les threw open the door, barely containing his obvious excitement. Bless his heart. He and Jenna had relocated to Longbourn for Beth's benefit. They'd even cut back on all the goo-goo eyes and mushy lips for her sake.
"Hey, Les."
"I need a huge favor, Beth." Les's eyes sparkled, and rolled up in his hand was some sort of magazine. Beth could see something sparkly on the cover.
Laughing half-heartedly, Beth set her pencil down and shoved her books aside. "Solitaire, round-cut, no swirls or gaudy stuff. White gold or platinum - she's never liked yellow gold."
Les looked disheartened. "She just wants a boring round diamond? Nothing fancy?"
"'Fraid so. But you could always make up for it with a huge rock."
Les grinned hugely. "How did you know that was my question?"
"I've been waiting. I just can't believe it took you so long to come and ask."
Les squeezed Beth in a one-armed hug. "You're the best."
She smiled ruefully. The old Beth would have responded with, "I know." Some of her fire had been dowsed on the steps of Longbourn the night she had walked away from William. Nothing seemed quite as funny to her as it would have before. The world seemed to be shaded in sepia tones rather than vibrant, beautiful colors. And she trusted the world a little less than she had before, which wasn't saying much.
But Jenna's moment was coming, and soon. Seeing her best friend happily settled would be just as good as having that joy herself - maybe even better. Jenna was certainly far more deserving of a happy ending.
~:~
William paced in front of Gianna's room. She'd been in there ever since they had signed the final papers this morning. Most likely, she was swimming in a pool of her own tears on the other side of the door. Why wouldn't she let him in? The last thing he had wanted was for her to do this alone. It was the whole reason he'd come back. Why couldn't he fix everything? He could feel his hero complex going south, turning into more of an Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader thing.
Minutes later the door opened and Gianna came out looking quite different than he had expected. There were no tear tracks on her cheeks, no telling splotches on her shoulders, and her eyes were the same bright blue they always were. She looked almost satisfied.
"You okay?" he asked, pulling her into his arms.
"Yeah. Just needed some time alone."
"You made the right decision, sis. They're a good family. She'll be taken care of."
"I know. I don't question it. I know it's what's best for her. But that doesn't make it hurt any less."
William hugged her tighter, wanting to scrunch her back into the child she'd been before this whole mess.
Gianna straightened up. "Listen, I'm going to go for a short walk, okay?"
"By yourself? No way. Besides, it's freezing."
"William, it's almost April. Things are starting to thaw out. I just need some air."
"I'll go with you," he offered, noting a small white envelope in her hand. "What's that?"
"Just a thank you note to Les for the flowers," she answered a little too casually, waiving her hand. "It was really sweet of him. I feel bad it's taken me so long to send it."
William reached out to take it from her. "I can mail it for you."
"William, the mailbox is just at the corner. I'll be fine! At some point you're going to have to stop hovering. It's been over three months since I came home from the hospital. It's time for me to move on, and it's time for you to let me."
William took a controlled breath, forcing a smile. "Okay."
"I might stop at the market while I'm out and pick up stuff for dinner. I feel like cooking."
"Okay."
"Good. Why don't you get out of here for a while yourself? You've been cooped up too long."
"Okay."
Gianna went up on tip toes to kiss William on the cheek. He crouched down slightly to make it easier on her. After all, she was barely over five feet, and he was well over six.
"Have you called her?" Gianna asked in an offhand tone.
William feigned hearing loss, grabbing his keys and shrugging into his leather jacket. He gave her a look that he hoped closed the subject for now, if not for good.
Gianna tapped the card against her open palm, as if in deliberation. "Okay. Well, have fun at the gym," she finally said, donning her sweater and breezing past him out the door.
Why did he suddenly feel like his baby sister was up to something?
~:~
Beth lay on her stomach in bed, a small TV/DVD combo atop her desk playing Titanic. She must be a glutton for punishment. Jenna came in the room and sat quietly on her bed.
"Hey," Beth said, not turning.
"Hi. How's Leo?"
"Still frozen and dead. It's a shame. The only guys like that are in the movies. It's all in the script."
"You forgot gay or married."
"Well, there is that," Beth agreed flatly.
Jenna cleared her throat, which snared Beth's attention. This had become Jenna's habit whenever William's ghost was about to find its way into a conversation.
"What's up?"
Wordlessly, Jenna brought a small white envelope out of her pocket and held it out to Beth. "This is for you."
Beth scowled, taking the envelope - barren of addresses or postage. "What is it?"
"We got a card from Gianna today, in the mail. This was inside."
Beth's eyes widened. "Gianna Darcy?"
"Les sent her some flowers when she was in the hospital, and she sent him a thank you card. I don't think William knows about this though."
William's name constricted around Beth's heart with sharp, implacable fingers. "Why was she in the hospital?"
"I think you better just read it, Beth. I'm sure it will answer a lot of questions for you. It's still sealed." Jenna kissed Beth on the top of the head and walked quietly out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.
Beth's fingers trembled as she opened the letter.
Beth,
You are probably wondering who the psycho is writing to you. I'm sure Jenna told you I'm William's sister. From what William said, he didn't explain things to you very well before he left, and I don't think that was fair. You've probably seen how protective he can be when he loves someone. He can be a little 'mother bear' when it comes to me. Sorry about that. It is an unfortunate side effect of his practically raising me. Anyway, you should know he is moping around our place in New York and I know he's not happy. I can't stand to see him in pain, so I thought I would take the liberty of explaining things for him. If it helps, I don't think anything short of my current circumstances could have taken him away from you.
About a year ago, I fell in love for the first time. He was so sweet and easy-going. He made me feel comfortable right away. I was surprised that he never tried anything, because he said he loved me, and that usually follows, right? He was always respectful and gentle with me. William didn't know I was romantically involved with him - they were kind of friends - and we both knew he wouldn't approve. One night he took me to a party and my naivety got the best of me. He was so respectful, bringing me a Cherry Coke, because he knew I didn't want to drink. He'd never given me a reason not to trust him - but from William's description of you, you're a smart girl - and I'm sure you can tell this story doesn't end well. After the drink, I started feeling a little fuzzy. Jaxon's face was the last thing I remember seeing before I blacked out.
I woke up the next morning, in a strange bed, in a strange house, and he was nowhere to be seen. As I stood up to get dressed I felt a pain I'd never felt before, and I started bleeding. I had never been with anyone before. When I got home William was furious that I'd been out all night without telling him where I'd gone. Then he saw the tears and I told him what had happened. I refused to tell him who I had been with, knowing what would happen, but he knew.
A few weeks later I found o
ut I was pregnant. William searched everywhere for Jaxon, but he'd packed up and moved on by that time. The police looked, but never found him.
William left Hartford to come home right before I had the baby. He said if I decided to keep her he would support me, but he advised me to place her for adoption with a family who could care for her like a seventeen-year-old couldn't. I named her Merry Noel. William didn't approve, not of the name itself, but of my naming her. I held Merry for about an hour after the birth, and then I handed her to the nurse and never saw her again. It took three months to finalize all the paperwork - in fact, I just signed everything today. She is with a good family now, but I still ache for her. It was hardest after I came home with stitches, sore all over, and nothing to show for it. I don't know what I would've been like if William wasn't here for me. I'm doing much better now. I'm sorry that it took him away from you, though.
He told me he said some horrible things to you the last time he saw you, and that he doesn't think you can forgive him. He's too proud to ask; so I am asking for him. You've probably noticed he has a temper, and he can barely control it when it comes to the ones he cares about being hurt. I don't know if he ever told you how he feels about you, but take it from the person who's known him longer than anyone else - he loves you.
I hope I get to meet you someday. From what I hear there may be a wedding coming up soon that will bring us all together. Maybe you guys can make a new start then.
Your friend,
Gianna Darcy
Beth's eyes stung and she could barely make out the loopy scrawl through the rapidly gathering tears. When she finally put the letter down, sobs ripped through her and she crumpled on the floor. Her heart had almost stopped when she saw Jaxon's name on the page, but somehow when Gianna had started describing the easy-going object of her affection, she had known. William's parting behavior suddenly fell into place, and the things he had said to her made sense, even if they were stingingly unkind. She could understand why he would be enraged by the idea of her kissing Jaxon. Jaxon had taken advantage of Gianna; ripped her young body and taken something precious from her that she could never get back. He had left Gianna scarred for life, and walked away unscathed himself. And Beth had let him touch her. Her stomach began to churn.
As steadily as she could manage, Beth got up and wrenched her window open to let the spring air in, gulping it in by the lungfuls. The old Beth would have dismissed Gianna and her story right off. But now she didn't trust herself on first impressions. Her initial judgment of William had obviously been wrong. She'd concluded as much when she'd stopped fuming about their argument several weeks ago. And her assessment of Jaxon had been wrong too. Why else would he stand her up? What did he have to fear from seeing William if the tale he'd spun Beth had any merit? And didn't Gianna's very predicament prove his guilt?
Beth felt like an invisible hand was slowly crushing her in its grip. Soon there would be nothing left of her. Falling on her bed, she gave herself over to grief for Gianna, for losing William, and for her own stupidity. She cried long and hard, until she was too exhausted to do it anymore. It seemed like an eternity that she sat on her bed in silence afterward, watching her room gather the darkness from outside and draw it around her. When her room was black but for the sliver of light coming under her door, she stood.
As she emerged from her room the neon lights of the kitchen assaulted her swollen eyes. Jenna and Les sat at the kitchen table, talking quietly. They looked up when she entered, and Jenna rushed to her, putting an arm around her and steering her to a chair. Les put a hand on her other shoulder.
After a stretch of silence, Beth spoke, her voice stinging her throat as it rasped out.
"How long have you guys known?"
Les spoke first. "I knew about Gianna's situation, but I didn't know Jaxon was involved until the night of the Winter Ball."
Jenna piped up. "Les just told me today that William went home to help Gianna - you know, with her recovery and the adoption process. That's all I know. What's Jaxon got to do with it?"
Beth felt angry at Les for not telling her sooner, but she was relieved that Jenna, at least, appeared to be just as clueless. More so, it seemed. Beth cleared her throat, but only managed a whisper. "Here, read it." She handed Jenna the letter.
Jenna sat back in her chair and began reading, devouring Gianna's words with a ravenous expression on her face. Beth rubbed her forehead and let her head drop back into her hands.
"I told him you needed to know, Beth," Les informed Beth while Jenna read on. "If I'd have known he was going to botch the whole thing, I would've handled it myself."
"It's okay, Les. I understand why you couldn't tell me. I even understand why William didn't want to tell me. And after he found out about me and Jaxon……I don't blame him. It doesn't matter now, anyway. It's over." Beth felt any lingering light within her fade to blackness, just like the daylight in her room had surrendered to the dusk.
"He feels terrible, you know," Les mused gently. "He's not quite sure how to make it right."
"He's talked to you about it?"
Les smiled ruefully. "He tries not to. He just asks how 'everyone' is, and I know he means you."
Hearing that William still cared should have given her outlook an optimistic tint. Instead, it made her feel less worthy of anything that approached forgiveness. After all, she had called Gianna spoiled. Les could say that William wanted to make things right, but Beth remembered the revolted look on his face when he accused her of having Jaxon's lips all over her. He'd never get over that, even if he wanted to, even if it wasn't true. And Beth wasn't sure she could ever get over the things he had said to her that night either.
Beth stood suddenly, feeling claustrophobic and needing to be alone. "I'm going for a walk. I'll see you guys later."
THE REPLY
"There were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed."
~Jane Austen, Pride & Prejudice
William took a long swig of his water bottle, sweat dripping off his hair and face. His gray t-shirt was soaked through, and he took it off, throwing it across the room into his closet. After toweling off the sweat, he returned to the kitchen to refill his water bottle. Then he noticed the stack of mail from the last three days cluttering the counter.
The last few weeks he had thrown himself into a rigorous workout routine at the gym, and as Gianna had gone away for a girls' weekend with some friends, the household upkeep had suffered slightly. Maybe he should call Diosa and let her know he was ready for her to come back.
Picking through the mail half-heartedly, he tossed anything that looked like a credit card application or a life insurance pamphlet in the garbage without opening or bothering to tear it up. He set aside the grocery adds for Gianna, shaking his head slightly. For some reason she had been seized by the urgent need to try new recipes every night, and she had run to the store almost every day to pick up one or two ingredients they needed. Apparently, 'extreme couponing' was her newest obsession. After shuffling the utility bills and ads into their respective piles, only a plain white envelope remained. It was addressed to Gianna Darcy in handwriting that William was positive he recognized. There was no return address, but the postmark read Wyoming. He tore it open without feeling the least bit guilty, curiosity consuming him.
Gianna,
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond. The truth is, I haven't really known what to say. I hope you are feeling better, physically and otherwise. It's difficult to imagine you going through all that. You must be a very strong person. I am glad your big brother was there to get you through. He loves you very much. He never really liked talking about you, at least not to me. I don't think he was sure he could trust me with something so precious to him, and I'm positive he feels that way now, more than ever.
I was immensely grateful to receive your letter. It filled in all the holes William left behind him. Well, almost. Now I know why he was so angry at me before he left. He feels that I betrayed him. I wi
sh he could know the truth, but it really doesn't matter anymore. I am truly sorry if he's unhappy. I'm afraid it will just have to pass with time, though. There is nothing I can do to repair the damage. I've spent a lot of time thinking about everything, and I'm sure he'd agree that too much damage has been done on both sides.
You were right about the wedding. Les attacked me for first-hand ring intelligence for Jenna weeks ago. It won't be long now. My guess is they'll get married in New York; Jenna has always wanted to go there, and all Les's family is there. If I could avoid being a part of it, for William's sake and for mine, I would - but as our closest friends are going to spend their lives together, I guess we'd both better get used to it. Or get new friends.
At any rate, I do hope I get to meet you some time. Thank you again for explaining everything. Please don't let William see this letter. I'm sure he's on the mend, and I wouldn't want to cause him anymore pain.
Beth
p.s. I think Merry Noel is a beautiful name for a Christmas baby.
William set the letter down with a shaking hand, his emotions roiling. He couldn't decide what he was feeling stronger at the moment: anger toward Gianna for interfering, or the sharp pain in his chest at the sight of Beth's handwriting.
~:~
Gianna struggled through the door, plopping her bags inside with great effort. It was almost too quiet, and she walked the length of the penthouse, finally stopping in the doorway to the bonus room. William sat in her cushy recliner, his elbows propped up on the arms of the chair, his hands folded under his chin. His face was impassive and his eyes were focused keenly on her.
"Hey," she said uncertainly, approaching him. "Is everything okay?"
Pride's Prejudice Page 18
