What the Heart Wants

by Tiana Laveen

  “I’ve got enough money saved up to move now or wait. I’ll play it by ear, I suppose.” He jammed his hands in his pockets.

  “It’ll sell fast, Cam.”

  “I know. These buildings rarely have vacancies.” He looked around the area. The sweet spring air perfumed their surroundings, making the sadness of the situation a bit easier to digest. To take in.

  “So, what’s the plan?” She crossed her arms over her chest, then her ankles and chewed on her inner jaw. “Moving to a different borough? Staying close? Relocation closer to work?”

  “You know me, I have plans, that’s for sure.” His teeth gleamed as bright as his eyes as he kept his gaze on her, running the tip of his tongue along his lower lip in a seductive, panty-wetting sort of way. Her lips curled in a smile, though confusion reigned.

  What was the guy up to now?

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” She grinned wide, wondering what puerile or sexually charged joke would roll out from between his lips. She could still feel him inside her from their romp an hour prior. Her pussy throbbed in fond memory. He slowly reached for her hand and rubbed the pad of his thumb along her knuckles. He turned his gaze to the hand, then began to softly massage it while drawing her closer to rest his lips against the crook of her neck. Her eyes fluttered when he kissed her collarbone, then slipped from her grip, taking a few steps back.

  Glancing at the building that he and Brooke had shared, built a life together in, Cameron seemed to be thinking of something vital, something important he needed to sort out for the final time in his own mind. Emily remained quiet, simply watching, giving him the space he needed. He faced her once again and this time, his eyes were glistening with moisture.

  “Oh, Cameron. Don’t be upset, please. Look, if you’re doing this for me, don’t, okay? You want to stay here, that’s fine. It’s obviously breaking your heart to leave. I never felt in competition with Brooke, anyway.” She averted her gaze for a moment and grimaced. “Well, that’s not exactly true. When we were first together I did.”

  And there was that one time, a long time ago, when we made love and he called out her name while he climaxed.

  She’d said nothing at the time, wasn’t even sure he knew he’d done it. On the inside she’d cried, but he’d never done that again. She knew to never hold it over his head for she’d met him at a time when he was still falling apart.

  “So Cameron, you know this isn’t necessary, okay? Stay if—”

  “Baby, baby, baby.” He smiled as he took both of her wrists into his hands and squeezed. “I’m not sad. Not in the least. I’m happy. You make me happy, baby.” He leaned in, lifted her chin, and pressed his soft lips against hers. She shuddered from his touch. He took a deep breath and they stared into each other’s eyes—dazing, gazing, falling deeper in love. Suddenly, he released her and dropped down on one knee. She thought she was shivering before, but now? She was shaking like a leaf.

  No…no way. He’s not going to do what I think he is about to do.

  Her eyes must’ve been huge. The muscles strained in them as she placed her hand against her mouth, watching Cameron dig about in his jeans pocket, sneaking glances at her as he did. A gasp escaped her mouth when he pulled out a small black velvet box, then popped open the lid. Resting in the palm of his hand was a glowing diamond ring. It was exquisite. Impeccable.

  “I had this ring specially made for you, Em. I figure I’d say that now, you know, just to make sure you don’t turn me down….a security blanket in the form of a guilt trip,” he teased, his eyes filling with mirth and tears.

  “It’s beautiful.” She jumped up and down on her tippy toes, thankful she’d decided upon a pair of black ballerina flats that day to go with her leggings versus the four-inch heels she’d been eyeing in the back of her closet.

  “So, you know what comes next.” He glanced at the ring proudly then looked up at her. “Emily Windsor, would you go to McDonalds with me?”

  “Cameron!”

  He burst out laughing and swiped at his eye with the pad of his thumb.

  “Okay, okay. Will you marry me, baby? Will you be my forever and a day?”

  “Yes!” she squealed.

  Opium sat there looking at them as if they were both nuts before turning away to sniff something along the ground. Cameron stood, slid the ring onto her finger, and before he could do or say anything else, she framed his face with both palms and brought him in for an urgent kiss. Suddenly, she heard muffled cheering, as if a television was on and the window open in some nearby apartment. “What’s that?”

  Cameron pulled away from her, her lipstick smeared all over his mouth, and reached down to the ground. She hadn’t even noticed. He’d had his phone propped up in that bag he’d used to put the “trash” in. When he brought his phone up close, a video call was on. There, all piled at a restaurant table together, were her father and Cameron’s parents.

  “Congratulations,” they all said with big smiles on their faces as they pushed each other a bit trying to get into the frame.

  “Oh, Dad, you’re gooood.” Everyone burst out laughing. “I just saw you this morning and you acted totally normal.”

  Her father nodded and grinned from ear to ear, his complexion deepening.

  “It was hard, Emily, but I’m glad I pulled it off. Congrats, you guys. We had the phone on mute on our end so you wouldn’t hear us until it was time.”

  “Emily, I want to see the ring,” one of her friends yelled, bopping up and down with glee. Emily shoved her hand closer to the phone as Cameron held it up. “It’s gorgeous.”

  “It really is,” Cameron’s mother said, the woman looking beautiful as ever. “Congratulations, both of you.”

  “Thanks, Mama.”

  His mother blew them a kiss.

  “Hey, hey, where are you guys?” she said over the noise and commotion.

  “We’re down here at the Bourke Street Bakery,” Father explained.

  “On Twenty-Eighth Street? You went without me?” She stomped her foot. “How could you? Is it good, Dad?”

  “Uh, yes, but we can discuss that later. Do you really think this is the time for that? You just got engaged, for God’s sake.” Everyone burst out laughing at her antics and her cheeks warmed with embarrassment. She’d been wanting to try that spot for months. “This is where we agreed to meet is all, and it worked out well. Anyway, we were watching and listening from Laura’s phone from the time you walked out of the building until right now. I’m really happy for you guys.”

  “Thanks, Dad. I’m still in shock. He took me totally by surprise.” She flicked a stray tear away from her eye and rested her head on Cameron’s strong, broad shoulder.

  “Cameron, your parents, though I just met them, are some amazing people. Well, looks like from this point on there’ll be lots of wedding planning.”

  “Yeah, looks that way.” Emily grinned.

  “Please make a budget, Emily, and don’t bust my chops since you know that I promised ya that whenever you get married, I’d foot the bill. You’ve always enjoyed saving your money, but spending mine.” Cameron’s father chuckled and Emily winked at him. What could she say? He was right. “And don’t try anything slick. I know all of your secrets. I am going to go over the invoices with a fine-toothed comb.”

  Emily and Cameron burst out laughing at her father’s antics. They spoke to their family and friends a bit longer, then disconnected the call. Enveloping him in her arms, she layered his face with kisses, never wanting to let go.

  “So, not that anything needs to be decided right now, but eventually we’ll need to go house hunting together, too. Get a place of our own. We’ve got a lot to take care of, but we can pace ourselves. I figure women take like two or three years to plan for their wedding, right? But here’s an option: We can move in together before that, but only if you want.”

  She kissed the tip of his nose.

  “That sounds like a good idea. The length of time needed for planning a we
dding depends on the venue, what caterers you want, things like that,” she explained as he nodded in understanding. “What about the apartment you were looking to rent?”

  “I just thought about us moving in today, actually. I mean, if we move in together, we could save some money. It’s kind of a long commute from my job to your place, but I think it may still be worth it. I can rent a place. It really is up to you. It’s just temporary, either way. We’ll pick out something nice together eventually. Something we both love.”

  “No doubt. I can’t believe this is happening!” she screamed with elation. “I love you, Cameron. Damn, you’re sneaky. I had no idea you were up to something, especially not planning a wedding proposal.”

  He squeezed her tight and spun her around.

  “This, to me, was a great place to propose. It was where I saw you for the very first time. On top of that, according to you, it was when you were beginning to wake up…to transform. Your heart led you here. Your heart led you to me.” His smile slowly faded as he held her close, a serious expression on his face. “When I say the words ‘I love you,’ they mean something, Emily. I don’t tell just anyone that. I need you to know and understand that I love you, baby. I love you like nothin’ else in this world. I love you with everything within me, my total heart and soul.”

  *

  Three Years Later

  Applause broke out as Emily stepped down from the dancing lights of the blue-lit stage in her husband’s crowded club. It was one thing to be in the audience, but quite another to perform. Her heart practically burst out of her chest from the intense adrenaline rush. Her nerves were a total wreck. Refusing to make eye contact with anyone in the audience, she quickly made her way through the crowd, a tight smile on her face. The sleeve of her navy-blue gown slipped off her shoulder as she made a mad dash in Cameron’s direction. He chuckled at her reaction.

  Dressed in a black button-down shirt and pants, he looked sexy as ever, but she still wished to smack the smug expression off his face. When she finally made it to him, he placed his bottle of beer down and planted a kiss on her lips.

  “See? It wasn’t that bad.”

  “Shut up.”

  He snorted, clearly amused. “Baby, don’t be that way. Did you hear the crowd? You rocked this shit. It took me four years to get your ass up there, but I finally did it.”

  “I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you taped it,” she hissed. “Because I’m not doing it again. I was so nervous I thought I was going to pee on myself.”

  “You do public speaking all the time. You’ve been on television. How is this any different?”

  “It’s way different. When I’m talking about money and investments, I’m confident. Singing, I am apprehensive and self-conscious. It’s not my God-given talent. I’ve essentially borrowed it, received it from some strange strike of lightning.”

  He seemed unsure as to how to respond at first, then he said, “Forget all of that. You need to come again next week. They’re buyin’ drinks. That means more money for us.” She twisted her lips. “All right, all right.” He smiled, throwing up his hands. “But at least you tried. That’s all I wanted. You sounded beautiful tonight, and what a perfect song to choose. ‘Through the Fire’ by Chaka Khan.”

  “Thank you. You know I’ve been on a Chaka Khan binge lately.”

  He wrapped his arms around her waist.

  “I love seeing you discover these artists, the ones I grew up hearing.” He pressed his lips against hers once more. “You look a little sleepy. Baby, let me close out in the back and then I’ll take you home, okay?”

  “Sounds good.” She winced as she pulled out a chair from the bar and took a seat.

  “Are you okay? What’s up? Need some water?” Cameron placed his hand on her shoulder, looking downright frightened. She smiled at him.

  “I’m fine. It’s just that there is so much pressure on my bladder now. The baby dropped. A drink of water would be good.”

  “You’ve got it.” He gave her another quick peck and raced away yelling, “Yo, Derek! Get Emily some water, please. Back in five minutes, baby.”

  She sipped on the water they brought her and tapped her foot to the music of a live jazz band that played in the club that night. Boy, did they sound good. The music vibrated through her, and she imagined her unborn son could feel every single note, like a heartbeat going wild.

  As she ran her hand softly along her protruding stomach, emotional pleasure flooded her soul. Smiling, she glanced up at the television above the bar, the noise so loud she couldn’t make out the words, but at one point a commercial came on for a heart medication. Her smile slowly faded.

  What a ride.

  I thought I was invincible, that my weak heart wouldn’t catch up with me. It did. I almost died. She blinked back tears. I was dying—not just physically, but spiritually. Ignorance is a sort of death, too, especially when you’re getting worse. I went through shock, anger, sadness about the discovery of who I really was as a person. It still haunts me to this day, but we have to forgive ourselves, right? That’s what Mrs. Coleman always reminds me to do.

  I love her. What a wonderful woman. Brooke was so lucky to have her as a mother. I go to her home and have pie and cola at least a few times a year, and we just sit there and laugh, cry, and talk. She really made my day a few months ago with the good news, though. They finally caught that bastard who killed Brooke. He got thirty years, no chance of parole. Justice was served, in more ways than one.

  Emily ran her hand along her stomach once again, feeling love and joy. You know what, son? Mrs. Coleman can’t wait to meet you, honey. Somehow, we know that some of Brooke will be with you too, because well, she’s a part of me and always will be. Even though she’s gone, she left a gift inside me, something you’re feeling up close, baby.

  Emily glanced at the drink menu. There was now a drink named after Brooke. It had been her idea—a vegan strawberry smoothie, vodka optional. It was red like a beating heart and went down smooth. Brooke, life is funny, isn’t it? Emily shook her head and looked around the place.

  Dad needs to come down here more often. Now that he’s got more time, he definitely should. It’s good that he’s somewhat retired, with me running more of the show. While I’m on my maternity leave, he will step in for a bit to pick up the slack, but I told him to not get used to it. I’ll be back.

  She giggled as she reflected.

  I can’t believe he’s engaged. I never thought he’d get married again. I’m so happy for him, though. Gina is a really nice lady. They started as friends, then their connection grew…just like mine and Cameron’s. Speaking of friends, mine have been amazing. Sasha was not only in my wedding party, but she’s one of my best friends now. She’s such an amazing person and she’s taught me so much. We have a ton of fun together, too. I just can’t believe how much has changed. How much I’VE changed.

  “Are you ready, baby?”

  Her handsome man stood before her, his coat on and hers draped over his arm.

  “Yes, I’m ready.” He helped her out of her seat then assisted her with getting on her coat. They exited the club and the cool night air hit her in just the right way, awakening her senses. Her hair blew back from her face as the crunch of autumn leaves crushed beneath her heels. Looping her arm around his, she listened to Cameron talk to her about all the things he needed to take care of that following week. He helped her into the car, then took off down the street. Empire of the Sun’s “Walking On a Dream” played on the radio during the first part of the drive. She listened to the song and reached for her man’s hand to squeeze it. To feel his closeness.

  “Are you sure you’re okay, baby? You look a little pale.”

  “I always look pale,” she joked, causing him to smirk.

  “You know what I mean, silly.”

  “Yeah, no, I’m fine, just a little tired.” She caressed her stomach and leaned back in the seat. “I can’t believe in less than two months he’s going to be here.”
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br />   “Cameron Brooklyn Davis. Sounds like a jazz musician’s name, doesn’t it?” He shot her a glance out of the corner of his eye as he traveled farther down the busy street.

  “Sounds more like a Wall Street data analyst name to me. In fact, I will make certain of it.” She winked at Cameron then burst out laughing.

  He shook his head, his eyes dancing.

  “That sounds good, too. Real good.” He squeezed her hand. “The great thing is that he can be both.” He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it.

  They continued on their trek back to Manhattan. She couldn’t wait to get to their lavish apartment, with an office for her and a poetry studio for him, and let herself sink into the thick sheets on their bed. Perhaps the hubby would give her one of his amazing foot massages as she drifted off to sleep after drinking a soothing cup of honey and lemon tea. She watched the world go by as the music played on low in the car, the leaves slowly blowing against the ground and the colors of life flowing together, creating the oxygen for the world to breathe. It was late on a Saturday night, but the traffic was bumper to bumper and the city was alive with blinking, bright lights and people milling about, enjoying their time away from their grinds. But of course, from where she came, there was always a hustle, a dollar to be made, a scheme to hatch and cash in on. She grinned as she felt the baby kick.

  I love feeling you. So alive, so resilient. I was told by two doctors to not get pregnant with you due to the heart transplant, but I did. I was told the pregnancy would be rough because of blood flow. But you, my son, have been nothing but kind to me. All I need is for you to grow big and strong. I was told that I wouldn’t live past age thirty and that getting a donor would be difficult, and yet, I’m still here. I was told many things that weren’t true. Sometimes the truth hurts more than the lie; sometimes it’s the other way around. But you can’t depend on a lie. It’ll always let you down.

  Her eyes watered with tears of joy as she thanked God, thanked Brooke, thanked Cameron, thanked everyone who’d played a role in her being able to sit there, in that car, listening to music, feeling her baby within her, and experiencing life through new eyes for the first time.