His Mischievous Bride (Regency Matchmaker Book 2)

by Celeste Jones

  I am neither a proficient nor comfortable liar and have little tolerance for the trait in others, so the idea of explaining there were three young men, but two different fathers—neither of whom was me—well, I was relieved at not having that conversation. It would have been impertinent for a shop owner to make such an inquiry but when confronted with an unusual circumstance such as three children all the same age with the same mother, it would not be surprising if he had inquired further.

  I was grateful for his discretion and made a note to return to his business when I next needed gifts for the tykes.

  Not knowing what would be best, I purchased a variety of items including a toy boat to sail on a lake in one of the local parks, a story book, and a ball, since Calliope had mentioned one of the boys was partial to them.

  Giving the door a knock, I was soon greeted by an attractive young woman who admitted me to the home. I gave her my card and announced I had arrived for Lady Calliope and her sons.

  The maid emitted an odd choking sort of sound deep in her throat, excused herself and then showed me into a parlor. Taking a seat, I put down the gifts I had brought and thumbed through the book which I had purchased. It was the story of a young man who wanted to be a soldier when he grew up.

  I could not help but wonder if one of these boys might someday pursue the military as a career. It would make me proud if I inspired one of them to follow in my footsteps.

  But, that was years away and there were many other pressing matters, most important at the moment was simply making their acquaintance and sizing up the challenge they might present.

  A thunderous clap of noise roared through the house. I dropped the book and instinctively I jumped from my seat and took cover behind an armchair, reaching for my pistol as I surveyed the situation and listened for further indication of events beyond the door.

  A tremendous clatter went up in the hallway, and I made my way carefully to the door planning to learn the source of the commotion.

  Dare I to go into the hallway, gun drawn? I did not wish to be an alarmist, but I also could not tolerate the idea of any harm coming to my Callie or any member of her household, particularly not her beloved boys.

  Based upon the cacophony in the hallway, I wondered if perhaps the home had been invaded by marauding pirates. Before I could open the door to peek into the hallway for the source of the commotion, the door flew open and three small beasts ran into the room, barking and circling the furniture like a band of savages.

  I clapped my hands together to get their attention, but they paid me no mind whatsoever. Insolent little mutts that they were, I assumed they must have run in from the street somehow. I holstered my weapon and chased after the blighters in a vain attempt to restore order.

  One paused momentarily to look me up and down and then turned his back on me with an arrogant sniff and hopped up on the chair I had just vacated, curled into a ball, yawned and laid his head down as if he intended to nap.

  The second one ran beneath a piece of furniture and managed to get himself stuck, whereupon he set about yelping at an ear-splitting pitch. This must not have been so unusual since the napping dog did not even so much as lift his head to check on his companion.

  The third little beast had made a place for himself upon an elaborately embroidered pillow and promptly set about licking himself in a most unseemly and disturbing manner.

  Kneeling down, I released the one which had gotten stuck under the furniture and was rewarded with many tail wags and a lick upon my nose. I held the wiggly ball of fur against my chest and stroked his head. Three dogs, three little boys. The picture was starting to make sense. These were not some band of street dogs which had snuck into a fine home. No, these animals were much too entitled and accustomed to their surroundings

  Several sets of footfalls echoed from the hallway and the maid who had admitted me to the house rounded the corner followed by two younger servants. She halted in the doorway and turned to the others. "Thank you, but I have the matter in hand. Go back to the kitchen."

  One of them opened her mouth to protest, but the maid, clearly not interested in what they had to say, raised her hand and pointed. "Go," she said, and the others scuttled off.

  The girl favored me with a bright smile and a quick curtsy. "My apologies, sir," she said. "The dogs are not fans of the bath." She gathered the one in the chair up, tucking him under her arm. He did not complain about being disturbed but he was not overly pleased about it either. The dog was, frankly, rather an arrogant cuss, if one could determine such things from a dog’s demeanor.

  She then approached the dog indulging himself upon the embroidered cushion. When she saw exactly what he was doing, her face flushed and she moved so her back was to me. This beast did not fare so well as the other as she grabbed it by the scruff of the neck and held it away from herself in disgust. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself," she hissed at him.

  The maid turned to me, one dog fitted between her arm and her body and the other held at arm’s length. "I beg your pardon, sir, but I will need to return for that one, if you do not mind keeping track of him, I shall be but a moment."

  I resumed my seat with the dog upon my lap and continued petting him, surprised to find some pleasure in the activity. "No," I said, "I do not mind."

  Callie

  I had only intended to take a quick peek into the room to assure myself that my little darlings were behaving themselves. I had missed them terribly during my time with William, despite his determined effort to keep me otherwise engaged.

  I suppose I ought to have expected the three of them being bathed together would lead to a bit of chaos, even more than usual. Distracted by all the items which needed to be taken care of during my move, I was not thinking clearly and though I opened the door cautiously, I ought to have called out to the servants who were tasked with washing the poor dears to make sure they had secured the animals, but I did not and even with only opening the door a crack, Wickham was able to charge the path of escape and went running down the hall. The force of his exertion against the door knocked me to the floor where I landed with an unladylike thump upon my rear end. Rather than give chase after the spirited pup, I was forced to examine myself for any injury.

  Of course, once the door was open, Bingley charged after Wickham. Darcy, usually a leader and not a follower, must have changed his attitude for when he saw a manner to escape a bath, he took it.

  Worse still, for my tender heart, was the fact not one of them paid the slightest attention to me or my plight. Their canine brains focused solely on escape. How could my boys behave so abhorrently? They were like rabid heathens scampering about the house. It was as though they had not paid any mind whatsoever to my many lectures on the importance of proper behavior for young gentlemen. There was vast disappointment in my heart as I made my way to standing.

  More alarming still was the fact William was waiting for me downstairs and believed... oh, I could hardly bring myself to put the thought into words even in my own mind... I had three small children. Not only that, but he believed I had borne them to two different men.

  If I had not been so caught up in trying to think of a way to keep him from learning the truth, I might have dissolved into peals of laughter over the whole notion of it. Me? The mother of three small sons? What had I said about Wickham's father? That he was probably out chasing some bitch in heat?

  Oh, it was all too funny to bear, but my laughter would have to be put on reserve until later. At the moment my house was engulfed in significant pandemonium.

  Tempest rushed up to me, took one look at the open door and the wet footprints down the hall and the staircase and gasped. "They have escaped?"

  I nodded, though the answer to her question was obvious.

  I glanced down the staircase and could see the open door to the parlour where I knew Mattie had taken William. How would he react to the dogs? I could not imagine the sight of three wet dogs rampaging through an elegant home would impress him.
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br />   He expected me to run his household like a proper army wife should. Not just any army wife, but the wife of a respected colonel. What would he think if I could not even manage three small dogs?

  My silliness had been the cause of our problems long ago and though he said he loved me just the way I am, I could not take him at his word. He was so caught up in his memories of me, I wondered if he really understood the reality of our hasty marriage.

  He would think I was attempting to make a fool of him.

  I was determined to be a proper wife for him. I simply needed some time to figure out how to make everything right.

  Chapter 7

  William

  Though I was anxious to collect Callie and her boys and be on our way to our new life together, I must admit I enjoyed a few quiet moments stroking the dog in my lap.

  We were not alone too many minutes before Callie joined us.

  I stood to greet her, and the dog tumbled from my lap. Though he looked a bit surprised when he landed on the floor, he happily wagged his tail and ran circles around us as we embraced.

  "I have missed you, my Callie," I whispered against her mouth, my strong hands pulling her close.

  Her hands slid up the front of my coat and she held my face close to hers. "I have missed you as well," she managed to say before my lips covered hers and all thought of dogs and children or anything else vanished as I lost myself in my wife’s kiss.

  "Thank you, sir. I shall take—"

  We were startled by the maid’s entrance into the room and Calliope jumped back from me as though I was on fire.

  The dog, which seemed content to continue running in circles had been standing right behind her when she moved, and she fell backward so quickly I was unable to steady her before she landed on the floor.

  The dog raced to her and licked her face repeatedly. My concern for her well-being was assuaged when I heard her laugh and say, "Bingley my boy, would you please get off me? Let Mattie take you to get a bath with your brothers."

  When Callie sat up the dog ran off with the maid following close behind as he ran around the room.

  I bent to assist Callie. In the commotion, the items which I had brought for the boys had fallen from the side table where I had placed them, and the ball rolled across the carpet. The dog charged around the room at full speed, joyfully yapping as he did so, obsessed with chasing the ball.

  I paused for a moment. Had she called the dog Bingley? Told him to get a bath with his... brothers? And he was chasing a ball... bloody hell.

  My jaw fell open and I gaped as Callie attempted to capture the unruly beast. My mind rolled back to the conversation we had about ‘the boys’. In a flash, it all made sense. I ought to have been angry at being made to look a fool in front of the general and the shopkeeper and who knows who else, but as I watched Callie and the maid scamper around the room after Bingley all I could do was laugh.

  Callie

  I ought to have confessed all and let him know I had realized his error just a few minutes before. That’s what I had intended to do. No secrets between us.

  I wanted to, but with the distractions of the dogs getting loose, additionally I simply did not know what to say. The idea that William might feel foolish was abhorrent to me.

  William’s hearty laughter distracted me from my chase of Bingley and I turned to stare at him.

  "I thought…" His words trailed off into more laughter.

  His unguarded mirth made me love him all the more and I finished his thought. "You thought my boys were actual boys and not dogs, did you not?"

  "Yes," he said, trying to catch his breath. "Oh, I have not laughed so hard in an age."

  Bingley, curious at the sounds of us both laughing, came out to investigate and Mattie quickly collected him and left the room, muttering something about lunatics on her way out.

  William and I continued laughing, holding our sides and each other at the same time. A good hard belly laugh is almost as good as sex. Almost.

  Fortunately, I had a feeling I was going to get to experience both within a short time span.

  William sat upon the sofa and pulled me across his lap. "What are you doing?" I demanded.

  "You tricked me," he said and began to swat my bottom.

  "I did no such thing," I protested. "I simply called them my boys and it never occurred to me that you would find that unusual. Honestly, did you actually think I would have relations with men outside of marriage... and two different men at that?"

  He continued swatting, though it was all in play based upon the light spanks he made to my backside. Once he finished, he reached beneath my skirts and began to fiddle with the ribbons holding my undergarments in place.

  "William," I said, "what are you doing now? Maybe you have lost your mind."

  "I am chastising my wife for telling tales and when I finish I am going to make love to her. Does that answer your question sufficiently?"

  "I object to being chastised," I said. "I have done nothing wrong."

  "Are you sure about that?" His fingers gave a tug to the ribbon holding my stockings in place and then he carefully removed them, baring my feet and legs to his touch.

  I struggled to get to my feet for I had no intention of a mid-day dalliance in the parlour where anyone in the household could enter the room and possibly people on the street could see us as well. "William," I said, "this is ridiculous."

  "What is ridiculous is a grown woman talking about her dogs in such a manner as to lead a sane man to believe they are her children."

  I laughed. "I do appreciate the fact, even when you thought I had been most improper with a variety of men and bore children with no fathers around, you still wished to be with me and to be a proper father to them. You are a good man, through and through."

  He swatted my bottom again. "Yes, I am." He stood and carried me with him as he got up from the sofa and walked to the back side of the piece of furniture, placing my hands on the headrest and bending me at the waist. "Here," he said, "keep your hands here, just like this."

  I did as I was told and bit my lip from asking what he intended to do. My skirts were flipped up over my back, apparently, he had decided to cooperate in at least a small way with my desire for some modesty since we were in a public room.

  Both his hands gripped the cheeks of my bottom and he spread them from side to side, taking in, no doubt, the pucker of my bottom hole. The man appeared to be obsessed with it. His fingers slipped into the folds of my womanhood. "You are quite ready for some love making, so I see, little Callie."

  I could feel the thick layers of moisture which had gathered in my womanly core. It was as though it had happened instantly, such was the effect William had upon me.

  He collected my womanly essence upon his fingers and slathered it down the crease of my bottom, paying especial attention to the pucker of my bottom hole. I gasped and gripped the backrest of the sofa more firmly, bracing my knees and pressing my feminine parts toward him, eager for him to fill me with his hard cock.

  I heard him fumble with his pants and felt quite sure he was about to satisfy me with a hard pounding from behind, but instead I felt cold metal press against the opening to my bottom. "Relax and let me in, Calliope. This little plug is just the thing for your beautiful arse," he said, stroking his fingers around the opening while pressing the foreign object against my pucker.

  ‘Twas shameful. An unnatural act. But, to my horror, I had been thinking of it with curiosity and yearning since our wedding night when he had first mentioned it. I took a deep breath and willed myself to loosen the muscles there and was rewarded with the heady sensation of a cool object breaching the opening to my arse.

  I could tell William was being very careful and only pressed the very tip of the object of torment into my opening. Holding it in place, he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "This is just the beginning my love. Soon I will be filling that beautiful arse of yours with my cock."

  I gasped at his crude words as well as th
eir implication. Just the small amount of pressure on my naughty hole had me bucking my hips, eager for more.

  Truly, I was shameful.

  He must have noticed for he gave a quick swat to one cheek. "All in due time, my dear, all in due time."

  I heard the rustle of clothing and soon felt the tip of his cock pressing into the folds of my womanhood. "My apologies for the lack of prelude, my dear, but I must have you and it must be now."

  I had no objections, for I had become quite eager myself and when he jammed into me, I held on and took it. Fast and hard he pumped back and forth, all the while holding the plug just inside the opening of my arse.

  William

  I had no idea how long I could restrain myself from climaxing. I had not intended to fornicate like a stable boy as soon as I saw my wife, but something about the silliness of the afternoon and our shared laughter had created a new level of intimacy between us and I felt compelled to act upon it.

  The fact I had an anal plug in my pocket had spurred me on as well.

  Though I had only pushed a small amount into her arse, the sight of Callie’s pucker opening for the plug had nearly been my undoing. I fumbled with my pants and slammed into her waiting cunny like a private on his first leave.

  With Callie, I was young again.

  Young and carefree.

  And I fucked with the same selfish abandon as a man half my age.

  My balls slapped against her flesh, tightening as my climax built. As it grew stronger and closer, I removed the plug and carefully massaged Callie’s bottom hole, in part to alleviate any discomfort, but also because I could not help myself. I had to put my finger inside her naughty opening and fill both her holes at the same time.

  While I moved my finger in a gentle circle around her arse opening. Callie groaned and rested her head on the back of the sofa, her hips swaying and eagerly pressing back against me.