Ellie

by Lesley Pearse

  He wished he could fully explain to her that until this weekend his life had been only work. He might be respected as the top man in his field, travelling the world and seeing sights few other men even dreamed of. But it was a lonely life, and until now, with Bonny beside him, he hadn’t fully realised just how empty. He had no immediate family left. His godmother was welcoming enough whenever he came home to London, arranging dinner parties and social events for his benefit, and he had friends too, but there was no one special person waiting for him eagerly.

  On Saturday evening they queued for an hour in the cold at the Odeon in Leicester Square to see Danny Kaye in The Secret World of Walter Mitty. Just the feel of Bonny’s hand in his warmed him. Once inside, laughing along with hundreds of strangers, he put his arm round her and felt like an excited adolescent out on his first date.

  Today they’d stayed in bed until eleven, dozing between bouts of sweet, delicious love-making. A walk in Green Park, lunch at the Ritz, then stumbling back here, desperate to be alone together.

  ‘I want to ask you to marry me,’ he said hoarsely, the lump in his throat making speech difficult. ‘But I can’t for a couple of years, Bonny. I’ve too many important assignments lined up. Will you wait for me?’

  Bonny hesitated before answering. This weekend hadn’t quite turned out as she expected. She’d come plotting to make this serious, vulnerable man fall for her completely, but although she’d succeeded, somehow he’d turned it around and now she felt vulnerable. Was she falling in love with him? She hadn’t thought it could ever happen to her again.

  John had surprised her over and over again in the last three days. He was a passionate and tender lover, far more capable of fun than she’d imagined, and so very generous. It felt right being with him; no secrecy, a future together, something she’d never had with Magnus. Now he was finally proposing. It was what she aimed for, what she wanted, but she couldn’t wait for two whole years! How could she go back to living in digs, moving from place to place? She wanted to live like this permanently, with a lovely bathroom, good food and soft beds. She’d just wither up and die if she had to spend another winter in places like Rotherham, Scunthorpe and Birmingham.

  ‘Two years is such a long time,’ she said, nuzzling into his neck. ‘I want to be with you now!’

  ‘I want to be with you too.’ He kissed her forehead and sighed. ‘But I can’t take you to the places I have to go and besides, you still have your dancing.’

  ‘But I don’t care about dancing any longer,’ she said quite truthfully. After this hotel she didn’t care if she never saw another pair of tap shoes. ‘I’d much rather be in your house in Somerset.’

  John smiled, amused that she thought The Chestnuts was habitable. He wondered what she would have said if she’d seen it as he had just before his parents died. As they became increasingly odd, they’d moved into the kitchen, chopping up the fine furniture for firewood. Chickens had wandered in and out, the bedrooms were littered with buckets and bowls to catch the drips from the leaky roof, and there was food in the cupboards which had gone bad months earlier.

  ‘I don’t think you would if you saw the condition it’s in,’ he said. After visiting Lydia Wynter with Bonny, he had managed to get down once to check on the builders. The roof was repaired, electricity had been put in and the severe problems with damp tackled, but there was replastering to do, many of the window frames had rotted and the garden was like a jungle. ‘There are men working on it, but while I’m so far away they don’t put their backs into it. And even if I could find the time to chivvy them up a bit, the house is very remote. I couldn’t leave you there on your own. We have to wait until we can be together all the time.’

  ‘I’ll be afraid you’ll meet someone else,’ she said weakly. She wasn’t really afraid of that, but she was scared that someone might just poison his mind against her in the meantime, that this blissful, dream-like state she was in would suddenly end.

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ he said tenderly. ‘Two years isn’t so long. It will give you time to get the stage out of your system, and me time to get my house ready for us.’

  Bonny sensed that any pleading would only make him suspicious of her haste. John wasn’t like any other man she’d met; he was a thinker and very conservative. Besides, she had another month of the tour to finish. Maybe by that time he’d be missing her so much that he’d change his mind. ‘Can I tell people we’re engaged then?’ she asked wistfully.

  John touched her face up to his and kissed her. ‘I’ll buy you a ring before you catch the train to Coventry,’ he said. ‘And you’ve got to promise you’ll write to me every day.’

  Ellie paused outside the Theatre Royal, looking up at its magnificent façade in awe. It was almost enough just to enter it for an audition, to walk on a stage on which every actor and actress of note had performed, let alone to perform here herself.

  There was spring in the air. She’d woken up to find the sun shining and had caught the bus from Hampstead instead of the tube. As it wound its slow way down through Chalk Farm and Camden Town she had seen a green mantle creeping over the many still uncleared bomb-sites, but she’d also seen real evidence of recovery from war. Lots of the shops in Camden Town had been repainted at last, and in Mornington Crescent work had started on building flats where great swathes of old tenements had been cleared. By the time she arrived at busy Covent Garden, she was feeling full of optimism. It was just as she remembered it before the war: the heady perfume of flowers mingling with the astringent smell of oranges and lemons, vivid banks of colour, red and yellow tulips, boxes of spring-bright daffodils, fluffy white clouds of gypsophila, burly red-faced porters shouting and laughing as they rushed around with teetering piles of baskets on their heads, the screech of metal-wheeled trolleys.

  She could recall an admiring porter handing her mother a bunch of daffodils here once, and the memory of Polly in her shabby coat blushing with pleasure was enough to remind her there was more at stake today than just a job. Polly had abandoned her dreams for Ellie. Now it was her turn to repay her.

  Edward had salvaged Ellie’s weekend, soothed her hurt pride, made her laugh and wrapped her in his comforting friendship. He’d even talked his landlady into letting her have a spare room for the rest of the time and had run through her audition piece with her up at the pub where he worked. He believed she was going to get the part today and she had no intention of letting him, her mother or herself down.

  She might have been too docile to slap Ray and that uppity Ruby Powers, but she had more than enough spirit to dazzle the producers of Oklahoma. Come hell or high water, she was going to get this part, whatever it took!

  ‘I’m here!’ Ellie yelled at the top of her voice, leaning out of the train window as Bonny came haring down the platform holding her hat with one hand, her case in the other.

  They’d agreed to meet at the ticket barrier for the six-thirty to Coventry, but with only a minute to go before the train left, Ellie had been compelled to get on.

  ‘I thought I was going to miss it,’ Bonny wheezed breathlessly, shoving her case at Ellie and leaping in.

  The guard blew his whistle and the train began to pull away. Bonny slumped back against the door, wiping her hand across her forehead. She was bright pink, beads of perspiration on her nose.

  There’s no—’ Ellie halted her sentence as she saw the sapphire ring on her friend’s finger. ‘Is that what I think it is?’

  ‘Yes.’ Bonny’s grin spread from ear to ear. ‘An engagement ring. John asked me to marry him!’

  ‘I was going to say there’s no seats.’ Ellie threw her arms round Bonny, ignoring the stares from the two men sharing the small space between carriages. ‘But that hardly matters now. Congratulations! Let’s see if there’s a drink to be had on the train to celebrate!’

  ‘Did you and Ray have a good time?’ Bonny asked, still panting.

  ‘Don’t even mention his name,’ Ellie said with a wide grin. More recent events ha
d all but erased him from her memory. ‘But I’ve got the part of Aldo Annie in Oklahoma – I went to the audition today.’

  Bonny’s mouth gaped open, her eyes wide with surprise. ‘Where, when. I mean! Oh, Ellie, I don’t know what to say!’

  ‘I’ll do the talking,’ Ellie grinned. She was shaking still with excitement. Forty-five girls had auditioned for the part, but she’d been selected. They’d even been prepared to wait until she’d finished her contract with this tour. Just as she was leaving the theatre, she’d seen the name ‘Majestic Inc.’ on a billboard. That meant Sir Miles Hamilton was involved with this production. Had he been instrumental in her getting the part? It gave her a warm feeling to think about it. If she became a big success then maybe one day she might even be able to get close enough to reveal who her mother was. ‘Oh Bonny! I’ve got enough to tell you about this weekend to last all the way to Coventry. Let’s look for the bar?’

  ‘From John?’ Ellie asked as Bonny came into their room reading a letter.

  It was three weeks since their respective weekends in London. They’d played Coventry, then Leicester and now Lincoln for the last week of the tour, the same old faces, the same old routine, just different towns. Ellie was still in bed. Although it was nearly noon, she didn’t feel there was anything to get up for, not in a town like Lincoln. Next week she would be starting rehearsals for Oklahoma, and she’d been happily imagining her future: curtain calls, bouquets of flowers and her name up in lights.

  ‘Mmm,’ Bonny murmured, sitting down on the bed, still reading. She finished the letter and tossed it aside, pursing her mouth in disappointment. ‘He’s still in the Persian Gulf, he hopes he can get back in a couple of weeks’ time, for a week or so, but then he’s going back again.’

  Ellie reached out and touched Bonny’s arm in silent sympathy. It was clear her friend really was serious about John now. She hadn’t even looked at another man in the last three weeks and she never tired of showing off her sapphire engagement ring.

  Ellie approved of John, even though she’d only met him a few times, well over a year ago. He might not be as charismatic as Magnus, but he was younger, single and he had a real future to offer Bonny. She had seen a change in her friend since that weekend in London; she was softer, more thoughtful, and she’d been writing to him daily. The trouble with Bonny was she always wanted everything now. She couldn’t wait for anything.

  ‘Maybe he won’t be there for long,’ Ellie said comfortingly. ‘Look on the bright side, Bonny, he loves you, he does want to marry you and even your parents won’t be able to find fault with such a well set up man.’

  Bonny pulled a face and scuffed the heel of her shoe against the lino, making it squeak. ‘I wouldn’t mind waiting so much if you and I were going to be working together, but you’ve got Oklahoma and all Bloomfield’s can suggest for me is a summer season in Margate.’

  Bonny had been ecstatic about Ellie getting the part in Oklahoma, right from the moment they exchanged their news on the train, all through their three-day celebrations, and the weeks that followed. She hadn’t shown even the slightest sign of jealousy, in fact she was still almost as keen on bandying around Ellie’s good fortune as she was at thrusting her engagement ring under the rest of the company’s noses. She teased Ellie daily by singing, ‘I’m Just a Girl who Can’t Say No’, the big hit from the show. This was the first time she’d even mentioned that Ellie’s big break meant the end of the road for their partnership.

  ‘I’m going to miss you so much too,’ Ellie said. Bonny had played such an important role in her life for so long, it seemed almost inconceivable that they might never dance together again after this tour. ‘But maybe it will turn out for the best. If you haven’t got a job, John might bring the wedding forward.’

  ‘I hoped I might be pregnant,’ Bonny said. ‘John didn’t use anything that first night. But no such luck, I came on this morning.’

  A cold chill went down Ellie’s spine. Until that moment she hadn’t even considered her own periods.

  ‘What’s up?’ Bonny looked round at Ellie, when she didn’t reprove her for wishing pregnancy on herself. She was staring into space.

  ‘I can’t remember when my last one was,’ Ellie said in a faint voice. ‘Can you?’

  ‘Your last what?’

  ‘Period.’ Ellie could feel her stomach churning.

  ‘It was when we were in Rugby.’ Bonny grinned. ‘Don’t you remember that chemist’s we went into to buy some S.T.s? You were too embarrassed to ask the man, and I had to buy them.’

  Ellie looked at Bonny in horror. ‘That long ago! Before we went to Birmingham!’ Her voice rose to a screech. ‘That’s more than six weeks!’

  Bonny looked thoughtful, counting on her fingers. ‘It’s five and a bit actually. That means you’re only a few days late, a week at most. I’m often much later than that, sometimes I don’t have one for months. Besides, you must have taken precautions, you’re too sensible not to.’

  ‘It split.’ Ellie’s eyes were now wide with alarm, two red blotches coming up on her cheeks. ‘I’d forgotten all about that until now, what with finding out about that Ruby, then getting the part, I didn’t even remember,’ she gabbled. ‘Oh Bonny! What am I going to do?’

  It was a rare event to see Ellie getting into a tizzy about anything. Bonny immediately forgot her own preoccupation with John. ‘You aren’t going to panic for a start,’ she said firmly. ‘Look! That weekend was like being on a roller-coaster for you! First the business with Ray which knocked the stuffing out of you. Then you passed the audition. After that we were getting tight every night for a week. Your body’s just gone a bit haywire.’

  Ellie still looked doubtful. ‘But what if it isn’t just that?’

  ‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,’ Bonny said sensibly. ‘We’ll be back in London in a week. If the worst comes to the worst, you can always get rid of it there. But I don’t think for one moment you’re pregnant. You couldn’t be that unlucky. Just think of being on the stage at the Theatre Royal and your name up in lights. That will keep you going!’

  Bonny looked out of the window when she heard John’s Jaguar pull up outside, but she made no attempt to go down to open the door. She had parted with Ellie on Liverpool Street station three weeks ago. Ellie had gone to find her digs in Islington and to start rehearsals; Bonny had returned home to her parents. A week out in Dagenham with John in the Persian Gulf, no job on the horizon and her mother constantly harping on about her becoming a secretary was too much to bear. Under the pretence of attending a few auditions, she persuaded her father to lend her some money and moved into a room in Notting Hill Gate. Bloomfield’s had offered her a place in another dancing troupe, starting next week, but if her plan worked tonight, there would be no need for that.

  John had sent her a telegram from Paris yesterday, saying he’d arrive by seven-thirty tonight. He was early, which suited her even better.

  Opening the door, she heard the woman on the ground floor speaking to him, telling him to go up to the third floor. As his feet came trampling up the bare wooden stairs, Bonny closed her door quietly and cast one last look around to make sure it looked right.

  It was a miserable, cold room, thin curtains barely meeting and peeling paper on the walls. But the bedspread and table-cloth she’d brought from home, the daffodils in a jam jar and a few framed photographs of her parents and Ellie all gave the impression that she had attempted to make it homely.

  At John’s knock, Bonny opened the door a crack and made a gasp of alarm at seeing him there. ‘I thought you said seven-thirty! I meant to meet you downstairs.’

  His bright smile faded. He peered past her into the room, almost as if he suspected she had someone else there.

  He was very sun-tanned and was wearing a pale-grey suit. He looked very suave and handsome, completely out of place here in this dingy house.

  ‘What’s the matter, Bonny? Aren’t you going to ask me in?’

  Bo
nny opened the door and turned away from him. ‘I didn’t want you to see it, it’s so awful. I’ve been trying to fix it up, but it’s hopeless.’

  He came in, glanced around, then putting his hands on her shoulders, turned her round to face him. ‘I didn’t come to see your room, only you,’ he said, tipping her face up to his. ‘How about a welcoming kiss?’

  Bonny let him draw her into his arms for the kiss, then slumped her head against his shoulder.

  ‘Were you intending to tell me fibs and make out it was really nice?’ he asked.

  Bonny shrugged and bit her lips nervously. ‘I suppose so. I don’t like you seeing me like this.’

  John’s eyes swept round the room and he shivered. ‘It’s cold. Let me take you to a restaurant – you can tell me all about it over a nice meal.’

  Once in the warm restaurant, a glass of wine in her hand and a meal on its way, Bonny told him her story. ‘There’s no work for me just now. Mum and Dad made it quite clear they weren’t going to keep me. So I found the room and got a job as a lunchtime waitress. I keep phoning Bloomfield’s but they’ve still got nothing for me.’

  ‘A waitress!’ John looked at her in horror. ‘I thought you were in the chorus of Oklahoma?’

  ‘I never said that,’ she said truthfully. ‘I only told you about Ellie being Aldo Annie and that I was in digs.’

  ‘But I just assumed …’ His voice tailed off, thinking back to that letter. He had thought it was odd that she had been so effusive about Ellie’s luck and yet not said anything about her own rehearsals or the rest of the chorus. But it hadn’t occurred to him she wasn’t included. ‘You can’t be a waitress!’