Undone

by Maya Banks

  “You may not see this now, Pippa, but I think you’re the best thing that ever happened to Cam,” Devon said.

  Pippa sighed. “Oh, I agree. I’m not some martyr who refuses to see her own value.”

  “Atta girl,” Devon said.

  Ashley squeezed her.

  Pippa crumpled into Ashley’s arms again, her misery overwhelming her. “God, Ash, I slept with him again. Tonight. After he ditched me at the clinic. After that spectacular demonstration of support, I still slept with him. Someone needs to lock me in my apartment for my own good.”

  Devon cleared his throat. “I, um, think I’ll leave you two alone now. If you need anything, holler.”

  Pippa watched in amusement as Devon all but ran from the room. Then she sighed and leaned her head on Ashley’s shoulder.

  “I’m stupid, Ash. He’s stupid. We’re both stupid and I still love him.”

  Ashley laughed softly. “Not stupid. Sometimes you can’t help who you love. God knows there were times I wished not to love Devon with everything I had.”

  “He was a bonehead there for a while,” Pippa acknowledged. “I guess that was what gave me hope with Cam. I thought maybe he’d come around. I’m an idiot. You can say it.”

  “You’re not an idiot! You’re smart and brave and I love you.”

  Pippa smiled. “I love you, too, Ash. Sorry for getting you all wet and disturbing your evening with Dev.”

  “Oh, like I didn’t crash at your place for days and sob and weep all over you like a dishrag.”

  “Yeah, you did, but it all worked out in the end.” Her lips turned down into an unhappy frown. “I don’t see that being the case here. Cam seems too comfortable in his misery.”

  “He’s really not so bad, Pip,” Ashley said softly.

  “You’re not in love with him,” Pippa pointed out. “You’re not facing an impossible future tied to him but relegated to being a nobody in his life. Not that I would have ever acted this way, but I’m beginning to see why some women don’t tell the father of their baby that they’re pregnant.”

  “You’re hurting now, but you did the right thing. You’ll see. It’ll work out, Pip. You have to believe it. Cam will come around. He’ll take one look at his child and be a complete goner.”

  Pippa raised her head from Ashley’s shoulder. “I hope you’re right.”

  * * *

  The next day, Pippa rode into the city with Devon and had him drop her off at her café. She was getting so close to the grand-opening date, and as a result, her nerves were near to exploding.

  All the paperwork was in order. Her first supplies had been delivered and her kitchen was set up with everything she could possibly need to start baking. All she had to do was…start.

  She had a list of items she intended to have out on opening day. She’d already placed ads for the employees she wanted to hire. She needed at least one person to help man the front and an assistant in the kitchen as well as a delivery driver for when she began taking catering jobs.

  She was finally, finally realizing her dream of opening her own business and she’d never been so scared in her life.

  After making a few calls to set up interviews, she unpacked the delivery and put everything away. The more she thought about her grand-opening date, the more she wanted to hyperventilate into a paper bag.

  But this is what she’d been working for. Cam had certainly made it a lot easier for her, but she would have accomplished it on her own. It might have taken her a few more months, but she would have done it. He’d only facilitated the matter.

  Her cell phone rang and she went completely still. Then she pulled it out of her pocket and stared at the screen for confirmation of what she already knew. Her mother had her own ringtone. It was as unmistakable as Miranda herself.

  “Boy, do you have rotten timing,” Pippa muttered.

  She briefly contemplated letting it go to voice mail, but that would be cowardly of her and then she’d have to listen to Miranda complain that her daughter was avoiding her. Okay, it was absolutely true, but if Pippa didn’t answer, Miranda would simply persist. Better to have done with it now.

  Besides, Miranda was harmless. Clueless, but utterly harmless.

  With a resigned sigh, she punched the answer button and then put the phone to her ear.

  “Hello, Mom.”

  “Pippa, darling! Hello! Long time no talk. How are you?”

  Pippa smiled despite herself. She always felt guilty about avoiding her mom. She knew in her heart of hearts that Miranda did love her. It wasn’t her fault she was… Well, Pippa wasn’t entirely certain how to describe her mother. Harmless worked well enough because Pippa truly didn’t believe her mother ever tried to be malicious.

  “I’m good, Mom. How are you? How is Paris?”

  “Oh, Paris was wonderful, but we’re on to Greece now. It’s so warm and sunshiny. I’m sure it’s much better than spring in the city. Don’t you think?”

  “How is Doug?”

  Pippa held her breath, hoping that she hadn’t just stuck her foot in her mouth. Was her mother still with Doug? She’d left the country with him, but one never knew with Miranda. She was just as likely to fall in love in Paris and go off with someone else. Miranda fell in love like most people changed underwear.

  “He’s having a wonderful time. We both are. He sends you his love.”

  That amused Pippa given that she’d never actually met the man. She was sure he was perfectly nice. But she doubted she’d ever know firsthand because it would be a miracle if her mother actually made it back home with the same guy.

  In a lot of ways, Miranda reminded Pippa of a child who’d been given more Christmas presents than she knew what to do with. She’d pick one up, ooh and ahh, and then promptly drop it and move on to the next one.

  That was Miranda’s love life in a nutshell.

  “When do you think you’ll be back?” Pippa asked casually.

  She hadn’t talked to her mom in months. Miranda didn’t know that Pippa was pregnant and she was racked with indecision over whether to break the news to her. It would likely devastate her mother, who considered herself far too young and beautiful to be called a grandmother.

  While some part of Pippa did long to share the news, she couldn’t bring herself to ruin Miranda’s trip. And it would ruin it. She’d spend the rest of her time wailing that she was too young and asking Doug or whatever guy was her current lover for reassurance that she didn’t look like a grandmother.

  “Oh, I don’t know. We’re having such fun. There’s no hurry, you know? Life’s too short. Unless you need me? Is there something wrong, Pippa, darling?”

  The hope in Miranda’s voice decided the matter for Pippa.

  “No, Mom. Have a good time, okay? We’ll talk more later.”

  “Love you, dear Pippa.”

  “Love you, too,” Pippa murmured as she rang off.

  After shoving the phone back into her pocket, Pippa stood in her kitchen for a long moment, feeling the weight of emotion settle over her shoulders. It was always like this after she spoke to her mother. Regret that she couldn’t have a normal relationship with her own mom. She wanted a mom like Ashley’s.

  Gloria Copeland fiercely loved her children. She was a rock, always there, offering unconditional love and support. If Ashley needed her mom, she was there. No questions asked.

  While Miranda might have the best of intentions, and she really did love her daughter, she just didn’t have it in her to be…maternal. The concept was as alien to Miranda as settling down with one man for more than a few months.

  Pippa had always considered her mother to be very much like a butterfly. Flitting from one thing to the next, never staying in one place for very long.

  Pippa herself preferred being a homebody. The idea of deviating from her routine gave her hives. She liked the city. Loved her circle of friends. Loved doing the same things every day. Maybe that made her a coward. Maybe she’d never go out into the world and take it
on bare-handed. But she knew what she liked. Knew what she wanted. And she simply wouldn’t settle for less.

  After putting the last of her things away, she went out the front and locked up. When she turned toward the street, she saw Cam’s driver standing there waiting beside the car. She shook her head. She should have known.

  John looked pointedly at her and then opened the door and gestured her over. With a sigh, she climbed into the backseat.

  Her pride wasn’t such that she’d turn down even the short ride to her apartment. She didn’t mind walking, but now that her belly was protruding more every day, her feet were paying the price.

  John dropped her off in front of her apartment and admonished her to apprise him of her schedule for the next day. After arranging a pickup time, she mounted the steps to her front door only to find a basket with a large blue bow on the stoop.

  She unlocked her door, pushed it open and then reached down for the basket to take it inside. After dropping her keys and sweater on the table in the foyer, she went into the living room and deposited the basket on the coffee table.

  There was a card attached just below the bow and she opened it.

  Forgive me.

  Cam.

  She hastily reached into the basket and pulled out a tiny Yankees uniform in a newborn size. She broke out in a smile as her vision blurred with unshed tears. It was adorable. The very first outfit for her baby boy.

  There was a teddy bear. A baseball and tiny catcher’s mitt. And two tickets to the next home game at Yankee Stadium.

  If Cam had been there she would have thrown her arms around him and all would have been forgiven. Which was why she was glad he was nowhere near her.

  It was a fault of hers. She was too forgiving. She couldn’t let herself be a doormat while Cam waffled back and forth like some sick version of Jekyll and Hyde.

  But the idea of him hurting, even as much as he’d hurt her, made her heart squeeze. He had five more months to get over this notion that their son was somehow replacing the child he’d lost. Surely that was enough time. Wasn’t it?

  “Oh, Cam,” she whispered. “What am I going to do about you? About us?”

  All she could do was take it one day at a time and hope and pray that Cam came around. Because if he didn’t? She and their son would lose, and she’d do anything at all to spare her son the pain of a father who didn’t want him.

  Fourteen

  It was the big day and it felt like Pippa had swallowed a giant rock. She’d been up the entire night before—baking, cleaning, arranging and stressing. Being the wonderful friend she was, Carly had hung out with Pippa until dawn. Pippa had shooed Ashley home much earlier. The poor woman was due to pop any day now and she was miserable.

  But everyone had promised to return for the 9:00 a.m. grand opening of Pippa’s Place.

  “Your displays are gorgeous, Pip,” Carly said. “What time are your employees coming in?”

  Pippa wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. “Any moment now. I could have had them in overnight to help, but to be honest, I’m too much of a control freak. I want everything just so for the first day. After this I can leave the shop in capable hands when needed.”

  Carly laughed. Then she impulsively hugged Pippa. “You need some rest, hon. You look exhausted.”

  “No rest for the weary today,” she said with a crooked grin. “I don’t close until this afternoon and I’m hoping to draw a large crowd. Cam might have gone a little overboard advertising the big event. Let’s just hope he didn’t oversell me and nobody likes my cooking.”

  “Not going to happen,” Carly said firmly.

  The front bell jangled and Pippa stuck her head through the kitchen door dividing the kitchen from the rest of the space. She waved her employee back and gave her instructions for stocking the displays with the remaining cupcakes and cookies.

  She busied herself with cleaning the kitchen while Carly greeted the second employee and put her to work. Pippa thought about the delivery van, which was parked in front of the shop today. It provided great advertising with its cheerful color and the shop name displayed predominately on the side.

  After her illegal drive through the city, she’d spent the next few weeks getting her driver’s license even though she hoped she never had to actually drive the thing herself.

  Satisfied that her kitchen was in order, she went into the bathroom to repair her appearance. What she really needed was a shower, but she didn’t have time to go home.

  “Pippa, you in there?”

  She cracked open the bathroom door to see Carly and Tabitha both standing there. They started to crowd in, both carrying cosmetic bags.

  “We’re here to do your hair and makeup,” Tabitha announced.

  Pippa smiled, put the seat of the toilet down and sat so her friends could fuss over her. Peace replaced the overwhelming sense of panic. This was it. Her dream was coming true today. It hadn’t gone exactly as she planned, but she wouldn’t change a single thing.

  Already she loved her son with a fierceness that surprised her. She hadn’t imagined being so connected to another life in quite this way. She talked to him every day. Sang to him at night. Read him stories while she lounged on the sofa after a long day of dealing with business stuff.

  Her child had given her a purpose. She was even more determined to succeed. To be a mom her son would be proud of. She never wanted her kid to feel about her the way she felt about her own mother.

  Where Miranda was more concerned for her own happiness than that of her child, Pippa was never going to go that route. Her son would be the single most important person in her life.

  For the next half hour, Tabitha and Carly kept up a lively stream of chatter as they applied makeup and touched up her hair. Pippa’s heart was full of love for her friends. They were working hard to keep her mind off the impending grand opening and to allay her nervousness.

  Just as they finished the last brush of the mascara wand, the door burst open and Ashley and Sylvia tried to shove inside.

  “Pippa, you have to come see!” Ashley exclaimed.

  She grabbed Pippa’s hand and hauled her toward the front. As they stumbled into the eating area, Pippa’s eyes rounded in shock.

  People. Lots and lots of people!

  All crowded outside the entrance to her shop. Waiting for her to open. And her employees, bless their hearts, were outside circulating with cups of hot coffee and samples of her baked goods.

  Tears gathered and Carly whispered fiercely in her ear. “Don’t you dare mess up that mascara!”

  Pippa laughed and then excitedly hugged all her friends.

  Half an hour later, the doors opened and the customers surged in. There was much laughter as all of Pippa’s friends helped serve the crush of people.

  For two hours there was no end to the line of people. As fast as they could ring customers up, others came in droves.

  It was past noon when Pippa looked up and saw Cam stride through the front door, shoving his way past a line of customers. He sought her out and then fixed his stare on her as he moved toward the counter.

  “Go on,” Ashley whispered. “I’ll take the register for a while.”

  “You sure?” Pippa looked doubtfully at her friend. “You’ve been on your feet for a long time, Ash. Maybe you should take a break. Devon’s going to kill me for wearing you out.”

  Ashley smiled. “I’m having fun and I get to eat all the cupcakes I want. Total win!”

  Pippa grinned back and then stepped away from the counter to meet Cam around the side.

  “Looks like you’ve drawn a huge crowd,” Cam said when she got close enough for her to hear him.

  “It’s fantastic! I can’t believe it. We’ve been hopping all morning.”

  Cam smiled. “Can I get a cup of coffee and a few minutes of your time?”

  She glanced over at her friends, who were waving her on and giving her the okay signal that they were fine handling the customers. She waved back and
said to Cam, “Okay, you’ve got me for a few minutes.”

  She poured him a cup of coffee, grabbed a pastry, a croissant and a cupcake and then motioned him into the kitchen.

  They walked through to the office at the very rear of the shop. She closed the door behind them and then took a seat at the small desk. Or rather she sagged into it.

  “Oh, my God, I may never get back up.” She groaned.

  His eyes narrowed in concern. “When was the last time you slept? Have you been here all night?”

  “It’s been a while,” she said ruefully. “And yeah, I was here all night getting ready.”

  “You should rest. That can’t be good for you or the baby.”

  “I won’t argue that point. I plan to go straight home and sleep about twelve hours before I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.”

  He was silent a long moment. He looked for the world like he wanted to argue. His lips were set in a line and his jaw ticked. He ran a hand through his hair. To her surprise, he seemed unsure of himself.

  “I wanted to come by to see how it was going. But mostly I wanted to say once more that I’m sorry for what happened at the clinic. I’m trying, Pippa. I know you probably don’t believe that, but I am trying to deal with this.”

  She pushed the coffee and the plate of yummies at him, her heart melting just a little at the vulnerability she saw in those troubled eyes of his.

  “Tell me how awesome I am,” she teased as she held up the cupcake.

  He looked suspiciously at the cupcake piled high with fluffy pink icing. Unable to resist the opening, she swiped a finger full and then smeared it over his lips.

  He reared back in surprise but his tongue automatically came out to lick away the sticky frosting. Then he took the cupcake from her and carefully peeled away the wrapper. He took a cautious bite and then stared down at it as if trying to figure out the mysteries of the universe.

  “Okay, you’re awesome.”

  “I know,” she said smugly. “Damn good, isn’t it?”

  He took another bite and then smiled. “Yeah. Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

  She cocked her head to the side and decided to let down her guard. “That depends on where you take me to dinner tonight. I’m starving and I want a steak. I’m sugared out from eating my own goodies. Me and baby want red meat.”

  She waited for the flinch. The inevitable reaction when he was reminded of the son she carried. But he didn’t react. He actually seemed hugely relieved that she’d taken the matter in hand and barged forward. Well, that was typical Pippa. Bull in a china closet and all that.

  “I’d like that,” he said in a somber voice. “I’ll make early reservations for us so you can get home and rest. I have a meeting in a little while but I’ll swing back by at closing time, run you by your apartment if you want to change and then we’ll go eat.”

  “That sounds awesome,” she said with a sigh.

  He rose from his seat and then held a hand out to help her up. “You’ve done a great job making this place your own, Pippa. By the looks of that crowd, I’d say they agree with me. You have a solid success on your hands.”

  She squeezed his hand as she came around the desk. “I owe a lot of it to you. If you hadn’t gotten me this great place, I’d probably still be looking for space to lease.”

  “I was glad to do it. You’ve worked hard for this.”

  Part of her was saddened by the slight awkwardness between them and the almost formal way they danced around each other. She longed for the easy friendship that she’d come to rely on over the past few months. If she couldn’t have a more intimate relationship with him, she’d at least take friendship. Anything but this unease between them.

  She gave him a quick hug to convey that she was seemingly unaffected by all that had transpired and then herded him back through the kitchen and out the front, where there was still a steady stream of customers spilling into the shop.

  He hesitated a moment as they stood at the counter and then he leaned in to brush his lips across her cheek. “I’ll see you in a few hours. Try to take it easy, okay?”

  As he walked away, she raised trembling fingers to the place he’d kissed her.