by Maya Banks
he’d ever been in his life.
He loved her, damn it.
He’d lied to himself and to her. He’d spouted all kinds of crap about not wanting to love her. Yeah, he hadn’t wanted to but he did and that wasn’t going to change.
And now he had to crawl on hands and knees and beg her to give him yet another chance.
He hurried out of his office and through the kitchen to the garage. He yanked the keys from the hook, and not giving any consideration to how he looked or how he was dressed, he climbed into the Escalade.
He was driving back to the damn city and he was going to her apartment and he didn’t care if it was four in the morning. This couldn’t wait. He couldn’t wait.
Some things needed to be done immediately, and this was one of them. He’d made her wait all this time. He wasn’t waiting another damn moment.
It had taken immeasurable courage for her to come to his house and face him down, tell him she loved him and wait with her heart on her sleeve.
How could he not do the same for her?
It would be the hardest thing and yet the easiest thing he’d ever do. Because when faced with the alternative of living his life without her and their son? Crawling didn’t seem so bad.
* * *
Pippa trudged into her apartment, weariness overtaking her. Her head ached from trying to hold off the tears. Her eyes were swollen and scratchy. She was heartsick and numb from head to toe.
She felt…lost. Like she wasn’t sure what came next. There was such finality to her confrontation with Cam. What was she supposed to do?
She sank onto the couch, tossed her purse onto the coffee table and closed her eyes. Her head throbbed. She needed sleep. At least there, she could escape for a while and not feel so horrible.
She arranged one of the cushions against the arm of the couch and pulled her feet up, curling up on her side. Exhaustion beat at her, making her remember that between her grand opening, Ashley giving birth and all the angst over Cam, she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in longer than she could remember.
She pulled out her phone, looked at the time and winced. She’d need to be up in just a couple of hours. She set the alarm on her phone so she’d be sure to wake and then she reached over to set it on top of the coffee table next to her purse.
Then she closed her eyes and let the comforting blanket of sleep slide over her.
* * *
The smell of smoke woke Pippa from a dead sleep. She opened her eyes, confused by the darkness and the acrid smell of something burning. She blinked away the cloud of disorientation and then shoved herself up from the couch in horror.
Flames surrounded her and the scorching heat singed her skin. Everywhere there was a wall of orange fire and smoke billowing heavily. It was so dense she had no idea where she was or which way was out or if there even was a way out.
She breathed in and then coughed as her lungs burned. Panic slammed into her as she realized the horrific danger she was in.
Clutching her belly, she lunged from the couch, trying to see through the flames and smoke to know if she could make it to the door.
Then she remembered that in a fire, the safest place to be was as close to the floor as possible. She dropped down, as low as she could with her burgeoning belly, and pulled her shirt up to cover her nose and mouth.
Her phone. Where was her phone?
She turned back but lost sight of the couch in the haze of smoke. She was fast becoming so disoriented that if she didn’t do something now she was going to die.
She closed her eyes and pictured the layout of the room and forced her panic down so she could focus. She knew every inch of her apartment and she wasn’t going to let her hysteria make her do something stupid.
She had to save her baby. She had to save herself.
Still holding her shirt over her face, she began to crawl in the direction of the front door. Above her, flames licked over the ceiling and smoke billowed from every corner. It was becoming harder and harder to breathe and she was sick with worry of what this was doing to her baby.
Thoughts of her child renewed her determination to get out no matter what. She scrambled over hot, smoldering rubble and made it to the foyer. Just a little farther. There didn’t appear to be as much smoke close to the door and she put on a burst of speed, ignoring the cuts and burns to her palms and knees.
She was a few feet away when the door splintered and cracked and caved in. Smoke began drawing through the opening, pulling around her and enveloping her. She heard a shout and then strong hands gripped her, pulling her upward.
The fireman cradled her in his arms and barged out the front door into the cool night air. Around her, the world was a sea of flashing lights, smoke and flames shooting toward the star-filled sky.
“Is there anyone else in your apartment?” the fireman yelled to her.
She shook her head. “No,” she replied, dismayed by the fact the denial came out in a barely audible croak.
He carried her to a waiting ambulance where she was handed over to another man who promptly put her on a stretcher.
“The baby,” she rasped out. “I’m pregnant.”
An oxygen mask covered her face, blocking out anything further she’d say. The next thing she knew, she was laid flat, pushed into the back of the ambulance and two paramedics hovered anxiously over.
There was a prick in her arm. They shouted down questions to her. She tried to tell them she was okay, but she couldn’t say anything through the mask and her throat hurt too badly, anyway.
Numbly she lay there, trying to process what had just happened. Darkness grew around the edges of her sight and then one of the medics leaned down close, shouting at her to stay awake and with them.
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” she tried to say, but she couldn’t get her mouth to work.
She blinked twice and then the world went black around her.
Twenty-one
As soon as Cam turned onto Pippa’s street, his stomach dropped and his mouth went dry. He gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles as he accelerated.
The entire world was ablaze with flashing lights. Police cars, ambulances, fire trucks. The smell of smoke was heavy, and the sky was colored orange with the glow of flames.
He screeched to a halt in front of a police barricade and he was out of his SUV like a shot, running toward Pippa’s apartment. The entire row of buildings was ablaze and firemen directed a steady stream of water from multiple directions.
“Hey! You can’t go in there!”
He ignored the shout, his only thought to get to Pippa. Oh, God. Not again. Anything but this. He couldn’t lose her! A sob tore from his throat.
He’d just reached the front line of fire trucks and ambulances when he was hit by a flying tackle. He hit the ground hard and came up swinging. A police officer hovered over him, shouting something Cam couldn’t hear or understand.
Another officer joined in, helping wrestle Cam to the ground.
“Get off me!” he yelled hoarsely. “I have to get to her. Pippa! She’s pregnant! I have to save her.”
“You aren’t going anywhere,” the officer growled as he exerted more pressure over Cam’s neck. “Get it together, son. The entire block is on fire. You’ll just get yourself killed.”
“Don’t make us arrest you,” the other officer threatened. “I get that you’re worried, but they’re doing everything they can to make sure everyone gets out. Let them do their job. The last thing they need is to have to go in to save your stupid ass.”
“Let me up,” Cam demanded. “I have to know if she’s okay. Did they get her out?”
Slowly the first officer eased up on the arm across Cam’s throat. He glanced warily at Cam as he and the other officer hauled Cam to his feet.
“Don’t make any sudden moves,” the officer warned.
Cam put his hands up, his heart pounding with dread as he eyed the carnage around him. This was his worst nightmare playing out in rea
l time.
Fate was dealing him yet another blow, one he may never recover from. But no, this wasn’t fate. He could have prevented this. If only he’d reached out as she had done. If he’d only been willing to take the chance that she had taken by coming to him.
He alone was at fault. If something happened to Pippa and their child, his life was over.
“Pippa,” he said hoarsely. “Pippa Laingley. She lived there.” He pointed at her apartment, his hand shaking, his voice cracking under the weight of his terror. “She would have just gotten home not so long ago. She was tired and upset. Please, can you just tell me if they found her?”
The officer pointed at Cam, his expression stern. “You stay here. I’ll go see what I can find out.” He gestured for the other officer to stay with Cam.
He watched the officer wade through the firefighters and other EMS workers. It was all he could do to stand there while his heart was dying with each breath. The officer standing beside him eyed him with sympathy.
“They got several out already,” he said in a low voice. “Many have already been taken to the hospital. I’m sure if she was in there that they got her.”
A few moments later, the first officer returned, a grim expression on his face. Cam lunged forward, getting so close he was almost pressing up against the policeman’s chest.
“They took her away in an ambulance maybe a half hour ago. She was one of the first they got out. I don’t have any further details. It’s crazy right now, but they said she was conscious and appeared to be unharmed.”
Cam’s knees buckled and he nearly went down. All his breath rushed out in a violent explosion of relief.
“Whoa, steady there. Maybe you should take a seat.”
Cam shook his head. “No. I have to go. Where did they take her?”
He was already turning to run to his SUV when the officer called after him with the name of the hospital. Cam sprinted from the scene, got into his truck and pulled away from the chaos.
He had to force himself not to drive recklessly when all he could think was to get to Pippa as fast as he could. He had to see her. Had to know she was all right. Had to hold her again and tell her everything that was in his heart. Everything he’d been too stubborn and too stupid to tell her before.
He only hoped to hell she would listen.
* * *
Pippa lay on the uncomfortable bed in the small cubicle in the emergency room as nurses came and went. Her horrific panic had settled somewhat with the news from the doctor that the baby was okay. She hadn’t been subjected to the smoke long enough to do any lasting damage to her or the baby.
But she kept imagining what could have happened.
What if she hadn’t awakened when she had? What if she hadn’t gotten out as soon as she did?
The images wouldn’t go away.
She rubbed her belly in a soothing circle, reassured by the baby’s movements. The past hour had been a blur as she’d been poked, prodded, stuck, checked over. A sonogram had been ordered and she’d gotten to see for herself that her baby was still there, still alive and didn’t seem in any distress.
She reeked of smoke. She looked like hell. But she didn’t care. All that mattered was that her baby was okay.
Her door opened and to her surprise Devon poked his head in. To her further surprise, Ashley came in behind him and all but ran to Pippa’s bedside.
“Pippa! Oh, my God,” Ashley choked out.
Ashley threw her arms around Pippa, who lay there, stunned and unable to find her voice.
“What on earth?” she finally managed to sputter. “Ashley, what are you doing here? You just had a baby! You should be in bed.”
Devon came around to the other side of Pippa’s bed and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “We were worried, Pippa. When we heard, Ashley had to come right down. I couldn’t very well tell her no.”
Pippa frowned. “You should have. Where’s Katelynn? Ash, are you okay?”
Ashley hugged Pippa fiercely and then pulled away, her eyes flashing. “I’m fine! The question is how are you? I had a baby, Pip. Normal delivery. I’ve been up walking around all day. And Katelynn is in the nursery for now. Tell me what on earth happened!”
Ashley slid onto the edge of the bed beside Pippa and grasped her hand, squeezing tightly. It was the last straw. Tears streaked down Pippa’s cheeks and she hiccuped back a sob.
Devon gently stroked Pippa’s hair. Ashley gathered Pippa’s hands in hers and leaned forward, concern etched on her brow.
“Oh, Ashley,” Pippa whispered. “It’s been such an awful night.”
“Wait, did you go see Cam?” Her eyes widened as she seemed to realize something. “Oh, no. What happened?”
“It’s over,” Pippa said, her voice cracking under the emotional strain and the rawness from the smoke. “I went to his house, told him I loved him and now it’s over.”
Ashley held on to her tightly, rubbing her hand up and down Pippa’s back.
“I’m going to step outside,” Devon murmured. “Give you girls some time alone. If you need anything, I’ll be right outside the door.”
He gave her one last affectionate touch on the arm and then left.
Ashley pulled away and gently pushed Pippa’s bedraggled hair from her face. “Tell me everything, starting with what the doctor said. You scared me to death. I want to know you’re okay first and then I want to know everything that happened at Cam’s.”
“The doctor says I’m fine. The baby is fine. I went to sleep on the couch and when I woke up, the whole apartment was on fire. But I got out before I inhaled too much smoke. I was lucky. I’m a bit scraped up from crawling, but I’ll be fine. The doctor even says that I can go home by tomorrow afternoon.…”
She trailed off, realizing that she no longer had a home.
Fresh tears surged, spilling down her cheeks.
“It’ll be okay, Pip,” Ashley soothed. “I promise you. I don’t want you to worry. Mama will be here later in the morning. You know she loves you just like a daughter. She’s already making plans to bring you home with her and take care of you.”
Pippa smiled shakily. “You have no idea how much I need her right now.” She broke off and sighed. “I should be happy. I made a decision. I told Cam off. Rightfully so. But I’m so miserable. I love that jerk and I’m mad that I can’t make it stop.”
“Tell me,” Ashley said quietly.
Pippa looked down at her hands, humiliation and devastation pummeling her all over again. “He told me he didn’t want to love me or our baby. Not that he couldn’t or that he didn’t believe he’d ever find another soul mate. Just that he didn’t want to love us. He was so…cold.”
Ashley scowled. “I hate him. I don’t care if he’s Dev’s best friend. I swear the man fell out of the stupid tree and hit every damn branch on the way down.”
Pippa tried to laugh but she dissolved into a coughing fit instead.
“Easy,” Ashley murmured. “Catch your breath. You’ve been through a lot tonight.”
“Oh, God. It all feels so unreal.”
Ashley squeezed her hands again. “I don’t want you to stress about this. I know that sounds absurd. You’ve had the rug pulled out from underneath you and right now you likely think your entire world is falling apart. But it’s going to be okay. You have me. You have Mama. You have Sylvia, Carly and Tabitha to help. Devon will do whatever he can, you know that. Please don’t make yourself sick worrying. Right now you just need to focus on you and the baby and making sure you’re both healthy.”
Pippa gave her a watery smile. “Thank you. I love you, Ash. I don’t know what I’d ever do without you.”
“I want you to get some rest now, okay? It’s almost time for Katelynn’s next feeding so I’m going to go back up, but I’ll have Dev check in on you. Mama will bring you something to wear home. I want to know the minute you’re released. I’m supposed to go home today, too, so maybe we can blow this joint together.”
Pippa s
queezed Ashley’s hand. “Thanks, Ash. You’re the best. Kiss that baby for me.”
Ashley fussed with the pillow and tucked the sheet more firmly around Pippa before she finally backed away from the bed and started for the door.
As soon as Ashley disappeared from view, Pippa closed her eyes and melted into the bed. Exhaustion beat at her. She’d reached her absolute limit. She was physically and emotionally spent. There was nothing left except vast emptiness and an unnerving ache in her heart.
Twenty-two
Cam strode through the doors of the E.R. and went to the desk to inquire about Pippa. He blatantly lied, saying he was her husband and then demanding to see her. One of the nurses motioned him through a series of doors and then pointed down the hall and told him she was in room seven.
As he rushed forward, he realized that Devon was standing out in the hall. He was about to call out when the door to Pippa’s room opened and Ashley came out.
Devon put his arm around his wife and started to lead her down the hall when he and Ashley both looked up and saw Cam.
He hadn’t expected there to be much love for him from Ashley at the moment, but the anger in Devon’s tight expression surprised him.
“How is she?” he demanded.
He would have just shoved by and gone into her room, but Devon blocked him. Then Ashley put her hand on Cam’s arm, which halted him immediately. He had no desire to risk hurting her. She shouldn’t even be running around the hospital after just having had a baby.
“Cam, please,” Ashley said softly. “Leave her be.”
He backed away and shoved his hand through his hair.
“Leave her be? I need to see her. I need to see for myself that she’s okay. You can’t possibly understand what it was like to drive up to her apartment and imagine that she was trapped inside that inferno.”
It made him sick all over again just thinking about it. It was an image that would live with him for a long time to come.
“She’s exhausted. She needs rest. Cam, she’s so…fragile right now.”
Her hesitant description only made him more determined to get into that room.
Ashley gripped his arm once more and it was only then he realized he’d moved forward.
“Let her rest. You’ve done enough tonight. You can’t barge in there and upset her. She’s been through hell. She doesn’t know you were the one who called us. She didn’t even ask us how we knew she was here.”
He closed his eyes as bleakness settled over him. “She hates me.”
“No, she loves you,” Ashley said softly. “And that’s the problem. It’s why you can’t go in there and take advantage of how distraught and run-down she is. I’ll never forgive you if you don’t give her some space and let her at least sleep a few hours. She looks terrible, Cam. Part of that is your fault.”
“Don’t upset her,” Devon said, speaking up for the first time. “Ashley’s right. She’s extremely fragile right now. Barging in there to assuage your guilt won’t make that any better. For once think of someone other than yourself.”
The angry censure in Devon’s voice made Cam flinch.
“This has nothing to do with guilt,” he said in frustration. “Damn it, I love her. I have to tell her. I can’t let things go the way they ended between us.”
Devon put his hand on Cam’s shoulder. “If you love her, then it’ll wait. You can wait. Don’t push right now, Cam. I promise you, the result won’t be good. She’s past her breaking point.”
“I’m not leaving,” Cam said fiercely.
“Nobody says you have to.”
Cam closed his eyes, his shoulders sagging. “All right. I won’t go in now.”
The idea that she was exhausted, weak and emotionally spent tore at him. He wanted nothing more than to hold her. To cradle her in his arms, whisper that he loved her and that everything would be all right.
