by Maya Banks
He hadn’t been there for her before but he’d be damned if he’d desert her now.
Ashley’s gaze found his and her big blue eyes stared imploringly at him. But they also held a warning.
“Make this right with her, Cam. And don’t you ever hurt her again.”
“I’ll spend the rest of my life loving and protecting her if she’ll have me.”
Devon blew out his breath. “Yeah, that’s the big question, man. You’re not going to have an easy time of this.”
Cam knew it but his heart still sank at the conviction in Devon’s voice.
“I’ll be down later to check in on her,” Devon said.
It was a warning to Cam that Devon would be back and that he better not find her upset. Cam acknowledged him with a nod and then watched as Devon and Ashley slowly walked down the hall.
Cam glanced at the closed door, wishing for the world that he could just see her. Just touch her. He walked to the end of the corridor and grabbed a chair. He set it across from Pippa’s door and sat down to begin his vigil.
He wasn’t leaving.
And so he sat, staring broodingly at her door. At one point a nurse went in, giving him an apprehensive glance. A moment later, she came back out and Cam surged to his feet.
“How is she?” he asked, his voice almost a croak.
The nurse stared at him a moment, her brow furrowed. “I’m sorry but I’m not allowed to give out that information.”
“I’m her husband,” he said, and then realized how stupid it seemed for him to be sitting in the hall if he were married to her. “I…I just wanted her to rest and I’ve been so worried. I didn’t want to put additional stress on her.”
Her expression softened. “She’s sleeping. Quite soundly. She never even moved when I checked her vitals.”
Cam nodded and murmured his thanks. He wiped nervous palms down his pant legs as the nurse hurried away and then he tentatively opened the door, careful to not make a sound.
If she was asleep, then she’d never know he was here. He could watch her for a while and know that she was safe. He eased the door open farther and stepped inside, his gaze immediately seeking her out in the semidarkened room.
She was lying on a narrow bed with her back elevated. She was sleeping as the nurse had said, but she didn’t look at all comfortable. She was sagging to one side and seemed precariously close to sliding off the bed.
He took another step closer and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. Fragile had been a good word to describe her. She looked so small against the bed. Her hair was in disarray. He could smell the faint scent of smoke.
She was pale and her face seemed thinner. There were dark smudges underneath her eyes. His gaze dropped to her hands and he frowned to see scrapes on her palms.
She looked worn through. As Devon had said, past her limits. Cam had pushed her there.
Unable to resist, he lowered his fingers, simply wanting to touch her. He traced the lines of her face, gently pushing back a tendril of hair that rested close to her mouth.
Then he bent and gently kissed her forehead, closing his eyes and allowing his mouth to rest there for the briefest of moments.
“I love you,” he whispered.
* * *
Pippa awoke with the nagging sense that she’d missed something. Her dreams had been odd, occupied by Cam and infinite tenderness instead of flames, smoke and fear. They had been nice but bizarre.
There was no clock in the room and if it weren’t for the bright sunlight streaming through the small window, she’d have no idea it was daytime.
She automatically smoothed her hands over the bulge of her belly and smiled when the baby kicked. Relief was sweet. She and the baby were going to be all right.
Just then, her door opened and Gloria Copeland bustled through, looking determined and agitated. But the moment their eyes met, her gaze softened and she rushed over to the bed to enfold Pippa in her arms.
“My poor baby,” she crooned. “Are you all right? Devon told me what the doctor said but I’ve been so worried about you.”
To Pippa’s never-ending shame, she started crying again. It was becoming ridiculous how easily she became a watering pot.
“Oh honey,” Gloria said. “Don’t cry. You know you’re coming to stay with me. I have a bedroom all ready for you. I’m putting you next to Ashley’s old room. I’m hoping she and Katelynn will stay a few days and it’ll be just like old times. Having my girls around will be such a delight. I can fuss over all of you.”
“I love you, Mrs. C.” Pippa sniffled.
Gloria smoothed Pippa’s bedraggled hair from her face and then kissed her forehead. “I love you too, baby. It’s going to be all right. I promise. It may look bad right now but we’re going to get you back on your feet in no time.”
Pippa squeezed Gloria’s hand. “I’m so lucky to have you and Ashley. You’re the only family I have.”
And Pippa knew it was true. Blood didn’t count for much at all. Miranda may have given her life, but family wasn’t necessarily about blood. It was about uncompromising love and support. About always being there no matter how hard things were.
This was what she wanted for her son. And she’d give it to him no matter what she had to do.
Gloria hugged her again, and really, Pippa was perfectly happy to be hugged all day. Each time, a little more of her melancholy drifted away.
“Tell you what we’re going to do. I’m going to take you home and put you to bed. As soon as you’re up to it, we’re going to have a spa day. If that doesn’t put the pep back into your step, I don’t know what will. We’ll bring Ashley, too.”
Pippa smiled. A girlie day with Ashley and her mom sounded…wonderful.
“There now, see? You’re smiling already,” Gloria said. “Seriously, honey, I don’t want you worrying about a thing. I’ll have William sort out your hospital bill. You’ll stay with us until the baby’s born. There’s no sense you shouldering the stress of trying to find a new apartment when you should be focusing on your baby. We’ll have great fun. You’ll see.”
Pippa wouldn’t refuse Gloria Copeland’s hospitality even if she wanted to. Nobody ever stood a chance against her. She was a force of nature and Pippa loved her for it.
Then she frowned as reality crashed in. “What about my bakery? I can’t just leave it.”
“Of course not,” Gloria soothed. “We’ll manage. You have employees who can handle things for a few days while you rest and recover. After that, we’ll work out a way for you to get to work each morning. William will be more than happy to provide a driver for you.”
Pippa smiled again. “Thank you. Seriously. I don’t know what I’d do without you and Mr. C. and Ashley.”
Gloria beamed. “William will be glad to hear that. You know he loves you just as much as I do even if he can be an old goat sometimes.”
Pippa snickered.
“Now, let me find out when they’re going to let you out of this place,” Gloria said. “The sooner we get you home, the better. We’ll have our physician check in on you daily just to make sure all is well.”
Pippa leaned back against the pillows and sighed. Things were already looking up. She’d get beyond this with the help of the people she loved.
A few moments later, Gloria returned. Once again she had that odd look on her face as she came through the door.
“What did the doctor say?” Pippa asked.
Gloria blinked. “Oh, I didn’t talk to him. I spoke to the nurse. She says you’ll be ready to go home in just a couple of hours.”
An uneasy feeling crept over Pippa. Something was up with Mrs. C. “Is anything wrong?”
Gloria looked up at the sharpness in Pippa’s tone. She glanced back toward the door and then she sighed. “You’ll know soon enough, anyway. Cam’s outside the door. Looks like he’s been there all night. He refuses to budge. Just sits there in that chair and broods. He wanted to come in, but I told him not to. I didn’t want to upset you.�
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Pippa’s heart thudded painfully. Her fingers automatically curled into fists and she went quiet. Her breathing was loud in the silent room and she stared at the wall as if she could see through it to Cam sitting on the other side.
“I don’t want to see him,” she whispered.
Gloria put her arm around Pippa’s shoulders and squeezed. “You don’t have to, baby. I just didn’t want you to get a shock when you left and he was there in front of you.”
“No, it’s okay. Thank you for the heads-up. It’s just that we have nothing left to say to each other.”
Gloria kissed her temple and squeezed her a little harder. “Ashley’s being discharged today and is bringing Katelynn home. We’ll all just go to my apartment together once you’re released.”
Pippa nodded numbly, her mind still on Cam. She wasn’t a coward, but the very last thing she wanted right now was another confrontation. His words had cut her to the core and it was a wound she wouldn’t recover from in a day or even a week.
One day at a time. Things would get better. She had to believe that.
Twenty-three
Cam paced the hallway outside of Pippa’s door, wondering at one point why he didn’t just walk in and force a confrontation. Then he shook his head. It wasn’t the time or the place. Devon and Ashley were right. Pippa was holding on by a thread. This wasn’t about him.
He glanced up when he saw Devon coming down the hallway.
“Have you been in to see her?” Devon asked as he stopped in front of Pippa’s door.
Cam shook his head. “Ashley’s mom is in with her. She didn’t want me anywhere near Pippa. I don’t blame her. Where’s Ashley and Katelynn?”
“They’re in the car. I pulled it around to the exit. Ashley’s father is out with her. He’s going to drive Pippa and Gloria home.”
Cam grimaced and rubbed a hand through his hair. Pippa had no home to return to. But she should. It was with him. Always with him. She should have never been anywhere else all these months.
He blew out his breath, not knowing what to do. It was a feeling he wasn’t accustomed to. He was always decisive even when he was dead wrong. He never had a problem knowing what to say even when he was putting his foot in his mouth. Right now he lacked for words.
And then Pippa’s door opened and there she stood, Gloria hovering just behind her. His gaze zeroed in on Pippa. She was pale and wan, deep shadows under her eyes. Her hair was pulled back into a rough ponytail and her cheekbones were more pronounced than ever. Her arms even seemed more slender. The only part of her that seemed normal was the bulge in front where their son rested.
“Pippa,” he said in a low, unsteady voice. “Thank God you’re okay.”
He reached out, wanting to touch her, to somehow confirm that she was really standing before him, but she flinched away. He withdrew his hand, curling his fingers into a tight fist at his side.
She started to move past him and he closed his eyes knowing he couldn’t let her walk away. Not again. Not like this.
“Pippa, wait, please.”
She halted in midstep and stood there a long moment, her back still to him. Then she slowly turned, her eyes dull and lifeless as she stared back at him. Then her chin came up and she squared her shoulders.
“Wait outside for me,” she said to Devon and Gloria. “I’ll just be a minute.”
Gloria Copeland looked very much like she wanted to argue but she kept her mouth tightly shut.
“I’ll wait down the hall so I can walk you out,” Devon said.
Pippa nodded and then turned back to Cam as Devon and Gloria walked away.
No longer able to keep from touching her, Cam reached out to capture Pippa’s hand. He pulled her close so he could feel the steady reassurance of her heartbeat against his chest. She sagged against him, her sigh hitting him right in the gut. It was a forlorn, tired sigh that told him she was at the end of her rope physically and emotionally.
She closed her eyes and turned her face into his neck for just a moment before she pulled away, her expression locked in stone once more.
“I need to go. They’re waiting for me.”
Cam’s protest was automatic. “You can come home with me, Pippa. I’ll take care of you. We have a lot to talk about. There’s a lot I need to say to you. But my first priority is you.”
“No.”
He expected more. An argument. Something he could counter. But all she uttered was a clipped no and stared woodenly back at him.
His heart lurched. This was so much worse than he’d imagined. All the emotion he’d held back since the night before came rushing forward, bulging in his throat.
He put his hand to her face. “My God, Pippa, I thought I’d lost you when I saw the fire and the smoke and all those fire trucks and ambulances.”
The cold, lifeless eyes that stared back at him sent chills down his spine. This wasn’t the Pippa he knew. This was someone else entirely. Someone he’d made with his indifference and his determination not to get emotionally involved with her.
“I knew this would happen. I knew something would happen and I’d lose you both, and that fear controlled me. It made me do and say horrible things. Things I didn’t mean, Pippa.”
“You’re a moron,” she bit out. “You already lost me. The only difference was I didn’t die in the fire. But for all practical purposes I’m dead to you. You lost both of us long before this happened. You spend so much time trying to shield yourself from hurt and you don’t give a damn who you hurt in the process. How’s that working out for you, Cam? Because from where I stand it sucks. Now if you’ll excuse me, I want to go home and go to bed.”
You already lost me.
It was a crippling blow even as he knew it was the truth.
As she pushed by him, he caught her hand, allowing his fingers to trail over it. Then the connection was lost and she turned away.
Cam watched her go, numbness creeping through his body with insidious speed. Her words had penetrated the wall around his heart, the one he’d erected after losing Elise and Colton.
Tears burned his eyes until he blinked to ease the discomfort. She’d stormed right past that supposed barrier the first time he’d ever seen her across a crowded room. There had been no defense no matter how hard he’d tried. No keeping her out. No lying to himself.
He loved her. Had loved her from the start. He’d never really believed in love at first sight until Pippa. His dumb ass had known even then that she was a threat. And so he’d pushed her away. Tried everything in his power to tell himself he didn’t love her, that he didn’t want to love her.
But he did. He wanted to love her more than he wanted to live.
And now it was too damn late.
A hand came down on his shoulder. Startled, he looked to the side to see that Devon had come back to get him.
“I think it’s time you and I had the same talk that I had with Rafe right after I screwed things up so badly with Ashley that I feared I’d never get her back.”
Cam shoved his hands into his pockets, despair and hopelessness weighing down on him from all sides.
Devon pulled him along, herding him toward the doors. When they got to the parking lot, he shoved Cam inside the car and then walked around to get into the driver’s seat. When they were on their way, Devon glanced over at Cam.
“Go big or go home.”
Cam rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Stop talking in riddles. Just say it, man.”
“I’m saying it. You gotta go big or go home. This is it, Cam. You’re playing for all the marbles. For your future. For your son’s future. This is your last chance. You won’t ever get another. It’s time to pull your head out of your ass and start living again. You’re going to have to crawl to Pippa on your hands and knees and lick her shoes if that’s what it takes.”
“I said some unforgivable things.”
Devon shrugged. “Define unforgivable. It’s only unforgivable if she refuses to forgive you. And you don’t know
if she will because you haven’t begged for it.”
“I wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke to me again.”
“Neither would I, but are you going to throw in the towel just because you’re a huge ass and don’t deserve another chance with her? Hell, man, we’ve all screwed up. Rafe, Ryan, me and now you. We seem to have a common thread of being the biggest bastards on the face of the earth when it comes to the women we love. But you know what? Bryony forgave Rafe. Kelly forgave Ryan. Ashley forgave me and Pippa will forgive you. You just have to give her the opportunity and the right motivation.”
“I love her.”
“I know you do. I think you’re the only idiot who didn’t know it until now.”
“I can’t believe what I almost did,” Cam said painfully. “I tried to deny her. I tried to deny my own son. How do you ever get over something like that?”
“The key word is almost,” Devon said. “Tell her you’re a dumb ass and then swear you’ll wise up and never be a dumb ass again.”
Cam sighed. “I just hope she’ll listen.”
“You make her listen. If she means enough to you, then you won’t give up so easily.”
Mean enough? She was his damn world. Her and their son. It was time to take a chance. The biggest chance of his life. It could end badly. They could be taken from him just like Elise and Colton had been.
But it could also end wonderfully. A long life filled with love and laughter. More children. Pippa’s love and her smile. Wasn’t that worth the risk?
Twenty-four
“Pippa, darling, Cam is here to see you, and I should warn you that he’s vowed to sleep outside our door until you agree to talk with him.”
Pippa stared back at Gloria Copeland, her mouth dropping open in astonishment.
“Are you serious?”
Gloria nodded. “I’m afraid so. He does seem quite determined. I would have thought it an empty threat but he’s carrying an overnight bag with him.”
“He doesn’t give up,” Pippa muttered.
In the past two days, Cam had haunted Pippa’s existence. He’d called. He’d come by the Copelands’ apartment. He’d gone by her bakery. He’d made it a point to show up in every conceivable place she could possibly be.
When none of that appeared to work, he’d resorted to text messages. I love you. Flowers. Tons of flowers. Every card signed I love you. The few times she’d actually come face-to-face with him, he’s just stood there, looking so haunted and determined, his eyes never leaving her face.
She felt hunted but not threatened. She was baffled by his persistence, confused by the messages.
After hanging on to desperate hope for so long, she’d made the painful, difficult decision to sever her ties to Cam. And now he was storming back, demanding her attention. Wanting things he’d vowed he’d never want from her.
It made no sense and she was at her wits’ end.
She nibbled at her bottom lip and stared nervously over the back of the couch toward the door. She had no doubt he’d be stubborn. The past two days had proven that much.
“What should I do?” she asked anxiously. The very last thing she wanted was to cause trouble for the Copelands when they’d been nothing but kind and generous to her.
Gloria smiled indulgently and then came to sit beside her on the couch. She pulled her into a tight hug and patted her comfortingly on the back.
“My dear, you do whatever you wish. If you want to talk to him, I’ll be happy to show him in and give you some privacy. Or if you don’t want to be alone I’ll stand guard like a mama lion. If you prefer not to see him, I’ll simply have security remove him from the premises.”
“I do love you, Mrs. C. If only…”
She broke off with a sigh and looked down.
“If only what, dear?”
