Jaded: The First Cut is the Deepest

by Shawn C. Thompson

  I had seen all too often how easily people get addicted to those anti-anxiety medications only to find themselves at the front door of my office.

  “Girl if you don’t cut it out. Anxiety and Insomnia meds are general drugs. Shit, the streets sell stuff stronger than this.”

  “Well I don’t want no parts of that or the streets.” I kept my eyes on the road to keep from facing peer pressure.

  Part of me did want to indulge in a pill or two just because I knew I would get the sleep I hadn’t been getting since the day I found out Pierce was sleeping around on me.

  “How about this, I’ll leave the ones I gave you in the car and if you change your stubborn mind, I won’t judge.”

  I tisked at her negative influence in the spirit of fun.

  “Look at you, pushing drugs on the innocent.”

  “You can’t be my friendzo, if you ain’t takin a benzo!”

  We laughed at her wit as we approached my home.

  Since it would be another hour until Junior would need to be picked up from school, I used the time we had to prepare a resting spot for her on the couch.

  “I got it, I got it.” Myla said, struggling with herself as she flopped down. “I’m not completely helpless you know.”

  “Just trying to make sure you are comfortable.” I fluffed her pillow and turned the TV to her favorite channel; investigative discovery.

  “Ooh scorned is my shit.” Myla kicked her legs up and laid back. “Ivory, do me a favor and get me some popcorn will you?”

  “I thought you said you weren’t helpless.” I teased, walking over to the kitchen.

  “Well not completely…”

  “Good because I’ll need you to watch Junior once Tegan drops him off in few. I gotta run up to Denise’s job.”

  “As long as you tell me all the tea when you get back then we’re Gucci.”

  “Of course.” I placed her popcorn in a large glass bowl and brought it to her. “I can have T stay with you until I get back if needed.”

  Myla narrowed her eyes in my direction.

  “I’d rather have Donald Trump look after me before I let that nigga do so.”

  I rummaged through my purse in search of my wallet.

  “Here’s some money for Pizza and don’t get any dessert either. Junior has a dentist appointment coming up and I don’t want any surprise cavities.”

  Myla sucked her teeth and turned up the TV.

  “Well aren’t you in full mommy mode. Relax Ivory, I watch little man all the time. Everything will be fine.”

  I took a deep breath like the ones we teach our patients to de-escalate the worry of something going wrong. My son had been under the care of his aunt many times but after the Wii incident, I was weary about leaving the both of them in this house alone; even for a few hours.

  “You’re right.” I agreed, collecting my belongings and shuffling out of the door. “I’m only a phone call away.”

  “Bye Ivory.” Myla said as if she were an annoyed child.

  I waved her goodbye and headed to Wholesale for Sale.

  *****

  Once I arrived at Denise’s place of business, I was greeted by the familiar busyness and idol chit typical of popular supermarkets. Instead of asking personnel to guide to me Denise, I took the incognito route and went directly to her office. With no Denise in sight, I took a seat in one of the empty chairs until her return.

  “Ivory, you just about scared me.” Denise said, clutching her chest as she closed the door. “How have things been?”

  “They’ve been about the same maybe worse since I last saw you.” The honesty in my response felt refreshing in light of all the deceitful things I had done. “Thanks again for the monetary help.”

  “No, thank you for doing the dirty work.”

  Denise’s laugh was haughty and grandiose. So much so that it reverberated against the walls of her office.

  “I hope my husband wasn’t hard to please. I’ve heard from multiple sources that he’s not.”

  “Your multiple sources are right.” I reached in my purse and pulled out a thumb drive.

  During our intercourse, Delano was unaware of the nifty device I had hidden my right ear. All part of the reason I wore my hair over one side of my face. The idea was originally Myla’s and it was a brilliant one indeed.

  In the midst of me reaching over to hand her the drive, Denise asked me something I’d never expect a wife to want to know.

  “How was it?”

  Her voice trembled slightly as if she were afraid to know the answer.

  “Good.” was my response.

  I figured that keeping things simple was enough to keep from pushing the envelope and telling her it was one of the best moments I had ever experienced.

  She reached across her desk to retrieve the device, both of us holding on for a bit longer than we should have.

  It was almost like I didn’t want to show her and she subconsciously didn’t want to see.

  “Mind if I take a gander right now?” Denise asked.

  Her words jolted me back into the present.

  “Wouldn’t that be a bit awkward for you, I mean that is your husband.”

  “He’s done it to me plenty times, I’m numb to his infidelities.”

  Before I could contest, she popped it in the computer and leaned back in her chair.

  Moans that were my own, played softly through the speakers followed by grunts and other noises that let me know she was seeing our intimate moments. I sat statuesque on the opposite end, afraid to see myself doing something I had never done before.

  “This must have been in the yacht.” Her eyes continued to study the screen. “You know he bought that for our son.”

  “I didn’t know you had a son.”

  The news completely threw me for a loop. Although we hadn’t known each other long, a son is a hard thing to forget to tell someone, especially when she was so open about her mangled marriage.

  “He was a stillborn baby, his name was Seth and that was the yacht Delano bought for him.” I immediately felt sorrow for her loss and shame for choosing of all places, to sex there. “I told him the gift was irrationally extravagant but he was happy.”

  Her voice trailed off while her attention remained on the screen.

  “So happy…”

  I remained silent in an effort to respect her morose.

  “Is there a reason why you neglected to show your face?”

  “I didn’t think it made a difference really.” I said, rising from my seat to look for myself. “The camera was hooked on to the back of my ear.”

  Without saying, Denise re-wound the camera to show that once Delano pressed me against the back of the seat, the footage only showed bodies and not faces.

  Neither me or Delano had tattoos so this meant it could have been anyone.

  “You might have to sleep with him again.” She said lackadaisically, cutting the device off and handing it to me. “This won’t be admissible in court. Neither you or Delano have tattoos so this could have been anyone as far as the judge is concerned.”

  “You want me to what?!” I exclaimed, frustrated that my efforts had been all for naught.

  “Oh c’mon, it was easy the first time so it will be even easier the second. Please Ivory, you promised and I need your help.”

  I bit my lip entranced in deep thought.

  I wanted to help Denise like I agreed but I wasn’t cut out for this mess.

  “Look Denise I...”

  “I’ll double the money 40k.”

  Her words made me consider how much money I would need once the separation was final and the ugly divorce began. As bad as I wanted to say no, I knew that I would be passing up an opportunity that would serve as a security blanket for me and my son.

  I looked at the pleading face of Denise and gave her a nod. My graduate professor would be so disappointed in my lack of integrity.

  “Great!” She shouted at the top of her lungs. “You are a lifesaver
and a saint.”

  Denise rose from her chair to give me a deep hug.

  “I feel more like a whore.”

  “Don’t think of it like that, It’s more of a testimony to women. Day in and day out women get deceived by egotistical men who think they can have their cake and eat it too. Imagine if you were in the same situation with your husband?”

  I thought about Pierce and his lying sleaze of a mistress Shauntae.

  “I’ll have it to you in about a week or so.” I muttered, collecting my things to leave. “And this time, I’ll make sure not to handle business in your son’s yacht.”

  We parted ways with two different feelings: Her with a sense of renewed hope and me with a deteriorating lack of morals.

  Money truly is the root of all evil.

  CHAPTER 16

  “I feel like I’m playing with fire” I confessed to Myla over dinner. Despite her ailments, my girl managed to create a delightful Rosemary chicken with potatoes and green beans.

  Junior had his mouth full with his aunt’s yummy potatoes, much too pre-occupied to interject in our grown-up conversation.

  “That’s because you are.” Myla agreed, picking at her food. “You didn’t happen to sneak a peek of the video before you brought it to her? I would have just to be sure my angles were right.”

  Myla made motions as if she were taking pictures of herself with an imaginary camera.

  “I just couldn’t bring myself to look once it was all said and done. Hell, I barely wanted to sleep with the man to begin with.”

  “Yet you agreed to give it another shot?” She mentioned incredulously while wiping food from my son’s mouth. “I thought you said he was a boss in the bedroom? Shouldn’t be that hard to go a second round.”

  “That’s not the problem Myla.” I could feel tears forming but did what I could to keep them at bay. “This isn’t me. I am not this woman.”

  “And what woman is that?”

  “The type to sleep with another woman’s man for money. I am not a homewrecker.”

  Her laughter completely through me off. This was no time for games.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. You just sound like a goody-two-shoes is all.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Exactly what I said. Goody-two-shoes.” My anger after her statement was evident but she proceeded anyway. “There is nothing wrong with becoming liberated and empowered. See your problem is that you spent so many years underneath Pierce’s manipulative ass that you think the only way to live life is by living it safely.”

  “Safely?” I took a break from my food to wait on her to elaborate.

  “Yes, safe. A degree, a husband, a nice house, car, and probably two point five kids if Pierce wouldn’t have fucked up so soon.” Myla finished her plate and went to dump it in the sink. “Your life doesn’t have to be so cookie cutter. Live a little dammit. This might be God’s way of showing you a different side to life.”

  “I highly doubt God sent Denise and her husband into my life just so that I could ruin theirs.”

  “From what you’ve told me, their marriage was ruined way before you slid into the picture.”

  I took a deep breath and gave myself a moment to evaluate the situation. Since I had already agreed to helping her again, there was no point in crying over spilled milk.

  “You’re right.” I rose to put the remaining dishes away. “I’m gonna see him one last time and get it over with. Any damage this incident does in terms of their relationship is simply collateral.”

  “Indeed.” Myla agreed, swaying her locs as she inched back over to the couch. “So when’s the next fuck date?”

  My evil glare let her know not to ever try me like that again.

  “This weekend. I’m gonna give myself a few days to regroup and de-stress.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Myla reached for the TV remote and got comfortable. “And even though I’m cripple as fuck, I will wobble my happy ass to my car and come rescue you if anything goes South.”

  “Thanks Captain save-a-hoe but all should be fine.” I waved her off and gave a slight giggle. “You just stay here and rest up like you are supposed to be doing.”

  “Ughh but the thought of you going out and me staying home is killing me.”

  “And where exactly are YOU going?”

  With all that was going on at the house, Myla and I had completely overlooked Pierce sneaking his way in.

  We both turned our attention to the man who seemed to be the source of all my woes.

  “The real question is: why do you continue to show up where you aren’t wanted?” Myla retorted, before I could stop her.

  Pierce looked at her from the brim of his brown Vera Wang glasses like she was the bottom of his shoe.

  “Ivory, please tell your friend that she is in OUR house and if she can’t respect me, then she can leave. Cripple or not.”

  He walked over to the closet closest to the front door to put his coat away.

  “As far as I’m concerned, she’s about as welcome here as you are.” I replied, continuing to clean the kitchen as before. “Is there something you need because I highly doubt you are just here to shoot the breeze with us tonight.”

  Pierce used his hands to wipe the lint from his checkered olive green button up.

  “Don’t patronize me. I don’t need the extra theatrics. I’m just here to check up on the house and my son.”

  “So I guess the Wii recorder wasn’t a suitable replacement for the random popups you like to do around here.” Myla said through clenched teeth.

  I turned my attention to Myla who had just realized her unfortunate slipup. I hadn’t decided what I wanted to do with the knowledge of Pierce’s “hidden recordings” but I for damn sure didn’t want him to know that I knew about it….yet.

  “The what?”

  “Nevermind all of that.” I said, cutting the potential argument short. “Please do what you said you were here for and leave. Junior is upstairs.”

  Without another word, Pierce made his way upstairs to see our son. I waited until I knew the coast was clear before I spoke to Myla.

  “Now why would you tell him that?” I whispered with a hint of aggravation.

  Myla slapped me on the shoulder and chuckled.

  “I’m sorry girl but your man pisses me off beyond words, it just slipped out. Won’t happen again, scouts honor.”

  “Good because I don’t want him to be hip to anything that could be used to help me keep custody of Junior.”

  “Now Ivory, you know I wouldn’t do anything to…”

  We ceased our conversation the moment we heard Pierce coming down the steps.

  “Thanks for letting me see my son.” He said as he looked from Myla to me suspiciously. “I’ll call you later about picking him up for a few. Until then, please keep him as far away from your lap dog as possible, I would hate for anything G of hers to tarnish his innocence.”

  “Says the nigga that has his baby momma looking for him while she’s in the hospital getting an ultrasound.”

  “Myla!” I shouted.

  The smirk on Pierce’s face let me know he was aware of Myla’s habit of spilling the beans when angered.

  “You probably shouldn’t be concerned with my affairs, might end up more hurt than you already are.” Pierce threatened as he turned to leave. “You ladies have a good night.”

  His footsteps echoed towards the door until we heard it shut behind him.

  “Good riddance.” Myla spewed, hobbling over to make sure he was finally gone. “I hate that he can come up in here whenever he wants. The sooner y’all get divorced, the better.”

  “You just let what I told you a few seconds ago completely fly over your head.”

  I walked over to meet her at the entrance.

  “I don’t want him knowing about a thing that goes on here. Pierce is on a need to know basis.”

  “I know that sis.”

  “Well you need to start a
cting like you do.” I poked my finger into her chest. “Don’t let him rowel you up like that.”

  Myla clicked her tongue with attitude.

  “Alright.” She complied, opening the closet door. “At least let me fuck up this ugly ass coat. I think Bloomingdales deserves a little bleaching.”

  I snatched the coat away from her trembling hands. The moment I did, a piece of folded up paper floated onto the floor.

  “What is that?” Myla questioned, doing her best to pick it up.

  I beat her to the punch and retrieved it myself.

  If what I believed was true actually was, Pierce had a hell of a lot of explaining to do.

  “Myla, what vehicle did you say hit you the other day.”

  “Ford F-150. Why?”

  She leaned over to get a look at the forms. When she did, I could see the same emotion coursing through her veins that was in mine.

  “That motherfucker.” Myla fumed.

  What I saw was enough to send me through the roof. Pierce held insurance paperwork on the same make and model of the vehicle that hit her the other day.

  When I saw that the owner was his baby mama Shauntae, I was more than positive that what seemed like an accident was clearly the opposite.

  “What a snake.” I mouthed through gritted teeth.

  CHAPTER 17

  “I don’t understand the point of spending all this extra time primping in the mirror when I’m just gonna end up butt-naked and spread eagle.” I whined while Myla used a thin comb to detangle my lion’s mane.

  I watched through the bathroom mirror as she curled the ends of my hair with one hand and held a blunt in the other.

  “It’s not about where you’ll end up, it’s about where you are going.” Myla reasoned, stopping briefly to take a hit of the ganga. “You have to make him WANT to bed you before it actually happens.”

  The sun was on its way down as Myla helped me prepare for what would be my last date with Delano. I had no idea where we were going but I was told to dress sexy so I planned to do just that. Along with my dark cascading locks, I wore a maroon fringe mini dress and four inch nude pumps.

  “Eh it happened once, it’ll happen again. Dudes are primal creatures.” I said, giggling.