Crashing Tides Duet: Anchored and Adrift
Page 39
“OK, but we’re hanging out at the reception. I’ll help you loosen up with some bottles of champagne.”
Shit, I can’t drink. Hell, no one besides my parents even knows about the baby. I bet Harrison has blabbed to every person he knows about my relationship with Jake and Elliott, which means he’ll do the same when he hears I’m pregnant.
Is it my turn to have second thoughts about this situation? It must be the pregnancy hormones and this lovely gown causing my doubt.
***
“Hi, babe,” Jake says after I arrive home. I kick off my pumps and sigh as he walks toward me. I feel the need to be alone, and I’m so ready for sleep. I can already tell the baby’s taking what it needs from my body, leaving me wiped out.
“Hi.”
“You look drained.” Clutching my arms, he kisses my forehead.
“I am, and I’m going to bed.”
“It’s only eight o’clock.”
“I’m tired, Jake. That’s what happens when my body’s like a keg of beer, and the umbilical cord’s a straight funnel for the fetus.”
“I’d laugh at that remark if you didn’t seem pissed. Did Naomi say something about me?”
“I already know you slept with her, remember? She wants to be my friend, so I think she has enough sense not to mention it again.”
“OK, then what’s wrong? Does it have something to do with the wedding? Are you not wanting to go with me?”
“I love weddings.” I shake my head, irritated that he won’t drop this. “I’m sleeping in the spare bedroom tonight.”
“Now, I know something’s wrong. Why don’t you want to sleep with me?”
I push past him to head to the kitchen. I need a glass of water. No, a tall glass of milk sounds better and some cookies to go with it.
“Sailor, answer me.”
I spin around. “I don’t need to get any closer to you, OK?”
“What in the hell does that mean?” He grips his hips as wrinkles claim his forehead like an earthquake splitting the ground apart beneath us. “You’re scaring me here.”
“I was frustrated at the bridal shop, but I’ll get over it.” I turn back and march to the kitchen, but as I reach for the handle on the refrigerator, Jake grabs my arm and shifts me to face him.
“Doll, talk to me. Are you wishing you could get married?”
“At some point, but it’s never going to happen.” I avert my gaze, dreading where this conversation is going. My revelation about Jake can’t be true. It has to be the pregnancy hormones.
“Are you not wanting to get closer to me because you realized you want to marry Elliott?”
I don’t answer him, and the longer my silence owns the space, the glassier his eyes become. He looks toward the sky and blows out a breath.
“So, that’s it then.”
“No, I’m not imagining myself marrying Elliott.”
“We’re getting nowhere here, and it’s confusing the hell out of me.”
“I pictured myself marrying you, OK? It was you! But maybe it’s because we heard the baby’s heartbeat together or because you were right by my side as I told my parents. You’ve been there for me, but it’s possible that once I spend time with Elliott, the feelings will disappear. I’ve barely seen him lately since he’s been either working or sleeping.”
Jake stares over my head, and as the seconds tick by, I become increasingly anxious. “I tried not to tell you, but you never leave anything alone. Please, say something already.”
His glass-bottle green eyes finally meet mine, and I wish they hadn’t. The tears, pain and frustration in them hurt my heart. He’d finally accepted our arrangement, and then I slapped him in the face with this news.
“I don’t think I could handle wishing for you to be mine again, only to find out you’re not, so I’m going to believe you’re feeling this way because you haven’t been spending time with Elliott. I’m sorry I forced you to tell me.”
He leaves me alone in the kitchen, and the guilt I’ve been avoiding rears its ugly head. I have to stop thinking about this. I love both Elliott and Jake, and this baby could easily be Elliott’s. Nothing can change. I won’t let it.
Sailor
“I’ll have the chicken parmigiana,” I tell the waiter.
“And I’ll take the grilled salmon,” Elliott adds. Once we’re alone, I admire the scarlet mini roses in a cute miniature vase on our table. The flickering, floating candle only adds to the romantic feel of the Italian restaurant we’re having dinner in.
“I can’t believe you pulled off a reservation here on Valentine’s Day,” I say.
He grins bashfully. “I called yesterday and pleaded to be next in line on the cancellation list. I thought Jake would have something planned for the two of you tonight.”
“He saw on the calendar that you were off today and thought you’d like to get out since you haven’t been doing much lately.”
I won’t tell him how I believe Jake is also testing my theory about needing more time with Elliott. I know him, and I’m certain he’s in his head over our conversation the other day. I can’t get out of mine, either, but I’m trying hard tonight.
Coughing a few times, Elliott takes a drink of his water.
“I can go with you to your doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”
“No, I’ll be fine,” he’s quick to reply. “You shouldn’t miss school since you may need days off for your own appointments.”
“Speaking of the baby, I’m not going to return to teaching next year … maybe longer even. I want to be home with him or her.”
“Yeah, but you love being a teacher.”
“I love our baby more. I’ll go back to work when it feels right.”
He smiles. “Do you want a boy or a girl?”
“I’ll be happy either way. I only pray it’s healthy.” I look down at the table as the pain of losing Samuel resurfaces. I didn’t foresee how much being pregnant would cause the old hurt to etch new scars on my heart.
Needing something else to think about, I stare at Elliott. The top of his hair has grown out, so it’s sexy when he slides his fingers through it to push it back.
Even though he’s not well, he’s still handsome in his black button-up. His crooked nose, courtesy of his abusive father, adds an arresting and mysterious appearance to his face. If only it hid the dark circles around his eyes. I’m worried about his health.
“What’s wrong? Did I get uglier overnight?”
I reach across the table and take his hand.
“Not at all. I was admiring your handsome features.”
“You’re the pretty one tonight in your low-cut dress.”
I glance down and admire my newfound cleavage.
“I think my boobs are already growing.”
“I haven’t seen you much lately, so I can attest it’s true. I noticed the change right away.” He grins, and I sigh. I’ve missed him and our flirtatious banter.
“I think I’ll show sooner this time since it’s my second pregnancy, and I’m worried I’ll gain forty pounds that I won’t be able to lose.”
“Don’t worry about shit like that.” He narrows his gaze. “You’ll always be gorgeous, and Jake and I would be dicks if your body changing bothered us. I mean, you’re having our baby.” His mouth twitches.
“It sounds weird to say that, right? Our baby.”
“Yeah, but it’s the truth.”
“At least there will be three of us to care for him or her.”
“I think we should name it now.”
“We don’t know the sex.”
He furrows his brow, and is that sadness in his eyes? A fleeting look is all I’m given to guess.
“I want to know its name soon, so let’s give it a neutral one.”
“Like what?” I ask.
“I don’t know. What about Alex? We could call her Alexandria if it’s a girl.”
“I like it. Oh, what about Payton? If it’s a boy, we’ll use an E in place of the A.
”
“You look excited about that one and must already suspect she’s a girl.” He grants me a playful smile. “I like it. Run it by Jake.”
“OK. We’ll use Payton as often as possible, and when we need a pronoun, Payton will be a she until we determine otherwise. I don’t like using it.” I cover my belly. “Payton’s our little human, growing every day. She’ll never be an it.”
“No, but she might arrive with a penis.” We both laugh, and I’m grateful to have this fun, hopeful time with Elliott.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Elliott
“I’m nervous about this,” Nicole says as we sit in the outpatient surgery waiting room.
“I’ll be fine. I have the most renowned pulmonologist in the city, and Dr. Raynard and the oncologist are ensuring I get the best care.”
“Still, they’re going to put a needle in your lung and remove a part of it. Something could go wrong, and then Jake and Sailor will want to murder me.” She twirls the end of her ponytail. Messing with her hair is something Nicole’s always done when she’s nervous.
I feel shitty for putting her in an uncomfortable position. She’s tough and levelheaded, so I thought she’d handle it better. “Sailor’s already going to be mad when she finds out I’m helping you, and I thought there was a chance we could be friends. She was surprisingly cool with me at your Super Bowl party.”
I grasp her hand to still her. “Sailor will understand once the dust settles. Please calm down before I feel worse for accepting your help.”
After staring at our hands a few seconds, she looks me in the eyes. I see it now. Nicole still has feelings for me. I release her hand and clear my throat.
“Even though we’re not together, I still care about your well-being,” she says, “and I think the woman you love should be by your side. If I imagine myself in Sailor’s shoes, it’s what I would want.”
“Elliott Roberts,” a woman in scrubs calls out.
“Everything will be OK, and I’m sorry I put you in this position. It’ll be the last time.”
“Make sure they know to update me on how you’re doing.”
“I will.”
Jake
I’m sitting at my work desk when I receive a call on my cell phone.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Jake. This is Nicole.”
“Hi, what’s up?”
“I don’t know how to tell you this, and Elliott’s going to be so angry with me for calling.”
“Nicole, what’s wrong?”
“I’m at the hospital with him. He’s getting a lung biopsy and didn’t want you or Sailor to know about it, but I can’t keep something like this from you. It’s serious.”
“I’m coming right over. Text me the information.” I don’t give her time to reply. I’m out of my chair and heading for the door. “Rudy, I have an emergency. I’ll call you later,” I say to my partner as I hurry past his desk.
As soon as I’m in my car, I call Sailor. “Please answer,” I mumble.
“Hello.”
“Sailor, I’m sorry to call.”
“It’s OK. My students are in P.E. class.”
“Listen, Elliott’s at the hospital getting a biopsy on his lungs. I just left work. Do you want me to pick you up?”
“Of course. I’ll find a sub to cover for me. Elliott’s doctor’s appointment’s today, but it’s only eight-thirty. What happened?”
“Nicole called me. From our conversation, it sounds like this procedure was scheduled ahead of time.”
“What?” she asks angrily.
“We’ll get answers once we’re there. I’ll pick you up soon.” She hangs up on me, and I slam my hand on the steering wheel.
Elliott, what the fuck were you thinking?
Sailor
Jake and I enter the hospital and start our walk to the outpatient surgery waiting room. He slips his hand into mine.
“Say something. You’ve been too quiet.”
“I can’t talk. If I do, mean things about Elliott will spew from my mouth, and we don’t know if he’s OK. I feel bad for even thinking them.”
“Will you be able to keep your cool with Nicole?”
“I’ll try.”
“Shit,” he mumbles. After walking into the waiting room, my eyes dart around the generously sized space, and the second Nicole and I make eye contact, she shrinks in her chair. Jake and I stride over and take the two seats across from her.
“Hi,” Jake says. “What’s going on?”
“His pulmonologist should be out soon. His procedure was scheduled for eight.”
“What kind of procedure?” I ask assertively.
“Sorry. They’re taking a biopsy of his right lung to check for cancer. When I was over during the Super Bowl, I went upstairs to use the bathroom and heard Elliott coughing. It sounded bad, and he couldn’t stop, so I went inside his room to check on him. He was coughing up blood.
“He promised me he would get a chest X-ray, and when he did, the radiologist spotted a mass. Elliott then had a CT scan and saw an oncologist who thought the tumor was malignant. He ordered more tests, and the biopsy was one of them.”
Feeling hot all over, I take two deep breaths and pray I don’t vomit.
“Why didn’t he tell us?” Jake asks.
“He said he didn’t want to worry you and Sailor until he knew for certain it was cancer. I think he only came to me because of what happened at the party.”
“Family of Elliott Roberts,” I hear a man say from behind me. Nicole gives a hesitant wave as I look over my shoulder. I’m guessing it’s the doctor walking toward us, but I wouldn’t know since I don’t know shit!
“Hi, I’m Dr. Hernandez, the pulmonologist. Mr. Roberts is in recovery.” The man pulls a thin cap off, revealing a head of thick raven hair. “The biopsy went well, and the results should be back in about a week.”
“Does he have a tumor?” Jake asks.
“Yes, and there’s a high probability it’s malignant. The mass is in the right upper lobe, and he’ll likely need surgery to remove it. The biopsy will help determine the best course of treatment. Someone should be out soon to take one of you back to see him.”
“Thank you, Dr.,” Jake says before he weaves our fingers together. “He’ll get through this. He’s the strongest man I know.”
“I can’t see him right now. Will you go back?”
“Of course.” He glances to Nicole. “What other tests has Elliott had?”
“Blood work, and he also had a PET scan to see if there were any signs of cancer in other parts of his body.”
“Were you with him for that?” I ask rudely.
“Um, the PET scan, yes, but I want you to know that I kept insisting he tell you. When he refused, I offered to help him until he got answers. He swore he’d tell you then.”
“Interesting. You two are better friends than I realized.”
“Sailor, it’s not what you’re thinking.”
“You don’t know what I’m thinking.” Surprised by my bitchy tone, which Nicole probably doesn’t deserve, I huff out a breath. “Thank you for being there for him and for at least calling Jake today.”
“Elliott was worried if you got upset it could potentially harm the baby, but it wasn’t right for him to have the biopsy without you two knowing. That’s why I called.”
My mouth falls open as Jake clutches my hand tighter. I can’t believe Elliott shared so much with her. She gets out her phone and begins pushing buttons, using it as a distraction to make this situation less awkward.
“Family of Elliott Roberts,” a man says. I look over my shoulder again, and a young guy is waiting by the same door the pulmonologist exited.
“I’ll be back,” Jake says before he kisses my hand, “and be nice. This isn’t her fault,” he whispers.
Jake
I’m a wreck as I step around a curtain to see Elliott. His eyes are closed, and there are too many different beeping sounds penetrating my ears.
“You can talk to your friend.” The female nurse inside the tight space smiles at me. “It might perk him up. The sedative he was given to help him relax during the bronchoscopy made him drowsy.
“His voice will be raspy, too, from the scope they inserted in his throat during the procedure. Mr. Roberts, you have company. Can you wake up for me?” Elliott opens his eyes halfway before shutting them. “I’ll be back soon,” the nurse says.
I walk over to the side of the bed. “Bro, it’s Jake.” He opens his eyes, and his forehead creases as he tries to focus on my face.
“Hi.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Rough. Why are you here?”
“Nicole called me.”
“Where is she?”
“She’s in the waiting room, but I don’t think she’s the girl you should be asking for.”
“Sailor…”
“Yeah, that’s the one. She’s here and super pissed, but I think she’ll give you a free pass today.”
He starts to speak, but his words are garbled. He drifts off again, and damn, I want whatever drugs he’s having. I could afford to relax right about now.
“The baby…” he mumbles. “I was worried.”
“I understand, but you’re important, too.” Nodding, he holds his hand up like he’s reaching for something, so I clutch it with mine. “We all need each other, and don’t you forget it. You’ve always got me, man. Always.”
My eyes sting from damn tears, so I inhale a deep breath. Elliott can’t die.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Elliott
Sailor’s in the driver’s seat of Jake’s car when it pulls up at the curb. Jake opens the passenger door, and he and a nurse help me up from the wheelchair. Sailor’s staring my direction as I get inside, so I find the nerve to look at her.