A Baby to Bind Them

by Susanne Hampton

  Mandy left Jade as she needed to tend to another tiny patient. NICU was at capacity, with all of the nursing staff, including Mandy, rushed off their feet. Jade was grateful the other nurse hadn’t had time to notice the tears welling in her eyes. Amber’s fight to stay alive and the battle her parents had lost hit home at lightning speed and brought emotions rushing to the surface.

  ‘The paediatrician had noted suspected respiratory distress, causing cyanosis, but I wasn’t convinced and I ran some additional tests,’ Mitchell told a small group of medical students as he approached the new arrival and Jade. ‘The bluish discoloration of the skin and nail beds would indicate respiratory distress but the degree of cyanosis was not proportional to what was shown in the X-rays that accompanied the baby from Melbourne. And it has not been decreasing with increased inspired oxygen and the tests quickly confirmed congestive heart failure.’

  He then turned his attention to Jade. ‘Nurse Grant, can you move Baby Morey to a radiant heat warmer within the next fifteen minutes so we can maintain her body temperature?’

  ‘Certainly,’ Jade replied, trying to blink away the tears before they ran down her cheeks and anyone noticed them.

  But Mitchell did. He noticed everything about Jade, even though he didn’t want to. He decided to release the students, who had been with him for most of the morning and were due to end their time in NICU. They looked exhausted and no doubt had information overload, which he suggested might be abated by a coffee in the cafeteria.

  As the students left, he called another nurse to take over. ‘I need to speak with Nurse Grant for a moment but in her absence I want both cardiorespiratory and oxygen saturation monitoring and I’m prescribing digoxin. Dosages are in the notes and I want close observation until Nurse Grant returns.’

  Jade had turned to walk away. She didn’t want to be confronted about her reaction. She didn’t want or need his concern.

  ‘Nurse Grant, please come with me for a moment.’ He kept his professional tone in front of the others then gently took her arm and directed her to a small office nearby used by consultants and residents when they needed to speak with parents in private. He closed the door and turned to her.

  ‘Jade, what’s wrong?’ he asked, releasing her from his firm hold but not the intensity of his gaze.

  ‘Nothing,’ she lied, and blinked even harder as she tried to look anywhere but at Mitchell. ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘You’re anything but fine.’

  ‘I’ll be okay. I don’t want special treatment.’ She looked up, and his expression wasn’t what she had been expecting. It wasn’t judgmental. It was empathetic and real and etched into every part of his face. And it suddenly and unexpectedly allowed her to give in to her feelings. Tears that had built up for so long began streaming down her face.

  She hadn’t cried since the funeral. Her feelings had been bottled up inside. She had been strong because she’d felt she’d had no other choice. There was no one for her to lean on while she was Amber’s only support.

  ‘You’re so far from okay.’ Without hesitation, he reached out, put his arm around her and pulled her into his arms, and she didn’t pull away.

  ‘Is it Amber?’ He murmured the question as he gently stroked her hair. ‘Are you worried about her?’

  Jade knew as the moments passed that, as much as it felt good to have a man’s arms around her, she couldn’t stay there for ever. And particularly not in Mitchell’s arms. He wouldn’t be there for ever; neither would she. It was crazy to let him into her heart. She slowly moved from his embrace and a place that had made her feel safe, if only for a moment.

  ‘Amber’s fine, honestly, Mitchell...’ She hesitated for a minute to gather her thoughts and put any growing feelings for him away. ‘It was the new arrival in NICU. The baby was delivered by C-section after a motor vehicle accident...and it just brought everything back. I have to toughen up. I’m working on it.’

  Mitchell didn’t want Jade to toughen up at all. She didn’t need additional walls. He wanted more than anything to break down the ones she had. She might not be his usual fun-loving, easygoing type but suddenly he wondered if just a casual good time was enough any more. Being around Jade for the past few days, even putting Amber to bed and all it entailed, had not been the chore he had imagined. He had enjoyed every minute of that special time with his niece and with Jade.

  His type was fast becoming a cute Californian girl with a pixie cut and the dress sense of someone’s maiden aunt but the soul and depth of no one he had ever met before.

  ‘The best nurses are those with empathy and compassion,’ he told her as she turned to face him. ‘You have both. Don’t hide what is inside you.’

  Jade didn’t want to meet his gaze. She wanted to pull herself together and face the job outside. ‘I need to get back to work. We’re short enough on staff, let alone with me sitting in here, snivelling. I’m being self-indulgent and silly.’

  ‘You’re not being either, so take a minute,’ he continued. ‘And when you’re ready, head back out. If you prefer, I will switch your patient roster.’

  Jade took a deep breath and gently shook her head. ‘I want to stay with my patient. I really do.’

  ‘It’s your call, if you’re up to it.’

  ‘I am,’ she said, crossing to the door, feeling the need to put space between them. He was much too appealing on a whole other level now. It wouldn’t just be his smouldering looks that would make it difficult. Now that Jade knew he had a heart, and a level of compassion and empathy she hadn’t thought he possessed, it would make it that much more difficult to be around him. But that wasn’t his problem. It was hers.

  * * *

  Jade walked back into NCIU and straight to her patient. Mitchell followed behind her. He admired her dedication and compassion, and although he wished she had taken some time out, he respected her wishes and acted accordingly.

  ‘I noticed her slow feeding time so I want you to switch to gavage feeding so she’s not working hard for the food and can conserve energy. Later we’ll try her sucking again but provide higher caloric formula. And I’ll see if they’ve decided on a name yet. I don’t want to refer to her by her surname. She needs her own name.’

  Mitchell’s last few words made her smile. He genuinely cared so much for these babies and it wasn’t just his clinical abilities that impressed Jade. He treated the babies as little people with feelings, extending even to having a proper name. She was falling for the man, and there was no way to stop her tumble.

  Jade followed Mitchell’s instructions, inserted a gavage tube into the tiny stomach and began the slow feed. Aware of the management of babies with congestive heart failure, Jade placed her in a semi-erect position for feeding and burped her every half an ounce to minimise the chance of vomiting after the feed. Jade felt an extra-special bond with this baby, who had a small tuft of blonde hair on her crown. Jade planned on spending additional time with Baby Morey as she didn’t have a mother who could visit and she wanted to provide that additional care.

  Mitchell returned briefly to give additional instructions regarding the baby’s management and feeding but noticed Jade was already implementing those procedures. He was impressed with her abilities and initiative so did not interrupt. He just wanted to share something with her.

  ‘Baby Morey’s name is Alina. It apparently means light,’ he told her.

  Jade lifted her eyes to meet his smile. A rush of warmth flowed over her. Mitchell was so pleased the baby had a name. It seemed to mean something to him. Jade could tell his happiness at bestowing the name on the baby was genuine. He was genuine. He was a good man. And it scared her that she was starting to only see the good in him.

  Quickly, she averted her eyes and returned her focus to Alina.

  He might be a good man but she needed to remind herself that she wasn’t looking for a man, good or not. But it was a message that was becoming less audible every minute.

  * * *

  ‘Another delivery
,’ Alli announced as she wheeled in another tiny patient and transferred the baby to a radiant heat warmer near Jade. ‘This is Liam. Dad’s just scrubbing in, Mum’s still in Recovery. Caesarean delivery, gestational age twenty-nine weeks.’

  A few minutes later a very worried-looking man in his late forties arrived. He was still wearing his blue disposable scrubs from Theatre.

  ‘Over here, Mr Phillips,’ Alli called. ‘Dr Forrester is on his way. Just take a seat beside your son.’

  ‘Oh, my God, he’s so small,’ the man said anxiously as he looked at the baby lying on a radiant heat warmer. He looked around at the other babies and then back at his own. Jade could see the concern on his face. He was a big man but his fear was almost palpable.

  ‘Mr Phillips,’ Mitchell said as he approached the newborn, ‘I’m Mitchell Forrester and I’ll be assessing your son.’

  Nervously, the man asked, ‘Why isn’t he inside one of those?’ He was pointing to an incubator. ‘Don’t you have enough of them? Wouldn’t that keep him warmer? Shouldn’t he at least have a blanket on him?’

  ‘There are different levels of care available in Neonatal and it depends on your baby’s needs where he will be placed,’ Mitchell began to explain. ‘At the moment we need to access Liam, he will need complex care and the incubator limits access for the medical staff. Please don’t worry, your son is being kept warm and is in the best place for him at this time.’

  ‘Okay, if you’re sure.’

  ‘I am, Mr Phillips.’

  The man looked around to see other parents sitting beside their babies so tentatively he sat and began unconsciously wringing his hands. ‘How long will he need to stay here in Intensive Care?’

  ‘I can’t give you an accurate idea yet. Premature babies need additional help while their bodies catch up on the growth and development they missed in the womb. He’ll need assistance to stay warm because he can’t control his own body temperature yet. And Liam is just over two pounds, so he’s still too immature to feed. He’ll need a tube that carries milk into his stomach,’ Mitchell told him as he warmed the stethoscope and gently placed it on Liam’s tiny chest.’

  ‘But my wife wants to breastfeed. She told me that.’

  ‘She can express milk until Liam’s strong enough to feed but we need to get his weight up and feeding is tiring so we need to make it easier for him,’ Jade added, aware that Mitchell was listening to Liam’s heart.

  The man understood and remained silent until Mitchell removed the stethoscope and put it back around his neck.

  ‘How many staff do you have here to take care of the babies?’ he asked. ‘Will there be enough to look after Liam if more babies arrive?’

  ‘Yes, there are more than enough staff to cover the patients and any unexpected arrivals such as Liam. You will see many different staff providing care to your son over the coming weeks. Neonatal Intensive Care has a number of special nurses like Alli who you just met, and we are very fortunate to have Jade, who is over from the States, bringing her knowledge and expertise from a large teaching hospital is Los Angeles.’

  Mitchell spoke with pride about Jade and it wasn’t lost on her.

  ‘Then there’s Laura, the senior nurse in charge of the unit,’ he continued. ‘And the neonatologist, who, in Liam’s case, is me. I’ll be leading your baby’s care. On top of that there are other specialist doctors, such as surgeons if the need arises, and physiotherapists to help with your baby’s development, radiographers and dieticians, and then there are social workers to help you with family issues and support that might be needed after you take your baby home in a few months’ time. There is quite literally a small intensive care army to provide everything that your family will need over the coming weeks and months.’

  Jade was still listening as Mitchell handled the barrage of questions with ease. He related so well and wasn’t short with his answers. He took his time to quell the man’s heightened anxiety and let him catch his breath. And the way he had spoken about her made her feel valued and important and it resonated in her heart.

  ‘It’s important that you visit as much as possible and no matter how many staff are attending to Liam, remember first and foremost he needs you and your wife. Having a parent here as much as possible makes such a difference to the child.’

  Jade saw the man relax his shoulders into the chair. He had arrived feeling out of his depth and overwhelmed, but Mitchell had given him a sense of purpose and validated his questions.

  ‘I’m just going to continue my examination and you are most welcome to stay, or if you would like to check on your wife and let her know Liam is safe with us, you could come back down together. I’ll be here all afternoon and can answer any other questions you have. And there will be new questions every day so don’t hesitate to ask anything you’re concerned about. This neonatal unit has an open-door policy so parents can visit twenty-four hours a day.’

  ‘I think I might go and see my wife then and let her know everything’s under control,’ he said, climbing to his feet. ‘But if anything changes and you want me back here, call my wife’s ward and I’ll be straight back down.’

  ‘We’ll be sure to let you know, but Liam is stable at the moment. So you come back down when you’re both ready.’

  Jade watched the man shuffle out of the unit in somewhat of a daze. There was so much to take in and he was clearly also concerned about his wife. They had a long road ahead of them until their son was in the nursery and preparing to go home.

  * * *

  ‘Have you had dinner yet?’ Mitchell asked Jade as she was leaving NICU for her tea break.

  ‘Heading there now. I have an hour, so I intend to put my feet up and grab a wrap or a salad in the cafeteria.’

  ‘I’ve got a better idea,’ Mitchell said as the elevator doors opened and they both stepped inside. ‘A little Italian restaurant across the road. They serve the best pasta and they do it quickly. They know we don’t have much time. It’s delicious and just like being in Italy.’

  Jade was surprised by the invitation but it happened so quickly she didn’t have time to refuse. Or think it through. Perhaps that was a good thing, she surmised as they stood at the traffic lights a minute later, waiting to cross the main road as darkness was falling.

  ‘I should have asked if you like Italian food,’ he said after a minute or two. ‘I guess I just assumed everyone does.’

  ‘You guessed right with me, I love Italian.’

  * * *

  The meal came out quickly and they were halfway to finishing their risottos when Mitchell decided to tell her about the pool and what he’d seen. He had been thinking it over since it had happened and had decided that he wanted and needed to be honest with Jade. He had no intention of embarrassing her but he felt she had the right to know.

  He just wasn’t entirely sure how to raise it.

  ‘You seem quiet suddenly,’ Jade commented as she pushed the risotto around with her fork. She was borderline full but searching for more of the tasty grilled chicken pieces. The herbs were amazing and Mitchell was right, the food was great.

  ‘There was something I wanted to tell you,’ Mitchell began, and then hesitated. He wasn’t sure how Jade would react but he hoped she might see the humorous side of it. He had definitely not taken advantage of the situation by looking back at her after the initial shock sighting.

  ‘Go on,’ she urged as she gave up on trying to fit in any more food and just sipped on her iced water.

  Mitchell took a nervous sip of his own water. ‘The other morning, I came to the house to assemble the sound system. Arthur had no clue how to put it together so he asked me to do it.’

  Jade had no idea where the conversation was heading and why Mitchell thought there was a need to tell her about his handyman work. ‘Was this when you served me breakfast in bed with Amber?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘So did you get it done before I woke up?’

  He drew a deep breath and continued. ‘No, it
was later in the morning.’

  ‘But I was home all morning after Maureen and Arthur took Amber out, and I didn’t see you,’ she returned with a puzzled look.

  ‘No, you didn’t see me, but I saw you sun-baking by the pool.’

  Embarrassment hit and Jade put her hand to her mouth and closed her eyes for a moment. ‘I thought there was no one home or I would never have gone out in the sun like that.’

  ‘I just wanted to say that I looked away as soon as I realised what you were doing. Your secret’s safe with me but I wanted us to have a level of honesty. I didn’t want to keep it from you.’

  ‘What I was doing? What are you talking about? I was sun-baking...that’s all. You hardly had to avert your eyes, I’m sure you’ve seen it a million times before.’

  Mitchell stared at Jade with a puzzled look. She was so casual about sunbathing naked and it took him by surprise.

  ‘Hardly a million,’ he remarked.

  ‘There were so many bikinis on the beach the other day.’

  ‘Yes, there were, but you chose not to wear one and...and that’s okay...’

  ‘What on earth are you talking about?’ she cut in abruptly. Her eyes were wide and completed her horrified expression. ‘I was wearing a bikini.’

  ‘Not by the time I got there,’ he told her. ‘I walked to the shed to get some tools and when I closed the door I saw you lying there on the sun lounge with nothing on. I dropped the tools, picked them up and left.’

  Jade sat up in her chair and wiped the corners of her mouth with the white napkin. ‘I don’t know whose house you were in, but it couldn’t have been the same one as me because I had on a string bikini. I have to admit it isn’t something I would parade around Amber but it’s all I had and I wanted to enjoy the sun. Clearly, you don’t know me very well to think for a moment I sunbathe in the nude.’ Jade dropped her voice to barely a whisper. ‘It’s not what I’d do.’