“I am not yelling, Tandrea!” Tzadok insisted. “My uncle is the one behaving terribly, I am nobly trying to make him hear reason, but…”
“
Tandy gestured to her, since that was a perfect demonstration of the problem. “See?”
“See what?” Tzadok turned to glare at the other woman. “Why? What did she say? Was it a threat? It sounded like a threat.”
“It wasn’t a threat!” Kobb insisted. “Why can’t you ever just…”
Tandy heaved a tired sigh, getting ready to break up the argument again, but decided to just ignore them.
Her mind turned back to the meeting and the Hardmen. She pursed her lips in thought, a new idea occurring to her. “What if we Challenged for leadership of the Hardmen?” She tried.
“Certain and useless death.” Kobb deadpanned.
“Okay.” She nodded. “Criticism accepted.”
Kobb shook his head sadly, still thinking about it. “…Such a horrible waste of our lives.”
“I said it was a bad idea, okay!?!” She threw her arms out in exasperation. “Let it drop, jeez.” She made a face and pushed a tree limb out of her path. “I know there’s a way out of this situation, I just need some quiet time to think it over.”
Chapter Thirteen:
In the Shadow of Manhood
An hour later, Tandy had still not thought up a diplomatic solution to their problem.
“The meeting isn’t going to start for at least another twenty minutes.” Tzadok offered from his spot next to her in the clearing. “That’s not a lot of time, but…”
“I am not going to sleep with you right now, Tzadok.” She gasped. “Just forget it.”
“Why?” He sounded genuinely confused. Wastelanders weren’t exactly known for shyness or tact. They were a blunt and shameless folk.
She made a helpless disbelieving sound and gestured to the group of people in the clearing with them.
Tzadok followed her gesture, then processed the scene. “So… it is only the people stopping you then? The chance that these wretches would see us?”
“Don’t kill them.” She snapped quickly, trying to stop the insidious thought before it fully formed in his barbarian head. “I know that’s what your solution to that problem will be, but it won’t help.”
He crossed his arms over his chest dejectedly, obviously upset that his plan had been thwarted. “I really don’t understand you. You intentionally make everything difficult, you know that?”
“Yeah,” she agreed sarcastically, “what kind of woman wouldn’t love to have sex on a pile of completely innocent victims?”
“If all women in The Wasteland felt such bizarre things, the birthrate in my lands would plummet.” He decided. “Your green brain is very impressive in all respects, but I truly believe that it conceives confusing nonsense to ruin us.”
“Well, either way, it’s not going to happen.” She shook her head. “Focus on the meeting. We’ll probably be dead before the end of it.”
“All the more reason to settle this vital matter between us now.”
“You’re very persuasive.” She patted his shoulder. “Shut up.”
“I’m not good at waiting for things I want.” He warned. “We don’t do that here.”
“Try harder. The more you complain at me, the more practice at waiting you’re going to get. Because I do that here, understand?”
His scowl deepened. “You’re being entirely unreasonable.”
Assembled in the clearing were a motley bunch of porters, guides, and thieves, waiting to either take part in the meeting, or for it to be over so that they could make the long journey back to their respective homelands.
They didn’t appear to be the actual Council representatives, but none of them looked particularly happy. Or terribly intelligent.
Tandy casually scanned the group, looking for someone who looked like they could be the mastermind behind a group of cutthroat killers. But she didn’t see anyone that scary, which meant that the Hardmen probably weren’t here yet. Or were already in the actual meeting place, which was apparently located through a narrow passageway in the mountain in front of them.
This was where the base of The Wasteland Steppe met the swamps of the Grizzwood, and it was not a pleasant environment.
It was hot. And buggy. And it smelled awful. Your feet sunk an inch into the mire with every step and half of the trees were dead, creaking in the misty shadows which surrounded you.
All in all, it was exactly the hellscape the region had always been reported to be. And for the first time in her life, Tandy was genuinely sorry that published reports about something were correct.
It sounded like fun to visit the worst place in the world, but she was finding spending time there… rather irritating. And disgusting. The worst place in the world was definitely worse than she’d hoped.
It was doing little to improve her mood.
She watched absently as the dark-haired woman made her way towards them, on her way back from some new mischief which would no doubt soon explode in all of their faces. As she walked past the assembly, one of the men reached down and ran his hand over her rear.
She spun around to confront the huge man, but he simply held up his large arms in a mocking show of innocence.
Kobb stumbled in from the edge of the clearing, tripping over something in the underbrush. He reached out to grab hold of the nearest object to keep from falling, which just so happened to be the man’s outstretched right arm. He tried to steady himself, but lost his balance and fell, twisting in the air in an unnatural way. He hit the ground, dragging the man with him, landing hard with his full weight on the man’s arm and shoulder.
A horrible sound of breaking bone filled the space.
Tandy winced.
Kobb rose to his feet, immediately sounding contrite. “Oh, dear. That was entirely my fault.” He assured the screaming man. “When you get to be my age, it’s sometimes hard to keep your balance. If there’s anything I can do to make the six months you’ll be unable to use that arm any less troublesome, do let me know.” Kobb patted the man reassuringly on the shoulder, causing him to scream in pain even louder. Kobb pretended not to notice. “Chox’s love will bring you comfort during your recuperation, fear not. He does not abandon His children.”
The dark-haired girl watched him stroll by, an odd look on her face.
Kobb winked at her, either letting her in on a joke or just saying hello.
Tzadok didn’t bother to turn his head to look at his uncle as the man took up a spot next to him. “I thought we were trying to be nice to these assholes?” He reminded him.
“I am.” Kobb straightened his robes, his voice sounding shocked and appalled by Tzadok’s implication. “You can’t honestly be insinuating that I’d do such a dishonorable thing deliberately, are you?”
Tzadok shook his head in annoyance and reluctant amusement. “You are a strange man, Uncle.”
“Thank you.”
Tzadok pointed across the clearing, where the screaming man’s friends were helping him from the scene. “And also a liar, because there’s no way that arm is ever going to heal straight.”
“Nope.” Tandy agreed calmly. “It’s broken in at least three places, plus being dislocated from the socket.”
“Such a shame.” Kobb sounded genuinely grieved, then he firmed his mouth in determination. “I will pray for him.” He decided earnestly, as if that would solve the problem entirely.
Tzadok rolled his eyes at the beautiful sentiment. “It’s time.” He decided, walking towards the opening in the rock, and the meeting place beyond. “Let’s just get this over with.” He glanced back at her. “Do not go near the Hardmen.” He reiterated. “I know you want to, I can see the idea forming in your head, but it’s a bad idea, Tandrea. That’s your brain trying to kill you again. Don’t let it.
Don’t go near the Hardmen.” He decided he needed to repeat himself again, to absolutely drive the point home with the borrowed Adithian word. “Please. Don’t.”
“I’m not going to go near them, I just need to convince them to see reason.” She argued rationally. “With them on our side, I won’t… you know… become a rape toy for the Coastal People.”
“Technically, with them on our side, the vote would be tied.” Tzadok corrected. “The Coastal People would still try to take you, it just wouldn’t be a Council matter any longer. We would need to win the vote for the disagreement to go away entirely.” He shook his head. “And that’s not going to happen, because the Thunder Forest is guaranteed to vote with the Coastal People.”
She tried to glare at him, but Kobb was walking in front of her through the opening and blocked her view. Tandy raised her voice to call to Tzadok. “What’s the Hardmen’s leader like, anyway? The Queen of Ashes? Have you met…”
Kobb stopped in his tracks, allowing Tzadok to go ahead out of earshot.
Tandy walked straight into Kobb, not expecting that. She let out a little surprised sound in the darkness.
“Would you like to know a secret?” Kobb asked her in a low voice. The tone made Tandy suddenly afraid for some reason. “Nothing is free in this life, Tandrea. Every action you take or decide against. Every emotion you ignore or allow yourself to be consumed by. Every drop of blood you spill or shed. Everything in this life… you pay for. It all has a cost. And sooner or later, Chox calls on each man to settle that debt. Sometimes… at the moment when it’s the most painful.” He turned to face her in the deep shadows, his voice serious. “When this starts— and make no mistake, it will— don’t wait. Do you understand? I will take them under. All of them. That is the moral of my story. My penance. Don’t let him follow. He’ll try. That’s who he is. Don’t let him.” He met her eyes, his gaze filled with icy cold determination and an almost manic intensity. “Don’t.”
Tandy stared at him, feeling scared. She took an unconscious step away from him.
“You coming or what?” Tzadok demanded from the other end of the tunnel. “You get lost? Suddenly develop fucking cataracts or something, Uncle?”
Kobb resumed walking through the small opening, his voice returning to its normal casual and easy-going tone. “I’m coming.” He assured his nephew. “You’re so impatient. Have I told you that? Your woman deserves your patience, not your irritation.”
“I’m not irritated with her,” Tzadok assured him, “my frustration is reserved for you, as always.”
Tandy stood motionless for a moment longer, then trailed after them.
“I still can’t believe I’m going to get killed because you just haaaaad to save some irritating little she-viper from a fate she so richly deserved, Uncle.” Tzadok complained, absently pointing at the dark-haired woman. “If you had just kept your damn mouth shut and let them have that nightmare, this wouldn’t be happening. Tandrea would be safe, everyone would be happy.”
“Probably not her.” Tandy argued, gesturing to the dark-haired woman.
Tzadok snorted dismissively. “Oh, she’s never happy.”
“You’re going to get killed because you stole a strikingly beautiful woman from your already disgruntled allies and then told their leader to his face that you were going to murder him in his sleep.” Kobb corrected, ushering Tandy along so that she was walking between them and they could keep a closer eye on her. “A stunning bit of statesmanship, by the way.”
“Yeah, yeah. Fuck you, Uncle.” Tzadok bit out indifferently. “I didn’t see you volunteering to do better. You just hid in your tent, like you always do when emotions are involved. You’re so disconnected from this world, it’s a…”
“Can we please focus?” Tandy demanded, starting to feel uncharacteristically frightened by this meeting. Generally, Tandy was really only afraid of… well… Tzadok. And occasionally, Kobb, when she thought about the things he’d evidently done. But there was a very good chance that this meeting was going to end with her being killed or torn away from Tzadok. Neither option made her feel particularly good. In fact, she was basically on the verge of crying, both because she didn’t want to leave him, and obviously, because she didn’t really want to die today. She pointed to the other people, lining the walkway to the ceremonial meeting place. “And I think you’re making them angry.”
“Big fucking deal.” Tzadok scoffed. “Our mere presence makes people angry.”
“We’re used to it.” Kobb agreed. “No one likes us.”
Before she could reply to that, they finally wandered into the ceremonial clearing where the Council of All Councils would have their meeting. And they weren’t alone.
Sitting with his back against the towering vaguely phallic-shaped rock spire which was colorfully referred to as “Chox’s Manhood,” sat a very dangerous looking man who could only be The Bearskin. The barbarian warrior from the Grizzwood was wearing a scary-looking… well… titular bear skin on his shoulders, draped over light Baselandi plate armor. He was sitting with one leg stretched out in front of him on the ground, seething with obvious boredom and anger. He wore a necklace displaying the stolen insignias of the Baseland commanders who had been sent to kill him and had ended up dying themselves. Each emblem had a strike chiseled into the gold, as if he were keeping score.
The man was the ghost of the Thrushland Plains and the dense forest swamp of his homeland. He was renowned for being a military genius and had made fools of battle-tested armies, annihilating entire divisions of Baseland soldiers. They’d gone into the woods after him… and none of them ever came back out.
He looked mean. That was her first impression. Mean, capable, and dangerous. And that wasn’t just because he had drips of blood painted onto his face and a row of fangs drawn on either side of his mouth, spreading outward ear to ear like an animal’s.
“You’re late.” He informed them in a deep craggy voice.
Tzadok waved off the concern, not caring enough about his ally to even acknowledge him, and instead continued to bicker with his uncle about something. Which Tandy took as a good sign. If Tzadok was on good enough terms with the man to ignore him completely, this guy couldn’t be all bad, right?
The Bearskin continued absently tossing playing cards into a helmet a short distance away. His eyes scanned her for a moment, lingering on her jumpsuit. “Frogs.” He observed calmly.
“Yes.” She cleared her throat. “Well… I used to teach children.”
“Huh.” He didn’t sound impressed or dismissive, just like he didn’t care. He was a man whose eyes always seemed to be mid-roll, not even bothering to verbalize how stupid he found the world around him. His attention returned to his game.
“Do you have any children?” She gestured to the woman who was standing behind him, leaning against the rock formation and examining the ancient glyphs and runes which covered its surface. She was wearing a bandolier of throwing blades and looked almost as scary as the man did.
The Bearskin glanced back at the woman, then refocused on his game. “With my sister?” He shook his head. “Nope.” He paused, as if considering that. “Well… not yet, anyway.”
Tandy stared at him, unsure what to make of that.
The corner of his mouth quirked ever so slightly, indicating that it was a joke.
Tandy burst into loud nervous laughter.
Tzadok’s head whipped around at the sound, immediately focusing on the conversation. “What is going on?” He glared at The Bearskin. “What did you say to her!?! Exactly.”
“It’s fine.” Tandy assured him. “We are just discussing his family, that’s all.” She turned back to The Bearskin and brightened. “Speaking of which, I spoke with your brother the other day.”
“Which one?”
“A pirate gentleman?”
“Uriah.” The Bearskin snorted dismissively. “He’s an asshole. And his woman makes him even worse. Hope you killed them both with your bare hands.”
> “Umm… no.” She shook her head. “No, sorry.”
“Too bad.” He theatrically crossed his fingers for her benefit. “One day.”
“Why are you still talking to her?” Tzadok asked the man, like he was confused by the stupidity of the action. “Don’t talk to her. Ever. She’s too good to talk to you, Swamprat.”
“Forget about her.” The Bearskin looked up at him, his face serious. “You need to un-fuck this situation before it fucks us all, Butcher.” He shook his head. “I’m already at war with half the damn world and now you’re determined to pick a fight with the other half. I am not gonna burn for your Salty ass.” He pointed at Kobb. “And that goes double for your creepy fanatic uncle, feel me? You and he want to start some kind of holy war over how your bullshit religion treats women, you do it on your own, not drag all of the Grizzwood along for the ride.” He went back to his cards. “Give the Coasties what they want or kill’em quick. ‘Cause this shit is not shit I need in my life right now.”
Before Tzadok could reply to that, a man dressed in a black tunic and large-brimmed black hat entered the clearing, leading a particularly bedraggled looking horse. The man’s gaunt face was hidden by the brim of his overly wide hat and his hair was pure white, although he appeared to be about Tzadok’s age. In his arms he carried a crossbow, despite the rules about weapons.
Tandy could instantly tell that he was dangerous. He was far and away the most disreputable looking person Tandy had ever seen. A dispassionate coldness seemed to surround him, stopping every other conversation dead.
Everyone turned to watch him.
The dark-haired woman swore viciously.
Tandy leaned closer to her, speaking in Gallandish. “
“
Captive of a Fairytale Barbarian Page 26
