“It’s not a ‘score’ it’s a legitimate scientific experiment.”
“Well, fine. You just want to get more points in your ‘legitimate scientific experiment’ then!”
“Uh-huh.” She started towards the door. “Or maybe I just don’t want to be naked when someone bursts through the door to kill me.” She pointed towards it. “It could be assassins!”
“I genuinely hope it is.” Tzadok grabbed his war hammer and followed her. “I will kill the entire fucking world right now. The tortured souls of their mangled dead will fall around me like dry leaves in the gloomy autumn wind. I swear this.” He threatened. “They will all die in hellish torment, pitifully squealing for their own blood-stained ending, just so their suffering will finally stop.”
Tzadok kicked down the door and stalked through it, ready to fight anyone who might be lurking on the other side.
“Fuck!” He swore loudly, kicking something over so that it shattered into a million pieces.
Tandy peeked around him. “Who is it? Are they here to harm us?”
In the courtyard of the village, Kobb was calmly leading the dark-haired woman’s horse through the darkness. The woman was still astride the animal, and appeared to be complaining at Kobb, despite the fact she didn’t speak his language. “” She explained, for what sounded like the hundredth time.
Kobb didn’t say anything.
“
Tzadok looked down at Tandy. “I blame you for this.” He informed her. “I truly do.” He pointed at them. “Before, I just thought that little bitch was an annoyance. But now she’s my mortal enemy.” He vowed. “She ruined my chance of Dirty Foreign Word.” He pointed at her again. “She’s going to die for that and it’ll be your fault. Her blood is on your hands. I hope you’re happy with yourself.”
He stormed back into the hut, obviously fuming.
Tandy made a face.
As Kobb made his way into the firelight, she noticed for the first time that he had removed his robe, despite the deep chill in the air. The garment was currently wrapped around the dark-haired woman to keep her warm, along with her own jacket.
Tandy’s eyes were drawn to the large tattoo inked across Kobb’s chest, from shoulder to shoulder. And her blood ran cold.
He caught sight of her and noticed her stare. He followed her gaze, then looked down at the ground, avoiding her eyes. “I made mistakes in my youth.” Kobb explained, sounding deeply ashamed. “I’m sorry. All I can do is try to be better.”
Tandy had no reply to that. There was simply nothing to say.
Kobb walked away, into the night.
The dark-haired woman frowned after him, then turned to Tandy. <”What’s the problem? What’d you say to him?”> She pointed after him. <”What’s the ink mean?”>
“
“
“
The girl turned to look at her like she was an idiot. <”Where the fuck have you been?”> She scoffed incredulously. “
Tzadok appeared at the doorway of the hut and pointed at the girl. “I don’t know where she’s sleeping, but it’s not in my village.” He vowed. “I’m Lord of Salt and that little nutcase is my enemy now.”
Tandy put her face in her hands, trying not to yell or burst into dark laughter. She was surrounded by children.
The dark-haired woman turned to look at Tzadok, opened her mouth to say something, then stopped. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “
Tandy looked up at the sky, cursing the world for not sending her assassins tonight instead.
Chapter Twelve:
Unquenchable Savagery
“I am the stupider, less successful son of the greatest queen my people have ever had.” Tzadok summarized. “The list of things which makes me angry goes on forever, while the list of things which make me happy has only one entry at the moment. I am going to war with most of the men I’m responsible for leading, hated by the remainder. My uncle spends his time trying to justify the erratic behavior of a fiendish demon from hell, my cousin is married to a bigamist he barely knows, and my kingdom’s only allies are literally the worst humanity has to offer. Literally, the unquestioned worst.” He pointed at her. “And to top it off, now my (weird word) would rather answer a fucking door than be with me. And for some reason, I listened to her rather than just taking what I wanted.” He ran his hands through his hair. “What is wrong with me? Have I offended the gods in some way? Been cursed by some dark magic or mystic force? Why have I become so weak? Why is The Lord of Salt forced to endure these humiliations?”
Six days.
He’d been complaining about being interrupted during sex for six days straight now.
“Nephew, your constant whining is starting to annoy even me, who is long used to it. I can only imagine how irritating it is for your woman.” Kobb turned to look at her. “Again, I apologize on his behalf. He’s very young.”
She made a non-committal sound. It wasn’t that her relationship with Kobb had soured, it was just that she wasn’t entirely sure how to deal with him anymore. Tzadok was a killer, unquestionably. But Kobb was apparently a murderer, or had been anyway, and that idea was taking some getting used to.
She didn’t like being wrong about people. And truth told… Kobb kind of scared her now.
At the moment, they were packing up their last campsite and getting ready to make the final push towards their destination. They had rested most of the afternoon, because Tzadok thought it best to be well rested for the meeting tonight.
Just in case they needed to fight or run.
Tzadok shook his head at his uncle. “I’ve done nothing to deserve such treatment!” He argued. “And all of this is in addition to the fact that my prize has decided to mortgage my fulfillment in life on her damn books.” He moped. The two men had a habit of talking around her, probably because they’d spent so many years being the only two people who could stand each other. Or maybe was because Tzadok didn’t have to worry about scaring his uncle, so he chose to yell at him instead of her. He needn’t have bothered. Tandy wasn’t at all frightened by his volume anymore. “She refuses to accept me until I get them for her. Can you ever imagine doing that?”
“Depends.” Kobb decided. “Which titles, Tandy?”
“They’re very good books.” She informed him. “A mixture of rarities and classics.”
“Ah.” Kobb processed that. “Well, then it’s understandable. Particularly at the moment.” He eyed his nephew in condemnation. “Right now, I’d trade you for a book too, boy.”
Tandy smiled at that, in spite of herself.
Tzadok made a face at his uncle.
“I am not trading him for books,” Tandy explained, “it is just a prerequisite to my remai
ning in The Wasteland. I need my books. I will not stay anywhere they aren’t.”
“Makes sense.” Kobb nodded. “Seems like instead of moaning about it, a proper (weird word) would be trying to be of good use to his woman. Win his master’s favor through bravery and good works. Honor is rewarded, weakness is spurned. That is Chox’s most important law.” He shook his head in condemnation. “Be a man.”
Tzadok’s eyes narrowed in betrayal. “Senility comes at you fast, Uncle. It is hard to watch.” He gestured to him. “And just what are you doing, anyway?”
Kobb used a knife to shave another stroke along his now bald head. “I had a dream last night.” He informed them mysteriously. “A vision.” The blade made another pass over his scalp. “Chox, the Culler of Men, has finally revealed to me my destiny. The purpose He created me to serve. How I can regain a small scrap of my long-lost honor.” He put the knife down and set about burying the ashes of his ponytail, which he’d cut off and burned. He started mumbling a prayer.
Tandy squinted in confusion, feeling lost. “Cutting your hair is your purpose?” She frowned slightly and looked to Tzadok for a ruling. “I… I thought you only did that when you die?”
He didn’t look happy. “We do.”
“Oh.” She nodded, then paused. “I’m afraid I don’t understand then.”
“You and me both.”
“
“The Council of All Councils is not called lightly.” Kobb glanced over his shoulder to look at Tzadok warningly. “Someone is going to bleed before this night passes. Maybe them… probably us. But someone is going to bleed.” He got back to his feet, looking younger and scarier than she’d ever seen him. He put on a terrifying horned helmet, like he was preparing for battle. “I am ready.”
“Super.” Tzadok held out his arm, ushering Tandy in front of him out of the camp. “My Prize and I will just watch while your newly groomed self spits on our foes when they attack.” He rolled his eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want to at least take a sword?”
“It’s against the rules to take weapons.” Tandy reminded him.
“And you know this how?” He asked her in amazement.
“It’s standard protocol.” She stepped over a log while walking from their campsite. “You can’t take weapons into a meeting of warrior clan groups, everyone knows that.”
“Well, I’m taking my weapon.” Tzadok promised darkly. “There’s no way that I’m going to go anywhere near those dog-bastards without it.”
“We will abide by the rules of the Council.” Kobb decided, like anything less would be dishonorable. “I do not worry about anything. Because I have Chox at my side.” He patted the wooden image of his god as it dangled from his belt. “He walks with me, always, and will enter the hearts of the Coastal People to show them the error of their ways.”
“Uh-huh.” Tzadok scoffed. “Somehow I doubt they’re going to feel a wave of love for us, Uncle.”
“I think our case is very strong.” Tandy argued. “It’s just a matter of convincing the Hardmen, that’s all.”
“Oh, is that all.” Tzadok agreed sarcastically. “Problem solved.”
“You know, you could be a little more positive and a lot less mocking, thank you very much.” She poked at him in the chest with her finger. “At least I’m trying to get us out of this.”
“
“
“What’d she say?” Tzadok spun to glare at the woman. “Was it a threat? It sounded like a threat.”
“She’s not threatening you!” Kobb cried, apparently sick of Tzadok jumping to well-founded conclusions about her. “Leave the poor woman alone! She’s just standing there!” He gestured to the girl in question. “You’ve always got to assume the worst about people and…”
The dark-haired woman’s eyes narrowed and she pointed at Tzadok. “
The argument began to rage, everyone talking at once.
“…every day of your life I’ve told you that you need to treat people with more respect and understanding, but…” Kobb yelled.
“…hide in your fucking tent like a frightened woman, forcing me to deal with all of the stupid dog-shits who keep trying to fuck with my life and…” Tzadok insisted.
“<…he looks all respectable and handsome, but he’s got a disconcerting edge…>” The dark-haired woman thought aloud.
“…how could this possibly be my fault!?!” Kobb gasped, sounding insulted by whatever Tzadok had just said.
“If you had just killed them years ago, they wouldn’t be trying to kill us now!” Tzadok shook his head like that settled matters. “Thus, it’s your fault! Again!”
“I’m trying not to kill anyone anymore!” Kobb protested. “You know that!”
“Try less hard, old man!” Tzadok retorted.
“” The dark-haired woman thought aloud. “
The discussion continued along those lines for the next forty minutes, and before she knew it, they had arrived at the entrance to the sacred meeting place.
A man wearing ceremonial robes appeared in front of them, standing between two ancient-looking stone pillars. He pointed at Tzadok’s war hammer with his torch. “I’m sorry, Lord of Salt, but your weapon will need to remain here.”
Tzadok approached the man threateningly, towering over him. “Try and take it.” He challenged dangerously, his voice a growl but with a mocking edge.
The smaller man swallowed nervously. “It’s… it’s not…” He began. “There are rules and…”
“Do you really want to make an issue of this?” Tzadok asked him, his voice low and menacing. “With me?”
The man took a frightened step away from him. “It… it will be fine.” He got out meekly. “Just don’t…”
“’Don’t?’” Tzadok questioned incredulously, like he didn’t approve of being given orders by someone else. “’Don’t?’” He took a step towards him, preparing to kill him for that disrespect.
Tandy rolled her eyes. “You have never found a rule you didn’t break, have you?” She made a face at him. “The poor man is just trying to conduct this meeting with a little decorum, Tzadok, please let him be.”
She shooed Tzadok away from the man, turning to look at the gentleman as she went by. “You’re doing a wonderful job, by the way. I’d very much like to discuss your work with you, once the meeting is over, assuming I’m not dead or in the process of being sexually assaulted by an entire clan of Coastal warriors.” She nodded persuasively. “I have a lot of experience with ceremonies and protocol, and I would very much enjoy talking a little shop, if you catch my meaning. I have a lot of questions about your fascinating culture.”
The man looked too dazed to respond to that and simply turned towards Kobb.
Tzadok’s uncle waved off his concerns, before he could voice them. “The Word and Might of Chox is the only weapon I carry, my brother.” He patted the wooden effigy of his god, which dangled from his belt on an iron chain. “His holy wisdom will show my enemies the true way.” He nodded in contented spirituality. “I’ve seen it happen.” He reminisced in reverence. “Chox changes lives. He really does. It’s so… beautiful.”
The man nodded and moved on to scanning the dark-haired woman for visible weapons. His gaze settled on the bulge at the top of her boot, where Tandy knew for certain that a dagger was hidden.
Kobb followed the man’s gaze. “I… would ignore that.” He advised seriously. “It
’s a dangerous world. Terrible things happen suddenly.” He met the man’s eyes, his face falling into shadow. “There are dark souls everywhere.”
The man took another frightened step away.
“Excellent.” Kobb nodded happily, like that was an answer. He ushered the dark-haired woman through the entry, never taking his eyes off the man. “Chox rewards the vigilant man, my son.” He bowed his head slightly to him in farewell. “Be good to His people and His love will be your reward. That is His promise to us and our gift to Him.”
“
“Why is she touching you?” Tzadok demanded, glaring at his uncle. “She’s probably trying to poison you with something. I don’t think you should let her touch you.”
“We just have to trust that she has her reasons.” Kobb insisted calmly. “There are people in this world who do things, not so that we understand them, but because they understand them.” He decided in his typical “wise” tone. “We just need to have faith. Trust in Chox and each other.”
“You’re so full of shit.” Tzadok decided again, then pointed at Tandy. “Even my prize is beginning to see it.”
Both men looked at her expectantly for a ruling.
“Umm… kinda, yeah.” She agreed softly. “Sorry.”
That just prompted them to start an argument about which of them was a bad influence on her. Finally, she just couldn’t take anymore. “We are instituting a new rule,” she pronounced loudly over the carnage, “everybody stops yelling at one another, especially at important state functions. You’re giving me a headache.” She rubbed her temples. “You’re just… you’re whiners. All of you. You’re all screaming at once about whatever nonsense is bothering you. I’m sick of listening to it. I’ve got the most to lose here, I mean, no matter what, I’m still either a captive, a sex slave, or dead. But you don’t hear me harping on it all the darn time.” She paused, recognizing that she herself was yelling. “Excuse my outburst, please. I’ve… I’ve had a long couple of weeks. I don’t mean to sound unprofessional.”
Captive of a Fairytale Barbarian Page 25
